Envy (4 page)

Why the fuck am I freaking out over what to wear tonight?

It’s only a night out with everyone. Sure, Devlin has actually asked me to go with him and he did say that he wants me on his arm. Who knew he had a sweet side?

“Holy shit you look hot!” Lauren claps from my bedroom door.

I’m currently wearing my high wasted black leather trousers with a matching black crop top that shows off a little flesh on my stomach.

“You think?” I ask her, looking at my reflection.

“I know.” She smiles. “Don’t you dare change.”

I look her over, she’s wearing a red dress that’s tight on her breasts and waist and then flows out in a flattering way down to her knees.

“I see red has become your colour.” I smile.

“I believe it has.” She winks across at me.

She loves the tattoo Grim had put on his chest of her, she did look hot that night and everyone knew red was her colour. It just pops out against her dark features and now that Grim has her tattoo and the fact she’s wearing another red dress makes me smile.

“Anyway, someone’s here to see you.” She pouts her lips and raises her eyebrows, obviously curious.

“Who?” I ask, even though I have my suspicion.

Lauren frowns. “Oh you know.” She accuses me. “Why didn’t you say?”

I shrug. “Didn’t think it was important.”

“Liar.” She scowls. “Is there something going on between you two?”

“Me and Devlin?” I laugh. “God no!”

She looks me over carefully and then finally nods her head. “I told him to wait in the front room for you.”

“Thanks.” I smile.

Lauren gives me another curious look before leaving and when she’s gone I feel relief wash over me. Why did that feel like an interrogation?

“Why would your brother be here for Natasha?” I ask Brandon as I slip on my heels.

“I don’t know.” He answers as he watches me. “Just leave them to it.”

“But Devlin’s a player.” I point out. “And Natasha isn’t as hard as she looks. She went through worse shit than me, I just don’t want her to get hurt.”

“She’s a big girl.” Brandon pulls me up to stand in front of him. “Now, let me kiss those lips before we leave the house.”

***

When Brandon and I eventually show up at the bar, I’m scared that everyone will know why we’re so late. After Brandon had his fill with me, I found that Devlin and Natasha had long ago left. Turns out time really does go fast when you’re having fun.

“Congratulations!” Screams a tipsy Elise as she grabs me in a hug.

“Thanks.” I laugh, making sure she has her balance.

I look around and see that a lot of people are here! Mostly the young members, even the ones with old ladies and have brought them along. I’m glad because as the VP’s old lady, I need to get to know all these women. Even Brandon’s brothers are here, blood related and club. I didn’t expect this at all.

“Well done on the job Lauren.” Scrappy says as he embraces me in a hug. I hug him back but I feel Brandon’s arms rip us apart and he steps between me and Scrappy.

“Scrap.” Brandon warns.

“What?” Scrappy raises his arms. “I know my boundaries.”

Laughing, I take another look around the club and it’s then that I spot Natasha. She is stood at the bar with Devlin and they look pretty cosy. They’re only talking, but it’s the way their bodies are closely facing each other and the way Devlin looks at her. His eyes are intense and his jaw is clenched, I don’t think I’ve even seen that look on him before.

Devlin places his hand on Natasha’s waist as he speaks to her, leaning in close. Very intimate indeed. Whatever he has said to hear makes her laugh and it’s a cute sight. Her eyes close and her head flings back as she laughs up the ceiling but the sight of Devlin as he watches her is what makes me have tingles. Devlin watches her intently, looking proud that he made Natasha laugh. He has a slight smile as he looks at her.

Arms wrap around my body and I melt into Brandon. “Come on, I want to dance.”

When I stop laughing and see Devlin watching me, I get a little self-conscious.

“What?” I ask, still giggling a little.

“I fucking love your laugh.” He replies, his voice is deep and sends chills all over my body.

I look down into my drinks, feeling like a school girl all over again. Devlin has such a strange effect on me, not one I’ve experienced before. Even when I followed Mason around in my Black Inferno stalking days. This is foreign to me, and even more so that I find is difficult to me close to men after what happened with the Devils but Devlin doesn’t give me that feeling. None of The Kings do but with Devlin I know that I’m completely safe and I really like that.

“Well hello gorgeous.” Scrappy interrupts and sadly Devlin takes a step back.

Is he embarrassed to be seen so closed to me?

“Hi Scrappy.” I smile.

He leans in for a hug but when I look over Scrappys shoulder, Devlin isn’t looking at us. Instead he’s looking out to the dance floor. What’s his deal?

As I talk with Scrappy, Baby and Neo join us. Still, Devlin doesn’t act with me like he did when we were alone but I try not to let it bother me.

“Fuck Natasha, you look good.” Neo winks over at me.

I haven’t spent a lot of time with Neo, but there’s no doubting he’s a gorgeous man. Apparently a smooth talker too! He puts Scrappy to shame and I thought he was the King of chat up lines around here.

“Thank you.” I smile and as soon as I do, Devlin walks off and leaves the conversation.

What the fuck is his deal?

After a short conversation with the guys, Lauren joins and I give her a big cuddle and let her know how proud I am of her. She’s come a real long way from the shattered girl I got to know in that dark room. Thinking of which, I need to talk to Drew more about our salon idea.

“Come on, Grim had hogged me for long enough. I want to dance with my girls!” She shouts, taking my hand and collecting Elise and Drew as we got to the dance floor.

When we enter the dancefloor, it’s pretty busy but we find a spot amongst the crowd and the craziness begins. We sing along and move our bodies any way we like. It feels amazing to let go of everything in this moment. Right now, we’re not the tragic girls that were kidnapped and tortured. We’re just normal girls who happen to be watched by a lot of heavily tattooed men. I forget about them and let my body move to the music.

After a couple of songs I see Lauren’s eyes widen in surprise. I’m about to ask her what’s the matter but then large, warm hands place themselves on my hips and I tense.

“It’s me.” Whispers Devlin, close into my ear.

His body presses against the back of mine and I can’t help but melt into him.

“What are you doing?” I ask him. When I saw him storm off earlier I thought he didn’t want to be around me.

Devlin laughs deeply into the back of my neck. “I had to come and join you.”

I’m about to answer, but I feel his lips brush across my exposed shoulder. It causes all kid of shit to happen inside of me. All different emotions flash inside my head. Should I let him carry on? Do I end this now? Did anyone see that? What is happening?

However all questions fade when his mouth glides up from my shoulder into the curve of my neck and under my ear. Holy shit why did that feel so good. I’m no longer standing still, we’re gently moving to the beat of the music and when I open my eyes I see that the girls have left us and I’m alone amongst the strangers with Devlin.

The music changes and I cringe as Pony by Genuine begins. This is a sexual song and I’m dancing with Devlin! I don’t think he is having the same thoughts as me because as soon as the song begins, his arm wraps around me and pulls me back into him. So close I can feel all of him and yes, I mean every inch of him. Holy shit!

“Relax.” Devlin kisses my neck and my body follows his order.

As Genuines voice fills the club, my body feels the music and sways in time. Devlin is behind me and grinds himself against me. We’re very close, in a tight embrace as we dance, almost as if Devlin is scared I will run away. I hear him moan, deep and sexy and it spurs me on. The sound brings out my daring side, the part of me I thought was long gone. I sway my ass even more and enjoy feeling him against me. Devlin follows my lead and thrusts against me so I can feel how hard he’s getting as I press into him.

Devlin’s other hand, that isn’t securing me against him, explores my body. He squeezes my thigh before traveling up and stays on my exposed skin on my stomach. Both of his hands feeling me. Devlin now has perfect grip on me as we dance. One of his hands decides to take it further and let his fingertips explore the area under my top and eventually his whole right hand has disappeared under the fabric and playing with the material of my bra. I bite down on my bottom lip and let my head fall onto his shoulder. 

The next morning I wake to find that I have six, yes six text messages on my phone. I smile, because I already know who they’re from. My friends love me as much as I love them so I just know that they are responsible. I would have done the same if it was any other one of them, hell I did it to Lauren!

I knew Devlin and I made a scene! How could we not? We were practically dry humping in front of everyone. God what did I look like?

When I unlock my phone, I see that the messages are from the girls, but I don’t open them right away because there’s one text in particular that causes somersaults to erupt in my stomach. Devlin sent me a text before any of the girls did.

Devlin – Hey babe, just got back to the clubhouse. Sleep well x

His words bring a smile to my face and I feel like a teenage girl again. The fact he even left a kiss on the end leaves me happy. I quickly send him a reply to let him know I did sleep well and I have a load of questions from the girls, so I’m busy for the rest of the day.

I then go through the girls’ text messages. Lauren and Drew each sent two and Elise just the one. As I’m reading them I get another from Lauren and she’s in the same freaking house! In fact, I can hear her footsteps pacing outside my room!

“I can hear you!” I shout at her.

Suddenly my door is open and she pops her hear round, I don’t miss the little look of disappointment on her face though.

“Where’s Devlin?” She asks.

“Good morning to you too.” I sit up and stretch.

Lauren comes in and sits on the bed with me. “You know what I mean, you left together so I just assumed.”

I tilt my head to the side and roll my eyes.

“So?” She asks, practically bouncing on my bed.

“So what?” I tease her.

“Tasha!” She lightly slaps my leg.

“Nothing happened.” I insist but she gives me
the
look.

“Oh come on! The way you two were dancing last night you had to have at least kissed.”

I smile, nodding my head. “We kissed but apart from that he was the perfect gentleman.”

“Devlin? A perfect gentleman?” She laughs.

“For your information, yes he was. Strange I know, but we got a taxi here and that was it. He made sure I was safe and left.” I’m actually a little gutted that he did. It would have been nice to have even had a private drink together, some alone time.

“You asked him in didn’t you?” She digs, leaning in a little closer to me.

I don’t look at her, instead I bite down on my lip and act really interested in my nails.

“You did!” She gasps.

“Lauren!” I hush her. “Yes I did but he said no.”

“He was that harsh?” Lauren frowns.

“No.” I shake my head. “His words were along the lines of, if he came in he wouldn’t be able to stop himself and he didn’t want to rush me. He said that he want to savour us and wait for the perfect time.”

Lauren actually screams. Like, loudly squeals and jumps up at me. She pushes me down on the bed, smothering me and laughing. I can’t help but join as I laugh at how insane she looks.

“Well what’s going on here?” We hear from the door and when Lauren finally gets off me, I see Grim smiling over at us.

“Girl talk.” Is thankfully all she says as she joins him. They give each other a little kiss, before Lauren turns to give me a wink, leading Grim away from my room.

Thank god for that. I do not want to be telling Grim what me and his brother did or did not do. I know exactly where it could have gone and I’m not lying when I say that I really wish it did. Devlin is one sexy man. I love his tattoos and I want to find the ones that you can’t see when he’s dressed but he’s right when he says we need to take our time with this. He’s not a mushy guy, so I really respect him for being the strong one. I’m not ready for sex yet, and Devlin knows that more than I do. I would have gone all the way last night, and this morning I would have woken up regretting every second of it. As much as I like Devlin, and
I
definitely
lust after him, I’m not ready. I still have scars deep within me that haven’t yet healed. I’m afraid they never will.

Right now, I will have to leave it at innocent flirting and trust that he knows how fucked up I really am and can wait. If not, then I know he’s not the man for me, but that would really fucking suck.

I’m not like Lauren. I’m so happy that she’s been able to put the Devils behind her and I believe that that was mostly down to Grim. If it wasn’t for him I think she would be right where I am. Maybe not as bad, but still in this place that I’m in. For that, I’m glad. As much as I like to play the strong one, I’m really not. Behind closed doors, I’m that same scared girl who was left alone in a dark and dirty room.

Demon left me with both physical and mental scars. He fucked my head up and there’s not one day that I don’t think about him and I hate him for that! I don’t want to see his face every time I wake up. It’s then I realise with shock that this morning, I didn’t see Demons face. For the first time in months, it was the handsome and rugged face of Devlin I saw when I opened my eyes. Devlin was my first thought and I place a hand over my heart as tears gather and drip down my cheeks.

How fucked up am I? I’m crying happy tears all because I didn’t think of Demon when I woke up this morning.

I quickly reply to Drew and Elise, basically telling them what I told Lauren and let them know that I will talk to them later. My head feels kind of numb and I need some time to myself. Maybe it’s to do with thinking about Demon and the rest of the Devils, I don’t know but as I strip naked to get ready for my shower I glimpse my reflection and I gravitate towards the mirror.

I look in disgust at the ugly scars that I am left with. My whip marks are almost identical to Lauren’s, however I have more and mine look deeper because they were reopened many times. A quick flashback cuts into my thoughts and I shut my eyes, trying to force the image away. It’s no use, even as I go through day to day, the memories are always lurking in the background. I’m sure Lauren and Elise are exactly the same however we don’t admit it, but I see it there. We share the same haunting look and out of respect we don’t like to remind each other.

Unlike Lauren and Elise though, they don’t have whip marks decorating their vaginas. That’s right, you heard me right. I have whip marks on my pussy, they are on top, inside and right inside my thighs. They’re even bite marks curtesy of Strike, he never could help himself.

I stare at them, getting angrier and more repulsed by the second. Why am I even thinking of letting Devlin near me? He wouldn’t want this! Devlin could have any pick of woman, when he sees my skin he won’t want me. He will most likely run away feeling sick. I do, and unfortunately I can’t run away from it. If I want to keep flirting with Devlin, then I need to make sure he doesn’t see my horrid skin. Ever since that accident and foolish kiss we shared not long after I arrived here, we’ve shared a chemistry. I can’t fight it, but I’m terrified of letting go and risk getting hurt because that will happen. As soon as Devlin sees my scars, he won’t want me anymore and I actually need him. His attention makes me feel needed. When Devlin talks to me, I don’t feel ugly and damaged, instead I feel sexy.

My phone makes me jump as it vibrates on the wood bathroom side and when I see I have another text from Devlin, I can’t help but smile.

Devlin – Damn, I should have stayed! I bet you look gorgeous in the morning.

Still smiling, I send a reply.

Me – Hardly! I’m going in the shower, might catch you later x

I bite on my lip, knowing I am teasing him.

Devlin – Fuck what you look like in the morning! I want to see you in the shower!

Laughing, I put down my phone and get in the shower.