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CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

‘I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.’

Friedrich Nietzsche

F
or the next two days I sat in
the chair, leaving Lincoln only to shower and make the occasional phone call. On the third day, Dapper came to see me, after I had asked him to drop by.

I could feel that Lincoln was getting stronger. I knew he would wake up soon.

I knew something else, too. Our souls were no longer joined. We were still soulmates – the familiar tug had returned instantly, combining with the coldness I imagined would now be with me forever – but the connection we’d made in the cabin … Gone.

‘Why do I suspect this is a business call?’ Dapper asked as he entered the room.

I stood up and closed the door behind him. ‘Because it is.’

He grunted. ‘And why do I have a feeling I know where this is leading?’

‘Because you probably do,’ I admitted.

He sighed and leaned on the windowsill.

‘You said once that you owed me a favour.’

‘I remember.’

‘And you said not to talk to
you about it again until I was ready to collect.’

‘Mighta said something like that.’

I nodded. ‘I’m ready to collect.’

After Dapper left – unhappy but with our debt settled – I sat back down in my chair and waited. Sure enough, that afternoon, Lincoln started to become restless and at 4 p.m. I could tell he was ready to wake up.

I stood over him, ran my fingers through his hair and leaned down.

‘I love you,’ I whispered.

He made a sound that ran through my body and reminded me of all the things we had shared.

I turned and left the room, going out to the living area, where everyone was waiting. They all looked up like expectant meerkats when they saw me. I half smiled.

‘He’s waking up.’

Griffin jumped to his feet, the rest of the squad behind him. They smiled and laughed and ran into Lincoln’s room, leaving me alone.

I loved Lincoln’s warehouse. In many ways it had become my home, too. I looked up to the enormous arched windows that were at either end. Afternoon sun flooded through them, drenching the space. It was beautiful.

Walking over to the kitchen, I ran my hand along the breakfast bar, remembering all the times I’d sat there eating food Lincoln had prepared for me, while listening to his advice and hanging off every
word. I closed my eyes and imagined the smell of basil – how much he loved to cook with it.

I stopped by my wall, still covered by the drop-sheet. I left it where it was. The image beneath now seemed so naive.

I found a notepad and pen and wrote a few words, leaving the folded piece of paper on the dining table.

I could hear everyone moving about, the occasional cheer. He was awake and I could sense that he was looking for me.

Before I could stop myself I made my way to the front door. I had it halfway open when Steph ran down the hall.

‘Hey, Vi. Lincoln’s asking for–’ She broke off when she saw me. ‘You’re … leaving?’

I couldn’t talk. I just looked at her, trying to explain somehow without words that I couldn’t possibly stay knowing everything I now did, having gone through everything I had gone through.

People had made sacrifices and died. For me.
Because
of me. I couldn’t stay and watch those I cared about most continue to make choices that put me first. I had made promises to my angel maker and I knew he’d hold me to them. But the only way I could do that would be alone, where the danger and consequences of my choices would be my own.

And the simple truth was, I couldn’t face him. Lincoln was back and now he had a chance to live. I wanted that for him – I certainly didn’t bring him back just so he could die defending me. The only chance for his survival would be to be apart from me, and the only chance for mine would be to finally – completely – embrace the Grigori I am.

Steph stood frozen, staring back at me until her shoulders dropped and the tears started to fall down her cheeks. ‘But you can’t,’ she whispered.

I cleared my
throat. ‘I left a note. Will you give it to him?’

She nodded as she cried and sniffed. ‘Will you call me? Please, Vi, promise me you will call me.’

‘He can never know where I am.’ Because despite what I had decided, Lincoln would come for me if he knew where I was. He wouldn’t accept this. We were partners. As far as he was concerned, like it or not, that meant we were together.

Steph shook her head. ‘I wouldn’t tell if that’s what you wanted. Just promise you will stay in touch. Please, Vi. You’re my best friend.’

I looked down. I should have said no to her. But I found myself nodding. ‘When I get settled, I’ll call you with my new number.’ I gripped the door. ‘I have to go.’

Before I could get away, Steph was hugging me tight. For just a moment, I let myself hug her back.

‘Love you, Vi.’

‘Love you, Steph.’

And then I left.

Dad and Evelyn had arranged everything while I had been watching over Lincoln. They had made their decision, too – whatever that meant – and were happy to leave the city, something I had resolved to do a while back. I was relieved now to be going with them.

They had packed everything up and put it into storage for now, until we made our final decision about where to settle. It turned out Evelyn had more than one safe-house and we were going to start by
visiting them. I used my key for the last time and walked into the apartment.

Dad came out of his room, smiling. I was a little surprised to see him looking just the same.

‘I thought you guys decided to …’ I started, but then Evelyn walked out of the bedroom behind him and I realised … they had.

‘Wow,’ I said, transfixed by my mother, who, for the first time, actually looked like my mother and mature enough to be Dad’s wife. ‘You’re beautiful,’ I said, and truly meant it. She was even more stunning than she had been, just older.

She beamed. ‘I know it isn’t what you expected, but I’ve wanted to grow up for a long time and although your dad and I won’t get back the years we lost, this way … The years ahead will be all ours,’ she said, cosying up to Dad. I’d never seen Dad look so content.

I smiled. ‘It’s perfect.’

‘Are you sure you want to do this, sweetheart?’ Dad asked.

‘I’m sure,’ I said, heading to my room to find it stripped bare, a lone suitcase sitting in the middle of the floor. I grabbed it and headed back out. I knew that Lincoln wouldn’t be up and about for another couple of days, but I didn’t want to wait around to find out. Dad and Evelyn were by the door when I re-emerged, waiting for me.

‘Ready,’ I said.

We rode the lift down and headed straight for the taxi Dad had waiting, but as soon as we cleared the doors I saw that Spence was standing by the car. I headed to the boot and threw in my bag. The taxi driver gave me an odd look and I realised I should’ve made it look as though it was heavy.

Whatever.

After gawking
at my mother’s changed appearance, Spence stalked around the car, nodding to my parents as they got in the back.

‘You weren’t even going to say goodbye?’

‘Don’t sulk,’ I said, trying to concentrate on organising my travel wallet.

‘This is bullshit and you know it, Eden! You’re not even giving him a chance to talk to you.’

‘There’s no point. Look, I’ve spoken to Dapper. He’s promised to look out for you until you have your partner. If you’re injured, he’ll heal you. Griffin and … Lincoln, too. For as long as you all need it.’

Spence’s fist went down on the car. ‘That’s not what this is about and you know it!’

I tried to press on. ‘Tell Griffin that … That technically I died so maybe Lincoln is within his rights to request a new partner. Even if he isn’t, I won’t protest if he lodges an application.’

Spence shook his head. ‘You’re running away!’

My throat ached as the permanent lump grew larger.

‘I know.’

Spence’s eyes squinted and his mouth twisted as he tried to hold himself together. ‘You’re the only damn family I have!’

I placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘I’m not. Your family is all back at that warehouse. I … I don’t know what’s going to happen to me, but I have to go.’

He looked down at his feet. ‘I could come with you,’ he said quietly.

‘Not this time, Spence. You need to find your partner. I need to find myself. We’ll both be better for it in the end.’

He stepped back
and opened the taxi door for me. Dad and Evelyn were waiting patiently.

‘I’ve always got your back, Eden.’

‘And I’ve got yours. Anytime, anywhere.’ It wasn’t the first time I’d made Spence that promise and I meant it just as much now.

We waited in the airport lounge for our flight to board. Only then, once I was safely checked in and ready to leave, did I allow myself to exhale.

He was alive.

Part of me wished that meant happily ever after, that I had been able to write something in that note that meant that there was hope. But there was none. Any resolution that ended with us near each other as partners or together and in love didn’t end well. He would always be the one trying to die for me.

And that wasn’t enough.

I closed my eyes. I don’t know if I actually slipped out of myself and into my angelic Sight, or simply dreamed, but one moment my eyes were closed to blackness, the next they were above Lincoln. He was on his sofa, propped up against pillows. He was panting heavily and sweating.

‘I told you; you can’t move yet, Linc. It’s going to take a few days for everything to come back online,’ Griffin said, sounding out of breath himself. Something had happened – they were surrounded by broken furniture and both looked worse for wear. Lincoln was staring straight ahead, the drop-sheet now gone, exposing the mural on my wall. I looked at the painting that had
started as a solitary white lily, and now depicted a whole field of them beneath a violet sky and a golden sun. It was us … a lifetime ago.

‘I have to get to her,’ he said, his voice barely there, every word hitting me like a freight train.

‘She’s gone, Linc. She’s gone.’

A cry fell from Lincoln’s lips that speared my heart. His hand dropped down to his lap and my note fell from his fingertips.

Nothing is endless.

I know that now.

Let me go.

V

‘Sweetheart,’ Dad said, shaking my shoulder gently. ‘They just called our flight. You ready?’

I looked up at him, still feeling Lincoln’s nearness, feeling the fading rays of sunlight. I picked up my backpack and let Dad pull me to my feet. I hated that I was hurting Lincoln, hated that I was hurting myself.

But there was no other way.

He’d move on, find another partner – a better one – and until he did, Dapper would be there to heal him. He’d be stronger without me, and alive.

Dad was still looking at me with raised eyebrows and worry in his eyes. He was so happy right now that I knew the concern was solely for me. I smiled and hitched my bag onto my shoulder.

‘Let’s go.’