Ends and Odds (10 page)

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Authors: Samuel Beckett

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a part, in my life!

A: And of a sudden, in the same sentence, a woman, with

Christian name to boot, and a brother. I ask you!

Pause.

S: That twin, Sir …

A: I know, not very convincing.

S (
scandalized):
But it's quite simply impossible! Inside him!
Him!

A: No no, such things happen, such things happen. Nature, you know … (
Faint laugh
.) Fortunately. A world without monsters, just imagine! (
Pause for imagining
.) No, that is not what troubles me. (
Warmly
.) Look you, Miss, what counts is not so much the
thing
, in itself, that would astonish me too. No, it's the word, the notion. The notion brother is not unknown to him! (
Pause
.) But what really matters is this woman—what name did you say?

S: Maud, Sir.

A: Maud!

S: And who is in milk, what is more, or about to be.

A: For mercy's sake! (
Pause
.) How does the passage go again?

S (
rereading):
“Me get up, me go on, what a hope, it was he, for hunger. Have yourself opened, Maud would say,
opened up, it's nothing, I'll give him suck if he's still alive, ah but no, no no.” (
Pause
.) “No no.”

Pause.

A: And then the tear.

S: Exactly, Sir. What I call the human trait.

Pause.

A (
low, with emotion):
Miss.

S: Sir.

A: Can it be we near our goal. (
Pause
.) Oh how bewitching you look when you show your teeth! Ah were I but … thirty years younger.

S: It is well after three, Sir.

A (
sigh):
Good. Where he left off. Once more.

S: “Oh but no, no—”

A:
Ah
but no. No?

S: You are quite right, Sir. “Ah but no, no—”

A (
severely):
Have a care, Miss.

S: “Ah but no, no no.” (
Pause
.) “No no.”

A (
ruler):
On! (
Silence
.) Dick!

S: He has gone off, Sir.

A: Just a shade lighter, Dick. (
Mild thud of pizzle
.) Ah no, you exaggerate, better than that. (
Swish and violent thud. Faint cry from
FOX.
Ruler
.) Ah but no, no no. On!

F (
scream):
Let me out! Peter out in the stones!

A: Ah dear! There he goes again. Peter out in the stones!

S: It's a mercy he's tied.

A (
gently):
Be reasonable, Fox. Stop-you may sit, Dick
stop jibbing. It's hard on you, we know. It does not lie entirely with us, we know. You might prattle away to your latest breath and still the one … thing remain unsaid that can give you back your darling solitudes, we know. But this much is sure: the more you say the greater your chances. Is that not so, Miss?

S: It stands to reason, Sir.

A (
as to a backward pupil):
Don't ramble! Treat the subject, whatever it is! (
Snivel
.) More variety! (
Snivel
.) Those everlasting wilds may have their charm, but there is nothing there for us, that would astonish me. (
Snivel
.) Those micaceous schists, if you knew the effect (
snivel
) they can have on one, in the long run. (
Snivel
.) And your fauna! Those fodient rodents! (
Snivel
.) You wouldn't have a handkerchief, Miss, you could lend me?

S: Here you are, Sir.

A: Most kind. (
Blows nose abundantly
.) Much obliged.

S: Oh you may keep it, Sir.

A: No no, now I'll be all right. (
To
FOX.) Of course we do not know, any more than you, what exactly it is we are after, what sign or set of words. But since you have failed so far to let it escape you, it is not by harking on the same old themes that you are likely to succeed, that would astonish me.

S: He has gone off again, Sir.

A (
warming to his point):
Someone, perhaps that is what is wanting, someone who once saw you … (
abating
)… go by. I may be quite wrong, but try, at least try, what do you stand to lose? (
Beside himself
.) Even though it is not true!

S (
shocked):
Oh Sir!

A: A father, a mother, a friend, a … Beatrice-no, that is asking too much. Simply someone, anyone, who once saw you … go by. (
Pause
.) That woman … what's the name?

S: Maud, Sir.

A: That Maud, for example, perhaps you once brushed against each other. Think hard!

S: He has gone off, Sir.

A: Dick!—no, wait. Kiss him, Miss, perhaps that will stir some fibre.

S: Where, Sir?

A: In his heart, in his entrails—or some other part.

S: No, I mean kiss him where, Sir?

A (
angry):
Why on his stinker of a mouth, what do you suppose? (STENOGRAPHER
kisses
FOX.
Howl from
FOX.) Till it bleeds! Kiss it white! (
Howl from
FOX.) Suck his gullet!

Silence.

S: He has fainted away, Sir.

A: Ah … perhaps I went too far. (
Pause
.) Perhaps I slipped you too soon.

S: Oh no, Sir, you could not have waited a moment longer, time is up. (
Pause
.) The fault is mine, I did not go about it as I ought.

A: Come, come, Miss! To the marines! (
Pause
.) Up already! (
Pained
.) I chatter too much.

S: Come, come, Sir, don't say that, it is part of your role, as animator.

Pause.

A: That tear, Miss, do you remember?

S: Oh yes, Sir, distinctly.

A (
faint hope):
Not the first time by any chance?

S: Heavens no, Sir, what an idea!

A (
disappointed):
I might have known.

S: Last winter, now I come to think of it, he shed several, do you not remember?

A: Last winter! But, my dear child, I don't remember yesterday, it is down the hatch with love's young dream. Last winter! (
Pause. Low, with emotion
.) Miss.

S (
low):
Sir.

A: That … Maud.

Pause.

S (
encouraging):
Yes, Sir.

A: Well … you know … I may be wrong … I wouldn't like to … I hardly dare say it … but it seems to me that … here … possibly … we have something at last.

S: Would to God, Sir.

A: Particularly with that tear so hard behind. It is not the first, agreed. But in such a context!

S: And the milk, Sir, don't forget the milk.

A: The breast! One can almost see it!

S: Who got her into that condition, there's another question for us.

A: What condition, Miss, I fail to follow you.

S: Someone has fecundated her. (
Pause. Impatient
.) If she is in milk someone must have fecundated her.

A: To be sure!

S: Who?

A (
very excited):
You mean …

S: I ask myself.

Pause.

A: May we have that passage again, Miss?

S: “Have yourself opened, Maud would say, opened—”

A (
delighted):
That frequentative! (
Pause
.) Sorry, Miss.

S: “Have yourself opened, Maud would say, opened up—”

A: Don't skip, Miss, the text in its entirety if you please.

S: I skip nothing, Sir. (
Pause
.) What have I skipped, Sir?

A (
emphatically):
“… between two kisses …” (
Sarcastic
.) That mere trifle! (
Angry
.) How can we ever hope to get anywhere if you suppress gems of that magnitude?

S: But, Sir, he never said anything of the kind.

A (
angry):
“… Maud would say,
between two kisses
, etc.” Amend.

S: But, Sir, I—

A: What the devil are you deriding, Miss? My hearing? My memory? My good faith? (
Thunderous
.) Amend!

S (
feebly):
As you will, Sir.

A: Let us hear how it runs now.

S (
tremulous):
“Have yourself opened, Maud would say, between two kisses, opened up, it's nothing, I'll give him suck if he's still alive, ah but no, no no.” (
Faint pencil
.) “No no.”

Silence.

A: Don't cry, Miss, dry your pretty eyes and smile at me. Tomorrow, who knows, we may be free.

Selected Grove Press Theater Paperbacks

17061-X

ARDEN, JOHN / Plays: One (Serjeant Musgrave's Dance; The Workhouse Donkey; Armstrong's Last Goodnight) / $4.95

17083-0

AYCKBOURN, ALAN / Absurd Person Singular, Absent Friends, Bedroom Farce: Three Plays / $6.95

17208-6

BECKETT, SAMUEL / Endgame / $3.95

17233-7

BECKETT, SAMUEL / Happy Days / $4.95

62061-5

BECKETT, SAMUEL / Ohio Impromptu, Catastrophe, and What Where: Three Plays / $4.95

17204-3

BECKETT, SAMUEL / Waiting for Godot / $4.95

13034-8

BRECHT, BERTOLT / Galileo / $4.95

17472-0

BRECHT, BERTOLT / The Threepenny Opera / $3.95

17411-9

CLURMAN, HAROLD / Nine Plays of the Modern Theater (Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett; The Visit by Friedrich Durrenmatt; Tango by Slawomir Mrozek; The Caucasian Chalk Circle by Bertolt Brecht; The Balcony by Jean Genet; Rhinoceros by Eugene lonesco; American Buffalo by David Mamet; The Birthday Party by Harold Pinter; and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard) / $15.95

17535-2

COWARD, NOEL / Three Plays (Private Lives; Hay Fever; Blithe Spirit) / $7.95

17239-6

DURRENMATT, FRIEDRICH / The Visit / $5.95

17214-0

GENET, JEAN / The Balcony / $7.95

17390-2

GENET, JEAN / The Maids and Deathwatch: Two Plays / $8.95

17022-9

HAYMAN, RONALD / How to Read a Play / $6.95

17075-X

INGE, WILLIAM / Four Plays (Come Back, Little Sheba; Picnic; Bus Stop; The Dark at the Top of the Stairs) / $8.95

62199-9

IONESCO, EUGENE / Exit the King, The Killer and Macbett / $9.95

17209-4

IONESCO, EUGENE / Four Plays (The Bald Soprano; The Lesson; The Chairs; Jack or The Submission) $6.95

17226-4

IONESCO, EUGENE / Rhinoceros and Other Plays (The Leader; The Future Is in Eggs; or It Takes All Sorts to Make a World) / $6.95

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JARRY, ALFRED / The Ubu Plays (Ubu Rex; Ubu Cuckolded; Ubu Enchained) / $9.95

17744-4

KAUFMAN, GEORGE and HART, MOSS / Three Plays (Once in a Lifetime; You Can't Take It With You; The Man Who Came to Dinner) / $8.95

17016-4

MAMET, DAVID / American Buffalo / $5.95

62049-6

MAMET, DAVID / Glengarry Glen Ross / $6.95

17040-7

MAMET, DAVID / A Life in the Theatre / $9.95

17043-1

MAMET, DAVID / Sexual Perversity in Chicago and The Duck Variations / $7.95

17264-7

MROZEK, SLAWOMIR / Tango / $3.95

17092-X

ODETS, CLIFFORD / Six Plays (Waiting for Lefty; Awake and Sing; Golden Boy; Rocket to the Moon; Till the Day I Die; Paradise Lost) / $7.95

17001-6

ORTON, JOE / The Complete Plays (The Ruffian on the Stair; The Good and Faithful Servant; The Erpingham Camp; Funeral Games; Loot; What the Butler Saw; Entertaining Mr. Sloan) / $9.95

17084-9

PINTER, HAROLD / Betrayal / $6.95

17019-9

PINTER, HAROLD / Complete Works: One (The Birthday Party; The Room; The Dumb Waiter; A Slight Ache; A Night Out; The Black and White; The Examination) $8.95

17020-2

PINTER, HAROLD / Complete Works: Two (The Caretaker; Night School; The Dwarfs; The Collection; The Lover; Five Revue Sketches) / $6.95

17051-2

PINTER, HAROLD / Complete Works: Three (The Homecoming; Landscape; Silence; The Basement; Six Revue Sketches; Tea party [play]; Tea Party [short story]; Mac) / $6.95

17950-1

PINTER, HAROLD / Complete Works: Four (Old Times; No Man's Land; Betrayal; Monologue; Family Voices) / $5.95

17251-5

PINTER, HAROLD / The Homecoming / $5.95

17885-8

PINTER, HAROLD / No Man's Land / $7.95

17539-5

POMERANCE, BERNARD / The Elephant Man / $5.95

17743-6

RATTIGAN, TERENCE / Plays: One (French Without Tears; The Winslow Boy; Harlequinade; The Browning Version) / $5.95

62040-2

SETO, JUDITH ROBERTS / The Young Actor's Workbook / $8.95

17948-X

SHAWN, WALLACE and GREGORY, ANDRÉ / My Dinner with André / $6.95

13033-X

STOPPARD, TOM / Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead / $4.95

17884-X

STOPPARD, TOM / Travesties / $4.95

17206-X

WALEY, ARTHUR, tr. and ed. / The No Plays of Japan / $7.95

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