Even Angels Fall (33 page)

The flat is dark, empty and eerily quiet and has been for most of the day. Darren and Sophie are staying with Gemma so that they can keep an eye on her and Liam, Nathan and Lucy have kept their distance for the last couple of days in order to give Abbey some space to talk to Alex. They are all worried about him. None of them have ever seen him like this before and he is starting to frighten them. He has completely shut himself off and is letting his anger and self-loathing totally consume him. It isn’t healthy, and it certainly isn’t helping Tom, or the situation.

Abbey hesitates slightly as she approaches the bed where Alex is sitting. He has his back to her and is staring out of the window at the early evening sky, with a cigarette in his right hand and an overflowing ashtray at his feet. He tilts his head slightly and smiles a weak smile as Abbey perches next to him. His hair is unkempt, his stubble overgrown and his eyes are red raw. He hasn’t slept for days and he looks exhausted.

Abbey reaches up and strokes her hand down the side of his face, gently caressing the now faded bruise. He shuts his eyes and leans into her touch, grasping her hand as she moves it away before pulling it into his lap and staring down at their entwined fingers.

“You need to eat something…” Abbey states, softly, and he shakes his head and smiles meekly again.

“Thank you…” He whispers, “For staying with me…”

“Where else would I be?”

“Anywhere but here, like the others…” Alex flinches as he docks out his cigarette and rubs his face with his hands, feeling jaded and utterly defeated. Abbey’s heart sinks and she swallows hard. She can’t stand to see him like this. She can’t bear to see the pain in his eyes and how much he is hurting. She cautiously wraps her arms around him and to her surprise he lifts his feet onto the bed and rests his head in her lap, pulling the sleeves of his hoody down before clutching his arms, tightly to his chest. They stay there for the longest time as Abbey runs her fingers softly through Alex’s hair, returning the comfort he had shown her when she turned up on his doorstep, lost and completely distraught. She wishes he would cry. She wants him to scream and shout and react to what he is feeling on the inside. He knows that holding it all in is unhealthy and not to mention dangerous, so why won’t he open up?

“They’re worried about you. They don’t think you’re coping…”

“They don’t need to waste their time worrying about me…” He frowns.

“Stop it. Don’t do this to yourself Alex. They’re your family and they love you. I love you. Please don’t push everyone away…”

“I don’t deserve anyone’s pity. This is all my fault, Abbey. What happened to Tom, it’s on me, I did that, to my best friend…” Abbey grabs hold of Alex’s shoulders and forces him upright, dropping to the floor and twisting her body so that she is kneeling in front of him, her face level with his.

“You didn’t cause this to happen, Alex. You didn’t know Marcus was going to come after you again and there’s no way that you could have known what would happen on that raid…”

“Tom knew…” He argues back, his face twisted in anguish, “He knew it was a risk. He knew something like this was bound to fucking happen…”

“You all decided to do that job…” Abbey maintains her point, but her voice is flat and her tone unconvincing.

“He put himself at risk for me. He did this for me… and I let him. I can’t ever take that back. I can’t ever make this right. I fucked up, Abbey… I really fucked up…” His voice begins to crack and he fists his hands roughly in his hair, hating himself, unable to escape the truth.

“It isn’t just on you…” She breathes, “I talked to him…”

Alex looks up and holds Abbey’s gaze, confused and caught off-guard by her sudden confession.

“When?”

“The same day he changed his mind and told you he’d help. I was so scared Alex, scared of losing you. I could see he was doubting his decision, so I spoke to him about it… and I convinced him to help…” Alex’s face displays a varied range of emotion, quickly flitting between shock, hurt and disappointment in a matter of seconds yet his anger fades almost as quickly as it flares and the sorrowful resignation slowly creeps back in.

“It isn’t your fault, Abbey…” he sighs, “I reckon he’d have changed his mind anyway. I was the one who let the raid go ahead. I shouldn’t have entertained the idea or let myself be talked round. I should have fucking listened to him…”

“You never would have gone ahead with it if you’d known…”

“Doesn’t make much of a fucking difference now, does it?” Alex shrugs sadly and Abbey shakes her head, mirroring his expression. Before she can speak again, he stands abruptly and moves over to the wardrobe, lifting his hooded top over his head and grabbing a fresh t-shirt from one of the drawers with a sudden sense of urgency.

“What are you doing?” Abbey asks, taken aback.

“I have to see him…”

“What?! But there might be police at the hospital Alex, they’ll be monitoring his visitors…”

“I don’t care…” He shakes his head and strides back over, resting his hands firmly on her shoulders, “He’s my best friend and he saved my life. I have to see him. I can’t just sit around here waiting anymore, I should never have left him in the first place…”

Abbey’s legs buckle beneath her and she slumps despairingly back onto the bed as the familiar sensation of panic fights its way through her chest. Alex is careful and far from stupid. If there is even the slightest sign that the police are nearby then he will turn around and come straight home, but that doesn’t reassure her much. Everything is such a mess and they are dangerously close to being found out. It is all balancing on a knife edge and one simple mistake could cost them everything. But Alex is grieving, and if seeing Tom helps him in some way and forces him to start dealing with his pain, then she can hardly stop him.

“Be careful…” She whispers timidly, and the fear in her voice causes Alex to turn back as he shrugs into his jacket. He slides his phone into the pocket of his jeans and holds out his hand, pulling Abbey to her feet and into a tight, comforting embrace. He kisses her hair sweetly and runs his nose along the top of her forehead, before tilting her head back and giving her a chaste kiss on the lips.

“I will be. I promise…”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Abbey already knows what the answer will be before the words are out of her mouth.

“No. It’s too dangerous; I don’t want you involved any more than you are already, not if I can help it…”

“OK…” She shrugs, knowing there is no point in arguing.

“Give Lucy a call; get her and Nathan over here, Liam too. I don’t like leaving you on your own…” She nods in agreement and he leans down, kissing her again, “I won’t be long…”

As Alex turns to leave all of Abbey’s fears, worries and insecurities suddenly engulf her and she reaches up, urgently locking her arms around his neck and pulling him down so that their lips meet again. Alex responds by wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her close, their bodies pressing together as he runs his other hand greedily through her hair. They eventually break apart, gasping for breath, and Abbey fights back the ridiculous and unwelcome notion that she is never going to see him again. Alex slows his breathing and stares into Abbey’s eyes, keeping hold of the tight grip he has on her, while their faces remain inches apart. He hesitates as if he is about to speak, but doesn’t. Instead he straightens up and composes himself, leaning forward so that his lips brush lightly against Abbey’s mouth once more before he strides with a renewed determination out of the room.

Alex knows how careful he has to be. Visiting hours have been over for a while and the hospital feels almost peaceful as it winds down at the end of the day. There are a few members of the public still milling about in the lobby and he has no problem walking unnoticed over towards the elevators. According to Gemma intensive care is in ward ten, left, right, then left again, out of the lift on the fourth floor.

The neon strip lights ping and flicker above Alex’s head as he approaches a set of double doors. Through them is another, long, dark corridor, similar to the one he has just walked down with a sign at the end pointing the way to the ‘I.C.U’.

He tries the door to ward ten, but it is locked. He knows there is no point pressing the intercom as visitors are not permitted after 7pm and it looks as though there is no other way in. He glances through the thin, panelled window and he can see an abandoned nurse’s station and what looks at first to be an empty waiting room, but there is movement inside and a young couple appear, both of them visibly upset. The woman is crying and grasping a tissue to her face as the man feebly holds his arm around her shoulders, supporting her. They stop and exchange a few words with the only nurse on duty - as far as Alex can tell - before they turn and walk towards him.

He ducks around the corner and presses himself against the wall, hiding in the shadows, waiting for his only chance to get inside. The door swings open and the young couple leave - sobbing quietly - too caught up in their grief to notice Alex lurking in the background. He waits until they are out of earshot then sneaks back round, only just managing to hook his hand through the door before it clicks shut. He creeps forward and spots the nurse sitting at a computer desk in the small office directly behind the reception area. She seems engrossed in an article she is reading on the screen and Alex is able to move to the other end of the ward undetected, sliding through another set of doors and into a dimly lit room with a large glass partition splitting it in two. On the side he has entered there are a number of rather uncomfortable looking seats and a battered old coffee table. On the other, much larger side of the room, are half a dozen beds spaced out equally with all sorts of medical equipment surrounding them.

Three of the cubicles are empty, one has the curtain partially closed around it, and the other two are occupied. Alex stares in hollow disbelief at the patient directly in front of him, momentarily placing his hand on the window as if trying to reach through the glass and prove to himself that what he is seeing is actually real. Tom is half covered by a thin sheet. His chest is bare and he has a large bandage across the middle of his torso. Numerous wires are attached to his chest, arms and neck, and there is a plastic tube angled down his throat which is taped securely in place on his cheek. A large, cylinder shape machine rises and falls in time with his chest and there are regular beeps from the monitor keeping track of his heartbeat.

Alex rests his head against the partition in total despair. This is his fault… and he can’t do anything to change it. Nothing will magically make Tom better. If he could switch places with him he would do it in an instant, but that isn’t an option. He can’t bargain his way out of this. What’s done is done and even if this hasn’t ended Tom’s life it has certainly robbed him of a large part of it. He will most likely spend the whole of his thirties in prison, locked up for a crime he didn’t even want to commit. He did this to help Alex and the money they came away with wasn’t even close to the amount needed. It was all for nothing.

“Can I help you…?” A startled voice snaps Alex out of his troubled thoughts and he whirls around. A small, dainty nurse who barely looks old enough to be out of high school is standing in the doorway with a pile of neatly folded towels in her arms.

“Sorry…” He frowns, fully aware that he needs to turn on the charm in order to blag his way out of trouble, but he is unable to summon the energy to do so, “I’m just visiting…”

“You shouldn’t be here, not at this time…”

“I know…” Alex sighs, thinking quickly on his feet, “I just got here, from Ireland. I thought I’d come by the hospital before trying to find a B&B for the night…” His voice is tired and weary, filled with emotion, and his story hardly sounds convincing. But after momentarily weighing him up, the nurse places the stack of towels on a chair and moves further into the room, closing the distance between them. Alex glances at the clock and realises he has been standing there for almost half an hour. No wonder he has been caught.

“Do you know him well?” The nurse asks, intrigued.

“Yes, he’s a good friend…” Alex is reluctant to give anything away but he doesn’t want to offend the girl either. He is lucky she hasn’t called security.

“Well your friend seems to be in quite a bit of trouble. The police think he was involved in a robbery…”

“They must have it wrong…” Alex swallows hard and shakes his head defensively.

“They seem pretty convinced. You don’t think he would get involved in something like that…?”

“No. Not unless he was forced to…”

“Maybe your friend fell in with a bad crowd?” The nurse suggests, and Alex raises an eyebrow as he laughs once without a trace of humour.

“Maybe…” He agrees. There is a passing silence as they both look down at Tom’s battered, fragile body and the mass of machines that are keeping him alive, “Is he going to be alright?” Alex asks, turning to face the nurse properly for the first time. She is a little taken aback by the intense and tormented piercing blue eyes that are staring down at her, but once she catches her breath she smiles up at him kindly.

“He has a long recovery ahead of him. It will take a while for him to get back to full strength but it seems promising at this stage. He’s still in a coma because his body needs time to heal, but it looks likely that he’ll be awake by the middle of next week…”

“Good…” Alex sighs, “That’s good…”

“I’m sure he’ll pull through…” She smiles, encouragingly, and Alex nods, thankful for her reassurance. With one last glance at his broken best friend he turns to leave, pausing in the doorway as the nurse calls after him, “I’ll tell him you stopped by… when he wakes up I mean. What did you say your name was?”

Alex is grateful for her kind words but wary of her inquisitiveness and his walls are instantly raised, with his cold exterior masking the vulnerability that he exhibited just moments ago.

“I didn’t…” He frowns, and the nurse stares after him as he disappears out of sight, dodging anymore unwanted questions and hopefully preventing her suspicions from being raised any further.