Eternal (Eternal series) (25 page)

“
No backing out,” Emma warned although she was surprised by his lack of reluctance to tell her the theory he'd so adamantly refused to let her in on before.

It was almost like he'd planned to tell her anyway.

“I promise,” he said honestly. “So, tomorrow night then, around seven again?”

“
You’ve got yourself a date,” Emma replied buoyantly.

The rest of the ride home was a lot more pleasant.  Destry seemed happy about tomorrow, and even Emma had to admit that she wasn't dreading spending more time with him.  She would need to figure out a way to let Destry know that they were just friends though so he’d stop wanting to kiss her all the time.

But in the back of her mind Emma knew these feelings she had repressed inside of her were more than friendship.



After Destry dropped Emma off at home, she said her hello's to her mom, filled her in on what she'd done on her date, and then retired to her room to study.

She couldn't make herself even see the Calculus notes that were spread out in front of her on the bed.  Her eyes still held on to the images of Destry; his sleeveless T-shirt, his smoldering eyes, the feel of him up against her, the electricity of his touch.

She didn't notice the change in the air, so she was startled when she heard Micah's voice.

"Studying?"
he asked inquisitively.

"Yeah, I'm trying to anyway."

"What seems to be the problem?"
he asked softly.

"I'm just not in the mood I guess," Emma said as she nibbled at the end of her pencil.

"Did something happen today?"
Micah said calmly.

"No."

"Didn't you go out with Destry this afternoon?"

"Yeah, but nothing happened," Emma said, sounding a little guilty.

"Then, what's wrong?" 
Micah's voice was level.

"I guess I'm just a little confused," Emma said hesitantly.

"About...?"

"Why you sent me to prom with Destry McQuade?” 

Inside her heart was screaming the rest of the question; why did he have to move here; why did he have to be so sweet; why did she have to like him so much; why did she have feelings for him, and why was she going to have to hurt him now?

“
I didn’t send you Emma,”
he said softly. 
“You need to have life experiences so that you can make choices.  And me being a part of your life can’t get in the way of those experiences.  They are what make you grow and make you who you are.”

Emma didn’t think that heartbreak was an experience she particularly needed or wanted.  But she couldn’t blame Micah for that.  He wasn’t the one who had made her have feelings for Destry.  She had let that happen all on her own. 

If she'd stayed impartial, and not let it go any further than that first date, there wouldn’t be any heartache to deal with.  She wouldn’t be hurting, and she wouldn’t have to hurt him.

"But why him?" she said in a defeated voice.

"I don't know what you mean Emma, I didn't make Destry ask you to prom."

"Really?"

"Really.  I had nothing to do with it; he did that all on his own."

"But I remember you saying something about 'maybe you should have thought that through a little more'?"

"Emma, he would have asked you whether I was in your life or not.  That's part of the problem though—of me being in your life—you probably would have met him sooner, and got to know him better if your time hadn't all been focused on me,"
he sounded disappointed in himself.

"I still don't know why he asked me, out of all the girls available," Emma said in a somber voice.

"I may not be a mortal, but I am a male, so I'd imagine he did it because he liked you and because he wanted to get to know you better.  Besides Emma, don't you know how beautiful you are?"

"I must only be beautiful to immortals, because regular guys don't seem to agree." Emma muttered.  Of course Destry had called her beautiful at prom.

"It's true that I probably see you differently than mortal boys do, but that doesn't change the fact that you're beautiful,"
Micah said forlornly.

Emma felt a blush cover her cheeks, and she looked down at her books spread across the bed.

"Well it doesn’t really matter how other boys see me.  I have you, I don't need anyone else Micah," Emma stated flatly.

"See, that's why I encouraged you to go to prom with Destry in the first place.  I wanted you to have that opportunity.  It seemed to be passing you by without you even noticing, all because I started talking to you.  After that you didn't seem to care about school or boys or life as much as you should have....as much as you would have if it hadn't been for me."

"That's not true.  I still cared about all of those things.  I just didn't need them as much, because having you filled the void."

"I won't be the one that took those experiences away from you."
Micah said sternly.  It sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

"Micah, you...."

"But I didn't want to stop talking to you either, you're everything to me,"
he continued, ignoring Emma's objections. 
"So being supportive of you going to prom was the best way for you to have both, and the best way for me to stay a part of your life.  I didn't want to go back to the way things were before we started talking.  I don't ever want to be away from you again Emma,"
Micah admitted solemnly.

Emma didn't know what to say, she was quiet for a long time. 

“I’m glad you started talking to me Micah,” she said honestly.  “I don't want to be without you either.  I can’t imagine my life without you in it." 

It was true.  What would life be like without the knowledge of Micah’s existence?  Would she still be utterly alone, or would Destry have filled in the spot nicely?

Emma would never know how things might have turned out now.  There was no changing the past.  She was a different person.  Not so meek and afraid.  She felt stronger, more sure of who she was and where she came from. 

Had that confidence come from Micah or Destry?

Micah excused himself early that night, Emma wondered if he was still upset about something.  She didn't understand him.  One minute he was telling her how beautiful she was and how she was everything to him.  Then the next minute he was telling her she needed to know what it was like to not have him in her life. 

It was confusing and frustrating.  But she had another problem; how to make Destry forget about her. 

She was tired.  She got ready for bed earlier than normal and turned out the lights. 

Laying in the dark should have eased the visions of Destry, she thought, but they were worse.  It was as if his face was burned into the back of her eyelids.  She tried to keep her eyes open and stare at the darkened walls, but that didn't last long.

As her eyes started to close, Emma could feel the swirling motion of her thoughts begin to take shape. 

She felt as if she were having an out of body experience, because she could see herself.  At least she thought it was her…she looked different somehow. 

She was crying.  She was in pain.  Who was it that she was talking to?  What was she saying?  Emma could hear her own sobs, and her pleading, but they sounded like they were underwater, she couldn’t make out the words. 

Whose hand was on her face wiping her tears?  Why could she remember the agony of that moment like it had actually happened? 

This was just another dream.  She tried to force her eyes to adjust, trying to make out the face of the other person in her dream, but he was in a haze she couldn’t seem to break through.  It was someone she knew, someone she loved very much in a different time and place that she didn’t recognize.

Emma's chest was aching from the immense pressure that the scene was putting on her heart.  This dream was like the rest, but different.  Somehow she knew that it wasn’t just a dream.

It was either a picture of something that had already happened, or a picture of something that was going to happen.  All Emma knew was that she didn’t want it to happen.  The pain connected to it was too great.  She needed to find a way to prevent it from becoming reality.

She was beginning to drift away from the scene before her.  Emma reached out trying to grab onto something and hold herself there. 

She needed to know what was happening, and she hadn’t figured out who the other person was yet.  Emma knew that was an important part of this dream. 

There was nothing to grab, her fingers grasped frantically at empty air.

Emma woke up in a frenzy.  She couldn’t breathe.  Her hair was plastered to her face with sweat.  She wanted to go back to sleep so she could figure out what had been happening and how it all ended, or at least, how to prevent it.

It was no use though, it was nearly time to wake up for school, and Emma didn’t know how to recall the dream anyhow. 

As she laid there trying to calm her breathing, and overcome the sadness that engulfed her, Emma couldn’t help but wonder… was Micah really the right path for her? 

No matter how much she didn’t want to admit it, they didn’t seem like a very likely match.  After all, he was perfect, but she wasn’t even close.



Destry was having trouble sleeping.  He'd come so close today.  He'd wanted to tell Emma everything.  He'd wanted to kiss her, he'd wanted it bad. 

It didn't seem like she wanted the same thing.  She was always pushing away from him.  Maybe he was wrong, maybe they weren't supposed to be together.  She certainly didn't seem to think so. 

He didn't think he could just give her up if she told him to leave her alone.  What choice would he have though?  You can't make someone love you.  Heaven only knew that he was trying though. 

He couldn't tell if she felt anything or not.  The way she acted and the things she said confused him.  It was like she wanted to be with him sometimes, but something was keeping her at a distance.

It was so frustrating.  How could his feelings be this intense and hers only lukewarm at best?  She was making him crazy, always staying just out of his reach.

He was going to tell her tomorrow, no more putting it off.  He had to know, one way or another.  And she deserved to know how he felt, and why.

Chapter 21:  TORN

The next day at school Emma was fretting.  She couldn’t focus on anything but the difficult task that lay ahead of her.  Actually, difficult wasn’t the right word for it; horrible, impossible and heartbreaking covered it better.  Emma's mind was in a tizzy all day.

She shouldn't have let this Destry thing go so far.  She’d fallen for his charm, his crooked smile, and his beautiful sparkling eyes.

But now that Emma knew Micah's feelings, there was no other choice.  She couldn’t wait any longer.  If she didn't distance herself from Destry now it would only get harder. 

Emma wasn’t sure how she was going to accomplish it.  Once she was with him, would she be able to retain her wits for long enough to say what she needed to say?   It didn’t look good.  She turned into a blubbering fool whenever he looked at her.

She would have to have her lines perfectly memorized if she was going to have any hope of getting through this on their date tonight.  There was no room for error this time.  She couldn’t trust herself to just shoot from the hip on this one; preparation was essential. 

After school Emma veered her car off its normal path, and headed for the hills.  She needed some time alone to put this plan together if she was going to have any hope of pulling it off.

Emma's car crawled its way slowly up the rough dirt road.  She brought it to a stop in front of a small stand of quaking aspens intermingled with scrub oak.  This looked like a good place to hide out for a while. 

She shoved the car into park, and leaned back against her seat staring up at the roof.  She wasn’t going to be able to do this.  One—she didn’t know how, and Two—somewhere deep down inside, Emma wasn’t sure she even wanted to.

She squoze her eyes shut, trying to force that last thought from her mind.  She couldn’t allow herself to think like that— of course this is what she wanted.  How long had she been dreaming of Micah and her—together? 

They were meant to be…right?  She'd been “given” to him after all, that was what he’d said.  Emma belonged with him.  He was her destiny…., but if that was the case, why didn’t it feel right to her?

Emma grabbed her quilt out of the passenger seat and walked a short distance towards the tree line. 

Everything was quiet, the only sounds were the dried clumps of grass crunching beneath her feet as she walked and the distant bubbling sound of the creek as it meandered its way lazily down the mountain until it spilled into the reservoir. 

There was a gentle breeze blowing, and it sent the last of the dried leaves from last fall skipping and skittering across the ground as it tangled her hair around her face.