Everlasting Sin (13 page)

“No, Riley,” he whispered and grabbed my hips. “Please, stop for a second.”

“You guys okay?” Justin’s voice halted us both still and I froze as I saw him walking towards us.

“Yeah, why?” Hudson responded impatiently.

“Just heard you whispering. Thought you were arguing.” He looked down at us with squinty eyes. “Just wanted to make sure.”

“We’re fine,” Hudson grunted, and I tried not to laugh as I wiggled against him. His hand flew to my stomach to try and stop me from moving, but I couldn’t stop myself.

“Tomorrow should be fun, right?” Justin continued, and Hudson didn’t hold back his groan. “What did you say?” Justin asked.

“Nothing.” Hudson’s voice was hoarse, and I ground back into him. “Stop,” he hissed in my ear, but I couldn’t. I was too excited.

For some reason, I was feeling even hornier and turned on. I reached my hand between my legs and started playing with myself. Then I felt him sliding slowly in and out of me.

“You excited about the final fight?” Justin continued, and I nearly laughed.

“Yeah,” Hudson sighed, and I felt him increase his pace slightly.

“Okay, I guess you’re sleepy.” Justin sounded disappointed that Hudson hadn’t said more and walked away.

“Idiot,” Hudson whispered in my ear and I laughed. “You’re a bad girl, Riley.”

His fingers went to the front of me and he gasped as he realized I was pleasuring myself. His fingers met mine and I guided them along my sex. He started moving his cock in and out of me faster, and within a minute, I felt my muscles clenching down on him as I came.

“Oh shit.” Hudson grabbed my hips and slammed in and out of me, grunting into my shoulder as his body trembled. I felt his body still and he pulled out quickly. I felt his warm sperm on my legs and butt. “Shit,” he groaned as he lay back.

“What’s wrong?” I turned towards him and kissed him.

“I may have pulled out too late.” His eyes looked worried, and I stroked his face.

“It’ll be okay.”

“I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “I should have known better.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I don’t suppose you’re on the pill, are you?”

“I am.” I nodded and giggled at the look of confusion in his eyes. “My doctor prescribed it to help regulate my period.”

“Oh.” He sighed and then smiled. “You should have told me.”

“You never asked.” I smiled, and he growled.

“Come here.” He opened his arms and I snuggled into his chest. “You feel so soft and warm.”

“So do you.”

“I can’t believe we did this.” He shook his head and held me tight. “I didn’t deserve to get another night with you.”

“Maybe we’re just meant to be together.”

“I don’t deserve you.” He buried his face into my neck. “I don’t deserve to be happy.”

“Everyone deserves to be happy,” I said sleepily as I closed my eyes.

“Sinners don’t,” he whispered next to me as I fell asleep.

I heard someone’s phone ringing as I slept, but I was so exhausted and happy that I didn’t bother opening my eyes. I didn’t even stir when Hudson got out of the sleeping bag. I knew that he was just going to the bathroom or something. I lay on that sleeping bag content as could be, all worries gone from my mind.
Everything is going to be okay,
I thought to myself as I hugged my secret in
. Everything is going to be okay.

It took me about thirty minutes to realize that I was wrong. My eyes popped open and I lay there feeling worried and alone. Hudson hadn’t come back from his bathroom trip. I looked to the side and realized that his bag was gone. He’d left me. He’d gone. Everything in my world was black again. Once again, I was the girl who had killed his girlfriend or was at least responsible for her death and I was never going to be able to stop paying for it.

Chapter 13

Hudson

Present Day

The bus stop was in a desolate location. A location that fit my mood. I stood there waiting with panic and anxiety running through my veins, though it was the guilt that pervaded me the most. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called the hospital.

“Mercy Hospital, how may I direct your call?”

“I’m calling to check on a patient,” I quickly said into the phone.

“Sir, we can’t give out privileged information over the phone.”

“Jamilah Brown is her name!” I shouted. “I need to know if she’s okay!”

“Sir, I’m afraid you will have to come into the hospital.”

“What do you think I’m trying to do?” I shouted and hung up the phone angrily. I felt sick to my stomach as I stood there. If Jamilah didn’t make it, I would never forgive myself.

I wondered what I should have done to prevent this. I’d told Jamilah not to swim in the pool by herself. She’d promised me that she wouldn’t do it. Should I have told her mom? I hadn’t wanted her to get banned from swimming altogether, and she had promised me. She’d promised me she wouldn’t go without me.

But you can’t be there all the time, Hudson
.

I closed my eyes as I thought about her in the pool. She’d gotten a cramp, her mom had said when she’d called crying. She’d gone swimming late at night and gotten a cramp in her legs in the deep end. She’d swallowed a lot of water. She’d nearly drowned. My heart stopped for a moment. I didn’t know what that meant. I didn’t know if she was okay. If she died, I didn’t know what I would do.

It’s a sign
, a voice whispered inside of me.
It’s a sign that you shouldn’t be with Riley
.

Every time I slept with her, something bad happened. I knew the universe was telling me that I didn’t deserve her. She was too pure and innocent for me. She was good, while I was bad. That didn’t mean I would stop loving her. It just meant I had to start resisting her.

Making love to her tonight had been like heaven on earth. It had felt even better than the first time. I’d felt like I’d gone home again. She’d fit against me so perfectly. For a few minutes, everything in my life had seemed like it was going to be okay. If I closed my eyes and stood perfectly still, I could still smell her. That smell of sex and sin mixed together made my blood boil over. I hadn’t known that one woman could affect me so deeply. I knew in my heart that there would never be anyone else for me. Riley was the one. She had always been the one. I felt tears rolling down my eyes as I realized I had to let her go.

The bus pulled up around twenty minutes later and I jumped on it, making my way to a window seat. I stared out the window and wondered what it was I had done wrong in life to put me in this position. Then I felt mad because I was feeling sorry for myself. I still had my life. I still had my family. I’d had a pretty charmed life growing up.

My thoughts turned to Jamilah and the life she had being a latchkey kid, having to look after her brother. I should have done more. I could have tried harder. I should have been there for her. My heart thudded as I thought about her eager face and smile. All she wanted was to make it to the Olympics. We’d all had dreams like that at one point in time. I just wished she hadn’t gone in that pool at night. If only I hadn’t gone on the camping trip, then I could have been at home and taken her to the pool myself. I could have taken care of her.

The bus ride seemed to take forever, but that’s how it always was when you needed to get somewhere important. The ride seemed slow or the traffic was always crazy. I ran from the bus stop to the hospital. I ran as fast as I could and I didn’t stop, even though it was about two miles away. I knew that I couldn’t be that close and wait for another bus.

I pulled out my phone and called Jamilah’s mom as I approached the hospital. The sun was starting to rise, and I knew that Riley and the guys would be wondering where I had gone. A flash of guilt flooded me when I realized that Riley would be left with those vultures, but I knew she could take care of herself. I was scared that she wouldn’t talk to me again. I felt that I’d committed the ultimate betrayal by sleeping with her and leaving her by herself.

“Hudson!” Jamilah’s mom cried into the phone.

“Where are you? I’m at the hospital.”

“We’re in the ER,” she cried, and I felt my heart pounding as I walked quickly to find her.

I navigated the corridors in a cloud of fear as déjà vu hit me. I hated hospitals. They made me think of death. The last time I’d been in a hospital had been when Clara died and I’d never wanted to come back to one.

“Hudson,” Marcus called out to me in a soft voice as I walked into the emergency room’s waiting area. He looked small and worried as he sat there next to his sobbing mother. Tears were furiously rolling down her face, and as she looked up at me with small red eyes, I felt my feet freeze.

“How is she?” I asked after a few seconds, all the blood having drained from my face as I looked into her bleak eyes.

“She nearly drowned.”

“Is she okay?” I held my breath, waiting for an answer, praying to God that she was okay.

“They said she’s going to be okay.”

I felt my heart start again. I walked over to her and put my arms around her, awkwardly trying to comfort her.

“I don’t know what I would have done!” she sobbed. “My baby. My little baby.” She cried into my shoulder, and I patted her back.

“When can we see her?”

“I don’t know.” She continued to cry, and I just held her. I rubbed her back and smiled at Marcus.

I didn’t want them to see my pain and worry. I wanted to be strong for them. I wanted them to know that they could count on me as a man. I hadn’t been there for Clara when she’d needed me. I hadn’t been there to help her. I hadn’t been there for her mother when she died. I hadn’t known what to say or what to do. How could I have faced her, knowing that I’d been with another woman the night she died? It seemed to me that no mother would want to hear that her daughter’s boyfriend was a dog. I didn’t think she wanted to hear that I’d been about to break up with her daughter either. She didn’t want to know that my dating Clara had been a mistake. That my heart had belonged to Riley since we were teenagers.

“I don’t know if I can take this again.” Jamilah’s mom jumped up. “How am I supposed to look after my kids and work? I can’t seem to do both. My poor babies. I just don’t know what to do.”

“It’ll be okay.”

“How?” She shook her head. “I can’t seem to find another job. I can’t keep leaving my babies at home while I go to work. I can’t afford to pay someone. And I don’t take help from the government. I’m not some welfare mother. I may be a single mother, but I’m working hard to take care of my kids.”

“There’s no shame in accepting help when you need it. That’s what it’s for.”

“I don’t want to be that woman,” she sobbed. “I just don’t know what to do anymore. I try so hard, but every day it’s something else. Every day someone is trying to bring me down.”

“It’ll get better.” I didn’t want to tell her about the million dollars. What if I didn’t win?

“I’m scared.” She sighed and rubbed her eyes. “How am I supposed to raise two strong, intelligent babies if I’m never there?”

There was silence in the room as we sat there, and I felt Marcus grab my hand. I looked down at him, and he looked scared. There was a look in his eyes that I shouldn’t have seen in a young boy.

“I’ll help you as much as I can.”

“You got your own life, boy.” She shook her head but gave me a quick smile. “Thank you for offering though.”

“I mean it.” I rubbed Marcus’s back to try and get him to relax, and I realized that my words meant nothing without actions. I could say anything I wanted. Words were meaningless.

“Hi, Mrs. Brown?” A doctor walked in with a clipboard and I stood up. “You can come in and see Jamilah now. She’s a very lucky girl.”

“Thank you, doctor,” she sobbed. “Thank you.”

***

I left the hospital feeling slightly happier. I’d gotten to see and talk to Jamilah, and I had felt life come back into my soul when her eyes lit up when she saw me. I had hugged her and held her tight to me. I pulled my phone out and dialed the number I had memorized by heart even though I hadn’t called it in years.

“Hello.” Her voice was soft and hurt, and I felt terrible.

“It’s me.”

“I know.”

“Are you mad at me?” I asked stupidly.

“Where are you?”

“I had to leave.”

“I see.”

“You don’t, but that’s okay. I’m not the guy for you, Riley. I’m not good enough for you. I’ll never be good enough for you. I’m sorry that I took advantage of you.”

“You did not take advantage of me.” She sounded angry.

“I was supposed to be your protector, Riley. Not your lover. You deserve a man who’s upright. I’m not that man.” My voice cracked as my heart broke. “I need to amend for my sins.”

“Clara’s death is not your fault.”

“I should have been with her that night. I shouldn’t have left her. I shouldn’t have been with you. What I did was wrong.”

“We were both wrong, Hudson.” Her voice cracked. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.”

“No. No, it’s not. You were caught up in the moment.”

“I deleted the text message, Hudson. She sent you a text message to come and get her and I deleted it. You didn’t know. Don’t you see? It’s my fault. I’m the one who stopped you from going to get her. If it weren’t for me being jealous, you would have gone to get her. She’d still be alive.”

I stopped dead at her words. I felt sick to my stomach and my face paled.

“Hudson, please don’t hate me. I’m so sorry. You have to know that I never would have deleted the messages if I’d known. I just wanted to be with you. I didn’t want you to leave. I’m the bad one here, not you. Please don’t close down or blame yourself anymore. If you’d known, you would have gone for her. If you’d seen that text, she’d still be alive. I’m so sorry, Hudson.”

I hung up the phone and let it drop to the ground. I felt like I couldn’t breathe or see. Everything in me had frozen at Riley’s words. She still believed in me after all that. That was what made me feel worse. That she still had complete and utter faith in me after everything.