Endless, Forever (16 page)

Oliver’s eyes widened, and he let out a startled laugh.  “Did you now?  Right bastard, was I?”

“Maybe not a
total
bastard, but you
were
a snob.  I thought you were just one of those party assholes, and it turns out you’ve got this amazing, giant heart.”  Gabe pressed his palm over the left side of Oliver’s chest.  “I’ve never met anyone who loves as fiercely as you do, Ollie.”

Oliver closed his eyes again, pressing their foreheads together.  “Well you know I learnt from the best, right?  I was a mess before you came along.  And I’m not totally better, but I want to be.”

“That’s what matters, you know,” Gabe whispered.

Oliver kissed him on the tip of his nose.  “I hope so, love.  I really do.”

Chapter Eighteen

Things settled in over the next few weeks, but Oliver stopped feeling better.  Reuniting with Gabe only did so much for his mood, and before long he found himself sullen, sinking into uncomfortable thoughts about his mother.  His nightmares started up again, and he stopped sleeping over at Gabe’s to avoid awkward questions.

Twice now Gabe mentioned therapy, and Oliver felt sick at the thought of having to relive what his mother did to him.  What purpose would it serve to recount in gory detail being kidnapped and tortured until his demons were purged?  To relive the horror which forced him to exist the rest of his life covered in scars?

The matter was dropped, but both of them noticed the shift.  He was drinking more, and hadn’t made a single sentence of progress on his dissertation.  When Gabe mentioned it, Oliver walked away and didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night.

Just before the start of the next term, Leo sent a text to Oliver, telling him about a house party right off campus.  Oliver and Gabe were having a quiet night in, binging on movies and junk food, but Oliver perked up at the mention.

“You want to go?” he asked, almost bouncing on the couch cushion.

Gabe frowned, worrying his bottom lip for a moment.  “Are you sure you’re up for going out and drinking?  What if you get wasted?”

Oliver scoffed.  “I’m not a bloody child, you know.  I’m old enough to manage a few drinks and conversation.”

Gabe’s cheeks flushed, and just when Oliver was sure he was going to be turned down, he shrugged.  “You know what, why not?  Term starts soon and we might as well go out and do something fun before we’re drowning in work, right?”

Oliver’s grin threatened to split his face, and he kissed him.  “Brilliant.  I really need to just unwind.”

Scrambling from the couch, he rushed upstairs to change into jeans and a t-shirt.  He threw his hair up into a lazy bun, not bothering with anything else.  Gabe hadn’t bothered to change out of his own lounge clothes, but he wasn’t bothered as they headed out to the address Leo texted.

It was only a few minutes away from the campus, and they decided to walk, avoiding the hell that was parking in the area.  They could hear the party from a block away, and Oliver started to feel his adrenaline ramping up.  He wanted to drink, to forget about his looming depression or Gabe’s still refusal to move in with him.  He wanted to forget he’d come from a shitty, broken home with a bitch of a mother, and an absentee father.  He wanted to forget that he’d done it all for his brother, and all for
what
?

It felt like nothing.

He let go of Gabe’s hand as they approached the door, and as it swung open, he was met with a wave of weed and cigarette smoke.  He breathed it in, smiling a little, even when Gabe was grimacing, and they pushed through a throng of people.

They moved straight for the kitchen where someone immediately shoved a joint into his face.  Ignoring a pointed look from Gabe, he took a long drag, blowing the smoke out in a long stream before reaching for a stack of red, plastic cups.  He was just grabbing the gin when Gabe’s hand curled around his wrist.

“Don’t go too crazy.”

Oliver sneered, yanking his hand away.  “It’s a
party
, Gabriel.  I want to get wankered, and I don’t want you breathing down my neck about it.  I’ve been bloody good this whole summer.”

Gabe flinched, pulling away.  “Fine.  I’m going to find a beer and see if Leo’s around.”

Oliver waved him off, throwing a few ice cubes into the cup, then poured straight gin.  He drank it all, to the delight of a few guys standing nearby who shouted for him to do it again, and he refilled it.  They hooted, shoving their glasses into the air, and he repeated the gesture until the bottle was half gone, and he could feel the alcohol and weed seeping into his limbs.

The feeling was light, heady and wonderful.  He found another joint, taking several hits before making his way down a crowded hallway, toward the source of the music.  Bypassing the main living room, he found what looked like a game room with a pool table set up, another bar which had a long board, shot glasses glued to the top.  A tall guy with a massive, dark beard was pouring whiskey into each one.

There was a line of people screaming, waiting for their shots, and Oliver threw his head back and laughed as the tall man tipped the board up, and all six people took their shots at once.

“Fucking
brilliant
,” he declared.

“I’d recognize
that
cute accent anywhere,” came a voice from his right.

Oliver spun, and he came face to face with a tall blonde, with wide shoulders, wearing a pink polo shirt.  He had a wide smile, almost familiar, and Oliver tried to place it.  “Er…?”

“You don’t remember me, do you?” he asked, his shining teeth poking over his bottom lip with his smile.  “We were having a really nice night until some twitchy little fella pulled you into the bathroom.  I never saw you again.”

Oliver’s eyes went wide.  “Oh shit! 
Texas
?”

He laughed.  “Close enough.  You do remember?”

“Couldn’t forget that cute southern drawl,” Oliver said, putting his arm on a fit bicep.  “Fancy seeing you here, though.”

“I get around.  I’ve seen you on campus a few times, but never had the balls to come and say hi.”

“But you do now?” Oliver asked, leaning in slightly.  His head was spinning and the man’s smile was almost blinding.

“Well, I’ve had some liquid courage.”

Oliver laughed, unable to stop himself.  “Fuck.  What say you and I go out for a smoke, yeah?  This place is crowded.”  He couldn’t remember his name, but Texas would do for now.  Looping their arms together, Oliver headed for the back door which led to a massive yard, complete with a huge gazebo, pool, and canopy.

Several people were milling around, smoking, drinking, a few people in the pool fully clothed and attempting a game of volleyball over a battered net.  There were cups everywhere, discarded bottles, and in the back of his mind, Oliver wondered what a bitch it would be to handle the clean-up.

Then he smirked because it wouldn’t be his job, and found himself leaning into Texas as he fished smokes out of his pocket.  He grabbed two, sticking them both in his mouth and lighting them before handing one off.

“Well,” he said, blowing out a cloud of smoke, “it is really interesting running into you again.”

Texas grinned at him.  “Isn’t it?  Almost like it was fated.  I was really disappointed I didn’t get to take you home that night.”

“Yeah?” Oliver asked with a wink.  He stopped, Gabe flashing behind his eyelids as he blinked, but he wasn’t doing anything wrong.  Harmless flirting, really.  There was nothing wrong with escaping Gabe’s constant hovering and implications that he was fucked up.  He wasn’t fucked up, he was
upset
.  “I think we would have had a good time, don’t you?”

“Mm, I like to think I’m pretty good.”  Texas winked and took a step closer.  “Here’s to second chances?”

Oliver leaned over, then glanced to the side and saw Gabe’s image in the window.  He blinked, then pulled back. 
What the fuck am I doing
, he thought, shaking his head.  Was he seriously thinking about cheating on Gabe?  With some random dude from a bar?

This was not him.  He loved Gabe, and Gabe was only concerned about him.  Rightfully so, it seemed, because Oliver was rock hard in his jeans, and in spite of all the love he felt for Gabriel, he still wanted to grab Texas by the collar and fuck him stupid behind the gazeebo.

Texas was leaning in though, and grabbing him by the shirt.  Just before their lips met, Oliver put his hands up and stopped him.  “Look I…I really shouldn’t.  I have a boyfriend.”

Texas’ eyes went wide. “What?”

“Yeah.  One I love quite a bit, and he’s here.  I…it’s been a rough couple of months.  I shouldn’t have even come out here with you.  Fuck, mate, I don’t even remember your name.”

“Ah.”  Texas rubbed his face.  “But you want me, right?”

Oliver nodded.  “Yeah, I
really
fucking want you.  Like one more drink and I’m pretty sure all my morals would be right out the shitting window.  So I…I’m gonna go.  I’m sorry.”

Texas let out a sigh, but nodded.  “Yeah, alright.  Lucky guy, though.  The one who captured your heart.”

Oliver swallowed because he was pretty damn sure Gabe wasn’t the lucky one.  He was the poor bastard who had happened upon someone completely broken.  Someone who should have loved Gabe as much as he deserved, but couldn’t bring himself to be that man.  No matter how much he wanted to.  No matter how hard he tried, or how often he promised.

Feeling close to heaving up all the liquor he’d imbibed, Oliver threw his smoke into the bushes, and stepped back in the house.  He moved through the rooms, finally locating Gabe in the living room, sitting on an arm chair with a beer in his hands.  He gave Oliver a glance, but his expression was unreadable.

Guilt hit him, like a physical blow, and the sudden realization of what he needed to do nearly brought him to his knees.  He couldn’t keep putting Gabe through this.  He couldn’t keep setting him up, only to destroy every vow he ever made.

He was broken.  Or at the very least, he wasn’t well enough to be with someone who deserved better.  Everything he was, wasn’t fair to this gorgeous man, and he knew he had to do it.  End it.  Pull it off like a stubborn bandage, and just…go.

He licked his lips and held his hand out.  “You wanna get out of here?  I don’t think this was such a good idea.”

Gabe opened his mouth to reply as he grabbed Oliver’s hand, but before he could get a word out, someone rushed into the room.  Oliver didn’t recognize him, but Gabe seemed to, and his face went dark.  “Hey Troy, what’s up?”

Troy.  Tall, dark haired, and looking incredibly concerned, rubbed the back of his head.  “Man, I think Leo really fucked up this time.”

Oliver felt cold fear wash over him.  “What?”

“He’s…fuck man, I think he OD’d.  Mikey gave him some shit and he went upstairs, and I can’t get him to wake up.”

All thoughts of relationships and love, even Gabe, were gone as he grabbed Troy by the sleeve.  “Show me where he is
right now
.”

They rushed through the house, up a narrow set of stairs, and down a hallway.  Troy opened a door, revealing a dimly lit bedroom covered in band posters and a bed in the corner. Leo was on his back, his face turned toward the wall.  His skin was ashen, eyes closed, and one arm flopped to the side.  He had no shirt on, and Oliver couldn’t miss the track marks in the crook of his elbow even if he wanted to.

“Fuck,” Oliver breathed.  “He’s been shooting up?”

Troy frowned.  “Yeah, man.  For a while now.  He’s been alright with it up to now.  Pretty chill, weekend shit, you know?  For parties.  But lately he’s been hitting me and Mikey up for more.  I don’t know what Mikey gave him, but
fuck
…”

Oliver broke out of his shock, rushing to Leo’s side, and his fingers felt for a pulse.  It was there, fluttering and weak, but thrumming against the pads of his fingers.  “Gabe,” Oliver said very slowly, “you need to call an ambulance.”

“Aw man, come on,” Troy said, sounding panicked.  “Can’t you just let him sleep it off or…”

Oliver turned heated eyes on Troy, feeling murderous.  “If he dies, I will come after you. I hope you realize this.  You and Mikey both.  Gabe, call the fucking ambulance.  Troy, you have maybe three minutes to get everyone out.”

Troy looked furious but scared as he scrambled from the room.  Gabe was already on the call, and Oliver could hear Troy’s raised voice trying to get everyone’s attention.

Feeling like he might vomit, Oliver turned his attention back to Leo who was stone still.  His breathing was shallow, his chest struggling, and he had the sick realization that this might be it.  Leo actually might not pull out of this one.

Standing up a bit, he leaned over his brother to check the other arm, and saw the deep bruises there.  “Fuck,” he hissed, palming Leo’s cheek.  It was all he could do to not slap him over and over.  “What the fuck were you thinking, you stupid bastard!”

For his part, Gabe was calm and collected.  He handled the call expertly, checking his pulse, his breathing.  Within five minutes, three paramedics were racing up the stairs of the nearly-empty house.  Oliver was shuffled to the side, Gabe taking his hand as they took over and assessed the situation.

“Definitely an overdose,” the tallest one said.  He turned to the couple.  “Do you know how much he took?”

Oliver shook his head.  “No.  I didn’t even know he was using.  I…”  He stopped and cleared his throat.  “We were downstairs.  A friend came and got us, told us he’d taken too much.”

The paramedic looked grim, but began searching and came up with a used syringe and a small, empty baggy.  He slipped it into a plastic bag, then the three of them got Leo strapped to a gurney and began the trek down the stairs.

Oliver followed, Gabe close at his heels, and he hesitated at the ambulance door.

“There’s a few cops on their way.  They’re going to want to talk to you about this.  It’s mandatory we call this in, I’m sorry.  You can meet him at St Mark’s after this, alright?”