Equivocal Death (49 page)

“Not our eyes,” Kate said.

3

“Excuse me?”

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“Our eyes,” Kate repeated. “They’re different colors.” She didn’t 5

know why she had to make this point, but something urged her on.

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“I have blue eyes. Madeleine’s eyes were green.”

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A pause and then Howell continued.

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“Anyway, you were certainly his physical type. And I can tell 9

that you idolized him. Honestly, what would you have done if he’d 10

approached you?”

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What would she have done?
She wanted to jump right in with a 12

defiant contradiction. But the fact was, she couldn’t say. Not for 13

sure. Carter Mills had represented safety, security, protection. And 14

if he’d offered to take her in? To give her a special place in his life?

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“There’s something else Madeleine said in her letter. That her 16

feelings for Mills had been so powerful at first, she’d assumed she 17

had to be in love. But thinking about it years later, she saw she’d 18

made a mistake. She’d been right about the strength of her feel-19

ings. On that she was perfectly clear. Her mistake was in thinking 20

the feelings were love when they were really closer to hate. It was 21

surprisingly easy, she said, misjudging emotions that way.”

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Kate realized she’d been clutching the receiver so hard that her 23

hand was hurting. “Listen, Sam, I’ve got another call. I’ll have to 24

get back to you later.”

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As the elevator rose through the air, Josie stared straight ahead.

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She tried to look relaxed, to pretend she belonged, but she sure 28

didn’t feel that way. The men and women standing around her 29

looked like people on TV. No one said hello to her. No one seemed 30

to notice her at all.

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She was already feeling nervous. She’d hardly slept at all last 32

night for thinking about what to do. Mama hadn’t been back for 33

two nights now. They were out of money and almost out of food.

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She just couldn’t do it anymore. Since November, her grades had 2

tanked. She knew her teachers were worried, though they didn’t 3

know what was wrong. Her English teacher, Ms. Gardner, had 4

even asked if she was doing drugs. She’d almost started to cry right 5

there. How could anyone think that about her? Especially her fa-6

vorite teacher.

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Josie knocked on Kate’s door. Kate called out to come in. Heart 8

swimming in her chest, Josie walked in and sat down. She’d gone 9

back and forth about who to tell, before finally fixing on Kate.

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More than anyone she knew, Kate could get things done. You 11

could tell that from watching her. Kate looked beautiful today, just 12

like she always did. She was wearing a black-and-white checked 13

dress along with a stiff silk scarf. Where did you buy clothes like 14

that?

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“So did you bring those essays we were working on?”

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“Uh, yeah.” Josie was caught off guard. Usually, they talked be-17

fore starting to work. But Kate was all business today.

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Reaching into her backpack, Josie pulled out several sheets of 19

notebook paper, slightly crumpled at the edges. She put them 20

down on Kate’s desk and tried to smooth them out with her hands.

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“Josie, you can’t just stuff papers into your bag.” Kate’s eyebrows 22

arched in irritation. “You need to get some sort of a folder. When 23

you turn in an assignment like this, it looks like you just don’t 24

care.”

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Josie stared at Kate, at the straight line of her mouth.
But she did
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care! She cared so much. Couldn’t Kate see that at all?
Josie felt some-27

thing slide shut inside her, a door closing down on her heart. On 28

her way to the law firm today, she’d felt okay, even a little hopeful.

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She’d believed that Kate cared what happened to her, that Kate 30

would be able to help. Now she saw that she’d been fooling herself.

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Kate didn’t care, not really.

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Friday, January 22

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It was almost seven by the time Kate got home, after a full day of 3

shopping. She dumped her bags on the sofa and headed to the 4

kitchen for food. After tossing together a quick dinner — frozen 5

pasta with red sauce from a jar — she carried her plate to the liv-6

ing room and sat on the sofa to eat. She was glad she hadn’t gone 7

to work. The day off had done wonders for her mood. She’d mar-8

veled at the lights, the colors, so different from Samson & Mills.

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Peering in the windows on Madison Avenue, she’d felt an almost 10

giddy excitement. Like a child on Christmas morning. Like 11

Dorothy plopped down in Oz.

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After another bite of pasta, Kate picked up her plate and carried 13

it to her desk. She sat down and turned on her computer. Still 14

chewing, she clicked on the icon for America Online. As she 15

waited for the modem to connect, Kate’s eyes fell on a black-and-16

white picture of Mills, clipped from yesterday’s
Times.
She studied 17 sh

the familiar, trusted face. For years, decades even, he must have 18 re

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kept up the act. He must have known the risks he was taking. Must 2

have suspected that his luck could run out. And yet, he’d never 3

given any indication. The thought gave her an uneasy feeling, and 4

it wasn’t hard to figure out why: if she could be so wrong about 5

Carter Mills, who else might she be wrong about? She wanted to 6

believe that there’d been clues. That if she’d been more skeptical, 7

looked more closely, she could have figured out the truth.

8

“
You’ve got mail.
” Nervously, Kate clicked on the e-mail icon 9

and scanned the incoming messages. Just a few pieces of junk mail.

10

She felt let down but also relieved to find no follow-up to last 11

night’s message.

12

Again, her eyes drifted to the photo, to the distinguished, hand-13

some face. Who was this man she’d so admired? Had she really 14

known him at all? Thoughtfully, she turned back to the computer.

15

She clicked on the mouse a couple of times to pull up the search 16

engine Infoseek. She stared at the screen for several long seconds.

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Then she typed in the words “Carter Mills.”

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A list of twelve responsive documents flashed on the screen.

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Kate quickly scanned the results. The first few hits were legal rec-20

ords, pleadings from cases Mills had handled. Next came several 21

articles about Mills’s pro bono work for the Lawyers Civil Rights 22

Forum. None of these was what she was looking for. But the next 23

document piqued her interest: a news account of Madeleine Wa-24

ters’s contentious partnership election. Justin had mentioned a 25

piece like this, something in
American Law.
He’d promised to send 26

her a copy, but it must have slipped his mind. This was a shorter 27

wire-service piece. Still, it was worth checking out.

28

The phone rang, but Kate didn’t answer. She was busy reading 29

the report. No new information to speak of, but it whetted her in-30

terest all the same. Frustrating to be stuck with the Internet, with 31

better resources so readily available. She’d have come up with 32

many more hits if she’d signed on to Lexis-Nexis, a database used 33

at the firm. But unlike the Internet, Nexis cost a bundle. Before ort 34

you could perform a search, you had to type in a client billing code.

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have to cook up a story, a way to explain the charges. Another 1

challenge that she didn’t feel up to.

2

Kate forked up another bite of pasta, already unpleasantly cold.

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Pushing aside the remains of her meal, she glanced at the now-4

silent phone. The message light was still dark. Briefly, she won-5

dered who the caller had been. Then, picking up her plate, she 6

headed for the kitchen to wash up.

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Beneath the lofty ceilings of the Metropolitan Museum’s Greek 9

galleries, he was one among hundreds of people, blending into the 10

polite cacophony of a Friday evening. Strains of baroque — the 11

Muzak of the bourgeoisie — wafted in from the museum’s cafe. If 12

only he could make an announcement, tell everyone what he’d 13

done. He imagined their stunned faces, horror blended with a 14

grudging awe. For how could they not admire him?

15

Moving down the wide gallery, he stopped at a set of plaques 16

dating from 450 b.c. Scenes from Odysseus’s return. The first piece 17

was broken, the terra-cotta fragments pieced together, but through 18

the cracks he could still see the image. Odysseus’s nurse washing the 19

hero’s feet, still unaware of his true identity. Only after slaying the 20

interlopers and resuming his rightful place would Odysseus cast off 21

his beggar’s disguise.

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And then:
He wept at last, his dear wife faithful in his arms. . . .

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Odysseus’s triumphant return made him think of his own suc-24

cess. He, too, had come disguised to the scene of battle. He, too, 25

had enjoyed an unqualified victory. What cause for celebration 26

these past weeks had been! He’d not only slain Carter Mills, de-27

prived him of life itself. He’d also deprived Mills of his legacy.

28

Madeleine’s murder would be blamed on Mills. Mills’s disgrace 29

would be complete.

30

Yes, he had every reason to be happy tonight. Yet something, or 31

rather someone, was destroying his peace of mind.

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Kate Paine.

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The thought caused his muscles to clench. He’d called her ear-34 sh

lier tonight, but she hadn’t answered the phone. Not that he 35 re

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would have spoken. He’d planned to hang up when she answered.

2

But he’d needed to hear her voice. It had never occurred to him 3

that she wouldn’t be home. He’d checked her schedule, of course.

4

Kate always kept her calendar up to date. Just like Madeleine had.

5

Something must have come up, some last-minute invitation. Still, 6

that was no excuse.

7

If she was going to be out tonight, she ought to have been with 8

him.

9

Which raised another disturbing question.

10

It had been almost a week now. And still she hadn’t mentioned 11

their encounter. What could be stopping her? He had no doubt 12

that she’d seen him. She had to know what he’d done. So why was 13

she holding back? Why hadn’t she come forward yet?

14

The questions burning in his brain, he moved on to another dis-15

play. A small bronze statue of a discus thrower. The coiled power of 16

the statue blended with the tension in his own arms and legs until 17

he couldn’t quite tell the difference. He
was
the statue; the statue 18

was him. It was speaking to him, whispering with the wisdom of 19

the ancients. It was telling him what to do.

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Carpe diem.

21

Once again, it was time to act.

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Saturday, January 23

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Stone lions stood guard at the entrance to the New York Public 3

Library. Kate walked past them, through a revolving door, and into 4

a cavernous entry hall with soaring ceilings and a marble floor.

5

Prominently displayed on the walls were plaques setting forth the 6

library’s benefactors. The older plaques listed names familiar from 7

history books: John Jacob Astor. Alexander Hamilton. Andrew 8

Carnegie. Plaques of more recent vintage recorded names of cor-9

porate donors. RJR Nabisco. Chemical Bank. A visible testament 10

to economic change.

11

She’d come here to continue the research she’d begun last 12

night. After getting directions from the information desk, Kate 13

headed down a long hallway toward the DeWitt Wallace Periodi-14

cal Room. She felt the weight of the building around her, the thick 15

marble walls and floors. It occurred to her that she’d spent much of 16

her life in such massive structures — at Barnard, Harvard, and 17 sh