Erasure (20 page)

“From the telebision,” Baby Girl say.

“What?” I ax.

“Snookie Cane,” she say. “From that Snookie Cane Show.”

“Leave me the hell alone,” I say. “You ain’t funny.”

“I’se for real,” she say.

I gets up and walks out in my underwear to the phone. There’s some bitch on the other end and she wants to know if I’m me. I tell her, “Fuck yeah, I’m me! What you want?”

I hears her laugh away from the phone. Then she says, “We want you to be our guest on Snookie Cane.”

I’m thinkin this a joke. “Yeah, right,” I say. “And why you want me on the show?”

“Well actually we have a guest who wants to surprise you with something. Someone who has a crush on you.” She take a breath, then say, “We’re taping the show today at one. We’re at Optic White Studios in Burbank. Stage F.”

“You fo’ real?” I say.

“Yes, I am,” she say. “Can you make it?”

“Somebody got a crush on me?” I ax.

“Yes, indeed.”

“The Snookie Cane Show?”

“Yes,” she say.

“Snookie Cane gone be there?” I ax.

“Yes.”

“I’m gone be on TV?” I ax.

“Yes.”

“Okay, I be there,” I say.

“Be here by twelve-thirty,” she say.

“Awright,” I say.

She hang up. I hang up. I looks down and sees Baby Girl lookin up at me. I says, “I’m gone be on Snookie Cane.”

Baby Girl start screamin. “Mama! Mama! Go gone be on Snookie Cane!” She go runnin in the kitchen. I follows. She tell Mama again.

Mama look at me. “What you done, boy?”

“I ain’t done nuffin. Somebody gots a crush on me,” I say.

Mama just starin at me.

“That what she say on the phone. Say they doin the show today.”

Baby Girl look like she gone bust wide open. “Mama, we gone go watch Go on telebision?”

Mama look worried. She smile at Baby Girl and say, “I guess so.”

“Boy, that what you wearin to be on nashnal TV?” Mama ax.

“Yeah and don’t fuck wif me,” I say.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” she say. “And you cain’t be talkin like that on the telebision.”

“They can’t tell me how to talk,” I say. “Come on, let’s go.”

Our neighbor-lady, Quanita-Mack drive us in her car. I be sittin in the back wif Baby Girl and them big gals be sittin all over the front seat. They talkin and maybe they even talkin bout me or to me, but I don’t be hearin them cause I’m thinkin bout last night and what I done to Penelope.

I feels big. Then I’m thinkin bout who it be that gots a crush on me. I feels real big.

When we gets to the studio there’s this nigger in a uniform tellin us we gots to park all the way the fuck across the street. I lean up and out of Quanita-Mack’s window and yells at the muthafucka. “I’m supposed to be on the telebision, nigger,” I say.

“Listen, I don’t care if you’re s’posed to be on the moon,” he say. “You gotta park over there in lot C.”

“You think you the man cause you wearin that uniform,” I say.

He just looks at me.

“Sit back, now,” Mama say to me.

Quanita-Mack park the car and we walks across the street and into the studio and we find a line at Stage F. I walks up to the front and tells the guy at the door that I’m s’posed to be on the show.

“What’s your name?” he ax.

“Van Go Jenkins,” I say.

“Okay,” he say. “Go on in to door three. They’ll take care of you in there.”

“What about my Mama and sister,” I say.

“And Quanita-Mack,” Mama say.

“Yeah,” I say. “They gotta get in.”

“Okay, okay,” he say. “I’ll see to it that they get in.”

I walk on in and I see the way them people in the line be lookin at me. They know I’m gone be on telebision by now. I find door 3. I knocks on it and it opens. There’s a fine lookin white girl standin there, but she lookin at me hard and mean.

“My name be Van Go Jenkins,” I says.

“Good, get in here,” she say and she grab me by the arm and pull me in. “Gloria!”

A skinny blond-headed girl come runnin up. “Yes, Pam?”

“Take this gentleman over to makeup and get him shined up a little bit,” Pam say. She look at her clipboard. “Then take him to booth one and put the headset on him.”

“Got it,” Gloria say. Then she look at me. “Come on.”

“So, what the show bout today?” I ax.

“Can’t talk about it,” Gloria say.

I follow her down a long hallway. “Somebody gots a crush on me,” I say.

“How about that,” she say.

We gets to this room and there’s this fag nigger standin there in purple pants and a pink shirt tied in a knot above his navel and he say, “Come on in, baby, and have a seat. Queenie gonna do you good.”

“Fuck that,” I says. I turns to Gloria. “That eye ain’t gonna touch my ass.”

Queenie say, “I don’t want to touch yo’ ass. Yet.”

Gloria put her hand on my arm. “You want to be on TV, right?”

“Yeah,” I say.

“You want all those people out there to see you on the stage, right?” she say and she straightens up the front of my shirt.

“Yeah,” I say.

“Then let Queenie shine you up just a little bit,” she say. “I promise it won’t hurt.”

“Now, come on, boy and get in this chair,” the faggot say to me. “Are you afraid of me?”

“Naw, I ain’t scareda you or nobody,” I say.

“Then sit down,” he say.

I sit down and the nigger take to spread vaseline on my face.

“What that shit fo’?” I ax.

“This will make you shine like a proper TV nigger,” he say. Then he laugh real loud and I can see in the back of his mouth. He got gold fillins. He calm down. “So, somebody’s got a crush on you, eh, baby?”

“So I hear,” I say.

“I can see it,” he say. “You think you know who it is?” he ax.

“I don’t know who it be,” I say. “Could be a lotta peoples.”

“Ohhh,” he squeal. “I likes that. Confidence. Could it be a man?”

“Bet’ not be,” I say. “I don’t wanna have to kick nobody’s ass on nashnal telebision.”

“Well, well,” he say. “All done.”

“That it?” I ax.

“That’s it,” he say. Then he call out, “Gloria! Gloria!”

Gloria come in and look at me. “All shined up,” she say.

“You can take little-Mister-afraid-for-his-ass away now,” Queenie say.

“Don’t make me have to jump on yo’ ass,” I say.

“Promises, promises,” he say, laughin. “You couldn’t handle it.”

“Come on,” Gloria say and pull me out the room and back into the hallway. “It’s almost show time. I’ve got to get you into the booth and put the headset on you. What kinda music do you like?”

“I likes rap,” I says.

“Got lots of rap,” she say. “Now you just stand here and put on these headphones. You see that camera?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, when that red light comes on, you’re on televsion,” she say.

“No shit,” I say.

“No shit. But don’t say anything,” she say. “After a while I’ll stop the music and tell you to come on out. You just follow the red line on the floor to the stage. Got it?”

I nods.

“Okay, then,” she say. “I’ll call you in a while.”

“Okay.”

She leave and pretty soon some lame-ass rap wanna-be shit start comin through the headphones. Just like she say, bout ten minutes later the light on top of that camera come on. I smiles at it and kinda dance to the music. It happen a couple mo’ times. Then, just like she say, the music stop and Gloria tell me to walk on out to the stage.

I be struttin cool as shit along that red line, round the corner, through the door and down the stairs to the stage and there they be. My fo’ babies sittin on they fo’ mamas’ laps. Aspireene be sittin on Sharinda’s lap. Tylenola be sittin on Reynisha’s lap. Dexatrina be sittin on Robertarina’s lap. And Rexall sittin there on Cleona’s lap. The empty chair be next to Cleona and that big waterhead retard be grabbin at my shirt when I sits down. The audience be booin me and I look up and I can kinda see they ugly ass faces, but the lights in my eyes and I gives them the finger. Booin me? Shit, I kick all they asses.

Snookie Cane, that fat bitch, be standin in the middle of the audience and she say, “What a tough audience. Welcome to the show, Van Go. Look at the expression on his face,” she say. “We told Van Go that he was coming here to meet someone who had a crush on him. Are you surprised, Van Go.”

I look at the camera. “Yeah, I surprised,” I say.

“Today’s show is called, You gave me the baby, Now where’s the money,” she say. “So, where is the money, Van Go? These four ladies say you have never given them any cash for their children.”

“I takes care of my babies,” I say.

“Well, that’s a different story from the one we’ve been hearing,” she say.

“I don’t know what you been hearin, but I takes care of my babies.”

“Youse a damn liar,” Reynisha shout. “You ain’t gave me a damn penny, you dog.”

The audience laugh.

“Sit down and shut the fuck up,” I say.

“You can’t use that kind of language on the television,” Snookie Cane say. “And I can’t believe you would talk that way in front of your children.”

“But the ho be lying,” I say.

“Who you callin a ho?” Reynisha say.

“You, bitch.”

The audience makes a big noise all together. Snookie Cane steps down closer to the cage. “Check the language, Van Go.”

“He ain’t bout nuffin,” Cleona say.

I give her a hard look since she sittin right next to me.

“Have you given Cleona any money, Van Go?” Snookie Cane ax me.

“What?”

The audience laugh.

“Yes or no, have you given Cleona any money for Rexall?” she ax.

“You see, I ain’t had a job,” I say.

“But you have a job now, right?” Snookie Cane say.

“Yeah, but I ain’t got paid yet,” I say.

“So, when you get paid, are you going to give money to each of these ladies?” she ax.

“Hell, no,” Sharinda say. “He don’t care bout nobody but hisself.”

“Yeah, I’m gone give them some money,” I says.

Robertarina laughs loud. “I’ll believe that shit when I see it.”

“Your language, Robertarina,” Snookie Cane say.

“Sorry,” say Robertarina.

“Some surprise, huh,” Snookie Cane say to me. Then to the camera. “When we come back we’ll see if we can get to the bottom of this and we’ll hear what our audience has to say.”

The lights on the cameras goes off and Snookie Cane is surrounded by people makin up her face. She ain’t payin no attention to me. Cleona give me a look.

“What yo’ problem?” I ax.

“Shut up,” she say.

“Who the fuck you tellin to shut up?” I say.

A big muthafucka wearin sumpin’ on his head come trailin a wire over to me. “You’re goin have to watch yo’ language,” he say.

“You bet’ get yo’ big-lipped ass away from me,” I say.

“One more fuck and you’re off the show,” he say. He poke a finger in my chest and look at me hard. “Got it?”

“I got it,” I say.

Reynisha is lookin at me and laughin. “Keep laughin, bitch,” I say.

“And whatchew gone do?” she say. I got sumpin’ fo’ you if you come to my house.” She talkin bout that nine she got. “Come on ova.”

The camera come back on.

“Welcome back,” Snookie Cane say. “Our show today is You gave me the baby, Now where’s the money? And on our stage we have Van Go Jenkins, father of four children by four different women. Van Go, so you admit you haven’t contributed any money to the care of your children.”

“I ain’t admittin nuffin,” I say.

“He ain’t bout nuffin,” Cleona say it this time.

“Shut up, bitch,” I say.

The audience makes a noise.

Snookie Cane put the microphone in front of a fat woman with corn rows on her head. “His problem is he don’t respect himself,” the fat woman say. “So, how he gone respect anybody else.”

“I respect myself,” I say.

“You ain’t showin it, boy,” the fat woman say.

“Who you callin boy?” I say. “Sit yo’ big butt down.”

A tall, skinny dude stand up and say, “I think Mr. Jenkins here gots a problem wif his self-confidence, you know wif his manhood.”

“I’ll show you mine if you keep yo’s to yo’self,” I say.

The audience laugh and that feel kinda good.

“You have an answer for everybody, don’t you,” Snookie Cane say.

“Damn straight,” I say. “Somebuddy wanna answer, I gots one.”

Snookie Cane say, “We hear from Sharinda that you ain’t all that in bed.”

The audience laugh.

“Sharinda be lyin,” I say. “Sharinda be screamin.”

The audience make a noise.

“I be screamin to keep from laughin,” Sharinda say.

The audience laugh.

I feels blood in my face and my leg is shakin and my mouth feel like it movin but ain’t no words comin out.

“She got you, Van Go,” Snookie Cane say.

“You the one ain’t nuffin,” I say.

Sharinda lean back and snap her fingers and say, “All I know is I gots me a real man now and I be screamin fo’ sho.”

“Let’s meet that man,” Snookie Cane say. “Want to, audience?”

The audience say yeah.

Snookie Cane say, “Come on out, Mad Dog!”

The audience laugh at his name and I laughs too and this itty bitty lil’ nigger come struttin out. I bust up laughin. That be Mad Dog? I’m sho ‘nuff beside myself now.

“A real man,” I say to the audience.

Mad Dog just look at me like he don’t care what I say. For a second I feels kinda like a fool. But I cuts a look at him. I oughta fuck him up.

“Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane say, “what do you know about all this.”

Mad Dog lean back like Sharinda and say, “I don’t know much, but I know this nigger ain’t shit.”

The audience scream.

“You have to watch your language, Mad Dog,” Snookie Cane say.

“I’m sorry,” Mad Dog say.

“Damn right, you sorry,” I say.

Mad Dog laugh. “Listen, boy, I takes care of yo’ baby everyday like she my own. Where yo’ money?”

The audience howl.

“Same place yo’ business be,” Mad Dog say. “Nowhere.”

I jumps up, but that little muthfucka don’t move, just look at me like I ain’t bout shit. That big dude with the headset on come and sit me back down.

“Bet sit yo’ butt down,” Mad Dog say, cool as shit.