Ever Enough (15 page)

I was scheduled to see my doctor the next day to get my STD results, find out my due date, and to make sure that the baby was developing well. As the news of my pregnancy settled in, I couldn’t help but feel excited over the prospect of being a Mom. It was
what I’d always wanted, and although it may not have happened in the manner that I’d dreamed, I was still having a baby and I loved it already. I’d convinced myself that with the help of Harper and my parents, this child would want for nothing. My parents were shocked for all of two seconds before my Dad hugged me and my Mom burst out in tears, squeezing me so tight that my Dad had to pry her off of me. I’ll admit I had been nervous about telling them the news. I’d felt like a pregnant teen telling her parents that she was knocked up by her high school boyfriend.

I had yet to call West and tell him the news. He obviously had a right to know, but I was nervous that he would want custody. After the way things ended, I didn’t feel like I knew him anymore and I couldn’t even guess what his reaction would be. What would I do if he wanted to get even with me by fighting for custody? I didn’t know what to expect, and this frightened me.

Harper and I were sitting at the dining room table eating spaghetti, when she brought up Finn. I’d thought about him quite a bit since I’d left West. He’d been calling me sporadically and we’d texted a few times. The other day he really pushed talking to me on the phone but I just couldn’t. I didn’t trust myself not to fall apart on the phone and blurt everything out. It wasn’t his problem to fix. Finn had his own life, and I saw no need to drag him into my drama.

“So, Kyler emailed me at work today. I guess he’s coming back to town in two months and wants to take me out to dinner to talk.”

She had my full attention. “What did you tell him?”

“I said sure. I don’t see any reason why we can’t go eat. But I swear if he mentions the night we had sex, I’m going to rack him in the nuts.” She said too casually twirling her noodles onto her fork.

“Does he know I’m living here?”

“No. I assumed you wanted to keep that on the down-low but it’s possible someone else in town could give him a heads up. But Emilyn you can’t keep all of this a secret forever.” Something didn’t seem quite right when she’d denied that Kyler knew about my breakup with Weston, but I couldn’t pinpoint it and so I decided to let it go.

I set my fork down and leaned back in my chair. “I know… I just don’t want everybody to know.”

“You don’t want
everybody
to know, or you don’t want
Finn
to know?” She cocked her eyebrow.

She had me and she knew it. There was no point wasting breath denying it. “Fine, I don’t want Finn to know. After the way I left things, I just think it’s best that everything that has happened stays in the past. I need to move on. Raising this baby and getting my life back on track are my main priorities. I just think it’s time I
really
let Finn go.”

Harper grabbed her wine glass and chugged what was left. She set it down and pointed her finger at me. “You are absolutely right! And if you don’t want me to tell Kyler, then I won’t.”

I smiled and thanked her, but felt a twinge of pain. Even when I thought I’d given up Finn, I realized that I actually hadn’t. Was I capable of letting him go? Maybe, maybe not, but I knew I needed to try.

“No I don’t want you to tell him. Kyler can come into town, you two can have dinner, and he doesn’t even need to see me. Do you know how long he’s planning on staying?”

“He said he was thinking about buying a house here so he can be closer to his parents. I suppose he’s planning on talking to about me being his realtor, but I have no idea how long that’s going to take.” She shrugged her shoulders like it wasn’t a big deal but it was a
very
big deal. If Kyler came back—even if it was only on a part time basis—Finn was sure to follow. Great! Just another stressor I didn’t need.

We sat in silence as we finished our dinner. While we did the dishes together we made some small talk, before Harper brought up another subject that I wasn’t prepared to deal with. “After your appointment tomorrow, have you considered contacting West to let him know what’s going on?”

My head was down while I scrubbed sauce off a plate. “I have, I just don’t know what I plan on saying to him. Do I talk about the court proceedings first, or do I just say it? Make it quick like ripping off a band aid? It’s been playing over and over in my head and I don’t see which way is best.”

Harper nodded her head in understanding while she pondered what I said. “I wish I had the answers hon. I guess we’ll cross that bridge tomorrow.”

The next morning I couldn’t help but feel nervous. I had a feeling that actually ‘seeing’ the baby would make everything real and I didn’t know how I would react to that. I was going to see the little person growing inside me. Despite my mixed emotions about the conversation Harper and I had last night at dinner, this morning was about me and my baby.

Harper was coming to my appointment with me for support, and all her excitement was rubbing off on me. We drove to Dr. Monroe’s office and checked in. When I was called back the nurse gave me a gown and put us in an examination room. Dr. Monroe was all smiles when he came in and greeted me. I introduced him to Harper and told him that she would more than likely be attending my appointments with me from now on. He made note of it in my record. I was relieved when he informed me that my STD tests had come back negative. That was one less thing to worry about. Then we went over a ton of questions about my family history, West’s family history, questions about my monthly cycle, my diet, things I could expect during the pregnancy and what my appointments would entail.

“Okay Emilyn, I think we are finally on to the fun stuff. Why don’t you lie back and I’m going to take some measurements and then we’ll do an ultrasound to see if we can find a heartbeat and estimate your due date.”

I could hardly contain my enthusiasm. Harper scooted her chair up to the bed and reached over to hold my hand. First Dr. Monroe put a tape measure on my stomach, and then warned me that he was going to put some cold jelly on me for the ultrasound. He wasn’t lying, it was really cold. But when he put the wand on my stomach I could see a little tiny sac and something moving inside. A few clicks here, and zoom there, and suddenly I could see it… my little baby. Of course it didn’t really look like a baby, and I couldn’t feel the movement inside me that I could clearly see on the screen, but it was
there
. Tears started flowing down my face and my smile was huge.

Harper blew out a huge breath of air, “Holy shit!”

“Harper!”

Dr. Monroe chuckled and said, “Its fine Emilyn. Pretty amazing isn’t it? No matter how many times I get to do this, this part never gets old.” He leaned over my stomach closer to Harper. “And holy shit is right.” I was shocked to hear the words out of his mouth. “When it was my wife and I in your seats, I believe I said something pretty similar.” We all laughed.

“So these right here,” he said pointing to different spots on the screen, “are the baby’s arms and legs. It’s still quite small so they are more nubs than hands with fingers. This here, is the baby’s spine, and
this
little fluttering, is the baby’s heartbeat. Let’s take a listen.”

The room filled with a whooshing sound. It sounded so fast but Dr Monroe assured me that it was normal. I was totally overwhelmed and full of excitement. I looked over at my best friend and she sat speechless, with tears streaming down her face. She looked at me and we both smiled. Doctor Monroe did the calculations and estimated that was around ten weeks pregnant, meaning I was due at the end of April. I loved the idea of having a spring time baby.

When my appointment was over, Harper and I went and grabbed some lunch before heading home. We talked about the baby and how cool it was to see it on the screen. We both seemed to be wrapped up in the excitement of it all when I got a text from West.

W: We need to talk

E: K, I can call now if it is a good time.

W: Calling you now.

Harper said she’d give me some privacy but I asked her to stay. When my cell phone rang my heart was racing. I had to tell West about the pregnancy and I had absolutely no idea how he was going to react. Maybe he would be overjoyed and realize this was something he really did want in his life. Not that I would’ve taken him back, but I didn’t know very many people that didn’t like children; especially their own. We didn’t have to be married to co-parent and raise a child successfully. This could totally work out!

“Hello?”

“Hello Emilyn.”

“Hi West, how are you doing?” My little pep talk had calmed me down.

“I’m fine, but the reason I’m calling is because I received a bill in the mail from a Dr. Monroe’s office. My lawyer said that you got a job, so I’d like to know why you aren’t using their insurance now instead of mine? I looked over the paperwork Emilyn, it says that any medical coverage now falls on you. So where would you like me to mail this bill?”

Okay, obviously I was wrong. This was
not
what I had expected when he said we needed to talk. Well, I’d actually had no idea what he’d want to talk about, but a bill wasn’t it. “Your lawyer was correct, I do have a job. But it isn’t enough to cover my medical expenses.” Harper tapped me on the shoulder and whispered that she wanted to hear the conversation too, so I hit speakerphone.

“I’m not going to support you forever Emilyn. Put yourself on their insurance.” He was getting worked up and I didn’t want him angry when I told him the news.

“I already have West, but the coverage isn’t enough to pay for my appointments. I just need a few months to stay under your plan and then you can remove me.” I was pleading with him but I had no other choice. My insurance wouldn’t cover very much of the pregnancy and I didn’t want to start off my life with a baby and a ton of debt.

“What on earth is going on with you that you need to stay on my plan?”

I paused and looked up at Harper. It was now or never. “West… I’m… I’m…”

“For fuck sakes Em spit it out!”

“She’s trying to you little prick, but you interrupted her!” Harper shouted at him.

“Oh just fucking great, you have the Harpy on the phone?” West was really pissed now, and I could see this just wasn’t going to play out the way that I’d hoped it would.

“Yes, I’m sorry West, she’s just trying to be supportive.”

“So then what’s going on? Are you sick or something?”

“I’m pregnant Weston.”

I heard not a single, solitary sound from the other end. I took a hold of Harpers hand, willing myself not to cry. I’d finally told him and he wasn’t saying anything. I was about to check and make sure that he was still on the line when he started laughing. Seriously? How was anything about this funny? I’d just told the man that he was going to be a father. Maybe I’d officially caused him to go off the deep end.

“So you managed to get knocked up, huh?” He was still laughing. “Well good for you Emilyn but that’s not a good enough reason for you to stay on my insurance.”

“What do you mean it isn’t a good enough reason? How in the hell do you expect me to pay for my medical bills West?” Now I’m the one that’s fuming mad!

“That’s someone else’s problem!”

Harper was now standing up, “Why in the hell is it someone else’s problem? It’s your fucking kid!”

Silence.

I realized then that West hadn’t understood that the baby was his. He actually thought I’d gone and got myself pregnant after I left him. Hell, for all I know he might have assumed I got pregnant by another man before I even left! At that moment though, he wasn’t speaking and my anger was subsiding and hurt was creeping back in.

“Wait, how do you even know this is my kid Emilyn? You left over a month ago. How do I know this isn’t some other guy’s child and you’re trying to get me to pay for all of this?”

Uh oh, “You mother fucking piece of swine shit. It is
your
kid. She’s not trying to get you to pay for anything that you aren’t responsible for!” There went Harper’s infamous temper.

He let out a frustrated growl. I could just see him sitting at his desk, running his hands through his hair. “Was this your way of trapping me? Get yourself knocked up and then you’d get more money out of me?” West was shouting through the phone and Harper was off in the corner ranting about how to remove testicles in the most painful way possible. However I may have fantasized he would react was not how it was actually playing out. West really didn’t want the baby. He
actually
thought I got pregnant on purpose for more money. I was going to be a single parent. I hadn’t felt this crushed when I left West that night. I hadn’t even felt this lonely over the past month being away from him. It was really going to be just me and my little munchkin. The weight of the situation was heavy and tears pooled in my eyes.