Equilibrium (Marauders #4.5) (15 page)

“Thank you, again. I’ll tell Dad you did your duty.”

“Thanks.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“When did I ever stop you?”

“Fair point. How long are you planning on staying here in Greenville?”

“Um, I don’t know. As long as Brick and my president agree, I guess, or until I ask to go back.”

“Do you like it here? I know you need to get out of here to a big city sometimes, but in general, do you like it here?”

“Sure. It’s okay.”

“So, do you think you’ll be here until I start school?”

“In September? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I will.”

“Good,” she said with a big smile. Fucking hell, her smiles were killing him. “I’ll see you.”

“Sure, see you.”

Roach knew he was screwed. One word from her and he’d do whatever the hell she wanted, no matter what she asked for, he’d give it. He decided to take a long ride before he had to be at work.

~oOo~

Eliza

It had been a little embarrassing to be pulled out of bed by Roach considering I reeked, but at the same time he’d seen me at my worst before, and it never seemed to bother him much.

I’d been so upset when I came home, and the only really good thing had been that he’d almost kissed me, and then I didn’t hear from him. Obviously, he’d had a point, I could’ve called him, too, but it just felt like everything was a mess, and me most of all, so I hadn’t. The longer I waited, the harder it got, and the more it hurt that he didn’t even bother to make sure I was okay. I guessed it made sense that he had wanted me to take the first step, but it also made me sad when he said it wouldn’t happen again, that I could ‘trust’ him to not do it again, since I really wanted him to try again.

So I was pretty much obsessing about that until sometime around midnight, when I realized that he’d been waiting for me to take the first step once, and he was going to do it again, so… maybe I should just… do it. I was out the door about ten minutes later and just barely remembered to put a note on the fridge. That was what I’d used to do when I couldn’t sleep and left in the middle of the night before, so I hope that my parents had the brain to check there before they panicked, even if I hadn’t done it since the rapes.

I took Mom’s car and went to The Booty Bank. The master key I’d gotten to clean the rooms also worked for the back door the strip club, but I doubted Dad had thought about that. It was actually a coincidence that I knew. Or not coincidence; I knew Mitch had used the master key to sneak in the back when he was underage. He hadn’t told me that, but I’d heard him tell Mac.

I could hear the music from the stage, and I knew it was The Cramps’
Like a Bad Girl Should
because, not so surprisingly, it was quite popular in the clubhouse, too, so I’d heard it quite a few times.

When I saw Roach, he was standing in front of Miss Silicone Tits, and I all of a sudden felt like the most stupid and childish girl ever. She barely had any clothes on, and she looked really hot while she was smiling at Roach in a way I assumed was seductively. I wouldn’t know; I’d never in my life smiled like that. That was when she saw me, and when she looked at me, so did Roach.

“Holy fuck, Eliza,” he said when he walked up to me. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I know. I just needed to talk to you.”

“Now?!”

“Yes. This was probably stupid, though.”

“You think?” he said and pulled me into a VIP room. I’d never been in one, and was a bit fascinated when he lit a light outside that said ‘occupied,’ and then I looked around inside. It looked about as seedy as I’d imagined. “What the hell made you think this was a good idea?”

“Nothing really. It just felt like a better idea than waiting.” I eyed him carefully. “Are you pissed?”

“No,” he smiled, “because this is just weird, and as you know weird doesn’t make me pissed. But seriously, what was so important you had to come here?”

A banging on the door interrupted us before I could answer, and Ahab yelled,

“Roach, you better not be in there for a blowjob. We have a situation on the floor!”

He muttered something and dug out a key from his pocket. “I have two hours left of my shift. I’ll try to come sooner, but wait at my place until then. Is that okay? This is not a good place for you.”

“Okay,” I said.

I didn’t have much of a chance to agree, because the next second he was out the door, pulling me behind him until we were at the back door.

“I’ll see you soon,” he said. “Make yourself at home, just poke around until you find something to eat.”

I could hear the brawl from inside the strip club, so I just nodded and left.

It was strange being in someone else’s home when they weren’t there. I’d only been to Roach’s place twice before, three if you counted the short visit to show my tattoo. It wasn’t a big place, and he actually didn’t have much food. I found some yogurt and ate it while watching some strange show about people confronting their cheating partners. It was depressing, and the main point seemed to be to yell as loudly as possible, so I tried to find a movie of his to watch instead. He didn’t have that many of them, and no matter how much I flipped and searched through his channels, I couldn’t find any streaming service, either. It made me wonder what the hell he was watching when he was home alone. I was completely addicted to watching TV series from beginning to end. There weren’t even any books to read. I ended up reading
Transmetropolitan
again, but fell asleep.

Roach woke me up the same way he had last time, but poking my cheek, and when I opened my eyes he was smiling down at me.

“Hey, Princess.”

“Hi. Sorry,” I said and sat up. “Your entertainment system is as crappy as your AC.”

“Temporary apartment, you know. Got more at home in New York.”

“Oh, yeah. Didn’t think about that.” And I would’ve preferred to not think about it, either. “I need water.”

I went to the kitchen to get a bottle of water and drank a few deep, cold sips to wake up. When I turned around, he was standing behind me.

“So, wanna tell me what was so important you came barging into a goddamn strip club on a Friday night?”

I hadn’t really planned until that particular point. As in, I had no idea what to really say once I had his attention. I’d just been so focused on getting ahold of him, and I had to admit to myself that instead of sleeping, it might’ve been a good idea to try to think of something to say.

So, instead of talking, I put my hands on his cheeks, pulled him closer while I had him off guard, and I kissed him. It was nice to feel him again, and he was totally into it—for a while.

“Whoa, okay, Princess… what’s—” he tried to say while he was still kissing me, which I found pretty encouraging. Not that he was trying to talk, but that he at least attempted to keep kissing me while he did. “Hang on,” he finally said and took a step back. “What’s going on?”

“I’m not sure… how to… I think I’m scared of losing you.”

“You won’t, and that’s not a good enough reason to do this. I’ll be here. You don’t have to do this.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Then explain it to me, Eliza,” he said in a tired sigh while rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingertips. “Make me understand, ‘cause I’m pretty fucking confused right now.”

“When you tried to kiss me outside my house, I didn’t back off because I didn’t want it. I just hadn’t thought that you saw me like that, and it had been safe to think of you in that way, somehow. I’m not sure I’m making sense.”

“Yeah, you are.”

“And now I’m scared that I’ll lose you, because I want those things with you, but I don’t know when, and if I don’t
do
something about it, you might just leave and go back to New York without ever knowing how I feel.”

“It’s not gonna happen anytime soon, and you can’t push yourself to do this just because you think—”

“But that’s what you don’t understand!” I interrupted him. “I
need
to push, I need to keep pushing to keep getting further.”

“You realize that this might just end up like with the date with… what’s his name?”

“No. It won’t because… Because…”

“Because?” he asked, and he looked really tired, and kind of hurt.

“Because I wasn’t in love with him. And I’m in love with you. Like, a boy-girl in love. And a lot,” I whispered, and I was scared, but I wanted to get everything said in case he was about to kick me out. “You’re the best person I’ve ever met, and it’s not just because you’ve been nice to me, or that you’re seriously the strongest person I’ve met. It’s because you’ve seen me in a way no one ever has, and at a time when I was really at my worst, but it didn’t matter to you. You still made me feel like I was strong. Like I could do anything. And that it was okay that I’m not perfect. That the bad parts are mine, too, and… maybe even a little good. You taught me that being perfect isn’t the goal, but rather to… just go further, keep evolving, and use both the good and the bad sides to your advantage.”

I hadn’t been looking at him, but when I finally dared, he was staring at me with wide eyes and his mouth was almost hanging open, like he couldn’t believe what I was saying. He just stood there. So I sighed.

“Okay. I think that was what was so important,” I mumbled, because I assumed that was it. I tried to not think of it as a failure, because I had at least tried. That was something, wasn’t it? That was to evolve, too. “I hope we can still hang out, even if I kind of raped your face. I won’t do it again.”

When I tried to get to the hallway, he stopped me and pulled me towards him, and then his lips were on mine again. They felt pretty fantastic even without my hands on his face.

“This is the most stupid thing I’ve ever done,” he groaned into my mouth.

“Okay,” I nodded and finally got my hands on his cheeks again. “Can we still keep doing it? Just for a little while.”

“Killed dead,” he muttered, but he kept kissing me. “I’ll get my face ripped off and then I’ll be killed really fucking dead.”

I laughed. “I don’t think so.”

“Totally,” he chuckled. “Think it might be worth it.”

“Even if we stick to kissing for a while?” I asked, just to make sure. I didn’t want him to think that I’d be ready for much more right then.

“Just keep doing that thing with your hands.”

“Yeah? Because I understand that you have, like, needs, and if you want to do that with someone else—”

He interrupted me by lifting me up and putting me on the counter, and he held my face.

“Give me those baby blues,” he mumbled, and I looked at him. “Don’t ever fucking do that again. You hear me? Don’t sell yourself short.”

“Okay.”

“That’s not going to happen, I’m not gonna mess around. We do this, or we don’t. How do you want it?”

“We do this,” I whispered, and I was glad he’d said it. I had no idea where that offer had come from, and I’m not sure how I’d have reacted if he’d taken me up on it. Badly, probably. I nodded. “We do this. Definitely.”

“Definitely,” he agreed, and then he kissed me again. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“What?” I asked while trying to get him closer.

“You joked about raping my face.”

“I did?” I said and halted for a second. “Yeah, I did. Sorry about that, by the way. Just attacking you.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” he said and his lips were back at mine. “I liked it.”

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

It’s Beautiful

~oOo~

ELIZA HAD DECIDED HER father was her hero when she wasn’t more than three or four years old, and it was one of her earliest memories. They’d been at a playground, and when Brick wasn’t watching, she’d climbed up a tower in a playhouse. Then she couldn’t go down. She’d started crying, and then he’d just been there, right below the tower, and he’d held out his arms.

“Jump, Baby Girl, I’ll catch you.”

She hadn’t been able to tell him that she didn’t dare, and it was possible she was too little to be able to speak well enough for him to understand. She’d just sat down at the corner of the tower, hid her face in her arms, and cried.

The next thing she knew, a few of the planks on the wall next to her had been ripped away so he could squeeze inside, and he’d pulled her out of the house. He’d hugged her tightly and told her she was safe, that she had nothing to worry about—he’d always save her.

She’d been upset that he’d destroyed the tower, but they’d watched as someone—probably some hang-around—fixed it again. But at the same time she’d known that if she really needed him, nothing would stop him.

~oOo~

Roach

If he’d thought he was stupid about a girl before, it was nothing compared to how completely idiotic he was now. He should’ve come clean with Brick the second things changed, but he hadn’t. And he knew that the longer he waited, the worse it would get, but Eliza kept saying she wanted to wait. He wasn’t sure exactly what they were waiting for, though, and he had a nagging feeling that she expected it to end the second Brick found out. Which was what Roach thought, too. It would most likely be a one-way ticket back to New York.

That morning they’d had a call from Niu, the woman who was now their contact in the cartel, and she’d said that it was a good idea that they buckled up for a few days. It had been almost a year since the attack, but not much had happened. Niu came by about once a month with updates, but it was generally just about how everyone was gearing up for it or was trying to find ‘friends.’ When she called this time, she said that this was it. They were going to kick start the war, and they wanted their friends to be safe until they knew where all their enemies were hiding. Whatever they were going to do, it was going to force their enemies to move so they could find them.

Roach wasn’t sure what would happen after that, but according to Brick, who’d seen at least one cartel war previously, most of it would still be going on in Mexico where they could work in peace. Shooting on the streets in the US tended to cause them more problems than it was worth. Getting the Marauders to stay safe for a few days was simply a precaution.

That didn’t help Eliza, though, and Roach knew she was scared. Terrified might have been a better word for it. She stayed close to Brick or Bull most of the time, and she smoked like a fucking chimney. He went to sit next to her for a while, and it was really damn hard for him to do that without touching her.

“You need to eat something,” he said.

“You told me you wouldn’t say shit like that to me,” she snapped.

“Roach!” Brick yelled from the other end of the room before he had time to answer Eliza. “Need you for a second.”

After a look at Eliza, he got up to see what it was about.

“We’re keeping The Booty Bank open tonight, but we need extra guards, and I want you all to be packing. Don’t hesitate to kick people out if they’re trying something,” Brick said. “I’ll have Sandra talk to the girls to make sure they’re all extra safe.”

“Are we going to look like guards?” Sisco asked as he picked up one of the guns. “As in: should we look scary as fuck, or just hang around?”

“Just hang around, but try to keep your eyes off the tits,” Brick answered.

Roach didn’t get another chance to talk to Eliza, since Brick put her in charge of the kids, and Roach had to get things ready at the strip club.

The shift was just like any other. Whatever was happening was obviously not happening at The Booty Bank. Some of the girls were a bit uneasy at first, but when nothing really happened, the night continued as usual. The main difference was that a few of the members were going to stay behind while the place was being cleaned, and that all the girls were supposed to go back and stay the night at the clubhouse. Sapphire gave him some looks, as if she was waiting for him to invite her to his room, but he ignored her. Since the Sweetums incident, he’d barely talked to her other than specifically work-related things.

“Get out of here,” Ahab said to him. “Looks like some of us will hang out here for a while, and I’m guessing you’re not interested.”

Ahab knew Roach wasn’t much for public fucking.

“I’d tell you to be careful with the furniture, but I know they’ve seen worse.”

The clubhouse was quiet when he walked in through the back door, and after a shower he fell asleep almost immediately. He didn’t get to sleep long, though.

“Roach,” Eliza whispered really close to his ear.

“Hey. Hang on, how did you get in here?”

“Master key,” she smiled. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, and the next second her mouth was on his. “Hey, okay, babe, this is a really stupid idea.”

“He’s sleeping, and no one saw me. Please. I just want to be close to you a little while.”

“Okay, but I’m turning on the light because we’re not gonna fucking fall asleep.” He felt her crawl under the cover and realized something. “Fuck, are you naked?”

“Maybe a little.”

“How the hell are you ‘a little’ naked?” he asked.

“I have a hairband,” she mumbled with her lips against his.

“That doesn’t—” He was interrupted when her hand circled his dick. “Oh, shit.”

“Touch me. I want your hands on me. I need to feel you.”

So far it had usually been either him ‘helping’ her get off, or she who had been touching him while he tried to be still. She’d been on a ‘mission’ to find the best spot to touch on his body, and it had been absolutely awesome. But whenever she touched him, he left her alone, so this was new.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“All over,” she smiled, while she kept touching him. “It feels great when it’s growing in my hand.”

He sat up to turn on the light, and she once again took him by surprise by straddling him. Even if they hadn’t had sex, they’d done some other things, and the only thing he knew for sure didn’t work was when he was on top of her. He’d done it once by mistake when lying next to her and reaching over her to get the remote from the coffee table. She’d panicked, but that was the only time it had been that bad. Other than avoiding that, he’d pretty much handed over the control to her. She led, and he followed. She’d said stop a few times, so he knew she would if she needed to. It was partly because she, very frustrated, had yelled that if he asked her if she was sure one more time, she’d rip off his fucking face herself. So he decided to officially trust her; unofficially he kept a very close eye on her, which was the real reason why he wanted the light on.

With one hand on his dick, and the other between her own legs, she kept kissing him. He put his arms around her and folded his legs to pull her closer. When he combed his hands through her hair, he smiled.

“You don’t have a hairband.”

“I lied. I’m totally naked. Do you mind?”

“Not at all.”

“You’re also totally naked. Do you always sleep naked?”

“No, I had a shower before I went to bed.”

He kept one hand around her waist, and with the other he gently stroked her breast. Eliza’s touching had made him appreciate how things felt in a completely different way. Like the soft outer curve of her breast, how it fit his cupped hand, or how her pebbled nipples tickled the soft part of his palms.

“Roach,” she groaned. “Do you have a condom here?”

He took a deep breath and leaned back. “Babe, you can rip my face off if you want to, but are you sure about this? I’m fine with waiting.”

“I know, but I’m not. If we do it like this, like we’re sitting now, I think it’ll work.”

“Okay, but if it doesn’t work, don’t push. Not this.” That was when he thought about something. “And I’m gonna have some serious problem with not coming if we do this.”

“I know, but you’ll have a condom.”

“Yeah, I just wanted to point it out.”

He reached for a condom from the nightstand. He didn’t really think she’d do it, but then he’d been wrong about a lot of things so far. When he’d put on the condom, Eliza touched him.

“It doesn’t feel as nice.”

“We’re using a condom. I’m not gonna knock you up.”

“I know. That’s not what I meant.” She kissed him and rose up slightly while still holding on to his dick. “Help me.”

He did, and while aiming it right, he made sure she was wet enough, which she most definitely was. He kept his eyes on her as she sat down on him, and when she smiled, he closed his eyes with a groan. It was a relief that she sat perfectly still on him for a long time, because even if it was okay if he came, it should probably take more than a few seconds.

“Do I feel good?”

Holy shit, he was really trying to not think about that. Had he answered? He didn’t think so.

“Yes,” he gasped. She still wasn’t moving, and he opened his eyes and looked at her, which wasn’t helping, either, because she was naked on his lap—with his dick inside her warm, wet, and oh so fucking tight pussy.

“So, it’s not strange, or, like, loose?”

“Jesus, no.” He wrapped an arm around her waist. “Give me those baby blues.”

She opened her eyes, and he pulled her closer, which meant he slid slightly deeper inside of her.

“Feel that?” he asked as controlled as he could, which wasn’t very controlled. She nodded. “How does that feel?”

“Good,” she whispered with a smile.

“What else?” he asked as he thrust gently again.

“Big.” And she took over by rolling her hips.

“Wanna know what I feel?” he asked, and she nodded eagerly. He kissed her neck. “You’re warm, wet, and really fucking tight.”

“Yeah?” she panted.

“Yeah. Put your arms around my neck and keep your eyes on me.”

“I’m fine.”

“I know, but I like seeing your eyes.”

He kept his eyes open, too, and when her eyes met his, her arms were around him, and she was so close their breaths were mingling—it was crazy intense. She kept moving over him, and every now and then she must’ve hit a spot she liked better, because her breath hitched and she smiled, but she never took her eyes off him.

“You were right,” she said. “Sex is pretty fucking awesome.”

“Yeah,” he said and buried his face against her neck. “Fuck, you feel so great.”

With a firmer grip of him, she picked up the pace, and Roach was getting closer alarmingly fast.

“It’s beautiful,” Eliza mumbled. “I didn’t know it could be this beautiful.”

She let go of her hold and cupped his face in her hands before giving him a soft kiss, moaning into his mouth.

“Honey, you need to slow down. I can’t…”

“That’s okay. Please, let me see. I’ve never seen what you look like when you come.”

“Oh, Jesus, baby, if you want this to last, you can’t talk like that.”

That comment only made her smile and move even faster while making him look at her. He stroked her nipple, and that was when her expression changed, but definitely into a good one.

“Oh, again.”

Instead, he dipped his head down and took her nipple into his mouth. With a gasp, she leaned back, and he slipped even deeper inside of her. That, along with the view of her amazing body, pushed him over the edge.

“Fuck,” he groaned and hugged her closer to make her stop moving.

“No, don’t stop.”

So he let go, and she rode him hard until he finished with an almost pained groan. When he opened his eyes, Eliza was smiling.

“Wow,” she whispered. “That was intense.”

“Yeah.”

“Is it always like that?”

“Honestly, no.” He lifted her off him. “Think we might be able to keep it that intense, though.”

“I hope so,” she sighed and lay down next to him. “Spoon me. I like that.”

Five minutes later, his heart had managed to slow down to a more regular pace. He was lying behind her with his arms around her. His hand was resting between her thighs, and unconsciously his fingers were playing with the scars on the inside of her thighs. She pulled his hand away and turned around.

“They kept count,” she said. “That’s what the scars are. So I’d know how many times…” She didn’t have to finish that sentence, he still knew what she meant, and right then and there he didn’t want to think about how many marks she had on her thighs. He stroked her hair out of the way and gave her a kiss. “… they came on me or… in me.” She went silent again. Then she moved closer to him. “I’ve never told that to anyone. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you.”