Ever Enough (9 page)

I was no longer smiling, and I turned and looked right up at Finn. The hand that had been on my lower back dropped and he brought it up to rub the back of his neck. He looked uncomfortable. “I suppose it was like that for a time but it’s not like that anymore.”

Kyler grabbed Finns arm, “Don’t let him fool you. He had women at his beck and call until Val. She’s smokin’ but they are always off and on.”

Oh no, this is just what I didn’t want to hear. I didn’t want to know what woman had managed to snag Finn and hold on to him when I hadn’t. My stomach rolled and I thought I was going to be sick. I dropped my eyes from Finn, and looked down at my feet.

He cleared his throat. I think he was trying to get me to look back up at him, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. I didn’t want to be there anymore. The space felt a little too small and suffocating. I thought about grabbing my purse and high tailing it out of there but, I didn’t want him to know how much the conversation had affected me.

“Ummm, yeah there was Valerie, but we aren’t together anymore.” Finn sounded pissed off at Kyler for bringing it up. I wished he hadn’t either.

“Sure, for now dude. She always comes running back when she wants and you keep taking her back. Hell, I’d take her back too. Seriously, you should see this chick. Her body is fucking unreal!”

Okay, I’d had about all I could handle of this conversation. I leaned down and grabbed my purse ready to walk away. I was about to tell Harper I was ready to go, when Finn moved to stand in front of me. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Let’s go get some air. We need to talk.” I desperately wanted to tell him no—that we had nothing to talk about—but I didn’t have the heart to say so. I kept my head down and nodded in agreement. He took my hand and pulled me away from the table. We made our way to a set of French doors that led outside. Before we made it, Harper caught up with us and grabbed my arm.

She watched Finn while she leaned over and said quietly to me, “If you want to go Em, we can leave now. You don’t have to go talk to him if you don’t want to. Just say the word.”

Finn narrowed his eyes at Harper but didn’t say anything, which was probably wise. I knew she didn’t want to see me get hurt, and I could tell by the look on her face she was about to kick him in the balls. I didn’t have to tell her where my head was with Finn, because she’d always known. It was something we didn’t talk about it because I think we both feared I would slip back to that place I had been all those years ago when he left.

I looked away from Finley and direct into Harpers eyes. “I promise I’ll be alright. We’re just going to get some fresh air and talk. I’ll come get you when I’m ready to leave, okay? I love you for being concerned but I’m alright.” I leaned in and gave her a tight hug.

While she was close to me she whispered, “I swear to god if he hurts you I will string him up by his toes and shove a hot fire poker in his ass.”

That made me laugh, which was what she’d wanted. We pulled away from each other and she smiled at me before turning around and walking back to the table. Kyler was watching her every move and I made a mental note to ask her about that in the car later.

Moving towards the outside again, Finn opened the doors and held them while I stepped out in front of him. I walked up to a black iron railing a few feet away and set my purse down. I kept my back to Finn, waiting for him to say something first. I knew he was watching me—I could feel it—but he said nothing. We just stood in silence. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I broke the quiet with my voice.

“Thanks for helping me out to your car and inside my house last night. I wasn’t sure how I got to bed but Harper told me what you did. So yeah, thank you.” I took a deep breath and looked out onto the nine-hole golf course the hotel sat on.

I heard Finn approaching and he stepped right up behind me, brushing his front against my back. He leaned down and his lips touched my ear. “You’re welcome Em.” He stood back up to full height and I waited for him to move away from me but he didn’t. He took a deep breath. We could hear the music loud and clear and he held his hand out in front of me. “May I have that dance now?”

I put my hand in his. “Sure.”

Grasping my hand he spun me around to face him. I lifted my other hand up to put up on his shoulder, while he simultaneously placed the hand he was holding on the other shoulder. God he was so much bigger than he used to be. Slowly raising my eyes to meet his, I saw him give me a slight smile. Finn rested his hands on my lower back just above my butt pulling me in tight against him. There was no way with me this close to him that he couldn’t feel my heart racing in my chest. I hadn’t felt him like this in so long and I couldn’t help but melt into his touch. Adele’s ‘Don’t You Remember’ had started to play over the speakers. It was as if someone up there wanted to make the mood even more intense. We swayed side to side as Finn hummed the song. His deep and gravely voice had always lulled me into a state of submission.

I couldn’t stand here and dance with the first man that I ever loved and listen to him sing to me so I interrupted. “So how is California?”

He stopped humming and looked down at me. “It’s been going well. Kyler and I have been writing like always, and we just bought a house together. It’s a different world out there. I’ve actually been thinking of buying a house back here so I have place to get away from it all, you know?”

“I’d heard you two were doing well. I’m happy for you Finn. I knew you would be successful and happy.” I looked back down at his chest and tried to keep moving to the music.

“That’s where you’re wrong Em. I’m successful yes, and Kyler and I make quite a bit off what we do, but whoever told you I was happy was sadly mistaken.” I tipped my head back to look up at him.

His eyes seemed to search mine for something, I just didn’t know what. “How could you not be happy? You’re writing music like you always wanted, you have a house, money,” I paused for a second and looked away, “and a beautiful girlfriend.”

He stopped moving and put his hand under my chin. “Look at me Emilyn.”

I didn’t want to, but I stared at him and waited for him to speak.

“Val and I are done. I was only with her because I was tired of feeling so lonely. Kyler is awesome and he’s like a brother to me, but something is missing.” He was watching me intently when he brought his hand up and he grazed his finger along my cheek. I closed my eyes tightly, trying not to cry at the contact. “How are you and Weston, Em?”

Why was he asking me this? Was I supposed to lie and tell him that everything was picture perfect? That we were a picture of marital bliss? That West made me happy and I couldn’t see myself without him? I’d never been able to lie to Finn with a straight face; he’d always seen right through me. I decided to tell him the truth, without going into details, “It’s been better. But all marriages go through rough patches. I’m sure that’s all this is. Weston is just really busy at the firm and they have been overloading him with clients. He’s just stressed out.” I was feeling a tad more emotional speaking about my marriage than I’d intended, but for some reason I wanted Finn to know.

The whole time I was speaking his eyes were bouncing around all over my face, and as I finished speaking, his hands moved to cup my cheeks. I shouldn’t let him touch me like this when we’re stood talking about Weston. And definitely
not
when he is the one man that could shatter me.

“Are you happy?”

I paused, “I have a beautiful house, a successful husband, money, health, family and friends that love me.”

“That’s not what I asked. I want to know if you’re happy. I don’t want a generic answer or what’s expected of you Em.”

I felt like I was two seconds away from collapsing to the ground and curling into a ball to protect myself from him. If I didn’t answer, I knew he would keep asking until I gave him the truth. Not trusting myself to speak, I shook my head.

He leaned forward to touch his forehead to mine; his eyes closed tight. Jesus he smelled amazing. I felt myself hold him tighter than necessary. “Fuck,” he said under his breath. He opened those bright blue eyes and they looked like there was so much conviction behind them, “I miss you Em. I mean I
really
miss you!”

That’s it, him saying the words I’d wanted to hear forever broke the dam and tears streamed down my face. I pulled my forehead from his. “How can you say that to me? I’m married Finn.
You
left me standing in the gym parking lot the night of graduation. I was a fucking mess after that night!” I was starting to get mad and so I stepped out of his embrace. Backing away and shaking my head, I raised my voice, “
You
don’t get to tell me you miss me Finn.”

He took a step towards me, causing me to step back. We made this move again and again, as if we were in some sort of messed up dance. I kept my eyes on him while he stalked towards me. “Stop” I whispered as my back reached the wall. My eyes were closed and I held my palms out in front of me in surrender.

Standing in front of me, he reached up and brushed away the tears on the left side of my face. I couldn’t fight it. I opened my eyes and looked up at his handsome face, I leaned into his hand and my body shivered involuntarily. He must have taken it as a sign because he immediately pulled me up against his body with his other hand. When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse with emotion. “No Emilyn. I can’t stop thinking about you and I hate seeing you like this.”

That was all it took. I must have given him some sort of signal because the next thing I knew, his mouth was on mine. It started as a soft gentle brush of lips but built into a deeper, hungrier kiss. His tongue slid out of his mouth and traced my lower lip, causing my body to react. My hands reached up and grasped his shirt in clenched fists as I pulled him closer to me. I needed him, I wanted him. His kiss held more passion than I had remembered. The hand that had been on my cheek slid back into my hair and held my neck, while the other slid behind my back, pressing me as close to his body as I could get.

My mind was reeling. I knew I shouldn’t be doing this but I’d missed this feeling for the last ten years. The feeling of him pressed up against me, knowing that he wanted
me
, that he missed
me
! It was a heady feeling and I felt drunk on it. Our tongues moved and pushed up against each other and I moaned into his mouth. Finn sucked my tongue and I felt heat shoot through my body and I knew I was wet. I pulled back slightly and snaked my tongue out to lick along his lower lip. I wanted more. I opened my mouth more and pulled his lower lip into my mouth and nibbled on the soft flesh. Finn groaned into my mouth and ground his hard length against my stomach.

Oh shit, what was I doing?!

Stopping abruptly, I pulled my face away from Finn’s and shoved him away with the hands that were on his chest. He was quite a bit larger than me so I couldn’t move him much, but the force was enough that he took a step back. His face held a look of confusion and lust, and his eyes were wild. I wanted him to take me back into his arms and keep kissing me, but I knew I had to stop this. I wasn’t going to let him back into my life. Not like this, and not when he could totally crush me. I might not be living the perfect life but I still had Weston at home waiting for me. We had a lot of things that needed to be worked out, but I couldn’t give up on my marriage.

I needed to get away from Finn. His scent, the look on his face, the magnetic pull I felt towards him was too much. I had to get back inside and tell Harper we needed to leave… like
now
! Side stepping Finn, I darted for the doors.

“Emilyn, please don’t go.” Finn pleaded.

Making it to the doors I turned around, “I have to Finn. I’m not sure what that was that just happened but I do know that it was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened and I need to go.” He looked crushed and that’s exactly how my heart felt at that moment. I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t believe I just let him kiss me. I had just cheated on West. I wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with that but I couldn’t think about that just then. Spinning back around, I opened the door and made my way back in, leaving Finn standing there watching me walk away.

I found Harper speaking to a group of people I didn’t know very well. They didn’t notice me approach so I managed to discretely get Harper’s attention. She could tell right away by the look on my face that I was about to fall apart. Giving me a slight nod, she excused herself and came over.

“Em, what’s the matter?”

“I need to get out of here. I feel like I can’t breathe and I think I’m about to be sick. Please Harper, let’s go get the car and leave.” I felt the panic creep up on me as I battled back the urge to fall to pieces in front of everyone.

“Okay honey, let’s go. Just hold on, everything will be okay.” She looked so worried and I saw her looking around for someone, but I didn’t know who. Her eyes stopped abruptly when they made contact with Kyler’s. His eyes shifted over to me and he could see the distress I was in. Kyler must have seen something on my face, because he turned and went out the same doors I’d just come through. I was sure he had gone to see how Finn was. I wanted to care about Finn’s feelings, but wondering if he was okay was too much to process. The tears threatened to spill out of my eyes for the second time, and I wasn’t sure I could hold them back much longer.