Eternal Hearts (Incurable Hearts 2) (23 page)

I couldn’t hardly control my ragged breaths saying the words. I was trying with all my might to be strong for him, but I was failing miserably.

“Shhh, don’t cry” he said squeezing my hand, waiting patiently while I calmed down, ”You won’t be on your own, you have Sheena and Layton, I know he will look after you now” he said
, trying to make better of it.

“I thought you didn’t trust him?” I laughed.

“I don’t trust anyone who could hurt you, but I have to trust he will do right by you when I’m not around”

“He has done for over thirty
year’s dad,” I reminded him.

“That is because
I have been around and you have kept him in line” he said, trying to laugh but ending in a coughing fit.

“Why don’t you rest,
I’ll get Sarah too…”

“No, I have plenty of time to rest soon” he interrupted.

“And you say I get my stubbornness from my mother?” I said sternly.

“You do, the two most stubborn women I have ever known”

If I had a pound for every time I had heard that comparison over the years I wouldn’t have needed my inheritance from my mother.  

“I know you think my life has been wasted pining over a dead
woman, I want you to believe me when I say, that couldn’t be further from the truth”

“I do believe you now, at first I thought you were crazy but I was young and I didn’t understand, but I do now” I said truthfully, “You will be with her again soon”

“She has been away too long” he said, releasing a single tear.

“You will have eternity
together soon” I soothed.

“
I’ll never be ready to leave you, but I am ready to see her again, I have been ready to see her for fifty years”

How could I be selfish to want him alive at his age? He deserved to be truly happy, to finally be at peace.

“I’m ready to let you go,” I said, only half meaning it.

He gave a small smile, I know he could see straight
through the lie but he didn’t say anything.

“Your mother told me once she would always be with me, it didn’t bring
me much comfort at the time, but she brought me you, and I will always be with you”

“You better be” I warned him, “Is there anything I can get you?” I asked, I couldn’t take any more.

“Can you push play?” he asked, looking towards the screen at the bottom of the bed.

I didn’t want to move, I knew this was what my mothers final moments were like, he had done everything he could to reassure us both I would be fine, he had said goodbye, all that was left was for him to drift away.

Something in me was screaming I would lose him today. It is strange knowing this and I can’t explain how I do know, the room felt different and in the hour we had been talking, he looked like he had aged considerably and he could barely keep his eyes open. He was slipping away from me and I couldn’t do a thing to stop him.

My body felt like a machine, I moved to the bottom of the bed and pressed play.

The man I first met appeared on the screen, so young and full of life, happy, and very much in love gazing at the woman who was his world. I moved back to the top of the bed and laid beside him, I took hold of his hand and held as tight as I could, savouring each moment I had left.

We watched in silence for so long I thought he had fallen asleep.

“She’s waiting for me,” he murmured, “She is still as beautiful”

“What
?” I bolted up and looked down.

No, I lied.

I’m not ready.

Don’t leave me dad.

I couldn’t see how for the first time since I met him he truly looked happy, not in the way he was happy with his family, but in the way he was happy with my mother, through the tears.

His love consumed him, and now he is finally at peace I was consumed in pain.

Christopher Jenson, my father, my family, died with his daughter by his side and my mother in his sights.

I always used to wonder if it hurt more to grieve for someone you have known and loved or someone you loved but didn’t know, now I know. Losing my dad hurts much more than never knowing my mother. I am able to understand why my dad didn’t like to talk about my mother, yet at the same time keep her memory alive. Since he died I haven’t been able to speak of him, but he has been in my thoughts constantly, remembering all the good times we had as a family. Losing people slowly over the years has been tough to deal with, but losing the one person who has been there for me no matter what is agony.

We laid him to rest yesterday,
I managed to have him buried with my mother, I know that is what he wanted.

It is probably the only solace I have, knowing he is where he wants to be. There was seven people and the vicar in total who attended yesterday, myself, Layton and Sheena, Jack and his wife and Jasmine-Lily and her husband. That is all that is left of us, over the last couple of weeks I have been wishing for a do over so we can all be together again. I doubt
I’ll see Jack and Jasmine-Lily much now that we haven’t got parents to bring us together. Sheena and Layton is all I have and I’m going to cherish every moment, like my dad did for all those years with me.

I couldn’t be bothered to apply makeup this morning, although I did manage to run a brush through my hair
. My dad’s lawyer had called me in to his office, I half expected what was to come after having been through this when my mother left me an inheritance.

He is a nice enough man, in his forties and sharp suit, not that I particularly cared, after today I wouldn’t have to see him again.

“Good morning Mrs Jenson-Hughes” he began.

I kept my mouth shut and smiled.

“I am sorry for your loss, your father was a nice…”

I cut him off, I know what my dad was, I knew better than anyone.

“Thank you, but if you could just get on with it, I would appreciate it” I said, curtly.

“Okay, everything your father owned has been spilt between yourself and your daughter, all his money, properties…”

I cut him off again.

“Properties?” I asked, confused, “He only had his house” I stated.

“No, he owned two houses. He was gifted a house on the outskirts of Cambridge over thirty years ago”

While he droned on reading the addresses, I immediately recognised the second address. It was the house my mother lived and died in.

He hated going there, when Rose died I assumed she had left it to one of her family, because I looked into acquiring it and found nothing. Now I find out my father had it all this time and never said a word.

I slowly began to tune out until he held his hand out holding an envelope. I saw my name scribbled on the front in my dad’s shaky handwriting. I half expected this too. Keeping it held tight in my hands until he was finished explaining everything, I left his office in a daze, eagerly waiting to find out what my dad had to say, he had kept my mother’s house a secret, I wondered what else there could be I didn’t know about?

I arrived at the cemetery
shortly after and sat on the bench facing the grave. I opened the envelope and pulled the letter out.

His handwriting was shaky so I had to try decipher most of the words.

To my dearest Ava,

I once received a letter like this from your mother, in some ways it helped having her thoughts recorded on paper for me to keep always, and in some ways it made the pain of losing her worse. I don’t want this to hurt you, I want it recorded on paper for you to keep so you can read how proud of you I have always been and how much I love you and the darling granddaughter you gave me. I know you think a lot about my happiness and worry I didn’t live a full life, this couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is the only part of my life
that has been missing was your mother, you have been enough to keep me going each day. Promise me you will not dwell on what could have been for me because I lived longer than I thought I would and the longer I am around the more I cherish you and Sheena Gracie.

I know you will be fine, Layton is a good man, you can finally tell him as I am in my grave that I have never hated him and I respect him for making you his priority
.

The only times in my life I have prayed has been for your mother and for you, I pray that I am with your mother now. This is how it should have been for her, dying in old age with me. I know you’re hurting, I won’t promise you it will get easier because that has never been what I experienced myself, when you truly love someone, their loss never goes away, but I pray again that you will miss me but move forward, promise on my grave that will move forward.

Anyway, this is not goodbye, I will see you again, just not too soon.

Never forget you have been my world and I love you darling girl.

Your father

Xxx

  
I wiped my eyes dry and tucked the letter into my bag. He didn’t need to write the letter for me, I knew I was his world, but I feel better for having it. He is the only parent I have had and now he is gone, moving forward will be difficult, the least I can do is make him this one last promise, no matter how hard he found keeping his promises to my mother, he always found a way, I will too.

I could still feel my dad,
and I would always keep him alive. I do believe him when he told me he had been happy, his life wasn’t conventional but that is what made him my dad and I love him exactly the way he was.

I remembered
Layton had given me time and space and was waiting by the car. I stood to leave and crossed the small path to my parent’s grave, I managed to have him buried with my mother, his Jas. Christopher Jenson and Jasmine Collins, an epic love that spanned over half a century and now beyond death.

As I stand over my mother’s
and father’s grave, sending my promise to him, I feel at peace knowing they are finally together again, both in body and soul.

For all eternity.