Entangled (51 page)

“Stop it; I need a minute to cool off. It’s just frustrating, this whole thing.”

“Would you please listen to me?” I grab her and hold her against me. I bury my face in her hair, inhaling her scent. “I’m sorry. This hasn’t been easy and I just wanna go home, where I’m not under so much stress.”

“Noah,” She pulls back, and I see tears in her eyes. “I just miss my parents. After hearing your dad act like a monster, it really bothered me. My parents were loving people. They loved me, and they’d be here if they could. Well, I know my mom would.” I wipe tears that fall from her eyes. “I’m sorry you had to live with that heartless bastard.” She hugs me. “If you’re hurting, I wanna know. I want to comfort you. Don’t shut me out, don’t be like him.” I wish things were that simple. I never had to worry about sharing my feelings with anyone and even now I forget to include Maddy. It’s a process that needs progress, but it’s just hard. I only hope I can improve.

“I’m sorry; I’ve got so much I need to work on. I know it’s no excuse, but I never cared about sharing anything, with anyone. It’s not something that can be done so quickly, when you spent most of your life alone. But I’ll work on getting better, hopefully once we’re home.” I embrace her tightly, ready to go home but also afraid of what’s to come when we get there. Will it change anything then?

Chapter 57

Maddy

After confronting Noah and finally getting the truth out of him, the rest of the night went better. Being close to the site from nine-eleven was pretty heart-breaking. I remember that day so clearly, where I was, what I was doing. I’m not sure why I so desperately needed to see the site up close, it changed nothing. But once we went back to Times Square to browse and take more pictures, the tension around us disappeared. It seemed like Noah felt better too, getting his feelings of what was bothering him out in the open, like a weight was lifted. After seeing his father for the first time, witnessing what a douche he is, it was a little disconcerting. His business attire said a lot about his character as well as the smug smile he wears. I wanted to rip into him but it wouldn’t be very mature on my part. I’d be stooping to his level. I just wish Noah wouldn’t let what his father says to him affect him. He has to know he’s nothing like that monster.

“What are you thinking?” I ask on the subway ride back to Spencer’s house. He’s quiet and it’s unsettling.

“I’m just thinking that if I’d said something to Sandy, I wonder what she’d do. I mean, I owe her something for what I did. I never spoke to her after that night. I just wish she’d know how sorry I was and how that day has lived with me ever since.” I hold his hand, drawing circles on his palm. I hate not being able to console him.

“Believe me, I’m sure she knows. You guys were so close. She knows it was an accident.”

“I’m such a coward, even if I had the chance to talk to her I’d run away, unable to hear how much she blames me.” His hand rests on the inside of my left thigh. “I’m sorry for being such a downer. God, this was your first visit to the Big Apple an I spent most of the time stuck in the past.” He kisses my neck up to my jaw. I close my eyes and soak in his affection.

Soon we’re kissing on the subway with an audience but at that moment, I don’t care. It’s not like we’re disturbing anyone, or shoulder to shoulder and bumping anyone; we’re the only two people in the seat. He grips my face, “I’ll make it up to you, somehow.” He whispers.

“Don’t worry, it’s not necessary.” He takes my bottom lip between his teeth, watching for my reaction. I gasp when he bites down a little too hard and he pulls back. “Shit, I’m sorry. I guess I got carried away.” His smirk I love so much makes an appearance, making the pain in my mouth bearable. I kiss his mouth and then lie my head on his shoulder, “It’s okay. It’s nice to see that expression again.” We sit in silence until we get to our stop, get out and hail our last taxi to Queens. I’m feeling sad to be leaving tomorrow, but I’m a little relieved as well. Being here has really damaged Noah. Too much pain and history for him.

“Thanks.” Noah hands the cab driver a tip before we get out. It’s in the 40’s, but still no snow, which I’ve come to realize that I can’t predict snow anywhere you go, since it varies so much. But I’m happy it’s cold. Before we go in, Noah turns my body to face him; he grips my face tilting my head, gazing into my eyes. “You’re amazing, Maddy. I couldn’t have made this trip and kept somewhat of my sanity without you here.” His thumb caresses my cheek. I smile and lean into his hold. “Thank you, for sticking up to my father.”

“You can’t expect me to sit back and let him talk to you like that. Someone needed to tell him off.” I get a small laugh from him and wrap my arms around his waist.

“I’ll be happy to go back home with you.” He kisses my forehead before we enter the house. “Do you want to go into the bed room and finish what we started on the subway?” He whispers in my ear, and I try to ignore the excitement coursing through my body, his deep, low voice always turns me on.

“Not now, it’s our last night with Spencer. Let’s make the best of it. We should play some games or something.”

“Hey, I’m down for that. What do you suggest?” Spencer greets us at the door. We enter the living room.

“Whatever it is, it can’t involve drinking, we have to catch a flight home in the am.” I can tell Noah is ready.

“Do you guys really have to leave?” Spencer frowns.

“It’s back to work and reality, unfortunately.” I start, “for me anyway.” Noah grips my hips from behind and I lean back against him.

“Okay, I have Skipbo…”

“Oh I love that game.” I say, turning to look at Noah, “and you have to play too this time.” He nods, kissing my shoulder.  We clear the table, make a tray of food and drinks and play games for a couple of hours. We also play Monopoly for the fun of it, Parcheesi, Gestures, and Trivial Pursuit. It lasts us until two in the morning.

Noah excuses himself, while Spencer refills our drinks and I help put the games away. “Maddy, I need to talk to you.”

“What’s on the brain?” I thank him when he hands me my drink and he sits back down.

“I’m just worried about Noah. I know he’s dealing with a lot of shit right now. Please watch out for him. Make sure he’s okay.”

I lay my hand over his and look at him seriously, “You know I will. I’m worried about him too. I met his father and I realize what an asshole he’s had to live with for so long. Believe me; I intend to take care of him. I think when we get home, he’ll be okay. I love him.”

“Thanks, I know you’ll take care of him. Ugh, I hate his father, he’s such a dickhead. It must have been scary for you.”

“No, it wasn’t. I told him what a monster he is and how Noah’s nothing like him.” We talk for another thirty minutes before I retire for the night. I hug him and thank him for a great weekend and letting us stay here.

I glance at the bed room door and stand up. “I need to go to bed now, see you in a few hours.” When I give Spencer another hug, sadness washes over me, not knowing when I’d see him again. Noah’s lucky to have him in his life and I wish he lived closer to us.

Spencer helps us bring our bags to check them out while we get our tickets. We wait in line. This time around, I feel more at ease about flying and not so tensed up. We chat and the guys talk about our next adventure we hope to have. I take pictures of us together and of Spencer and Noah together. It’s a sad, yet a hopeful day.

“Well, it’s time to go.” Noah hugs Spencer in that manly way and I tear up a little.

“You guys take care. I had a blast.”

“Us too, you should come visit us soon. You’re welcomed to both of our apartments any time.” I tell him.

“Wow, sounds like you guys had fun. I’m so jealous.” Andi says, looking at the pictures.

“Yeah, it was amazing. I mean, there were some tense moments and whatnot, but it just made for a better visit. Well, I could’ve done without the whole running into his father thing. But the rest was awesome.”

Andi appears tired; I can see the bags under her eyes. I lay my head on her shoulder while we watch Vampire Diaries together with a bowl of popcorn. It’s been three days since I saw or heard from Noah. I was giving him space, but now it’s getting worrisome. “Maddy, you should go visit him. Maybe he’s just been busy or is waiting for you to pay him a visit.”

“I don’t know. I wanted to give him some time to sort his head out but now, it’s just starting to worry me. I don’t wanna be the clingy girlfriend. What if he changes his mind about us, Andi? I won’t be able to handle it very well.”

“Stop being crazy. He’ll come back; he’ll contact you in no time.” I only hope and pray she’s right. Too much shit has happened in my life, I couldn’t handle not having Noah as my comfort, my rock. I love him too much to lose him.

Chapter 58

Noah

Ever since we got back from New York, my relationship with Maddy has been strained. I know it’s my fault. I take full responsibility for it. But my head is so screwed up right now after being back home and seeing my mother and running into my father, oh yeah and seeing Kasey again…with Maddy, which wasn’t a pleasant reunion. I just feel like I need time to readjust. I thought for sure some time would help and I would see clearer, and forget everything and things could go back to how they were.

But it hasn’t.

I know it’s my fault and I don’t know how to fix it. Maddy is constantly calling or texting me and I’m constantly avoiding her. I’m not sure why but I just need time to myself, to reflect on shit. Being in New York again brought so much heartache. I almost went to the cemetery, twice. But I couldn’t do it. I’m such a pussy, I know. Lex isn’t even there anymore but I still couldn’t go. I knew I would feel like this, I knew my heart would be in conflict when I started this thing with Maddy, but I didn’t listen to it, for once. I love her in the world’s worst way but I’m starting to feel like she’d be better off without me.

As I lie awake, in bed, I glance at the clock that reads, 9:00 pm, it’s Saturday. I don’t want to go to sleep, yet I’m undecided if I want to do anything at all. I miss her. I wish I could explain how I’m feeling, it’s so frustrating. Relationship is a two-way street of honesty, and I know I’m not being completely honest with her. I’m just feeling a little out of sorts. But the truth is, I don’t know what to do. I finished the table for my aunt. I plan on giving it to her tomorrow for an early Christmas present, which is a week away.

My phone next to me beeps and I know who it is before I even look at it. She’s been texting me, asking me to do things with her and I feel like an ass for not responding or giving excuses why I can’t do anything, even though there’s nothing more that I want. I roll over and read the text:

Maddy: Hey, do you wanna go see a movie tonight? There’s one I’ve been wanting to see. I miss you.

I miss you too, I want to say. But I don’t. I lay there, as I can see her contorted expression and it brings me anger. Right now, I just can’t face her; I pick up my phone and dial Derrick, asking him to go have a drink with me. I get dressed, and grab my keys, suddenly in the mood for some beer, pool, and guy time.

When I get there, I find an open pool table, and give the bar my card so I can get the balls. I begin racking the balls, gazing around me at the half-empty bar. Part of me fears Maddy will show up for karaoke and I’ll have to face her anyway.

“Hey, I got us some beer.” I look up as Derrick sets a pitcher with two glasses on the table. I nod to him and then break, sinking in a few balls. “Thanks.” I say. I hit more balls in, wondering if I’m playing myself or if it’s just a game with myself.

“So, you look like you could use a hug.” He jokes.

“I’m thinking of leaving.” I shoot in two solids, and feel my face get hot. I didn’t expect that to fly out of my mouth, but now that it’s out…it sounds true.

“Holy shit. Really? Forever?”

“I don’t know yet. I just need to get away, for a while. I’m so confused and conflicted and I don’t know what to do.” I grip the pool table to keep myself from going hysterical. Derrick stands beside me, his face is torn and I feel like shit for losing my cool in front of him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to act out like this. I’m just…I just, I don’t know.” I stand up and walk to the table and pour a glass of beer and chug it down.

“Dude, what happened in New York? You seemed happy…and then, you come back and you’re a totally different person.”

“My past is what happened. I have too much baggage that won’t stop following me everywhere I go. I’m a complete fuck up and Maddy deserves better. I thought I could outrun my problems.”

“Even I know you can’t outrun your problems, Noah. But it doesn’t mean you should run away.”

“It’s what I do, what I’ve always done. I’m better off alone.” I finish off my beer and pour another.