Evanescence (Black Rose #1) (7 page)

"I have to go."

That was the only escape from this embarrassment I can think of. I grab the rest of my books and leave out the cafeteria without looking back. I hear her call my name, but I pick up the pace. I hope she didn't read that entry. The one about her. The one proclaiming her perfections and my deep knitted feelings of her. I press my back against my locker and slide down to a sit. I open the notebook where the page had crumbled into a reliable bookmark of where she read. 

Phew!

Just a couple more turns and I would have been exposed. It was never my intention of having anyone read my notebook, especially Essence. But her compelling beauty would not allow my lips to form a
no
. I had surrendered myself, becoming a mere puppet to her ventriloquy.

From down the hall, I hear someone approaching. Do I dare take a look? No. I already know who it is. I should maybe walk away now, act as though I don't see or expect anyone coming. But I can't. I can't be a coward. I have to face my problems head on and learn to stop running.

She is close and now I have to find a way to explain my actions once again without using the same lame excuse. I take a deep breath almost sure that she was right next to me and turn to face --. Mike. 

"You alright, Ev? I saw you talking with Essence and it looked like something was wrong. What happened?" He asks.

I sigh.

"I apologized for yesterday which she did forgive me, but I think I made an even worse impression on her when she asked about my notebook."

"The one you write everything in?"

I nod and press my lips together.

"Yeah."

"And I'm assuming you said yes."

"I had no choice, Mike."

"I mean you could've said no," he assures.

"She doesn't exactly make that easy," I say shaking my head. "I would assume Bianca would make you feel the same."

He coughs up a smile, and nods as he folds his arms across his chest.

"I guess I have to agree with you on that," he says shrugging.

"Right. Well anyway, I let her read it, but there was something personal that I didn't want her to see." 

"Do you think she read it?"

I look down the hallways hoping not to see her. I shake my head.

"No," I say. "But had I let her read just a bit more, I would have been too late."

"Good thing she missed it," he smiles as he pats my shoulder. "So what are you stressing for?"

"I snatched it out of her hands. I scared her." 

Mike stares at me for a bit before exhaling deeply.

"Yeah," I say acknowledging his deep sigh. "I've been doing plenty of that lately."

"Try not to stress over things too much," he says. "Anything is fixable, just have to make the right approach."

I hate when Mike goes all shrink on me, because then, he is always right. I can fix this. It will take a lot out of me, but I can fix it. I have to. I just didn't know what to do in that situation. It was the only way, in my opinion, to save my world from ending. My feelings for her must remain a secret and I would never let the whispers in my book reveal that secret. 

"You're right," I say. "I can fix this."

"I know you can."

"I was afraid she would read it, tear it out, and throw the paper in my face or something," I exclaim as I start to grab my books for the next few classes.

Mike leans against a locker.

"Well, that's a thought. What if she didn't? What if she likes you too and just isn't saying anything?"

It takes barely a second to figure out the possibility of that was quite minuscule. That's bizarre.
Not in any of my dreams would that happen. Essence LaRoux with mutual feelings?
However, instead of feeling upset about how slim of a possibility it is, her feeling the same about me, I find laughter. Maybe I shouldn't be so negative though. Maybe for once I should look at the other end of the spectrum and consider,
'what if she does? What if Essence LaRoux really has feelings for me?'
 

"Noooope," I say to Mike shaking my head.

"Oh come on, Ev. Even after what happened yesterday she sat with you at lunch and without an invitation."

"Yeah, well, I just screwed that up right?"

I close my locker.

"I see you and Bianca are a bit friendly," I add. I wish Essence and I were like that. Growing in friendship.

"I'm going over to her place today after school. Knock out some homework and just relax. We may hit the pool later at the rec center. Care to--"

I frown.

"Oh-- Sorry, man," he says as his head slouches. "Forgot."

I nod.

"It's fine. We probably wouldn't be friends had you not save me from those kids when we were younger."

"Yeah," he says, his lips forming a small smile. “Well, if you're up for it later tonight, we may grab a bite to eat. Think about it. It can help ease your mind by having a calorie loaded meal."

He laughs and pats my shoulder. I force myself to join.

"Yeah, I'll think about it."

"Well, I'll catch ya' at the end of the day. And umm," he frowns a bit and looks me up and down. "If you
do
decide to come with us, think about getting a tan."

I quirk my eyebrow.
"Looking a little pale there, buddy. See ya'."

He jogs off as the hallway begins to fill with students. I head to the bathroom in a hurry wondering how much of me has changed since last night. From my hair, to my glasses, to my physique, and now, the surface of my skin. Before I reach for the door handle, Cedric comes out and stands in my way.

"Problem?" I ask. 

He looks me up and down and smirks.

"Looks like you have plenty of them already, Macrae."

He bumps my shoulder with his as he leaves. I scoff and shake my head.

I approach the bathroom mirror, stop, and think to turn back around to leave. I take a peek and slowly step into the spotlight. My heart skips. I am pale, practically clear. I step closer to the mirror bringing a hand to my face. I gasp at the coldest of my skin. I run my hands through my black hair. Not a strand of brown can be found. I take a deep breath and examine my chest and flex an arm. I feel no swelling, but my body is noticeably bulk.

"How is any of this possible?"

I can't say I don't like the new look, but I am perplexed on how it happened.
Something is happening to me.

                          
 
              ~
 

As the day comes to a close, I have not seen Essence in the hallways. I'm not avoiding her, but I am ashamed of my actions during lunch. How much can she take from me and my random outbursts of crazy? I decide to wait for Mike at my locker as the hallways begin to fill with students and teachers. A group of girls look my way and smile, holding their books to their faces. One of them waves a hand of hello. I wave back with a smile and blush as they continue down the hallway looking over their shoulders at me giggling to each other. I'm not use to such attention.

Five minutes go by. Then ten. Then twenty. Still no sign of Mike. The hall begins to empty and soon, Essence is at her locker grabbing her belongings. I prepare to shape my lips for the word 'sorry.' She closes her locker, throws her backpack over her shoulders, and heads for the exit doors.

I try to fight against my frozen state which feels as cold as my skin, wanting to go after her, but I couldn't budge. My legs disobey often and such a time as this, I need to fight this fear of her. I find myself standing alone in the empty hallway. No voices, rattling of papers, roars of laughter, or girls flaunting at me. Just me, myself, and I. The way we are in the womb, the way we are when we die.

Dear Journal,

Essence has given me the cold shoulder at school. We've barely made eye contact or spoke to each other, and I have yet to apologize. Plenty of times I came close but bailed. I'm sure it would've been excuses to her.

I have tried to keep myself busy by writing and drawing at home and have spent much of my time in the rainforest, free from any visits, but neither of those seemed to have helped me cope with feeling alone.  My mother noticed the changes, which has not let up one bit, but she has been distant from me as well. She's also been working double time and is barely home. Each walk I took in the rainforest; I have to say, I hoped to see that man again. I have questions and want to know where my father is, but don't know where to start on my own. Why hasn't he shown his face all these years and what did the man mean that my father would be proud?

Apart from this, there are two things at the top of my list of worries. Mike is gone and my heart hasn't beaten since I woke this morning. It's been almost a week since I've seen or heard from him. We've never gone a day without talking to each other. I have to find out what's going on with him, but I fear something happened. Something bad.  I can't explain how might I know this, but I FEEL it. Today, I'm going to head over to his house and see for myself. I've tried calling his house phone, but no one answers. His grandmother is hard of hearing, so my best hopes were to hear Mike's voice answering. Even if his grandmother did answer and I find something to be wrong, family tends to hide things for you as well as hide things from. Both I am not fond of at all, yet understand.

With hope,

Evan Macrae

                                                 -

Mike has lived with his grandmother for quite some time. When we were in middle school, his father had to relocate for work somewhere in Florida. His mother decided it would be a great place to move, but perhaps they were running away from Utica. People move away, never here. When Mike didn't want to go, his grandmother stepped in and insisted to take care of him, but of course his mother was unsure because of his young age and she would only be able to visit so often. It was his father who was okay with the idea of him staying. His father was always lenient about everything, whereas his mother was quite the opposite. At least he has them both.

I head down the front steps and to the garage for my bike. It would have been nice to drive, but my mother is gone, doing the usual, making deliveries. I pedal up the road. The smell of rain fills my nostrils. The sun is hiding behind the clouds and tries to peak through the trees above me like a game of peek-a-boo. I ride past many businesses, such as day bars, pizza shops, and bakeries which fill the air with a toasted bread aroma. The wind begins to blow a bit, so that can only mean it won't be too long before it rains. A short-cut will be needed.

I ride past a small convenience store, a bookstore, and around the back of an old abandoned pawn shop. I pedal down the road which soon turns into forest green ground. I whip past towers of trees as I ride my bike leaving tracks in the mud. As I pedal deeper into the forest, branches snap beneath me and small drops of rain begin to smack the leaves. Just a distance away, I hear the water of the Mohawk River along the rocks and cliffs. I follow the sound and soon skid in the mud to a stop. I drop the kick stand and walk past a few trees and bushes and overlook the horizon from a high vantage point.

The gray ceiling of clouds tumble atop each other, the dim sun meets my eye level above the endless water, and the trees are planted on my left and right, riding the hills of the valley. I take a step closer to the edge and close my eyes inhaling the smell of rain and allowing the moisture in the air to hit my face. When I open my eyes, in the distance is a large building that sits atop the tallest cliff not far across the water.  My mother always makes deliveries by the cliffs. I wonder if she has ever gone there. I have to admit, the longer I stare, the more familiar it becomes. Even this scenery. I've never taken this trail to Mike's before. I know I haven't, but something says it isn't this first time I've been here and this isn't the first time I've seen that building.

I pedal up Mike's driveway and stand my bike in front of his house. As I walk up the front steps, his grandmother peeks through the blinds, which makes me chuckle. She's hard at hearing, yet can predict someone's arrival. She opens the door.

"Hello, Mrs. Druin is--"

"Have you seen Mike, Evan?" She interrupts.

“...No, I thought he'd be home," I respond. "That's why I'm here. I was going to ask you the same thing."

"Oh, dear," she says walking back into the house.

I step inside and leave my shoes at the door. I meet her in the living where she sits in her rocking chair with a few clothes for knitting. Picture frames sit across a fireplace. A small coffee table with unopened mail is in the center of the room, and an old television set sits on its stand in the corner. I sit in the loveseat across from Mrs. Druin.

"Um...When was the last time you spoke to Mike or seen him?" I ask.

She exhales and begins to rock and knit.

"The police are looking for him," she responds. "Mike has been missing for over a week."

Her face holds firm, but her blushed cheeks and swollen, glossy eyes tattle that she's been crying. It is exactly what I feared. Mike is missing. 

"I'm so sorry to hear that, Mrs. Druin. I hope he's okay."

"I hope so too, Evan. His mother calls every ten minutes and she's built quite a hatred towards me. I blame myself for not being more careful with him on where he goes."

"Don't blame yourself. We'll find him. I'm sure of it. No matter where he is or what has happened. Mike is strong."

I’ve never seen him fail at anything and nothing ever seems difficult for him. His disappearance must be temporary. I have to believe that much.

"That he is. Thank the heavens for you, Evan. Always being so positive."

I smile.

"He never hinted to you about where he possibly could have gone or anything of the such? I just hope he didn't run away. Mike was happy here…Wasn't he?"

I can tell by the look on her face she was undoubtedly unsure. I'm positive Mike was happy here. He never wanted to leave Utica even as a child when his parents left to Florida. He couldn't have ran away. There has to be another explanation.

"He was happy here, Mrs. Druin. I'm sure of it."

Now that I think about it, last week, Mike said he was going to be meeting up with Bianca after school. Not to mention, he was supposed to be meeting up with me and never showed.

Mrs. Druin sighs.

"In this small town someone has to have seen or know something."

And I have a major clue. I just realized that Bianca has not been in school neither. They both are missing. They both could be in danger, but I should not think negative thoughts. They have to be okay.

"Mrs. Druin...Mike was supposed to be meeting with someone after school last week and she hasn't been in school neither."

She quirks her eyebrows and leans forward a bit in her rocking chair.

"Meeting with who? Do you know?"

"This girl. Bianca. I don't know her personally, but she's someone he has a crush on."

The phone rings.

"Hold that thought, dear."

She rises to her feet, careful not fall, and answers the phone.

"Yes?" she says holding it to her ear. "No, I have not heard anything yet....I'm sure he is somewhere out there safe...I understand...We will find him...okay my dear....I love you and I'll be sure to let you know if anything comes up..." She hangs up the phone.

"That was his mother."

"I feel so bad for her. For all of you."

"I should have let him go to Florida with his parents when he was a child," she says returning to her rocking chair shaking her head. "This would have never happened. He was in my care. Care that I fought his parents for."

"Mike made his own choice and you were doing what you thought was best for him. There's no shame in that."

"Yeah, well. At least he would have been more safe."

"There's no way we could have predicted that this would have happened," I assure her. "We have to keep hope that Mike is alright and that he will return."

"Yeah, you're right, Evan. I thank you for that. You truly are his best friend. He's lucky."

She rocks in her chair and thunder rumbles.

"Now, you better get going before it starts pouring out."

"Yeah, you're right," I respond rising to my feet.

"If you hear anything, Evan--"

"You can trust me that I'll let you know, Mrs. Druin," I promise.

She smiles weakly and nods.

"Thank you, Evan. I just want him home," she hugs tightly.

"Me too, Mrs. Druin. You take care."

We let go of each other and I step outside of the house with an emptiness. I hop onto my bike and head down the path in which I had come. Mike is out there. Somewhere. Somewhere he is breathing and he is okay. Bianca too. The idea that Mike ran away I do not consider as a possibility. Not one bit. I have to believe that he is okay. I can't allow that voice in my head to convince that there is a possibility he was taken out of his will. I can't succumb to that. If Bianca is missing with him, it must be relative. And I agree with Mrs. Druin, in this small city, somebody knows something.
 

                          
 
              ~

I park my bike in the garage and head inside.

"Hey, sweetie. Dinner's ready," my mother says as she cleans off the counters in the kitchen. 

"I'm not hungry," I respond.

"Not hungry? What's wrong? Did you go to Mike's house to see what's been going on?" she asks. 

"Mike is gone, mom."

"Gone? Gone where? To visit his parents in Florida?"

"No," I say taking a seat at the island. "He's missing. He hasn't been in school in over a week and when I went to see him, his grandmother thought I knew where he was."

"Oh God, that's awful. I can only imagine the pain his family must be feeling."

I place my head on the counter and exhale.

"I'm sorry sweetie," she says rubbing my back. "I know he's your best friend, and I'm sure we will find him."

"Think so?" I say into the white counter with a muffle before looking at her.

She smiles.

"I know so, Evan." She kisses my forehead.

"I'm going to head upstairs and get ready for bed," I say stepping off the stool and heading out the kitchen.

"You sure? It's still kind of early, Evan," she calls after me.

"I can use the sleep," I respond making my way up the stairs.

"If you change your mind your food will be in the microwave," she yells.

I head into my room and close the door behind me. I plop back onto my bed and place my hands behind my head and stare at the ceiling which feels like forever. I take a deep breath and exhale hoping Mike is doing the same. Breathing. I place a hand on my chest and search for a heartbeat. Still, nothing. I throw on my headphones and close my eyes to drift away from today.

Mike. Where are you? Are you safe?