Epitaph (22 page)

‘I picked her up after school,’ Paul began as confidently as he could. ‘I thought about doing it outside the school. I’d driven past there a couple of times before I stopped but then I thought that there might be parents around who would recognise my car or me.’

‘Did you know you were going to kill her when you picked her up?’ the voice interrupted.

‘Are you going to let me tell the story or not?’ Paul snapped.

He waited a moment then took another breath.

‘Are you listening to me?’ he said. ‘If you keep interrupting me I’ll stop talking and then you’ll never know what happened.’

‘Go on.’

‘I saw lots of kids going home, on their own and in groups. I knew I had to wait until one of them was on their own. If I went near one who was in a group then the other kids would see me and be able to recognise me. I knew I had to wait until one was walking alone.’

‘Why did you pick that school?’

‘Does it matter? It could have been any school that day. Once I’d decided what I was going to do it was just a matter of which one I came to first.’

‘And which kid you took?’

‘Yes.’

‘So you didn’t have any idea about which child you wanted?’

‘No. I knew I’d decide when I saw them.’

‘Had you ever done it before?’

‘Never. I’d fantasised about it. I think more men have than would like to admit it. I’m not saying it’s common but a lot of men have fantasised about raping a woman or they’ve wondered what it would be like to have sex with a relative. A sister or cousin or something. It’s not the kind of thing you talk about, though, is it?’

‘So you’d fantasised about having sex with a child?’

‘Yes.’

‘And then murdering them?’

‘I knew that if I did one I’d have to do the other. Once I’d had sex with them, they’d be able to identify me. I know paedophiles don’t kill their victims but this was different. I’m not a paedophile.’

‘You raped my eight-year-old daughter. What the fuck are you if you’re not a paedophile?’ the voice snarled.

‘I was experimenting. I knew that it would probably be a one-off. I wasn’t interested in kids as sex objects normally. I told you I’ve got a girlfriend.’

‘So why didn’t you just rape a woman? A grown woman?’

‘At that time I didn’t want to. I wanted to see what it would be like with a child.’

Paul closed his eyes and drew in more of the stale and humid air. He could feel sweat running down his face now. Tiny droplets tickled his hot skin as it dripped off him and soaked into the satin beneath.

‘Laura wouldn’t have got into a car with a stranger,’ the voice challenged. ‘She knew not to do that.’

‘I knew that, too,’ Paul went on. ‘I had to force her in. Once she was inside I knew there was no way she could get away.’

‘You bastard. She must have been terrified.’

‘I didn’t ask. I just drove.’

‘Where to?’

‘Around. I drove around for about an hour trying to decide where to go and what to do. I hadn’t planned everything, you see. I wasn’t a hundred per cent sure of what to do once I’d got the child I wanted.’

‘Why did you pick Laura?’

‘She was on her own. She . . . looked as if . . . I don’t know. She was just the one. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. That was all. There was no design and selection in my choice. I just grabbed the first child I could.’

‘Where did you take her?’

‘To . . . to just outside the town centre. An estate. They’re building a new estate. I knew the houses were finished but I knew they were empty. There were no workmen around. I knew no one would see us.’

‘But the houses would have been locked up.’

‘Some were. It didn’t take much to break into one.’

‘Where was Laura while you were doing this?’

‘Still in the car. I broke into one of the houses then went back and fetched her.’

Every word that Paul spoke seemed to be amplified now by the tight confines of the coffin. Every syllable seemed to fill the small space, turning the air itself more noxious with every passing second. It was as if imparting the words was darkening and poisoning the atmosphere itself.

‘The whole place smelled of fresh paint,’ Paul continued. ‘And there were still dust covers on the floors. I thought they might come in useful for later. After I’d finished with her. Did the police tell you what was done with her body?’

‘They said that she was found by a roadside just outside the town centre. Nothing else.’

‘I knew that she’d be found pretty soon, wherever I dumped her, so I didn’t think there was much point in trying to hide her body. No point taking the time to dig a shallow grave when some prick walking his dog was going to find it. That usually happens, doesn’t it? The bestlaid plans are undone by something as stupid and trivial as that. I thought just dumping her body was as good a way to get rid of her as anything.’

‘You must have known that you’d left DNA behind.’

‘I didn’t think about it at the time.’

‘So what happened after you got her out of the car?’

‘I took her inside the house.’

‘She must have screamed or something. How did you keep her quiet?’

‘I gagged her.’

Paul heard something snarled through the speakers but he couldn’t make out what it was. He shifted uncomfort -ably, trying to change position slightly. The cramp that he’d felt gripping his calf much earlier was beginning to bite once more and he flexed his toes in an attempt
to prevent the muscle contraction from taking too serious a hold.

‘Go on,’ the voice said finally.

‘She was gagged,’ Paul went on. ‘Once she was like that I knew she couldn’t make a noise.’

‘Had you tied her up too?’

‘Yes. In case she tried to get away.’

‘What would you have done if she’d tried to run?’

‘Hit her. I’d have hit her. I wasn’t going to let her get away from me once I’d got her inside that house.’

‘When did you decide to rape her?’

‘I suppose I always intended to do that from the time I picked her up. From the day I decided to take a child I suppose I was intending to do that. That’s why I took one. Like I said, it was just an experiment. Something I wanted to try.’

‘Laura was eight. What did you want with an eight-year-old?’

‘I’d been thinking about doing it with an older girl, a teenager. One about fifteen or sixteen. That was what I really wanted to do. I wanted to fuck a teenage girl. One of those mouthy ones that wear their school skirts up around their arse. The ones that you see in little groups around the shops smoking and laughing. They know how good they look to men and they love it. They tease men and when men look at them or talk to them they call them perverts and dirty old men. It was one of them that I really wanted to fuck. I wanted to get one of them alone and see if she was still as mouthy then. I wondered if she’d give me a load of attitude when I was lying on top of her but then I thought that some of them might enjoy it. They might like me fucking them.’

‘Wouldn’t you have wanted that? Would you have wanted them to resist? Isn’t that what makes it more exciting for you?’

‘She might have resisted at the beginning but what I’m saying is that after I got started she might have liked it. I’ve seen them on the internet on web cams. Sometimes they do them alone from their bedrooms. All made up and dressed in their bras and knickers. Showing off for the camera and anyone who’ll watch because they know that blokes like that. They’re doing it for men. That’s what makes me think that they might actually enjoy being fucked by some stranger who’s grabbed them off the street. I imagined getting one of them into my car. I’d even have bribed one to begin with. They’d have taken the money. Any of those cheap, tarty-looking girls with the platinum-blonde hair and the skirts up to their arses would have taken it. The ones with the big mouths who think they’re so fucking experienced and grown up. The ones who have those tattoos on the smalls of their backs. They call them tramp stamps, don’t they? I’m not surprised. They’d have got in my car for twenty quid just to prove how tough they were. I know they would. And once I’d got them in there that would have been it. I’d have talked about sex to the one I picked. Asked if she had a boyfriend and if she was a virgin and all that. She’d probably have told me what she did with her boyfriend. How she sucked his cock and let him fuck her. She’d have thought she was turning me on, talking dirty like that. And when she wasn’t expecting it I’d have pulled over and that’s when I’d have done it. And when I’d finished I would have pushed her out of the car.’

‘Why do you hate girls like that?’ the voice wanted to know.

‘I don’t hate them,’ Paul offered.

‘You sound as if you do. Did you have a bad experience when you were a teenager? Couldn’t you get a girlfriend?’

‘I had no trouble getting a girlfriend.’

‘Then why do you hate the kind of girls you’re talking about?’

‘I don’t like the way they behave. I don’t hate them all.’

‘But you wanted to punish one of them?’

‘Not punish. I just wanted to teach one of them a lesson. They’re always so sure of themselves. So arrogant.’

‘You think that raping one would have taught her a lesson?’

‘It wouldn’t have been rape, that’s what I just said. She might have pretended to struggle at the beginning but I bet she would have enjoyed it by the end.’

‘Is that another of your fantasies? To rape?’

‘Look, I thought you wanted to hear about what happened to your daughter.’

‘I want to know what else goes through that sick mind of yours.’

‘Well, now you know.’

There was a moment’s silence and then the voice spoke once again.

‘So why didn’t you go after a teenager that day?’ it asked. ‘Why pick on my little girl?’

‘She was easier. A teenage girl would have been harder to get into the car. She would have been stronger. She might have fought back. She could have scratched me or
hurt me. There might have been signs of the struggle and I didn’t want that. I wasn’t ready for that. I thought that taking a smaller kid would make things better for me. That’s why I picked your daughter.’

There was another long silence and Paul could feel his heart thudding more rapidly against his ribs.

Keep going. You’re doing well. Tell them everything. That’s what they want.

He cleared his throat and prepared to speak again.

‘You’re sick.’

The words echoed inside the coffin. They throbbed in his eardrums like angry wasps and refused to budge.

‘You deserve to die in that coffin,’ the voice went on.

‘You kidnap me and put me under the ground then let me suffocate and you call
me
sick?’ Paul countered.

‘There must be something seriously wrong with you mentally if you had thoughts like that. You’re an animal.’

Paul waited a moment.

Gone too far? Made their minds up for them?

‘You said you wanted to know what happened,’ he reminded the owner of the voice. ‘I’m telling you why it happened. I’m telling you what I was thinking that day. That’s what you want to know, isn’t it? You said you wanted to know everything.’

‘About what happened to my daughter, not about how your sick fucking mind works.’

‘I think you’re the one who’s sick for wanting to know.
Your daughter was raped and murdered. What kind of parent wants to know details about something like that?’

Careful now. Don’t overstep that line. Not now.

‘Did you ever want children?’

There was softness to the tone of the voice that startled Paul. It seemed suddenly devoid of the venom and anger that had infected it since he’d first heard it. He paused as if to reassure himself that the words were being spoken by the same person.

‘What did you say?’ he enquired.

‘I asked if you ever wanted children,’ the voice went on. ‘You and your girlfriend. Hadn’t you ever talked about starting a family?’

‘What the hell has that got to do with what I’m saying?’

‘I’m curious.’

‘And I’m running out of oxygen. Let me tell you what you want to hear and then let me get the fuck out of this box.’

There was another long silence.

‘Are you listening?’ Paul prompted.

‘Get on with it.’

‘I took her inside the house and I raped her.’

‘How?’

‘What do you mean, how? I raped her. You know that.’

‘I want to know everything. Was your cock hard when you took your trousers off? Were you ready to fuck her?’

‘What?’

‘You heard me. Did the thought of fucking an eight-year-old turn you on?’

‘Yes.’

He spoke the word through gritted teeth.

‘Was she conscious when you did it?’ the voice asked.

‘Yes.’

‘Did you take off all your clothes or just your trousers and pants?’

‘All of them.’

‘And what about Laura? Did you undress her?’

‘Yes.’

‘Did you strip her naked?’

‘Yes.’

‘Did Laura have any idea what you were going to do to her?’

‘She was eight. How could she have known?’

‘Yes, she was eight. That’s all. Did she struggle when you undressed her?’

‘I told her not to. I said that I’d hurt her if she didn’t do what I wanted.’

‘Did she cry?’

‘To begin with.’

‘You mean when you started undressing her?’

‘Yes.’

‘What did you take off her first?’

‘For Christ’s sake,’ Paul gasped.

‘Tell me, you fucking animal,’ the voice roared.

‘I took off her school uniform. Well, I made her take it off while I watched.’

‘And you were already naked?’

‘Yes.’

‘You had to untie her hands to let her strip off?’

‘Yes, but I told her not to try and escape otherwise I’d make her sorry.’

‘And when she was naked?’

‘I tied her hands again. Then I raped her.’

‘Did she cry when you put it in her?’

‘Yes.’

‘But that didn’t make you want to stop?’

‘No.’

‘Did she say anything to you?’

‘Like what?’

‘Did she ask you to stop? Did she say it hurt?’

‘I think so.’

‘You
think
?’

‘Yes, she did. She asked me to stop and a couple of times she said that she wanted to go home.’

A single tear ran slowly from Paul’s eye, mingling with the sweat that still coated his face.