Even In Darkness (Between) (10 page)

“I’m not the monster you take me to be,” he said, so softly I barely heard him. “Stay. I’ll see
that he’s fed. I promise.”

An image of Aiden sprang to mind, the look on his face when he’d kissed me for never leaving his side while he was ill.
Even if they had to amputate my foot, I wouldn’t leave him down there alone.

“I
’m sorry. I can’t.” Pocketing the extra roll, I turned and stumbled across the deck without looking back.

When I finally made it down the stairs, Callison gave me a knowing wink. All the pain and misery I was feeling intensified at seeing his stupid face. Maybe I couldn’t hate the captain, but I sure as hell had no problem taking out my aggressions on Callison. Still, I was in no shape to defend myself if he decided to get physical, so I settled for flipping him the bird. He probably had no idea what that meant—was it even around in the 1700s?—but I didn’t care. The look on my face probably conveyed the same message. He just laughed and shook his head as I shuffled past him and into the dark pit to find Aiden.

He looked up as I entered, his smile bright enough to light the room, then he saw me limping and rose to meet me. He had a
bad leg of his own, but he seemed to be in better shape than before. I was amazed at how quickly he’d healed from his wounds once the fever passed. Of course, we were in Between and time was not the same here, I reminded myself. Spending most of my time in the holding cell with Aiden, I frequently lost track of whether it was day or night. The hours melted into one another with only the flicker of the oil lamp to light the filthy hole. And yet, seeing his face when I returned, his relief and joy that I’d come back to him, that alone made up for all the rest.
Eagan may have his good moments, but he isn’t Aiden
, I reminded myself.

“What happened?” he asked, taking my arm to help me sit. The relief at taking the pressure off my leg was so sweet, I
nearly fainted.

“I lost my balance going up the stairs when the boat rocked and twisted my ankle.” My head fell back against the wall. “Man, I miss jeans,” I mumbled.

“Jeans?” Aiden gave me a quizzical look.

I debated telling him everything right then, just to see what he’d say
, but I didn’t have the strength to get into it.

“Never mind.
It was...the name of a pet I had growing up.”

Aiden sat beside me and twined his fingers through mine, but he turned his face away to hide a sheepish grin. “I know ye’ve likely told me this before, but since I can’t remember...”

“What?”

He looked down at our hands and stroked my fingers lightly. “I was curious a
bout your family. Do ye have siblings? Where are ye from? You’ve an accent I can’t quite place.”

The thought of my family made my chest tighten with longing. I missed my parents. I couldn’t believe they were going to have to deal with losing me, and so soon after
my first accident. It was all so unfair.

“I’m an only child, no brothers or sisters. And I’m American.”

His eyebrows reached his hairline at this information. “Aye? The new world? I’ve heard of it, of course, but I can’t say I’ve ever met someone who hails from there. Especially not a woman.”

Something about the disapproving tone of his voice on the word “woman”
made me feel like a cat forced into water. I pulled my hand free and crossed my arms over my chest. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“S
orry, I meant no offence. ‘Tis only...well, I’ve never met anyone quite like you. You’ve a spirit about ye, feisty and fierce, that I must admit, I rather enjoy. And yet, here you are, in this blackened dungeon with me when you’re free to come and go as you choose.” He shrugged apologetically. “I’m simply trying to make sense of it all.”

My irritation
cooled, since the overwhelming confusion in his voice was something I was struggling with as well. “It’s okay. I don’t understand it all myself.” Fatigue pressed down on me like a heavy blanket and the next thing I knew, I was cradled against Aiden with his good arm wrapped around my shoulders.

“Rest a bit, lass. I’ll be here when ye wake.”

He’d said something similar to me in the church the first time we’d met. The memory tasted sweet and I clung to it like a child with a lollipop as I let the darkness pull me in.

Chapter 10

When I woke up, my throat felt like sandpaper. I desperately needed a drink, but the pitcher I’d scavenged from the kitchen for Aiden was bone dry. The thought crossed my mind to ask Callison to go fetch me some water, since my ankle was still swollen and sore. As if he’d do that.
Yeah, right. Still, picturing his look of righteous indignation at my request that he leave his precious post for one minute made me smile. Hefting myself to my feet, I grabbed the empty pitcher and told Aiden I’d be back soon with some water.

“If only I could fetch it for
ye,” he said with a frown. “I hate being trapped inside here, unable to care for myself, not knowing what’s happening outside.” He stood up and began pacing the cramped enclosure like a caged tiger. “And that captain...” He stopped suddenly, fixing me with an unflinching stare. “He fancies you, aye? Has he touched you?”

“No!” I replied too quickly. His eyes narrowed as though he could see right through me. I argued with myself that I wasn’t really lying. Technically, I was the one who
’d kissed him, not the other way around. And I wouldn’t really call it a kiss anyway. More of a peck.

“But he wants to.” Aiden crossed his arms and waited, daring me to contradict his statement. I couldn’t, so I didn’t even try.

“I’m going to get water,” I said, then hurried for the door with his eyes burning a hole in my back.

After
pushing past Callison and biting my tongue to keep from responding to his taunting words about me leaving Aiden and taking care of
him
for a change, I ascended the stairs one step at a time. Beads of sweat broke out across my forehead with the effort. My throat burned like I’d swallowed a cup full of hot sand. When I finally reached the upper deck, the cool morning air on my skin felt like jumping into a swimming pool in the middle of August.

With a silent prayer of thanks for the relief from the
stifling heat downstairs, I started across the ship. The captain stood next to Stanton at the base of one of the massive sails, looking skyward. Following their gaze, I spied a streak of red hair up several hundred feet in the air. Willie had climbed the post and had maneuvered himself out across the beam, attempting to unhook a sail that had become twisted. A sharp wind kicked up while I watched and the fabric of the sail snapped taut. The boat rocked violently to one side. My skirts whipped around my legs and I held onto the railing to keep from falling. With strands of hair lashing at my face, I worked my way over to Eagan to demand that he get Willie down right now, but I wasn’t fast enough. A thin scream pierced the air as Willie lost his grip on the beam and plummeted into the churning waters below.

“Willie!” I screamed,
dropping the empty water pitcher. I lurched toward the rail and peered down. A little splash marked where he’d fallen, but his red hair was nowhere to be seen. “Oh my God! Eagan, you have to—” I whipped around to insist that the captain do something, but all I found were his coat and boots on the deck where he’d been standing a moment earlier. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Eagan dive over the railing and into the icy water. Crewmen suddenly engulfed me, shouting to each other and pushing me away from the rail. Before I was shoved out of sight, I saw Eagan break the surface with one arm around Willie, who was sputtering and gasping for air. The sound of Stanton’s orders were stolen by the wind, but one the men tossed down a rope and hoisted them both up over the rail.

I tried to run to Willie’s side, but was blocked by a
short, thick sailor with a crooked nose that had clearly been broken at least once before. “He’ll need space to breathe, miss. I suggest that you wait in the captain’s quarters for him. I’ll tell him he can find you there.” Before I could protest, his hand clamped down on my arm like a bear trap and he hauled me off toward the captain’s room.

“Let
me go!” I yelled, trying to jerk free from his grasp, but he was too strong. Once we made it to the door, he reluctantly released my arm—which was sure to have a vicious bruise in the morning—and not-so-gently deposited me inside. “Stay here,” he ordered, then shut the door. The soft click that followed let me know I’d been locked inside.

“Aaaargh!”
I screamed to the room in general, but the pain in my throat reminded me of why I’d come upstairs in the first place. A full pitcher of water called to me from the captain’s nightstand, reminding me that I’d left mine out on the deck when Willie went overboard. I poured myself a glass and flopped down on the corner of the bed, unsure of what to do. How long would I be stuck in here? Was Willie okay? Was Eagan? Why did he do that? He just jumped into the sea without even thinking. He could have let him drown, but he didn’t. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Fortunately, I didn’t have long to wait.

The door opened and Eagan strode inside, a heavy blanket wrapped around his sopping wet body.
He dropped his boots at the entrance and glanced up, clearly surprised to see me.

“Are you unwell?” he asked, w
hich caught me off guard.

“Me? I’m—” I stammered
, getting to my feet. He was nearly blue with the cold and he was concerned about me? I shook my head to focus. “Why did you do that?”

“Do what?” he replied, feigning ignor
ance. He crossed the room to the armoire and shrugged off the blanket. His clothes were plastered against his body like they’d been painted on, showing every line of muscle across his back. His butt looked like it was sculpted from marble. I had a mad desire to run my hands over it.

Clearing my throat to distract my mind
from wandering into seriously dangerous territory, I replied, “You jumped in after Willie! Why would you do that?”

Turning to face me, he stripped off his soaked shirt and dropped it to the floor. It made a plopping sound and I forced myself to stare at the wet mass instead of letting my eyes linger on the beautiful shape of his bare chest. Still,
I couldn’t shake the image of his flat stomach and those perfect lines cut over his hips, disappearing into his waistband. When his pants joined the pile on the floor, I squeezed my eyes shut and mentally smacked myself upside the head.

“Why would I jump into the sea to save the life of one of my men?” The tone of his voice didn’t reveal t
hat he’d seen me looking, but I knew damn well he had. My face flushed with guilt and embarrassment. The sound of him putting on a pair of dry pants allowed me to breathe again.

“But he’s not one of your men. He’s a prisoner
just like Aiden,” I argued, forcing my eyes up to his face. The thought of Aiden brought a wellspring of anger bubbling up to the surface. “You’re just going to kill him anyway—both of them—so why put yourself out to save him now? Is it just that you want the thrill of seeing him hang? Is that it?”

He frowned at me like I’d done something wrong and he was deciding what my punishment should be. “Is that what you believe of me?” he
asked, his voice too soft and intimate for my comfort. Confusion swirled around me as his gaze held mine. How did he always do this to me? I desperately wanted to hate him, but every time he got near, I seemed to forget he was the enemy. There was something in his eyes that made me want to hold him and never let go. And that terrified me.

“Don’t,” I said. It wasn’t a demand, but a plea for mercy. “Please.”

“Don’t what?” He took a step forward, reaching out to touch my face. His fingertips brushed my cheek and trailed down my jaw. Tingles raced across my shoulders at the touch of his skin against mine.

This was it.
The moment had arrived to make my offer and I was scared to death.

I
stared at my hands, unable to look at him and say what I had to say. “Don’t kill them. I’ll do anything you want.”

He grunted like I’d punched him
in the gut. He took a step back. Silence coated the air between us, thick and bitter as a lungful of smoke. My breaths came fast and shallow as I waited for him to say something.

Finally, he spoke, but instead of the mockery or sensuality I expec
ted to hear, his voice was heavy with disappointment. “So now you’re offering to barter for their lives, is it?”

Still not meeting his eyes, I nodded
.

He walked slowly around me in a circle. I could feel his eyes sweeping over m
y body like he was assessing me, like I was a prize horse he was bidding on. “Anything I want, you say?”

Don’t be an asshole and drag this out!
I wanted to scream, but I kept my mouth shut and nodded again.

“Fine,” he
said, his tone curt. He walked back to the armoire and pulled out a fresh shirt. Unable to help myself, I watched him put it on, wishing he weren’t so damn beautiful. “Once we reach England, I’ll arrange for their sentence to be commuted.” His words were sharp and clipped like bits of wire. “I’m sailing to the new world shortly and the three of you will accompany me. There is a baron with a homestead over there who will be willing to take them on as indentured servants. Seven years they’ll work to earn their freedom, but it will keep them from the hangman’s noose, which is what you want, is it not?”

Relief poured through me and I nearly sagged like a sail without wind.
I did it,
I thought.
I saved them.
I had no idea what that meant, but it was something. “Thank you,” I said, but was surprised by his angry tone.

“Don’t thank me. You’re the one sacrificing yourself for their passage. And to that end, I’ll expect you to spend every night in my bed from now on. I won’t have you rotting in that
vile stench any longer.”

His ruthless demand cracked my façade of control like a hammer on glass.
I struggled to maintain a straight face. What did I expect? Of course that’s what he would choose, given the freedom to pick “anything he wanted” like I’d said. I’d known what the stakes were going into this, but hearing the words from his lips was something else entirely.

Swallowing
the jagged shards of my pride, I replied, “Yes, sir.”

His jaw fell, incredulous.
“Yes, sir? Yes, sir?! Oh, for the love of God, woman. It takes every ounce of self-restraint I possess not to take you over my knee this very moment. And well you’d deserve it, too! You pious, beautiful, insufferable creature.” He seized my shoulders and hauled me against his chest, then grabbed a fistful of my hair as his lips crashed down over my own. His kiss was fierce, angry, and boiling with a passion that I couldn’t deny. His presence was like an undertow and I was going under. Hating myself and the uncontrollable pull I felt toward him, I kissed him back just as hard. His tongue demanded entry and I allowed it, helpless to stop him and not wanting to anyway. His free hand slid down my back and cupped my bottom, pulling me closer so there was no mistaking exactly what he had in store for me. A groan escaped from deep within me, though I couldn’t say if it was from agony or desire. My traitorous body reacted to him like gas on a flame.

I didn’t want to want him. But there was no question that I did.

Suddenly, he shoved me away and stood staring at me with wide eyes, the pulse in his neck beating wildly. Panting hard, he swiped the back of his hand across his mouth, then muttered something in French that sounded a lot like “God help me.” Then he strode across the room, grabbed his boots, and slammed the door shut behind him.

I stood for a moment, shell shocked by what had just happened
. Shaking my head from side to side as though I could deny that he’d kissed me—and that I’d kissed him back—I caught sight of the water pitcher out of the corner of my eye. Aiden was waiting for me to return with the water. Aiden—who would see the telltale signs of deceit and unfaithfulness etched onto my face—was locked in a filthy hole, waiting patiently for me to bring him the most basic of life’s necessities while I was up here getting busy with his arch enemy.

I hated myself.

But I had to! It was the only way to save Aiden and Willie.
I tried reasoning as the defense attorney, pleading my case.
What else was I supposed to do? Let them die? What kind of wife would I be then?

But the prosecuting attorney on my other shoulder was all over that, a look of
utter disgust on her face.
What kind of wife are you now? Up here in another man’s bedroom, planning to sleep with him? Besides, aren’t you all already dead? So your “self-sacrifice”
–she used air quotes to convey her derision—
is worthless.

But I turned the tables on her.
You don’t know what matters and what doesn’t. You don’t even know what we’re doing here. You don’t know anything! If you’re so damn smart, what would you do?

And that shut her up. None of us knew what to do next.

All I knew was that I couldn’t go back to Aiden, not yet, not while I was still reeling from Eagan’s kiss. So I limped over to the bed and lay down, allowing the soft mattress to cradle and comfort me. The tears that I’d held at bay for so long finally poured out of me in huge, heaving sobs until I had nothing left. Exhausted and feeling completely lost, I slept.