Entwined (7 page)

"The most important one is directly after the leap, Joe. Last time it was a fraction late."

Ruda paced up and down, her head shaking from side to side as she relaxed her shoulders. There was to be no music, this was simply a warm-up to get the cats used to the new place. It also kept the animals on their mettle after a long night's traveling; it would calm them.

The cages were now lined up, ready to herd in the animals. Ruda gave a look around the ring and did not see Luis, but two of the boys had already placed their chairs at either side of the arena, to watch over the act. They carried no guns; they could, if needed, break up trouble by creating noise and yelling.

"Okay, Mike, let's go for it!" she ordered at the top of her voice.

Ruda used the small trapdoor at the side and entered the arena, then turned back to head into the animals' entrance tunnel. When the act was live, she always entered from the tunnel itself, straight into the ring, as if she were one of the cats.

As she headed down the tunnel, she double-checked that the sections were bolted, bending her head slightly where the bars joined at the top. Midway she signaled to Mike to release the cats on the count of ten, to coincide with the opening music bars. She tightened her thick leather gloves, her voice hissed…one…two…three…As she reached nine, she spun around, running into the arena, back down the tunnel into the wide caged arena. She carried only her short practice stick. She wore old trousers, a shirt knotted at the waist, and the used black leather boots, caked with mud and excreta. They had not seen a lick of polish since Luis had given them to her.

The cats were now released; any second they'd be heading in. Ruda paced herself; she bowed to the empty auditorium—she practiced every move to be performed in front of the live audience. Arms raised, she could feel the ground shudder as the animals charged down the tunnel. She felt a rush of adrenaline. She loved this moment, when the sixteen tigers hurtled into the main ring, as though frighteningly out of control, because she knew the cats understood who was their leader, which place each was to take. Ruda backed to the wall of the arena and picked up a heavy double-sided weighted ladder. The cats whirled around, forming a wide circle around her, as she stood in apparent nonchalance next to a small ladder plinth. They were loping, moving faster and faster…

The circle tightened as she yelped a command. Her second command, hardly detectable, was a lift of her right hand to the lead tiger; she never took her eyes off him. Roja was the number one cat, and it was Roja who split the circle by breaking to his right. Now the cats gathered into two groups on either side of her. A third command, and the animals began to weave around each other.

The circle became tighter and tighter, closing in around her. Ruda became more vocal, now calling each tiger by name. They were high-pitched calls. Then, on a signal to Roja, the cats touched, pressing their bodies hard against one another. Ruda, her back to the small ladder, slowly eased herself up the steps one by one, as the cats kept circling, like a Catherine wheel, turning and turning.

Ruda reached the top rung of the three-foot ladder. There was total silence as off-duty circus performers watched the rehearsal. Luis entered the arena, lifting the flap aside, and stood for a moment before he began to thread his way through the seats.

Ruda bellowed: "Down…R-OHja, down…Jajajadown!"

Tigers are instinctive fighters; the crossing of each other's body territory was very dangerous, accompanied by snarls and teeth-baring. But one by one they lay down side by side, until all sixteen tigers formed a wondrous carpet. Twice Ruda reprimanded two females for having a go at each other by banging the flat of her hand on the top rung of the ladder.

Those watching were uneasy now, aware of the danger. If a tiger accidentally knocked over the ladder by brushing too close, they could all attack.

More and more performers had slipped into the arena. But Ruda saw nothing, no one, her attention was riveted on the carpet of cats. Satisfied they were in place, she lifted both arms above her head, never stopping talking to them. Then she issued the command: "UPO…UPAHHHHHHHH."

Sixteen tigers rose—all in almost perfect formation—then lowered their heads. It was a magnificent sight—as the glorious carpet of gold and black stripes lifted magically into the air.

Ruda called out again, made it onto the top rung of the ladder and then flung herself forward, facedown, to lie spread-eagled across the cats. They began to move, carrying her around in a terrifying wheel. She then dropped to her feet, arms above her head, at the center of the seething mass. She flicked Roja with her stick and he broke the circle and spread wide at a run; the others followed, spreading wider, running around her as she gave a low bow. She held the bow for three long beats, then turned back toward the tigers who formed two lines facing her. Her voice cut through the air, high pitched, and up they reared to sit on their hindquarters. They clawed the air, Helga and Roja in a snarling match; Ruda pushed Helga aside and flicked her hand at Roja, stepping back. Facing them, she spread her arms wide, giving a small signal to Sasha, one of her females, leading the second section of the lineup.

They were ready, and she gave the command. "HUP… HUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP."

From their squatting position they all reared up to stand on their hind legs. Their growls and swiping paws denoted their displeasure. They were perfectly poised to attack—for tigers always attack from the front, never the rear. Shouting, she urged them back into a chorus line…

Grimaldi wanted to weep. She was spectacular. Even at the zenith of his career he had never attained such perfection. Her face shone, her eyes were brilliant in the spotlight, as though risking her life was an exhilaration. Her radiance humbled him and, drunk as he was, he bowed his head, trying to steady himself on the seat in front of him. The seats had not been battened down yet; the chair was loose and it fell forward, and Luis came down with it onto the second row of seats. The bang was as loud as a shot.

Ruda turned and saw him, and at the same time Sasha and Roja lost concentration, coming down onto all fours. Ruda gave the command to move out, and signaled for the watchers to get the trapdoor open—fast. One of the boys hurried to Grimaldi's side and helped him to his feet.

Ruda turned all her attention on Roja, dominated him, knowing that if he went into the tunnel the others would follow. As he hesitated she never took her eyes off him, then he wheeled around to head back down the tunnel. After a moment, the others followed him out. Ruda clamped down the trapdoor, shouting for Mike to hold the rest of the act.

She moved like a cat, but she didn't go for Grimaldi; instead she went for the boy who had helped him to his feet and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing? You watch out for me. Were this place to go up like an inferno, you watch out for me!" She swiped him with the back of her hand, so hard that he fell to his knees.

Still ignoring Grimaldi, Ruda turned to the watcher to her left, and snapped for him to put the rest of the act on hold.

"Now. Do it right now, get to Mike, tell him to keep the cages shut!"

The boys ran, leaving the drunken man alone, his face flushed a deep red. Then slowly she removed her thick leather gloves and spoke to her husband, her voice low.

"Get out of here, Luis, get out before I have you thrown out."

Grimaldi held his own. Swaying slightly, he glared at her.

"I'm sorry, I fell, you know I'd never…"

Ruda snapped the glove in his face. "Get out of my sight, you drunken bum!"

Luis touched his cheek. "I want a divorce, you hear me, bitch? I want a divorce…
I want you out of my life
!'"

The show continued for those performers still hanging around. Ruda gripped her husband by his shirt and hauled him to the exit.

She pushed him out, and he fell facedown in the mud. She turned on her heels and strode back into the tent. Seeing a sweeper standing with a wide long-handled broom, she ordered him to get the drunk out of there, and not to let him near the arena until she was through.

By the time she had finished the rehearsal, got the cats back into their cages and fed, it was after six. She hoped Luis had passed out so she wouldn't have to confront him, but when she returned to the trailer he was remarkably sober, and waiting for her.

The windows of the trailer were thick with condensation from the steaming coffee pot. She switched on the air conditioner. Without saying a word, Luis handed her a mug.

"I'm sorry, I should never have done that, I was drunk, I am ashamed, I'm sorry."

Ruda threw her coat over the heater and began to unbutton her shirt. "You know how dangerous it was. You don't need me to tell you that, dangerous and stupid, and from you of all people."

Grimaldi nodded glumly and held out his hand, but Ruda didn't take it. She unzipped her trousers, and kicked them off. He picked them and her shirt from where she tossed them, and took them to the laundry basket. She wore a silk one-piece bodysuit with dark green stains under the armpits. She didn't strip completely; after all the years they had been together, she was still self-conscious about her body. She put on an old robe, and wrapped it around her before she took a sip of the coffee. She uncoiled her hair, the nape of her neck still damp from the workout.

"Did you mean it, Luis? About the divorce?"

Grimaldi looked at her sheepishly and sat down. He held his big hands between his knees.

"I guess so, I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a while now, but…"

"But what?"

"Well, why not? We don't have a marriage, we haven't ever really had one, you know that…and she's, Tina's, going to have a baby."

"You've got kids all over Europe, what's one more? Anyway, knowing that little tart, how can you be sure it's yours!"

Grimaldi cocked his head. "It's mine, I may be worn out and past it, but my dick works, it's about the only thing that never lets me down."

"What about the act?" She tried to keep her voice casual, but she was shaking. He still wouldn't look at her. "Luis, what about the act? We're partners—if we divorce do you still want me to run the show?"

He turned to her then. "You can do what you like with it, it's not mine anyway, but…I'll still retain my fifty percent—half the animals are mine."

Ruda felt drained. "I see…so my money, all the money I've earned and poured into it, everything, all the new cats that I've trained, my cats, it's all split fifty-fifty, is that right?"

Luis nodded. "That's only fair, you had nothing when we met, everything you have is from me. I mean, if you want, you can pay me what the act is worth, what the animals are worth, and then, do whatever you want, but you can't use my name."

Ruda snatched the poster off the wall. "Look at it, Luis—it's not your name, it's mine! I've not used your name for the past two years, I don't want your name!"

"Just my act! You think nobody knows? My name is still a crowd-puller, may not be on the fucking headlines, but it's the Grimaldi Cats."

"It's not
your act anymore
!"

Grimaldi shook his head and half smiled. "All I want is my fair share, my cut. Anyone can take over an act. I can work in someone else."

"You can what?
What did you say?
"

"I said, I can train another girl to replace you. If you want to take the act as it stands, then pay me—it's as simple as that."

Grimaldi opened the trailer door. She snapped at him: "Where are you going?"

"I'm going out, okay? And while I'm gone, Ruda, just sit down and remember, remember where you came from, what you were before you met me. Sit on what you made your living on and
tell me how much you fucking owe me…!
"

The trailer rocked as he slammed the door. She gripped her head in her hands, wanting to rip her hair out. What did he know about pain? What could he know? She felt a burning sensation in her temples. He couldn't stand pain, but she could. She kicked the trailer wall, punched the doors, the walls, with all her strength until she gasped for breath. It was then that she shouted, "I was tested. He tested me,
I was Papa's favorite
!"

She began to pace the confined space, clenching and unclenching her hands. First Kellerman, now Luis, both wanting to take from her everything she had fought to get. She wouldn't let them, either of them. As she showered and changed, she tried to contain the blinding fury boiling up inside her. She forced herself to think what to do.

Ruda checked the cats one last time, staying a moment longer with Mamon than with the others. He was restless, as though he felt her anxiety, and he pressed himself close to the bars, then lay down, submissive. She reached to touch him. Ruda let his rough tongue lick her hand. She whispered to him. "You know, you know, I won't be kicked, I won't take it, nobody kicks me, yes? Yes?" She loved this creature more than any other living thing. It was Mamon, her angel, who had elicited from her a love she had believed herself incapable of feeling.

She clung to the bars. "I'm ready for him, I can deal with him, I am strong, I am strong."

The metal felt cold to her brow as she pressed closer and closer. The voice whispered to her, soft, persuasive, "You can do it, fight through the pain…that's my little girl, that's Papa's girl. You can do it, pain is sweet, pain is beautiful, come on Ruda…give your Papa what he wants, you love me, prove it!"

She was ready, ready to face Kellerman, ready to go to East Berlin. She pushed herself away from Mamon. "I'll be back!"

Ruda passed by the trailer, and through the window saw Luis take out a fresh bottle of brandy. She walked on. She caught the bus into the city center; first, she had gone to the taxi stand, but then changed her mind. She waited for a bus to take her into East Berlin.

♦ ♦ ♦

It was a strange experience crossing the shabby Kreuzberg district, which in the old days hugged the wall, but now was home to a large Turkish population. She was shocked to see anti-Semitic slogans spray-painted on the walls of the rundown houses:
"Auslander Raus"
"Foreigners…get out!" Bricks were thrown at the bus as it passed through the area. The mostly women and children passengers cowered in their seats. More anti-Semitic slogans were smeared on the sites of former synagogues and on the walls of the Jewish schools. Ruda began to sweat as a group of young skinheads spat at the bus, their hands lifted, their voices screaming
"Sieg Heil!"
Their shouts made Ruda bow her head. She hissed under her breath, "Bastards…bastards!"