Endless Winter (Book 2): Rain & Ruin (9 page)

Sky reaches up to pull the mask off her face again. With a quick glance at the monitors, Ethan nods that she can. Her eyes are the saddest I’ve ever seen and her voice comes out in a broken croak.

“Most of you seem like good people but what about all the others? There’s over a hundred people in here now. Do you really think I can trust all of them?” Her eyes glance back and forth between me and Ethan. I really don’t know what to say. How can I reassure her when I don’t even trust most of them myself? Thankfully, Ethan has the right words.

“Honey, you don’t have to trust them. You just have to trust us. You put our group in charge of things over here and we will make sure it stays that way. We will protect you and Ben from any threats that might come up inside. There’s no way we would jeopardize any of us or you and Ben. You took us into your home, Skylar. You’re our family now.”

Her eyes fill with tears and she tiredly shakes her head as her words come out in a slurred whisper. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

I grip her hand tighter and Ethan smooths her hair back again before responding with a kind smile.

“You don’t have to do anything right now except rest and get well. You’re safe. Ben’s safe. Just rest and we’ll figure everything out when you’re better.”

Her eyes flutter closed and her hand goes limp in mine causing me to shoot Ethan a panicked look but he just smiles at me.

“It’s ok Rex. I gave her a sedative in her IV and it’s just fully taken hold. What Skylar needs more than anything right now is some peaceful rest. I’ll stay here and watch over her. You should go and talk to her brother and let him know that she’s going to be ok. Bring him back in a few hours so I can check him over but for right now it’d be better if he lets her rest.”

I don’t want to leave her again but I know he’s right. Ben must be so scared for Sky by now. I’ll take him and Matty over to tend to the animals to distract him for a while. I gently lay her hand back down on the bed before turning to go. I hope Ethan’s words had an effect on her and once she’s recovered we can start fresh. All I need is a chance.

I keep my eyes closed and listen to someone moving around near the bed I’m in. I think it’s the doctor because I can hear the beeps of medical machines nearby. I don’t know how long I’ve been here but I have vague memories of Benny and Rex both talking to me. What I do remember is facing off with Sasha, collapsing in the tunnel and Ethan’s words about trust. I just don’t know what to do with them.

The truth is, I’m tired. Not go to sleep tired but head and heart tired. I’m tired of replacing a real life with fantasies and dreams of one. I’m tired of everything being my responsibility. I’ll never stop caring and protecting Ben but I’m tired of doing all the rest alone.

I let Dad’s words echo in my mind again but they just don’t have the same impact that they used too. He was right about so many things but he was wrong too. It was right to let the others in to the barracks and he was right not to trust others, but not all others. Things are changing and not just here inside my home. I think the rain was the first step in the earth’s healing. It might not be too long now before it’s safe to live under the skies again. Dad used to talk about what we’d do once the skies cleared and it always involved finding other survivors to help and start rebuilding. So does it matter that they found me and Ben first? Aren’t these the people we would have joined with to start rebuilding? I think they are.

I can’t keep going the way I have been. Ethan was right, I did have a panic attack. I let my fear and mistrust overwhelm me to the point of collapse. That’s not who I am or at least that’s not who I’ve been before. I’m going to have to learn to deal with people again. It’s fine to stay on guard but if Ben and I have any chance of being a part of the new world then I’m going to have to let go of the control I’ve clutched to my chest all these years. Starting with not pointing guns at people.

“What are you doing here?” I hear Ethan say. I keep my eyes closed because I’m still not ready to face others or if I’m honest, the embarrassment of my behavior. I haven’t forgotten the way all those people looked at me last time they saw me.

“I…can I just sit here…please?”

The voice is female and I vaguely recognize it but can’t match a face to it. There’s a long pause before Ethan says, “Yes, I think maybe that would be a good idea.”

I hear the scrape of a chair beside my bed and then nothing. I try and just escape back into my thoughts but curiosity at who’s sitting there is nagging at me. After what feels like forever, I finally decide to open my eyes and see who it is when I hear something new. Whoever is sitting beside my bed is sniffling and I realize that they’re crying. Now I have to know who it is so I crack my eyes open a tiny bit but the surprise at who it is has my eyes popping wide open. I didn’t recognize the voice because I’ve only ever heard her speak in a sarcastic or scathing tone.

Sasha freezes in the act of wiping tears from her cheeks when she sees my eyes open and we just stare at each other for a minute. She finally moves and brushes away the dampness before looking away from me and down into her lap. Her breath hitches as she takes a deep breath before speaking.

“I…you…you almost died.”

I don’t know what she wants or what to say to her so I just shrug one shoulder. Her damp eyes flutter up to meet mine before quickly looking back down at her lap.

“I…didn’t want that. I…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did those horrible things to you. I don’t know why I acted that way!”

The words rush out of her followed by a small sob. I still don’t know what to say so when she peeks up at me I give another shrug. This is all on her now. She has to be the one to say her peace.

“It’s not an excuse or at least not a good enough one, but, well, I was jealous. You’re so…and Rex is…arggg! I know now that you had things pretty bad too, just in a different way than we did. But, all I could see was this beautiful, clean, shiny girl in a perfect home with all the food and comfort that I lost and the one thing I thought I wanted was staring at you like I didn’t exist anymore. Rex, well, we grew up together and he is like my brother but for a while there, I let myself think that maybe it could be more than that. When I saw how he looked at you, I wanted to hurt you and nothing else seemed to matter. I’ve been sooo mad for so long at the world and at how unfair everything is that I just directed all of it at you.”

Her eyes finally look up and lock on to mine before she continues.

“Skylar, I am so, so sorry for what I did and the way I treated you. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I wanted you to know that.”

Our eyes stay locked as I process her words and realize that this will have to be the first step I take if I want to move on. So I shrug again but this time I speak.

“This life sucks!”

Her eyes go wide but as she sees the small tired smile on my lips, she sobs out a half laugh. “Oh my God. It really does!”

It feels really good to just let that go right now so I try and lighten up some more.

“So, do you want to like, borrow each other’s clothes now?”

She snorts out a laugh and is shaking her head but before she can reply to my small joke, the clinics doors open and Marsh rushes in. His face is filled with determination when he spots Sasha and heads her way.

“I’d rather borrow your gun!” she says, glaring at him.

Marsh stumbles to a stop and a look of confusion crosses his face as he looks from Sasha’s face to mine.

“Not gonna happen. I’m a better shot than you. I know just where to shoot him so he’s only wounded and not dead.” I say loud enough for him to hear. I remember every sexist word he said to us!

Marsh slowly raises his hands and starts to shuffle backwards. Just as he reaches the door and is about to flee I call out in a hoarse voice.

“Hide your coconuts Marsh, I’ll be on my feet soon enough and there will be payback!”

Sasha bursts out laughing as Marsh high tails it out of the clinic but all I can manage is a weak smile. This little bit of activity has completely drained me and all I want now is to close my eyes. Sasha must see it in my face because she gets up and gives my hand a squeeze before stepping away towards the door.

“Feel better soon, Skylar. I’ve got your crown all polished up for when you’re ready.”

As I slide back into the darkness I feel the smile form on my lips. That’s me, Queen of the apocalypse.

I take a last look around Skylar and Ben’s living quarters and nod in satisfaction. While Sky’s been recuperating in the clinic, Matty, Ben and I have been putting in time cleaning up and tending to their garden and animals. I wanted to make sure that when Sky came back to her place she didn’t have any work that needed to be done. It also helped keep mine and Ben’s minds off worrying about her.

Ethan’s told us both that he’s happy with her recovery so far and after keeping her in the clinic for the past three days, says she should be ready to come home tomorrow. Ben’s gotten a lot better too. He still needs to take it easy as he gets tired fast but he’s having so much fun playing video games with Matty. Ben’s been staying over in mine and Matty’s room and between their late night whispers and my worrying about Sky I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in over a week. I hope that will change tonight. I’ve popped in now and then to check on Sky but mainly left her alone to recover. Now that Ethan’s ready to let her come home I think she’s well enough to have a real conversation about all that’s happened and what our future holds.

“All right boys, wrap it up. Dinner should be ready over in the barracks soon.”

Ben and Matty groan about shutting down the game they’re playing but shut it off anyways. We take our time walking back through the tunnel so that Ben can keep up. Ethan’s told me that walking around is good for Ben’s lungs but to take it slow for the next week. The boys chatter about what they think will be for dinner and even after being inside for a week, I still can’t get used to the abundance of food available to us now.

Our group had eaten better than the hotel people but none of us have had any extra weight on our bodies from rationing for so long. It fills my heart to see Matty’s cheeks start to fill out a bit and he looks so much healthier than before. Everyone that Skylar let in looks better. It’s amazing what enough good food, heat, hot water and safety can do for people. I know that none of us will ever take it for granted now that we have a second chance at having it all.

As we head towards the tables that are full of happy chatting people, I smile. For the first few days, people would stay silent and stare down at their plates while eating quickly like they thought the food would magically disappear. Now, everyone is more relaxed and there’s conversation and laughter at every meal.

The boys and I slide into spots around Marsh and Lance and dig in to the platter of roast beef and mashed potatoes. I know the potatoes are made from flakes and they’re not as good as the fresh ones from Skylar’s garden but the gravy poured on top of them makes them almost as good. My favorite part of the meals now are no sprouts. Dehydrated veggies are far from yummy but I’ll take them over the daily serving of sprouts we were forced to eat for the last seven years.

I look up from my plate when I catch sight of more people joining our group and see Sasha and Belle start filling their plates. I send Belle a smile and nod of thanks for another amazing meal but only give Sasha a cool nod. Marsh and Ethan have both told me that her and Skylar have talked and seemed to have gotten past what Sasha did but I’m not quite ready to forgive her so easily. It’s going to take a long time before I forget her betrayal of Matty and me.

I rush through dinner and leave the boys in Lance and Marsh’s care before jogging over to the clinic. I’ve had days to think of the words I want to say to Sky once she was well enough for us to talk but I’m still not sure how she’ll respond. When I get to the doors to the clinic, I peek through the window and see Ethan and Sky are eating dinner together. Sky’s propped up in bed with a tray in front of her and Ethan’s sitting beside her with a plate balanced on his lap. They seem to be in deep conversation so I step back from the door and lean against the wall.

I know Ethan’s been talking to Skylar a lot about everything she’s had to deal with since her parents died. I hope he’s been able to help her work through some of her pain. I still can’t imagine how hard it would have been to grow up all alone and be a parent to Ben at the same time. I don’t know if I would have been able to do it without Belle, Ethan and Lance filling in as parents for Matty and me after our Mom died. Not to mention having Marsh as my best friend. Sky hasn’t even had a friend to unload on except AIRIA.

“Rex, are you going to stand guard out here all night or are going to go in and talk to her?”

I’m so deep in thought that I don’t even hear Ethan come out of the clinic and his words have me jumping away from the wall.

“Oh! Hey, Ethan. How’s she doing?”

He puts a hand on my shoulder and laughs. “She doing great but she’d be a lot better if you had a real conversation with her. She thinks you’re mad at her for what happened with Sasha before she collapsed.” He laughs again at my startled expression. “Rex, more than anything, she needs to be reassured by you. She’s been through a lot and we’ve talked through most of it but I can’t be the one to tell her that the boy she likes still likes her back.”

I glance over at the doors and then back at him. “She…she’s really worried I don’t like her anymore? How can she think that? I’m the reason all this bad stuff happened to her and Ben! If anything she should be mad at me!”

My face changes to a scowl as Ethan starts to laugh at me again. “Rex, just go talk to her!” He’s still chucking as he turns and walks away but not before I hear him say something about “young love”.

I take another look in the window at Sky and see her with her head back and eyes closed. I take a deep breath and slowly push through the doors. Her eyes stay closed as I settle silently down in to the chair that Ethan had just vacated. Her face is still very pale with dark circles under her eyes and the angry red blisters from the rain are now a lighter shade. Her hair has lost some of its golden shine but she’s still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

She must feel me staring at her because her eyes slowly open. She gives me a tentative smile and her hand trembles slightly when she lifts it from the bed to offer it to me. I take her hand and bring it to my lips for a kiss before meeting her eyes and saying,

“I’m so sorry Sky. Everything that happened to you and Ben is all my fault. Can you forgive me?”

Her eyes go wide in surprise and she starts shaking her head.

“No, no Rex! How can you say that? You had no control over what happened! Sasha and Ted made their own choices. You had no control over any of it!” She squeezes my hand tighter and pulls me closer. “Listen, Rex. I made a choice to save you and Matty that day and bring you inside. It was the right thing to do. I’ve spent the last seven years hiding from the world and even though I questioned everything my Dad told me, I never did anything to try and help others. I did the right thing when I helped you and it was also the right thing to let all those people in here. No one’s to blame for Ben and me getting sick except maybe me for not following up on decontamination procedures.” She lets out a deep sigh and drops her eyes. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes since we met but letting you into my life wasn’t one of them. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting since then.”

My admiration for her surges even higher. After everything that’s happened, she’s giving us another chance to be a part of her life. I hope that includes more for both of us.

“Um, do you think…would you want to…when you feel better, would you want to go on a date with me?” I manage to stutter out. I feel my face flame up in embarrassment at my inept attempt to ask her out but feel relief when her smile splits across her face.

“Wow, I’ve never been on a date before, Rex. I would love that! Where should we go? Out for dinner and a movie?” she teases.

I give her a smug smile. “Actually, yes, that’s exactly what I had in mind.” I have to laugh at her confused, disbelieving expression. “The dinner part of the evening would take place at Chez Rex. It’s a new bistro that will be open for one night of magical dining. We would follow that at the Barrack’s cinema that runs featured films twice a week on the newly installed projector and back wall. It’s the talk of the town and seats are highly coveted!”

Her eyes are dancing with delight and she gives me a serious nod. “Well, how can a girl say no to that? I would be honored to attend with you!”

We sit and talk about all the things we want to see happen in the future until her eyes start to droop. The smile never leaves my face and her hand stays in mine until she drifts off to sleep.