Ethans Fal (34 page)

“What about your real mum? Do you remember anything about her?” He looks even more surprised at this question.

“Oh um no…Not at all, nothing, but I was young–”

“–What about the women that brought you up?” My voice is tinged with my own personal nightmare.

“No, not really, Ada…like I said I was very young. I maybe get some flash in a dream sometimes where a face might look familiar but then that is just as likely to be something I watched on TV as a kid.” He shrugs lightly and my heart breaks because what if that is Pip? What if her memory of me is little more than a confused set of images intermingled with children’s TV programmes. What happens when I find her? I am going to rip all that away, everything she knows… again. Only this time, she will be old enough to remember, old enough to possibly hate me for it. “Hey, Angel, what’s the matter? You know I never think about this stuff. I am more a nurture verses nature kind of guy, my real parents didn’t care, so why should I?” He holds me tighter but I find I can’t breathe, my mind is racing with horrible scenarios where Pip is better off without me or maybe she is worse. I just don’t know. I have to find her, I can’t think straight because I do care…I care so damn much.

“What if they did care but it was taken out of their hands, and they never had the chance to find you?” I know I must sound ridiculous to Ethan, but I have to believe there is some hope of redemption for me taking so long to find my baby. That she will understand why I couldn’t go to the authorities and demand justice, not until I had actually found her. If I had her in my arms I could shout to anyone who would listen, because I had the proof right there. But without that, it would be too easy to paint me as a delusional, escaped, crazy patient and my father would happily throw away the key.

“I call bullshit, sorry but that’s just bollocks.” I can feel his tension in his frame, his arms stiffen and he huffs out an exasperated breath. “All I know is if it was my child, natural birth or not, I wouldn’t let anyone take them from me. I’d die first and I’d kill any motherfucker who got in my way. I can’t see any reason strong enough to stop my parents from coming for me…none. I can only assume they were dead. It’s the only thing that would keep me from my child and it’s a damn sight better option than thinking they couldn’t give a shit, which is probably more like the real reason.” He coughs and I can hear a catch in his throat.

“I’m sorry, Ethan…God, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I twist in his arms. He tries to smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes and now I feel like complete shit. “Now I’ve made you sad and angry. Please let me go before I do any more damage.” I try in vain to break free, but like a snake with its prey he coils tighter around my body.

“I was mad because you bolted and funnily enough, I have issues with people running out on me. I’m not sad but I was fucking terrified that I might not get to you in time. Ada, you have no idea…you just have no fucking idea… and if you left. I mean if you really left, the town or county how would I ever find you. I don’t even know your real name for fuck’s sake!” His agitation is clear even if his hold remains gentle.

“What?” I ask. He lets me sit away, so I can look at him fully in the face. “What are you talking about…I told you my name.”

“No, you told me
a
name and a fat lot of good that would do me if you decide to disappear. You are this big fucking mystery and I’m terrified of losing you. Ada, you need to talk to me. This is driving me crazy. Why were you in a coma for two years? What’s your real name? Who are you hiding from? Why won’t you let me help you?” He cups my face, with such pleading in his voice and eyes I almost want to tell him everything just to feel free of this burden, to share it but after Sky’s little show and tell earlier, I don’t trust myself to make that judgement call. But looking at the most beautiful man with the kindest soul, I feel obliged to tell him something more than the lies and half-truths he has learnt from others.

“I can’t–” I stutter, but he growls an interruption.

“You fucking can and you will–”

“No, Ethan, listen. I can’t tell you everything, you know I would if I could and maybe one day, but after what Sky has just done and no, I know you are not her but I have known her a lot longer and that still didn’t work out so well, but I will tell you what I can. How is that?” He huffs, his brows furrow with a deep unhappy crease.

“I’m making no promises, Ada, I think you owe me the whole fucking truth after what I’ve been through.”

“Sorry, what you’ve been through?” I’m curious enough to ask. His voice softens and his lips are in my hair, he whispers and holds me tight to his chest.

“I thought I’d lost you. You ran so fast and when I saw your bag it was like my blood chilled with the realisation if I had been five minutes later…I…Look, you owe me that’s all.” His words gruff and clipped.

I am so confused; I love that he has told me that and I hate it too. I feel like I am circling the perimeter of paradise but I will never be allowed inside. I know he would welcome me to the gate only to turn me away when he finally learns the truth. It’s a cruel kind of torture, to be so close but the inevitable dissolution is under the surface and I know it’s coming. Yet, I don’t want to leave. I like it here, with him, in his arms. So I will share enough to keep the charade going.

“I’m not going to tell you my name, because that person no longer exists and I will never use that name again. So knowing, it wouldn’t help you find me. I use the name Burrows because of a kind lady who saved me and it seemed fitting.”

“Dr. Burrows?” Ethan prompt and I am startled that he knows her. “Small town, Ada, don’t look so suspicious.”

“Yes, Dr. Burrows, she was the one to bring me out of my coma. I didn’t need to be kept like that it was just convenient, but thankfully she didn’t mind the inconvenience and she brought me back to life.” I smile with a mix of bitter sweet memories. “ My father,” I swallow thickly because I haven’t spoken about him since I was in the facility, and it sort of feels like if I say his name three times all sorts of evil will rain down on me. I shiver with fear the mere thought of that monster evokes. “He has expectations, he wasn’t best pleased when I told him about the baby. Anyway, he acted the only way he ever does by protecting his interest and the family name.” I can’t help the bitterness in my tone.

“He had you put in a coma for two years!” Ethan’s horror is reflected in his face.

“Yeah, that’s sort of how I reacted when I woke up.” My laugh falls flat and I can feel the colour drain from my face. I recognise that look of fury and determination.

“Tell me his name, Ada.” Ethan’s tone brooks no negotiation but lucky for me I have no intention of negotiating. I still have too much to lose and if my father ever finds me I will lose. I stroke my hand along Ethan’s cheek, and he tilts into my soft palm. His five o’clock shadow prickles my skin.

“You know, I can’t…you know I won’t, but like you I am better off without him.” My smile is genuine, I am lucky to have severed that connection at least.

“People don’t get to do that without consequences, Ada. There are laws.” His righteous indignation is touching if a little moot.

“I don’t doubt for a moment everything looks entirely above board, every
i
dotted every
T
crossed. Really Ethan, I am better off…I would rather be alone for a lifetime than spend a single second with that man, so please don’t give him another thought. It is a waste of oxygen.”

“You’re not alone, angel.” Ethan’s lips cover mine, his tongue traces the seam and I let out a sigh when his hands stroke the length of my back in long sweeping movements, settling to cup my face, his eyes sear my soul and not for the first time, he steals my heart.

“Where are we going?” My toe is throbbing at a constant low level pain since Ethan dressed it properly, told me I hadn’t actually lost the whole nail and gave me a mild painkiller. He packed an overnight bag for us both and we are now in his Mini heading…not sure where but out of town.

“It’s a surprise.” His statement is more like a question so I answer.

“I’m not a fan of surprises, Ethan. Can you please tell me something at least, because I can assure you with my history, my imagination is predisposed to be more horror than Disney. I will be a wreck by the time we get to wherever it is we are going.” He reaches over and takes my hand, interlocking our fingers. I slept surprisingly well last night, but then I had a human shield to protect me from the evil of the world. If only he could do the same for my internal demons, if only I could let him.

“Okay angel, but I have a feeling this is just going to make you a different kind of anxious.” He smirks and flashes a wide mischievous grin. “I thought a little break would take your mind off… make you feel better…Fuck it, I just wanted to take you away. Take you somewhere safe, so we are going to my home.” He squeezes my hands to the point where my fingers are tingly numb. I snort out a nervous laugh of incredulity.

“Seriously? Your idea of a little break to make me feel better is to introduce me to your father!” I try to take my hand back but he won’t let me, so I just pull both our hands and try and wrap them around my tummy because I suddenly feel sick. “I can’t believe you think this is a good idea.” I shake my head, my laughter bubbling with a twinge of hysteria.

“It’s a great idea.” His dismissive easy tone makes me doubt my reaction. “And it’s not just my Dad, we’re meeting up with Bethany and Daniel and we are all going out on the town. You get to meet the brother-in-law…won’t that be a treat.” He wiggles his brow at his own joke.

“Fuck, Ethan…what if they ask me questions?” I am facing him and the horror on my face only makes him laugh a little. I would hit him if he didn’t have my hand held captive or we weren’t hurtling down the motorway toward an impromptu and unwelcome meet and greet.

“What you mean is because you’ve been so forthcoming…you are suddenly worried you are going to blurt all your secrets like an exposé for the front page of a national paper hmm?” He teases and I take comfort from his confidence that this will be okay, with him I do feel like everything might work out all right.

“Fair point.” I chew my bottom lip still riddled with uncertainty. “And you are right I’m not thinking about anything else…shit I’m even worrying about what I’m going to wear.” I laugh out because that is the first time I have thought about something like that for years.

“Well, you don’t need to worry. I spoke to Bethany and she’s going to get a selection ready for you.”

“She knows my size?”

“I can be very descriptive and detailed, and she didn’t seem to think there would be a problem, she’ll bring shoes too. I cannot wait to see you in fuck me high heels.” He shifts in his seat the thought clearly going straight to his cock.

“Yeah because that is going to happen with my toe.” I snort at his sudden frown.

“Shit!” He presses the call button on his hands free. Bethany’s name and smiling face appear on the screen. She’s really pretty and is holding a tiny baby with a dark shock of hair, which would account for the Cheshire Cat smile.

“Stone.” A man’s deep voice answers in an abrupt gruff tone.

“Daniel, you know it’s me why answer like that?” Ethan looks at me and rolls his eyes and bites back a grin.

“Habit Ethan, don’t take it personally. Bethany asked me to answer, she’s a little tied up.” I flush pink with heat and Ethan groans.

“Jesus, Daniel–”

“You are going to need to be quick or this is going to speaker phone and you do not want that.”

“Fine…Look I need Bethany to sort some different shoes for Ada. She’s hurt her toe.” There are some muffled voices and then a female voice takes over.

“Hi Ethan…Daniel didn’t look too impressed with the shoe talk.” She giggles lightly. “He’s gone now…what is it you need exactly?”

“Ada tore half her toe nail off, so heels are out. Do you have anything else suitable?”

“Ouch…and you’re driving all the way up here for a night out…men!” I raise my brow at Ethan and he has the decency to look at least a little sheepish. “Sure I have the perfect thing…Ow! Gotta go! See you soon.” Ethan cuts the call before it deteriorated into some weird sex chat line.

The journey took a good five hours and we finally take a slow turn up a private drive, meandering with tall hedges either side affording privacy until we make the final turn. It is a stunning house and I swallow the bitter thought that I take no pleasure in comparing it to my own family home, impressive majestic national treasures old enough to be mentioned in the Doomsday book. Although the main house is Georgian, around the side and back from the drive the Clock tower and coach house appear much older. Ethan pulls the car to the front, grabs our bags from the back seat and comes round to my side. He opens the door and I take his hand. I feel a much needed sense of calm wash over me from his touch, my tummy is both knotted and doing somersaults. Why does it even matter what his Dad thinks or Bethany…but I know why it does.

“I take it your place is bigger.” Ethan’s remark catches me in mid thought and I answer without thinking.