Ethans Fal (31 page)

“I WILL HAVE
whatever you’re having.” Buddy grabs my mug from my hand and peers inside.

“No, you fucking won’t.” I snatch it back and push him roughly out of my space. He lets out a laugh and holds his hands up in mock surrender.

“Fine…fine just maybe care to share what’s put the jam in your donut.” He grins at me like I’m the funniest thing he’s seen.

“Stop grinning like a fucking idiot and I might think about it.” I slide onto the bar stool now that we have unloaded all the extra bottles for tonight’s gig.

“I’m not complaining man. I’m stoked for you but I just want to prep myself for when ‘whoever’ it is goes home from her holiday. I haven’t seen you this high, so I do not want to be here when you crash my friend. I mean I know you bounce back pretty quick, but still…” He pats my shoulder and I slap his mock sympathy away.

“Not going to be a problem this time, Buddy.” I reach across the bar and grab a handful of spiced nuts. I have only been gone an hour, but I want to get back to cook Ada some breakfast. Buddy makes a vomiting sound and I catch my own smile, nauseatingly knowing, reflected in the mirrors behind the bar. “Fuck off Buddy, or start looking for a new job.” I throw the bar towel at his head and he lets it slap him in the face, laughing and shaking his head.

“Oh, man I cannot wait to see the chick that has tamed you…I would have bet my first born that would never happen. Not after that last time, for sure!” He is goading me now. I stand and take another handful of nuts.

“Yeah, yeah…fuck off…again.” I bite back lightly.

“Who am I kidding? You’ll never be a one woman man. No fucking way.” He leans back and crosses his arms happy with his critical summation of my relationship capabilities.

“Said the same about you, Buddy, as I recall.” I point out and his own lips curl with the memory of the woman who has the same effect on him as Ada does on me.

“So, who is she? Is she coming to the gig tonight?” Buddy wiggles his brows and slaps his hands together with excitement.

“Ada.” I tell him flatly.

“Yeah, I could’ve used her behind the bar tonight…wait! What about Ada? Ethan what about fucking, Ada? You’re not–” His tone has switched from jovial to hostile in a breath.

“I’m not fucking, Ada.” I interrupt and stiffen as he relaxes. My eyes narrow and I can feel the instant tension in my jaw. Why would that make him relax? “I’m more than fucking her, so choose your next words wisely.” I push the sentence out through my gritted jaw.

“Office Ethan.” Buddy waits for me to move and allows me to walk ahead. He closes the door when we are both inside.

“Ethan, I like you man but don’t mess with her. She’s not like one of your throwaways.” His aggressive tone isn’t the only thing brimming with rage.

“No shit, Sherlock…what the fuck has it got to do with you and why am I such a bad option, all of a sudden? I’m hardly Hannibal.” I run my hand through my hair, surprised at how much this conversation is pissing me off.

‘You’re not a bad option, Ethan, you’re just a bad option for someone like Ada.” He slumps into the sofa and stretches his neck to the left and then to the right until it pops.

“Why? What do you know?” I pull the chair out and sit directly opposite.

“I don’t know anything, man. She doesn’t tell anyone anything about herself but she’s this kind, scared, sweet soul, who is just as likely to fall in love with the first person who shows her there is such a thing as a decent human.”

“Is she in love with you?” I can feel the blood pulsing through my angry veins at the thought.

“No, man…I mean yes, she loves me, but I’m non-threatening. I’m married…she feels safe with me.”

“And she’s not safe with me?” I let out an angry breath.

“No, Ethan, she isn’t. She won’t survive falling in love with someone like you.

“Ha, someone like me…what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I practically snarl at his implied character assassination.

“Ethan, I don’t mean any offence, but you said yourself you wanted uncomplicated…just a bit of fun. All I’m asking is that you stick to your plan. What was wrong with your plan?” He sounds exasperated.

“My plan didn’t involve Ada…so my plan has changed.” My tone brooks no argument but I am struggling to contain the underlying disquiet at his interference. “I still draw the line at crazy, but Ada is the sanest person I know.” I sniff out a humourless laugh.

“Fuck, Ethan, don’t you see how fucking fragile that girl is? She is broken to the core. I’m just asking you to think about her for a moment.”

“I don’t think about her for a moment, Buddy…I think about her all the fucking time. So credit me with the same courtesy I have given you…people change.” I stand abruptly and the chair skids back, hitting the desk.

“She won’t survive you, Ethan.” Buddy drops his head in his hands as I swing the door roughly open, effectively ending this fucking conversation.

“She doesn’t need to survive me, Buddy…She’s mine and I’m going nowhere without her. So back the fuck off!” I slam the door and storm out of my bar, suddenly needing the cleansing sea air deep in my lungs.

The apartment is eerily quiet and I get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. How can a room so familiar suddenly feel thick with foreboding? I drop my keys on the kitchen island and stride into the bedroom to find Ada. She is curled up on my side of the bed wrapped around my pillow. Her dark hair has fallen over her face, concealing her hypnotic eyes. The sight both calms and saddens me, her cheeks are swollen pink, her little hiccup breaths evidence of too much sorrow for anyone to bare. Jesus, this is killing me, if she won’t open up how the fuck can I stop this pain? I rush to the side of the bed and drop to my knees. My hand strokes the tear drenched hair from her cheeks and this startles her. So lost in her despair, she didn’t hear me approach. She tries to pull away and scuttle further into the middle of the bed but I follow her retreat, climbing so I am alongside her. My arms sneaking to secure her and prevent any further withdrawal.

“Hey angel, where do you think you’re going?” I pull her to me, her slight body rigid, her breath is still struggling to regain a normal pattern. Sudden deep gasp and sobs escape her lips and her shoulders shake with the pressure to project anything other than what is obviously utterly heartbreaking. “Shhh,” I feel her ease a little into my hold, but she is shaking her head, fighting the comfort she is drawing as if it is a bad thing.

“No, Ethan, I can’t…” She sucks in a breath that feels like pure torture. “I can’t do this. You shouldn’t be with someone like me…I’m not a good person, Ethan.” She blows out the words that cause her so much agony. I fight the most enormous smile, which is trying to break across my face, because I take an inordinate amount of comfort that she is clearly struggling with a decision she mistakenly believes she has the power to make. The fact that she is torn about her feelings for me is like a signed declaration that she is already mine.

“Is that so?” I query. She twists in my arms because my tone reflects the smirk pulling my lips at the corners.

“I’m serious, Ethan.” She fixes me with the most adorable look of determination, I think she actually believes she has a choice. I raise a brow for her to continue her fantasy. “You are a good man, Ethan…kind…generous, I’ve never met anyone like you. You…you are so–”

“Sexy.” I flatly interrupt her rambling with my mock stern addition to her list. It works and she sniffs out a laugh. Her instant smile lights her features and she just takes my breath away with her sweet fragile beauty. My jaw tenses and I berate myself with the recollection of Buddy’s comments, how could I not see how fragile she is.

Because I haven’t looked so close, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want the complication and I really didn’t need to look any further. She has been all the things I wanted, fun, feisty, and fucking hot. Even if it took a while to realise, I know it now, I wanted more from the moment I first kissed her. The shit I have been sorting through this last year fell away with that kiss, that and a kick up the arse from Bethany, but I like that she is mine. No, I fucking love that she belongs to me and that I can make her smile. If she is fragile, it’s because she is alone and now that is not the case. Her smile though, is too brief and she again tries to pull away. “No…you don’t get to say things like that, Ada, and you don’t get to pull away. So tell me why I shouldn’t be with you and why you think that is your decision to make?” She is shaking her head against my chest and I can feel my T-shirt stick to my skin with fresh wetness.

“I can’t tell you; I don’t want to tell you. I don’t want you to look at me any other way than the way you look at me now…I couldn’t stand it, Ethan.” She tips her head up and her eyes are liquid like the deepest ocean, her smile is too faint but she is trying to be stoic. “I’ve loved um…our time and um…you know, thank you for–”

“For what?” I snap and jump from the bed because the sheer fury racing through me at her attempt at a farewell speech is bordering on violent. “For fucking you or for being the first person to make you feel something…something that you now don’t think you deserve. Well fuck that, Ada! You might think you don’t deserve it but I think you do. And deep down you know it too. I haven’t
ever
felt like this and you don’t get to take that away…you have secrets…so what? …Everyone has a story. There is nothing you could tell me that would change how I feel about you.” All the tension in my frame evaporates with the utter desolation on her face and the fresh rivers of tears that coat her cheeks. I am instantly cupping her face and I wait because she closes her eyes enduring the raw pain. “Ah, Jesus, Ada…please, angel…you’re killing me here. Tell me…don’t tell me, I don’t care just tell me what I can do to take this fucking agony away…talk to me, angel.” Her eyes blink and droplets of water burst and trickle down her cheek. I lean and kiss the pool that collects at the corner of her mouth, her lips tremble and she whispers.

“Please make me forget.” Her eyes lock with mine, deep with desperation and understanding.

“As you wish.” She smiles and takes my breath as effective as a vacuum around my lungs. I mean every word…but even I can see the timing isn’t right. She is burdened with too much sorrow to believe anything good, but I do love her and I
will
make her forget. I will replace the memories that trouble her soul with beautiful, new ones. “That I can do.” I roll her onto her back and she spreads her legs with the slightest pressure from my thighs. Her mouth curls with sinful intention, her teeth rake her lips, which are puffy and still wet from her tears. I take a moment and a lifetime, in the seconds I stare into her eyes, she consumes me. I will give her new memories and I will help her erase the ones that tear her apart but not now…Now she needs to forget.

Her legs wrap tight around me as I rock my erection against her heat, her thin cotton shorts no barrier at all. She writhes with slow languid movements beneath me and I burn to be inside her. I pull back, kneel, and pull my own shorts to my knees; kicking them free I grab the waistband of her pants and do the same to hers. I catch a glimpse of the crystal end of the small bullet plug snug inside her arse and my cock swells. Fuck, I swallow thickly and suck a deep breath between my teeth.

“You kept it in?” My voice is low and hoarse. She flushes pink and smiles shyly.

“You told me to.” She sounds hesitant and I couldn’t be happier. Little signs that she isn’t completely consumed by her secrets, she isn’t completely lost. It might seem ridiculous to see that as a sign, but it means that even if only for a short time she was concerned about me enough to not think about her sadness; enough to obey.

“That I did…so let’s do something that will really make you forget.” I wiggle my brows and hook my hands under her knees and push them high over her shoulders. A move that not only opens her wide, exposed and vulnerable, but shows me exactly how turned on she is with this idea. She lets out a nervous laugh.

“Because nothing makes you forget like a huge cock up the arse…is that where you are going with this?” She snorts out a loud laugh and her eyes widen in shock at the sudden use of her tummy muscles in this angel with that bullet still wedged tight. Despite the sensation, she can’t stop herself from laughing and I join in because her laughter is adorably contagious. I twist the crystal plug end and she freezes on a gasp, her eyes fix on me with such heat I can feel it in the base of my spine.