Enchanted and Desired (26 page)

“It’s easier if I just show you.” I take her hand and run through the streets of Rome.

“Hey hotshot. Next time, you get to run on freaking cobbles in five inch heels! Slow the hell down.”

“Sorry baby. I just really want to do this with you.”

I can see her mind working; the glint of mischief in her eye. “Oh, are we having filthy fountain sex?”

“I fucking wish, but no…you dirty girl.” We walk out into the piazza; busy and beautiful in the moonlight. “We need to throw coins in.”

“You’re an idiot. You know that right?”

“Just follow me.” I lead her to the edge of the fountain. “Turn around.”

“If you push me in I’ll kill you. Just so we’re clear.”

“So you would let me fuck you in front of all these people, but if I pushed you in the water, that would be a deal breaker? You’re definitely my kind of woman. Now just do what you’re told for once in your life. Turn around with your back to the fountain.” She finally does as I ask. She’s as stubborn as a fucking mule sometimes. I hand her a coin. “Now hold my hand and throw the coin over your shoulder. If they land in the fountain it means we’ll come back here together someday.”

Her hand tightens around mine. “That would be a dream come true.” She fucking melts me.

“On the count of three. One…two…three.” We toss the coins over our shoulders, turning quickly to watch as they splash into the fountain. “The fountain has spoken. We’ll be back here one day Jess. You and me, together.” She doesn’t say a word, she just holds me, snaking her slender arms around my waist, pushing her face tight to my chest.

We stand this way for a few minutes before a man playing the violin tries to serenade us. I would usually tell these guys to get lost, but something about the way Jess clings to me makes me want to have this clichéd moment with her. I slip the guy a few Euros and tell him to play A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. Jess loves those vampire movies and I know she’ll appreciate the gesture.

“Dance with me.” It’s a profound moment for me, dancing with her, in this place, the music playing gently in the background as our bodies sway in time. I can sense that my life will never be the same.

When the music stops, I lift her into my arms and carry her back to the hotel. By the time I reach our suite and open the door, she’s asleep in my arms. I try to lay her down gently on the bed, but her slender frame clings to me as her sweet voice whispers against my chest. “Make love to me Simon. One last time…in Italy.” Who am I to deny her? I slowly strip her naked, savoring every inch of her beautiful body, unwrapping her like the gift that she is to me. She then watches as I slowly remove my clothes, dropping them to the floor before climbing on the bed beside her.

“Tell me what you want Tesoro.”

“You Simon. I’ve only ever wanted you. I need to feel you inside me, please.” My heart fucking aches in my chest at the yearning I see in her eyes. I straddle her, positioning myself at her entrance, coating myself in her arousal before leaning down to kiss her sleep swollen lips. As our kiss deepens I slide inside of her, my breath catching at the fucking exquisite pleasure it brings me; every hard inch of me sinking deeper inside her. The sexy little moan that escapes her makes my dick twitch, causing her warm, wet walls to clench around me, and it feels fucking fantastic.

We move together, enjoying every slow, tantalizing thrust; savoring how our bodies fit as if we were made for each other’s pleasure. She falls apart beneath me in wave after wave of intense orgasms, her body so attuned to my own. When I start to feel the beginnings of my own release, I don’t chase it, I take my time, working Jess into a frenzy for one last mind-altering climax. When she crashes over the edge, my name a litany on her lips, I crash right along with her. I feel like it goes on for hours as I ride it out, groaning her name as I claim her lips with my own. It is so fucking intense.

I fall asleep happy and sated with Jess in my arms, her whispered words of affection a perfect lullaby.

“I love you Simon.”

One Week Later

JESS

I’ve been putting off the inevitable for a week now. We arrived back from Italy last week, and life has just felt so perfect, aside from my early morning secret bouts of hugging the toilet bowl. I’ve gotten hiding it from Simon down to a fine art. We’ve spent most of this week at his place, thrown back into the daily grind of life and work in Manhattan, but the few short hours we’ve had together at night have been intense, and passionate and filled with tenderness. It’s difficult to go from being with someone 24/7 for over two weeks, to hardly seeing each other. I had planned on making a clean break when we got back, but I’ve been a coward, and I’ve been selfish, telling myself that one more day with him would be enough. But it will
never
be enough. The words have been on the tip of my tongue so many times, and so many times I’ve tried to convince myself that he would come around to the idea of having a child, and that he wouldn’t resent me for it. Deep down, the fear that twists in my gut, unfurling like a dark, black cancer, stops me from saying the words –
I’m pregnant
.

I’m back at my apartment getting ready for dinner with Simon, and I know that tonight is the night I need to break up with him. I can’t just disappear, or leave him a note. We’ve been through too much together for that, and I love him too much to leave him with questions, or any hope that we will work it out. As I stare at myself in the mirror, applying the finishing touches to my makeup the questions tormenting me are simple – how do you convince someone that you love more than anything in the world, that you don’t love them anymore? That you never loved them? That the magical time you spent together meant nothing more than great sex?

I tell myself that I only need to convince him of that tonight, just long enough for me to leave New York, because he WILL realize that it’s all lies. When he sits contemplating our time together, he will KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, that I love him deeply. By that point, I will be long gone. I don’t know where I’ll go, or what I’ll do, but I know I need to do it alone. If I tell Lily just now she’ll convince me to stay; she’ll convince me to tell Simon what’s really going on, and his life will be irrevocably changed in a way he doesn’t want.

When Simon arrives to pick me up, my heart lurches into my chest at the sight of him. His lush black hair, drops forward onto his brow, still wet from his shower. I study every line and contour of his resplendent face, because I
need
to remember everything about him. His eyes are alive with love as a sexy grin spreads across his flawless features; perfect lips calling to me for one last kiss. After two weeks in Italy his skin is a delicious mocha brown, enhancing his ripped physique, making me wet just looking at him. His tan is made even more noticeable in stark contrast to the crisp white shirt he’s wearing, open at the collar to reveal a smattering of hair, peeking out, teasing me with the memory of how sensual it feels against my lips as I kiss his chiseled chest. His tailored navy pin-striped pants showcase his strong muscular thighs and his tight ass to perfection.

“What are you staring at cara mia?” The rasp in his voice turns my insides to jelly; desire shooting through every nerve ending in my body.

I struggle to rein in my desire as I ready myself for the task ahead. “I’m almost ready. Just let me grab my bag.”

He strides towards me, stalking me, making me feel like his prey, and I am desperate to be captured by him. “Now is that any way to greet your lover?”

His hands slide effortlessly into my hair, pinning me in place; his scent invading my senses, washing over me like a cool breeze on a summer day. Cologne, shower gel and Simon. As his lips connect with mine, an explosion erupts inside me; every ounce of love I feel for this amazing man, pouring out of me, through me, and into this one kiss. I fist my hands in his shirt in my desperation to hold on to him for one more moment. I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes, squeezing them tightly shut to block the torrent of emotion fighting to break free. Once the dam bursts there will be no going back.

“Now that’s the kind of hello I could get used to.”

He showers my face with feather-light kisses before letting go and taking a step back. I feel the loss of his body against mine, and an ache forming in my chest. “You look amazing. This dress makes your curves pop in all the right places.”

I’m wearing a simple teal shift dress tonight, very Audrey Hepburn. It clings to my curves, which are already starting to change ever so slightly. “Thanks. I thought I would make an effort.”

“I almost don’t want to take you out for dinner now, when I could be stripping you out of this dress and making love to you for hours instead.”

“We’re
going
to dinner. I’m starving.” He pouts as I grab my purse and lead him from my apartment and out into the city I will no longer call home as of tomorrow.

“You’ve hardly touched your dinner baby. Are you feeling okay? I thought you were starving? I can order you something else if you want?” His quiet attentiveness and constant concern for my well-being is killing me. I can’t break his heart like this. I know I’m a coward, but I just can’t do it.

“It’s fine. I don’t need anything else. I’m just not feeling hungry all of a sudden.”

He takes my hands in his. “Would you like to go for a walk? We can get out of here and do whatever you want, or we could just go back to my place?”

“A walk sounds good.” If I go to his place, I will never leave.

As we walk hand in hand through the city, the weight of what I’m about to do is choking me from the inside out. I feel like I’m suffocating. I don’t even register where we are until Simon pulls me into the lobby of the Empire State Building. “Let’s go up. It’s such a clear night, the view will be exquisite.” I would follow him to the ends of the earth; I would follow him anywhere if things were different.

When we reach the observation deck, we take a moment to admire the view of Manhattan sprawled out before us. A city full of possibilities; and as I stand contemplating the future, Simon stands behind me, caging me in; his arms on either side of my body, holding onto the railings. His lips caressing my ear as he speaks.

“You know I love you Jess. You make me feel like I’m on top of the world. I want to give you everything this city has to offer and more. I want to be with you every minute of every day.”

He pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath, his nerves evident in his voice as he continues.

“Will you move in with me Tesoro?”

My heart stops beating, the world around me closing in, a crushing weight on my chest as I realize this is the moment I have to break his heart. I want so badly to twist in his arms, claim his lips with my own and cry a resounding YES. I am an awful excuse for a human-being. I’ve been too much of a coward to break up with him, and what I’ve been left with, is an opportunity to do the right thing, in completely the wrong way. I hate myself even before a single word passes my lips.

I slowly turn in arms, taking a moment to try and steady my thundering heartbeat. His beautiful face worried and nervous, his eyes searching mine for the answer he so clearly desires, but his expression changes as soon as our eyes connect. It’s now or never. I push against his warm, hard chest. “Why would you ask me that?” The quiver in my voice betrays me. He doesn’t move, his eyes boring into me. “Why would you think that’s what I want? Have I EVER given you the impression that I want to live with you?”