Enticed (16 page)

He hugged me tight around the middle. “I wish you were my mom.”

I definitely didn’t feel comfortable entertaining that train of thought. “Jonathan…” I started.

“I know it’s mean,” he acknowledged with a loud sniffle. “But
that’s how I feel.”

I sighed as I kissed the top of his head.
“There’s no shame in feeling. Even the bad stuff. It’s all part of being human. But you want to know what the best part of being human is?” He nodded as he looked up at me. “We can change. We can adapt. We evolve. We can take all those negative feelings and turn them into positive action.”

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “How do we do that?”

I brushed his hair from his face. “I think it starts with giving your mom a chance.”

He sighed.
I could tell he wasn’t completely won over to my point of view, but he trusted me enough to consider it. “Okay.”

I slipped from his room
after he calmed down enough to cuddle up with Yoda and a book. I was surprised to find Drew listening in from the top step of the staircase. I shut Jonathan’s door. “How long have you been standing here?”

“Since ‘
it’s going to ruin everything,’” he admitted.

“That’s what happens when kids feel compelled to take sides,” I said as I led him away from the door and down the stairs.
“Poor kid is torn in two.”

“Don’t you mean in three?” he asked softly once we reached the bottom of the stairs.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s obviously transferred the love he would give to Elise onto you.” I could smell the whiskey on his breath as he scowled. “I mean, who can blame him? You’ve obviously cared more for the boy than his mother ever did.”

I shook my head. “I don’t believe that. Deep down under all that hurt, she’s still a mother.”

He chuckled
as he shook his head. “You are something else, Rachel Dennehy. You see the world like no one I have ever met.”

“That makes me sad for you,” I said.

He reached up to touch my face with the light touch of his fingers. “Me, too.”

I stepped back. “Drew,” I cautioned with a slight shake of my head.

“Like that,” he said as he took a step forward to close the gap I had created. “Any other woman would have jumped in my bed three months ago. They would see the cars, the house, the money and the power. You only see Jonathan.”

“He’s the only thing worth seeing,” I said.

He nodded absently as he studied my face. “I wish I met you ten years ago,” he murmured softly.

I arched an eyebrow. “You wouldn’t have looked twice.”

He bent down, and for a heart-stopping moment I thought he might actually kiss me. Instead he said quietly, “Then I am a fool.”

I was shocked speechless by his comment, unable to move away as his eyes
chased after every single emotion crossing my face. Without another word he stepped past me and stalked back to the sanctuary of his office.

I walked on shaking legs toward the backyard, where I could gulp down some fresh air. I tried my best not to read anything into Drew’s behavior. He was obviously emotional and intoxicated. He was reacting to this new change much like his son. This new complication had sent them both reeling, especially since things had
finally leveled out in the past few months. I was the symbol of that stability, nothing more. Like a lighthouse in murky fog, I represented direction and safety. If Jonathan could transfer the feelings he should have for his mother onto me, then it only stood to reason that Drew might attempt to rewire any disappointment he had in his failed marriage, especially onto someone who was the complete opposite of his ex-wife.

I certainly had
stepped into a critical nurturer role in our household, quite possibly filling in the gaps left by Drew’s own mother years before.

I decided I wouldn’t make a big deal of it.
Instead I planned to ease both of them into this new phase of their family dynamic by gently redirecting their attention back on each other.

Toward that end, I declined their
offer that weekend to go sailing on Drew’s new yacht. Drew pulled me aside. “If this is about what happened yesterday,” he started, but I shook my head.

“You were drunk,” I said. “I get it. This is more about learning to connect with your son one-on-one. It’ll be good for him to have one day with each of his parents. Just promise me one thing. Don’t trash Elise to Jonathan. No matter what happened between you and her, she’s still his mother. Don’t make him choose sides.”

“Tell her that,” he countered bitterly.

“I would if I could,” I shot back.

He smiled as he studied my face. “I believe that.”

That Saturday, Alex arrived to pick up Jonathan for his first unsupervised day visit with his mom. Drew stayed locked in his office so they wouldn’t fight and further upset Jonathan
when he was already so visibly distraught.

Instead I worked as the buffer
, as usual. I pulled Alex into the living room for a private chat before I fetched Jonathan.

“You’re fitting in quite well as
mistress of the manor,” Alex quipped. He picked up a sculpture that I had recommended to Drew to purchase during a recent trip to an art gallery.

Since Jonathan sh
owed a budding talent in art, it had become a monthly outing for the three of us, to learn more about art in general to encourage and nurture his talent.

Alex clearly could see that this piece fit my sensibilities more so than his brother’s.
If he wanted to goad me into claiming credit for it, I refused to play his game. “I had hoped we could speak honestly, as two people deeply invested in Jonathan’s wellbeing.”

“Your dime,” he shrugged.

“Whatever happened between Drew and Elise needs to stay between Drew and Elise. Neither parent needs to drag Jonathan any further into it than he already is. I’ve already spoken to Drew, and he’s promised not to speak poorly of Elise to Jonathan in their time alone together. I would like you to ask Elise to do the same.”

He chuckled. “You’re still buying the bullshit, aren’t you? Elise isn’t trying to get Jonathan back out of spite. She truly believes he’d be safer with her.”

“Why does it have to be either/or?” I asked.

“Because that’s how it is,” he shot back. “And one of these days you’ll figure out that you’re just another ‘or’ brought in to confuse him.”

I sighed, fatigued by this familiar refrain. “I’m trying to help.”

Alex
’s response was predictable. “Then go back to Texas.”

“That’s not happening,” I informed him.

He put the sculpture back down on the table. “Of course not.”

I gulped back any retort. It was pointless. “I’ll go get Jonathan,” I said as I turned to leave.

“Rachel,” he said quietly, and I turned back to face him. He didn’t look angry, or even smug. He looked as helpless as I felt in tying this family back together. “I’ll talk to Elise.”

I nodded my head and exited the room.

After Jonathan left with Alex, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I was more than his teacher, I was essentially his companion. We had spent most waking moments together for four months. Sending him away felt a bit like losing an arm. Nothing pulled me out of the funk his absence left me in, not a book, not a bubble bath, not even a walk around the neighborhood. I didn’t even bother with dinner, since he wasn’t due to be home until later that evening. The thought of cooking without my favorite chef’s assistant bummed me out more than I would have thought it might. I found myself wanting to talk to him, or check on him, so much so I was jumpy and agitated the rest of the afternoon.

It made me wonder if I was transferring my maternal feelings onto him as well, encouraging him in some way to step in as a surrogate for my deceased child
, much like I filled the void of his absent mother. I resolved to be more mindful of it going forward, so I didn’t unknowingly encourage him to pick the “mom” he liked best.

The last thing I wanted to do was prove Alex Fullerton right.

Drew was even more out of sorts than I was. He went for a run that morning, then locked himself in his study to “work,” but I had a sneaking suspicion he was once again attempting to drink his troubles away. The music he blasted from his sound system progressively turned darker and angrier as the night went on.

When I finally broke down and prepared myself a sandwich, I ended up making one for Drew as well.
I knew he hadn’t eaten all day, and I worried about his drinking so much on an empty stomach. I knocked on his door a little past seven o’clock. He mumbled something akin to, “Come in,” so I opened the door. He was sprawled on the sofa, his shirt half-open, his shoes off and the belt from his pants looped over a nearby chair. I suspected the cause for his disheveled appearance was the near-empty bottle of bourbon he held in his white-knuckle grip. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot as he glanced up at me when I approached with a plate.

“Here. You should eat something,” I said as I placed the sandwich on the table in front of him. He made no attempt to move, so I drew closer to the couch, gently pulling the bottle from his grip. “This won’t solve anything, you know.”

He watched me behind a stone cold, expressionless mask. “Nothing helps,” he muttered. “Eventually I end up right here alone.”

I sat on the edge of the coffee table in front of him. “You’re not alone. You’re just apart. There’s a difference.”

“You don’t understand. This is just the beginning. Pretty soon she’ll get weekends. Then weeks. Then months. She won’t be happy until I’m out of his life entirely. She insists I’m a bad man.” He averted his eyes. “Maybe she’s right.”

I pulled him up into a sitting position and sat next to him on the sofa. “Stop that. No one is intrinsically good or bad. We’re just human.
We all make mistakes and hurt people, but that doesn’t mean we’re bad.”

He studied me from half-closed eyes. “
And how exactly have you hurt someone, Rachel?”

I dropped my eyes from his. For a moment I considered not answering. In fact, I contemplated making a mad dash for the door. It was a question I hadn’t wanted to face for a very long time. Finally I said, “Because of me, a child died.”

His eyes widened. “What?”

I took a deep breath.
“I married young, arguably too young. We were in our first year of college, when everything was so exciting and so new. The possibilities were endless. Then I got pregnant. Zach never wanted a baby so soon. He said we couldn’t afford it, that we needed more time to spend together just as a husband and wife. But I had always wanted a family, so I thought…,” my voice caught on the lump in my throat. “I thought that if I just gave it some time he’d come around.”

Drew sat up straighter to listen. I didn’t want to shed those damnable tears in front of him, but it was beyond me. His hand touched my back to comfort me as I continued.

“He hated everything about the pregnancy. The cost. The way my body changed. The way my focus changed. Instead of devoting every single waking minute to him, I was preparing for the birth of our child. I guess I was obsessed about it, but every time he looked at my stomach it was like he was filled with this resentment and this rage, like I had betrayed him in some way. Pretty soon he wouldn’t even touch me at all. He had to get a full-time job to pay for a bigger apartment, so he used that as an excuse why he was never home. But I knew he was out with his buddies, living the life of a carefree nineteen-year-old. While I took classes from home, he managed a full-time college career and all the things that entailed, including parties and one-night-stands with other nineteen-year-olds.”

“Oh, Rachel,” Drew murmured, but I was beyond consoling. The bandage was
only half-off. I still had the other half to go.

“Once Jason was born, he became my whole world outside of school. I didn’t have a husband to speak of, so I poured all my love into that little boy. He was the light of my soul.
Since Zach had taken to sleeping on the sofa, Jason shared the bed with me the first three years of his life, until I finally got my first teaching job. By then, Zach had drilled into me that it wasn’t fair if I didn’t contribute to our household income, since having Jason had been my idea in the first place. Like I did it alone, right?” I laughed humorlessly. “He used that as his excuse to stay away from home, barely interacting with Jason at all. He had no patience for this child because, as he would tell anyone who would listen, he never wanted him in the first place.”

I could see Drew’s jaw clench from the corner of my eye.
The eerie parallels with Elise were undeniable. “Even with my going back to work full-time, Zach was away from home most of the time. He got a night-job so we’d never even see each other. That left his days free, especially once Jason started school.” A sob rose in my throat but I gulped it back best I could. “I had no idea that he was romancing another girl on the side, right in my house, right on the bed he never saw fit to share with me.”

His voice was soft. He probably had a sense of where my story was going. “How did you find out, Rachel?”