End of the Road (21 page)

The announcement caught me
at a bad moment. I was busy working on a succulent piece of pork I
had snagged with the fork in my left hand and the two
tostones
in my right hand.
Every eye in the room turned to me. Most of them were angry eyes. I
looked at Godwall for help. He raised his arms helplessly. The
expression on his face told me that his sister’s crazy announcement
had also surprised him. –“Dude, you’re dead meat!” he added with a
smile. That was about the size of it!

Everyone’s first reaction
was an imprecise mix of shock and disbelief, quickly followed by a
reasonable dose of concern and panic. I stood up and explained that
the unexpected honour, and unexpected it had been, while very
flattering had been grossly misplaced on me. I was only a cook
wannabe who lacked the experience for such a serious undertaking.
–“That’s right!” declared the chorus of aunts in perfect pitch.
Godwall’s mom, Addys, intervened saying that I was
probably
quite capable of
doing the job, however…this was a big responsibility, a
one-of-a-kind celebration for the bride and groom and, as such, the
situation called for a group of seasoned people; those who had
already gone through the heavy strain of cooking at a wedding.
–“Addys is absolutely right!” I said emphatically. I was engulfed
by a sea of silent approval. Two of the aunts were openly
snickering and whispering in each other’s ear God-knows-what. The
condescending tone of those who spoke was beginning to annoy me in
ways unimaginable. –“I could probably do it. But, it would be a
first for me...if that makes any sense” I added trying to regain
some of my dignity.

Everyone at the giant table agreed, perhaps
for the first time that evening. I had never cooked for so many
people before (as a matter of fact, the final number of guests had
not even been decided). Why risk it? It just made no sense at
all.

As my eyes panned the table in search of
support, I found calmer faces and many assenting nods. Then my eyes
met Addys María’s. She quickly looked down to avoid me. I saw two
huge tears silently drop on her lap. The groom held her hands
trying to console her. His eyes were on me, searching for a reason
for my attitude.

That was more than I could bear. I dashed
over to Addys María’s seat. We had been good friends for many
years. I knelt down right between the bride and the groom. I
grabbed Addys María’s hands and asked her to look at me. Before I
could open my mouth, Addys María said very softly –“It’s O.K.,
Dave…if you feel you cannot do it, I don’t want to…”

My own voice surprised me when I heard a
strange yell say –“I’ll do it! I’ll cook for you two!” Yes, long
live chivalry, my friends! Wine does make the most sensible person
say and do stupid things…and I am not even half sensible! Around us
and beyond, the room erupted on fire.

Godwall and I dragged the
bride and the groom out to the covered patio. The old Spanish house
featured an interior courtyard with benches, trees and a big
fountain. We all sat on a bench trying to sort out the plan for the
wedding meals. It was necessary for me to state very clearly that I
would be in charge. –“You don’t have to tell us that, Dave. We
chose you for the job!” said the groom. –“I don’t mean you two. I
mean
them
” I said
pointing my finger to the dining-room.

I sent Godwall back to fetch all the aunts.
As the main hostess of the affair, Addys María’s mother could not
be part of the cooking team. That was understood. Two female
cousins who had joined the dinner party about an hour later also
volunteered to cook. I could use the extra hands for sure. I sat
everyone down on the benches and around the fountain.

I knew I was outgunned by the aunts. My
words needed to convey a maturity beyond my young age. –“As you all
know, we all will be cooking for the wedding. Every person here has
volunteered to participate in this important activity. People will
talk about the bride’s dress, those who go to the church ceremony
will be in awe of the service and the bridal entourage, those who
join us here will smell the flowers and will dance to the music
that will be played. But they will stay for the food. Food is what
holds this wedding together, not only as a celebration, but as a
sacred rite for the couple joined in matrimony. We have the most
important job of every person involved in the wedding…and there are
many of us. I want all of you to understand that. I take my
responsibility very seriously. Every person here will have specific
tasks. I am in charge. I will assign those tasks. If there is
anybody here who is not willing to do a certain type of job, like
cleaning up, prepping, peeling or fetching something when told to
do so…I need to know right now.” I stopped for a moment and turned
around looking every person in the eye.

The recriminations were now a little more
subtle –“Dave, we all understand how important this is. I cooked
for my two daughters when they got married, I cooked for Addys
María’s mother and I’ve cooked for many other people too. I know
what I’m doing!” explained the ever loquacious Aunt María.

Some naïve folk don’t
recognize when they are being set up. –“I’m very glad you are with
us, María! You have no idea how much I appreciate your presence and
your experience. You will be invaluable to us. The question I have
for you is this: Can you put all you know aside and follow
directions…
my directions
? If the answer is not a firm
yes
, I do not want you on the team. I
cannot be jousting with you every second and cooking at the same
time. In addition to your experience, I need something even more
important than that: Your full support. I want to make this clear
to you and to everyone here right now. I have the bride and the
groom’s full backing on this. They are present. If anyone here
cannot participate in this intense activity under those conditions,
I need to know at this very moment and I’ll find somebody else who
can. The question is
not
: Can you cook? The question
is
: Can you follow my directions
without questioning my judgment or ability at every turn? You all
are going to prep, peel, slice, shred, fry, sauté, clean and do
whatever else is needed. I am going to prepare the recipes, select
the ingredients, adjust all seasonings and cook. Everyone here
knows the difference. Are we clear on this?” Grudgingly, everyone
agreed. If they thought I trusted them, they were even more foolish
than I had anticipated.

After I sent the group back
to the dining-room, I asked Godwall to find five young men he could
trust. We had many common friends. I only suggested one name:
Chuchy; a bodybuilder who at 6 feet 4 inches and 245 pounds of
sheer muscle could intimidate a hungry gorilla, let alone the
aunts. Godwall could pick any other four he wanted. Their job was
to watch the aunts at all times. Their sole mission was to stop
anybody, absolutely anybody, but
me
from lifting a lid and seasoning any of the meals
being cooked in so many pots at one given time. These lads were to
be “on guard duty” in the cooking area during the whole process. I
would announce that to the aunts some other time.

The King’s Advice Comes at a Price…

My father offered me a beer and poured
himself a double shot of dark rum on the rocks. –“Well, well,
well…you’ve stepped in it this time, ol’ boy! You’ll soon find out
if you can be a real chef, Mr. David,” he said with his usual
sarcasm. I shook my head and bit my tongue almost to the point of
bleeding. –“I came for help on how to cook for 100 people, dad.
Please, save the sermon for another day. I’m sure you’ll be able to
squeeze it in next time we talk.” My father was obviously enjoying
the moment. Rest assured that, had I known a single soul with the
kind of knowledge about cooking dad had, I would have walked into
the burning fires of Hades to speak to that person rather than seek
my father’s super smug advice. I needed him and he knew it.

A stupid thought came to me: Maybe I could
ask dad to cook at the wedding. He was an old friend of Addys María
and Godwall’s parents. As youngsters, they all had run amok
together when the dinosaurs were still on the earth. Nah, I
couldn’t possibly unleash that kind of misery on Addys María,
especially on her wedding day. I had to do it.

This was the very first time when the
immensity of the task ahead of me really hit me. A cold sweat and a
quick shiver soon followed. Dad set his drink down. He then put his
right hand on my head and said softly, almost in a human tone –“You
O.K., son?” I was not about to spoil dad’s moment by going soft on
him. –“I’m fine, dad. Just that I’ve never cooked for so many
people in my whole life…you know” I said trying to hide my
noticeable physical discomfort the best I could.

–“
How many guests will you
have, Dave? Was 100 the real number? If so, you need to go about 15
to 20% over that amount. There will be people showing up that you
never knew existed. So, let’s say 120 people to have a nice, round
number. The next step is getting the right ingredients, as fresh as
possible.” Dad looked at the menu. –“Not everybody eats everything
you serve. Food for 120 people…alternating all the entrées and meat
dishes in such a way that you don’t have excessive amounts of
leftovers, but that you don’t run out of food either. We got that
down. In fact, keep ready-to-go meat in a cooler. In a pinch, you
can season it, sauté it and serve it with rice and salad. It’s your
back-up plan.”

My father was getting excited about the
project and I could sense his desire to help. I pointed out to him
a few meat dishes on the menu I had underlined. He gave me some
ideas on how to parcel out the meats. He also told me that we
needed two types of salads: tomato/cucumber and the other just
lettuce. He took out a pen and crossed out an item on my menu.
–“Stay away from avocado salad, no matter who asks for it! In an
hour, the avocado will turn dark and look unappetizing. Of course,
if you sprinkle lemon juice on it, it perks right back up, but…who
needs that!” he warned.

I was afraid of writing
anything down and have my father make fun of me. My mind was
working overtime both trying to retain and process all the
information dad was dishing out
and
keeping myself calm; the latter a much harder
task.

–“
Preparation is key. It is
so much so that every restaurant in the world, in addition to
weekly plans, begins every single day with what is called a
“
mise en place
”
check. This is done in the kitchen by the chef and on the floor by
the restaurant manager for the waiting staff. What this means is:
Everything in its place. Not only must you have all you need, but
all that must be in its place, clean and ready to be used at a
moment’s notice. You must do the same. Since you are not a
professional and you are not dealing with professionals,
your
mise en place
will be done every day the week of the wedding. People get
sick. You can’t use them. A person prepping might get a cut on a
finger. Have two or three people on stand-by, son. Gather all the
spices you need, starting today. You are going to need big pots.
Your uncle Denis has enough contacts in the army to get those
loaned to you. Have the pots and pans in your possession two days
before the wedding. Get yourself 6 gallons of good olive
oil.”

I thanked my father and collected all my
papers. –“Next thing to remember is that when cooking any type of
meat or seafood for large amounts of people, you need to season
each piece individually before putting it in the pot. Then, you
stir, add sauces and oil. Towards the end, you taste and adjust the
seasoning. Better under than over. You can always add, but it will
be impossible for you to save a dish that is too salty. Be
careful!” I had already heard that one should season meat by the
piece from an army cook I knew. But, he wasn’t really a very good
cook. Now, dad had corroborated the old cook’s advice.

As I was almost out the door, my father said
almost in a whisper –“Of course, I still need to tell you the real
secret of how to pull this off, you know. It won’t be today. Swing
by the day of the wedding and I’ll tell you!” I couldn’t believe
it! He had done it again. He knew that keeping valuable information
from me at a moment like that was going to gnaw at me, day and
night, until the day of the wedding. He didn’t care. I kept my
mouth shut and walked out.

There’s a Calm Before the Storm

I reviewed and edited the
menu. Now, it was final:
puerco
asado
,
moros y
cristianos
, lobster in tomato sauce, shrimp
in white wine sauce, chicken in béchamel sauce and the two salads.
Yes, it was going to be a feast worthy of the Gods in
Olympus.

Godwall and I had picked
another platoon of eight men to do the centerpiece outdoor ritual:
Roasting the pig, a process that can last more than eight hours. I
had prepared a bucket of
adobo
, using a combination of my
father’s recipe and a bit of my own concoction.

Two of the younger aunts
were in charge of the two salads and the dressings. No avocado
salad for anyone. Three aunts were assigned baking the flans and
the bread puddings I would prepare. All desserts were scheduled to
be refrigerated two days before the wedding. Addys María, her mom
and two cousins would make plenty of
dulce
de leche
and
cascos
de guayaba en almíbar
.