Even Now (41 page)

They came together in a last embrace that made Shane’s throat thick. There would be phone calls and e-mail and visits, God willing. But with Lauren in the Middle East, any good-bye could be their last.

He watched the two of them, knowing they were too torn up to say anything more. Finally Angela put her arm around Emily, and the two of them waved. Then they turned and headed for the exit. Shane and Lauren watched them until they were gone. Then, without saying a word, Lauren fell into his arms.

“I didn’t want the week to end.” She mumbled the words against his chest.

“It doesn’t have to.” He kissed the top of her head.

She said nothing, and after a few seconds he picked up his bag and the two of them walked through the door and got into the security line. They held hands as they walked to her gate. Lauren’s plane was already boarding.

He faced her and lifted her chin with his fingers. “Did you hear what I said earlier? What I’ve been saying all week?”

Her eyes held a sort of torment he hadn’t seen before, as if the battle inside her was far more frightening than the one she was going back to write about. She took a step closer, so their legs were touching. “Yes.” The word sounded strained. “Yes. I heard.”

“So then . . . ” He kept his tone easy, his words slow. Even if it killed him to tell her good-bye after finding her again, there would be no last-minute sales pitch to convince her to stay with him. His heart hurt and he wanted to weep, but now wasn’t the time. Instead, he dug deep down and found a trace of humor. “Does this mean you’re breaking our engagement?”

A single laugh burst from her throat, and she let her forehead fall against his chest. “Shane.” She lifted her eyes to his again. “Be serious.”

He hesitated. “Why, Lauren?” He felt the smile fade from his face. With his eyes holding hers, he traced her jaw, her neck. “Would that convince you to stay with me?”

She brought her hands up along the sides of his face, and with fresh tears brimming in her eyes, she kissed him. It was a kiss filled with finality, and when she drew back she was breathless, her emotions giving way. “I’ll think about it, Shane.” She shook her head. “I just don’t see how it can work.”

He understood. As he searched her eyes, he prayed the way he’d been praying since their first conversation that week.
Please God . . . show us how to make this come together
. And in that instant he realized something. It wasn’t only their politics that were different. It was their faith. Without that in common, Lauren might be right.
God we need You . . . she needs You.

“What are you thinking?” Her voice was low, her eyes locked on his.

He worked his fingers through her hair and kissed her once more. “I’m trying not to.”

“Attention passengers — ” a tinny voice came over the loud speaker system — “this is the final boarding call for Flight 92 to Los Angeles. All ticketed passengers please proceed directly to Gate C20 for immediate boarding.”

He took a step back and pain cut through him, as though his heart were being ripped in half. He caught his breath, forced himself to smile, to speak. “You better go.”

She nodded, too choked up to talk. She mouthed the words, “Bye, Shane.” And then, with a last look at him, she turned and headed for the Jetway.

There were no desperate statements, no promises that she’d call or write or stay in touch. She just turned . . . and was gone. Swallowing hard, he stared at the terminal around him without seeing anything. Hoards of people pushed past, but he barely noticed. He just stood there, unable to take a step away from the gate, to be the one to put more space between them.

Finally, his feet took over. He drifted toward the window and watched the plane back away, shift gears, and begin positioning on the runway. He could still see her face, her blonde hair and blue eyes. Could she see him too? Did she feel what he felt? That even though she was leaving, their hearts were still connected? Would always be connected?

Father God . . . help.

Things had worked out for everyone that week. Emily had her parents, and Bill had a place in heaven. His parents and Lauren’s had found friendship and healing, and none of them would ever be the same again because of it. Yes, things had worked out for everyone.

Everyone except Lauren and him.

He kept his eyes on the aircraft, watching the same window, the one where he was sure he could see her, no matter now far away the plane was. Finally the craft circled into place, and after a brief pause, barreled down the runway, lifting up through a hole in the sky.

Taking Lauren with it.

Only then, did Shane drop to the nearest chair, cover his face with his hands and let the tears come.

L
auren was one of the first to exit the plane. She collected her things and headed out onto the concourse, not really aware of anything around her. Her mind was consumed with Shane, with their time together, with all she’d turned her back on. How had she let things go so terribly wrong?

For the past six hours she’d done nothing but relive every wonderful moment with him, weighing it against the reality of the life she had in Afghanistan. From Chicago to New York where she had to change planes, she’d asked herself the same question over and over again: it couldn’t work, could it?

No. How could it? How could she believe the way she believed or cover the war the way she had always covered it, and spend her nonworking hours sharing a life with a navy flight instructor at the Top Gun facility. And what about their beliefs? He spoke about God at every turn, and she . . . well, she was still trying to forgive Him.

She and Shane together? The idea was ludicrous. But by the time she reached New York she could no longer deny one very obvious truth. Letting Shane go now was even more so.

When the plane taxied to the gate, she hurried off and talked with the woman at the counter. Yes, the woman told her. She could do this, and yes, they could see that her bags followed her. But she had just thirty minutes if she wanted to make the flight.

Lauren paid the price, then pulled her cell phone from her pocket and dialed the Los Angeles office of
Time
magazine. When she had her editor on the line she had to stifle a bout of giggles. “Listen, I have a favor to ask.”

“Whatever you want, Gibbs.” She’d worked with this editor for three years. “We just hope you’re ready to get back to work. The magazine needs you.”

“I’m ready.” She swallowed, not quite believing that she was doing this. “But I need time away from Afghanistan. I want a temporary new assignment, if that’s all right.”

“Sure.” Her editor didn’t hesitate. “You’ve earned that much.” He hesitated. “Where do you want to go?”

She closed her eyes and lifted her face. “Reno, Nevada.”

“Reno?” A pause. “Are you crazy?”

She smiled. “Yes.” Another giggle. “You know what? It’s wonderful!”

With her editor’s promise to make the arrangements, Lauren ran from one concourse to the next, barely making her flight. Now, if the schedules had held up, her plane would land fifteen minutes before his.

Her flight was quick, and before she knew it, she was walking out the door, into the Reno Airport. With each step, she picked up her pace, and with five minutes to spare she found a seat at the gate, his gate. One with a direct view of the Jetway. When she was sure she had enough time, she dug through her bag until she found it. The small cardboard box that was never more than a few yards from her.

The whole week, every time she and Shane were together, she’d wanted to pull it from her bag and share it with him. Because the moment she did so, he’d know. She’d never forgotten, not through the years of college, no matter where her reporting took her. But the moment had never seemed right.

Now she looked at the faded, creased photographs and — careful not to damage the pictures in anyway, she took out the ring. It still stirred emotions in her, memories of a love that nothing in all her life had equaled. With deliberate care, she slipped the ring on her baby finger, closed the small box, and placed the box back into her bag. No, she couldn’t have brought out these things earlier. This way she’d had time to think it through. It was true, they wouldn’t have everything in common. But they shared what mattered most for now, and in time they would figure out if the rest would work or not.

Emily’s face danced in her mind, and tears stung Lauren’s eyes. They had a daughter — their precious baby girl, all grown up and longing to be loved — and they shared a past and a romance that knew nothing of struggles with faith or political differences. She was pretty sure she believed in God, after all. And if He was real, well then, she and God had some mountains to scale. But mountains were meant to be climbed, right? And the politics thing, well, Shane had been right. If others could pull off a bipartisan marriage, maybe they could do the same thing.

There was a rustling of activity behind the gate counter, and an aircraft pulled into view. Lauren’s heart beat so hard she thought it might burst through her chest. But at least it wasn’t broken anymore.

She stood, her bag high on her shoulder, and watched the people file through the door. A mother with two babies; a group of businessmen; two couples, tanned and laughing, moving slowly and talking with their hands . . .

And then he was there. At the doorway.

Lauren started to shake. Emotion flooded her, coursing through her veins and making her hands and feet tingle. She felt hot and cold at the same time. Would she fall to her knees, faint from all she was feeling?
Lord
,
if You’re real . . . I can’t believe this. What is this feeling?
She wasn’t sure what startled her more: her reaction to seeing Shane, or that she’d spoken to God about it.

Sucking in air, she took a step closer, and then another. Shane followed those in front of him through the door, staring at the ground as he walked. He looked so . . . grief stricken. Defeated.

Oh
,
God
,
I did that to him. I’m so sorry . . . I love him so much!

As though he heard her broken inner cry, Shane hesitated — and looked up. Their gazes locked, and she saw the reality hit him like a physical force, saw the emotions flash in his eyes. Disbelief and shock and amazement. And then, shining out with such intensity that it engulfed her, love. A love that made Lauren feel like she could fly.

He moved, slowly at first and then in a rush that closed the distance between them. Before she had time to take a breath, his arms were around her, clutching her, and they were rocking, holding on to each other the way she’d ached to hold him every hour that they’d been apart. Lauren wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but finally they shuffled to the side, out of the way of the other passengers. Shane searched her eyes. “What . . . how . . . ?”

She grinned. “I called my editor.” Her eyes danced, and the feel of his joy flowed down to her soul. “I told him maybe I better be stationed at Reno for awhile.”

“You did?” He clasped his hands at the small of her back, holding tight to her. The familiar teasing filled his voice. “How come?”

She lifted one shoulder. “I figured you had a point.” A giggle slipped from her overjoyed heart.

“A point?”

“Yes.” She leaned up and kissed him, kissed him in a way that left no doubts about her feelings. “Magazine reporters are supposed to be unbiased, right?”

“Right.” He brought his lips to hers again, cradling her face in his hands. “So?”

“So, maybe it’s time I spend a little time on military public relations.”

He chuckled, and it became a full-blown bout of laughter. The whole time he held on to her, his head tipped back, delighting in the moment.

When his laughter died down, she pulled the ring from her little finger. “Here.” She handed it to him, waiting as he recognized what it was. “Do you still mean it?”

He looked at her, lost in her eyes. Then he took her left hand and with heartbreaking tenderness placed it on her ring finger. “I love you, Lauren Anderson.”

“I love you too.” She held her breath. He’d stopped short of asking her to marry him, but that was okay. Maybe, if the next season in their lives went the way she wanted it to go, the question would come. For now, though, they could at least give it a try because they had time. Sweet precious time.

He still had her hand in his. “God brought us together, and now nothing can ever take us apart. I’ll never love anyone like I love you, the way I love you. Even now.”

She hugged him, and suddenly he lifted her off her feet and swung her around in a circle. When he set her down, he raised his fist in the air and shouted out loud. “Thank You, God!”

People passing by looked at them, and a few smiled. In that moment Lauren recognized the feeling inside her, the one that was still flooding her with warmth. Peace. Again not the peace she’d spent so much time thinking about all these years, but a peace that was deeper, more lasting. A peace she wanted to feel all the rest of her days.

Shane was pulling his cell phone from his pocket, opening it and grinning at her.

“What are you doing?” She held onto his elbow, watching him, smiling so big it hurt.

“The thing I’ve been dying to do since I saw you standing here.” He tapped a series of numbers into the phone. “I’m calling our daughter.”