EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE (25 page)

Griffin made it to the grocery store about fifteen minutes to closing. It was Christmas eve and the store would be closing at five, rather than nine. If he didn’t hurry, he wouldn’t have anything to eat tonight, or tomorrow, as the store would surely be closed on the holiday. Besides needing something to eat, he wanted to pick up a box of dog biscuits for Buster. It wasn’t much of a present, but then this was the first time he remembered buying a Christmas present for anyone. Even for a dog.

He was so sick of all the advertisements announcing the mall would be open tonight until seven for all the last minute shoppers. Anyone who was buying gifts for loved ones surely wouldn’t have waited until the last minute, who they? And then here he was, waiting until fifteen minutes before closing to get his groceries.

He raced through the aisles, tossing a few things in his cart, when he heard his name being called.

“Griffin? Griffin, is that you?”

He turned to see a woman standing in the aisle, holding a loaf of Italian bread. “Sara?” he asked, surprised. “Sara MacDougal?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

“Wow, you look fabulous.”

She beamed at him and touched her hair. She’d lost at least twenty pounds. Gone was the red spikey hair. It was now a soft blond color and fell just beneath her chin. “How have you been?”

“Good,” he lied. “And you?”

“I’ve never felt better.”

He grinned. “Well, I can see why.”

Her smile faded. “I heard you were selling your house.”

“Yeah. As a matter of fact, I finally got an offer last week. I’ll be moving out in January. I’ll probably rent something until I finish up the projects I have started in town, and then I’m thinking about heading south, or maybe west.” Hell, he had no idea where he was going. Anywhere, away from Whisper Lake and Hollin Pierce.

“You disappoint me.”

“Why is that?” he asked, clearly confused. Why would Sara give a damn about him?

“You just didn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would walk out on the woman who was carrying his child.” She stopped and bit her lip. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”

“No, it’s not.” His retort was blunt, to the point. He’d heard the gossip going around town. That he’d gotten Hollin pregnant and then refused to marry her. He saw the hurt in Sara’s eyes and then not being able to stop himself, he asked. “How is she?”

“She’s . . . beautiful.” She laughed softly. “A little off balance, with all the weight she’s gained, but still as gorgeous as ever.”

He’d seen Hollin in town two months ago, her belly round and ripe with his baby. Sara was right. She
was
beautiful. She hadn’t seen him watching her, and he hadn’t approached her. He’d figured if she wanted to see him, she would have stopped by. Even if it was on the pretense of visiting Buster.

But she hadn’t once called or stopped since her return from the ordeal in Michigan. She’d never once contacted him about her old job, to say she planned to return to work someday or to say, “Take this job and shove it.” To say, “Hey, guess what? I’m pregnant, and you’re the father.”

Did she think he wouldn’t find out that she was pregnant? Did she think he wouldn’t have put two and two together and figure out that she was carrying
his
baby, had Dr. Bob not already spilled the beans months ago?

What the hell was she thinking? And what made her honestly believe that baby, their baby, was better off without any father at all than with a father who, although didn’t have a clue about being a parent, would love that child no matter what?

“Look, Sara,” Griffin said, anger and hurt bubbling through his veins, “I really need to finish my shopping. It was great seeing you.”

“You too,” she said, then added, “You know it would be nice if you stopped by to say hello to Hollin. Being that it’s Christmas and all. I’m sure she would love to see you before you leave town.”

He looked at her as if she were crazy, then mumbled, “Yeah, sure, maybe I’ll do that,” and strolled away.

Griffin carried the measly bag of groceries to his truck and hopped in. Buster pounced on the bag. “Hey, wait until we get home, or you won’t get the present I bought you.” The dog, who now weighed forty pounds, put his head down on the seat and blinked up at him.

“Good boy.” Griffin started the truck and headed home, seeing the hundreds of cars in the mall parking lot.
Idiots
, he grumbled, glad he didn’t have anyone to buy presents for and continued on his way. But something made him stop at the end of the street, and rather than go home to his lonely house, he turned back in the direction of the mall. He might be an even bigger idiot than the rest of the last minute shoppers, but then maybe not.

#

Whoever came up with the term “beached whale” knew exactly what she was talking about. Nothing could describe the way Hollin felt better than that. Her back ached; she was sluggish, tired, cranky and so fat she could barely fit behind the steering wheel of her car. And once she was seated, she had a hard time getting to her feet without help.

But even so, she’d managed to help Josephine with the preparations for their Christmas eve dinner. The turkey was roasting in the oven and they’d be ready to sit down and eat in less than an hour.

She smiled, breathing in the wonderful aroma. Food. It was one of the few things that made her forget how miserable she was. Why did pregnancy have to cause women to have so many food cravings? she wondered, biting the head off a reindeer cookie. Some days, it was all she lived for.

“Aunt Hollin?”

Hollin looked down at Chelsea’s sweet face. “What is it, sweetheart?” She was dressed in pink ruffles in spite of the red velvet dress Angela had picked out for her.

“Do you think Santa Claus will visit my mommy in heaven?”

Hollin smiled, fighting back tears. She caught the sympathetic looks from her mother and Josephine, who sat at the kitchen table playing gin rummy. “You know, I hadn’t thought about it. But we could write him a note and ask if he could stop by for a quick visit.”

The child nodded in agreement. “And maybe we should leave him an extra cookie,” she said, artfully arranging the iced cookies on the Santa plate that had been around since Hollin was a little girl.

“That sounds like a very good idea.” She leaned over, not very gracefully and kissed Chelsea on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Aunt Hollin.”

Hollin smiled. She had everything. A little girl she loved and who loved her. The support from her mother and Josephine. And soon she’d be a mother. Yes, she had everything. Except the man she loved. And damn him for not wanting them, for not wanting to be a family.

Refusing to spoil the evening, she pushed all thoughts of Griffin from her mind and took another bite of cookie.

The doorbell rang, surprising her. They weren’t expecting anyone. She’d invited Sara, but she’d already accepted an invitation to join Tonya’s family. Sara and Tonya had been seeing each other the past several months. But maybe she’d changed her mind, or had decided to stop for a short visit.

“I’ll get it,” Josephine said.

“No, let me,” Hollin offered. “Finish your card game.”

Chelsea padded along beside her as she waddled down the hall to the front door. She swung the door open and nearly choked on the cookie she’d been chewing. There stood Griffin, dressed in jeans and a brown, leather, bomber jacket, and holding an armful of stuffed animals.

“Merry Christmas,” he said, his gaze holding hers for what seemed like forever before sweeping over her mammoth stomach.

Hollin was still in shock, and totally forgetting her manners, left him standing on the porch. Snow fell and trickled onto his hair and shoulders.

It was Josephine who yelled, “Don’t let the heat out. Invite the poor man inside. It’s twenty degrees out there.”

Taking a deep breath, and trying to act casual, she asked, “Would you like to come in?”

He shook the snow from his hair. “Thought you’d never ask.” He moved past her wide girth and into the entrance hall.

Hollin shut the door behind him.

“That looks like Buster.” Chelsea pointed to one of the stuffed animals in Griffin’s arms. Hollin wasn’t surprised Chelsea remembered the dog they’d delivered to Griffin’s house. She’d asked about him several times over the last seven months.

“I thought so too,” he said, offering her a stuffed version of Buster. “And I thought, what a great Christmas present it would make! Hope you like it.”

“I do. Thank you.” She turned and ran toward the kitchen, her black patent leather shoes slapping the floor. “Grandma, Josephine, look what I got!”

Hollin looked up at him. “That was nice of you.”

He thrust the other animals at her, helping her to juggle them in her arms. “I brought these for the baby. Since I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, I didn’t know what to buy, so I just grabbed the ones that stood out, you know?”

Hollin squeezed a velvety, soft, gray elephant, a fuzzy, green frog and a pink, chenille rabbit to her chest. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to. I mean, I wanted to do something.” He shrugged.

You could have been here for me, she wanted to say
. She blinked back the moisture forming in her eyes.

“Are you feeling okay? You’re not in any pain, are you?” he asked, glancing at her stomach and wincing.

“I’m fine.”

“You look . . .” He paused, glancing at her stomach once more before staring at her face. “You look absolutely gorgeous.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Please. I’ve already gained forty-seven pounds.”

“I’m serious. I’ve never seen you look more beautiful.”

Hollin tried to swallow but couldn’t. Her mouth was so dry.

“Anyway, I wanted to bring some presents by, but the mall was about to close and I realized I hadn’t gotten anything for you. Then I thought, why not give her what she really needs.” He reached inside his pocket, and for a moment Hollin thought he might be reaching for a ring, until he pulled out a plain white envelope with her name scrolled across the front.

He held it out to her. “Go ahead, take it.”

Fumbling with the animals, she set them on the hall table and took the envelope from him. Was it a letter? Perhaps saying he was sorry, and that he just realized how much he loved her? Could she dare to hope? she wondered, digging her fingernail under the flap and tearing it open.

But there wasn’t a letter inside. Instead there was a check, with an amount so obscene it made her gasp. She looked up at him. “What is this?”

“It’s for you. I thought you might need some help, and I knew you’d never ask. Consider it your Christmas present.”

She blinked, unable to speak momentarily. Then she said, “My
what
?”

This time it was Griffin who didn’t speak. He looked confused.

“I don’t want this.”

“But--”

“I don’t want it!” she said, crumbling it in her fist and then shoving it at him.

“I don’t understand.”

“No. Of course you don’t.” She tried to fold her arms over her chest, but that didn’t work, with her huge stomach in the way.

“Hollin,” he said, looking hurt and disappointed.

“Sorry to be so ungrateful, Griffin, but I don’t need your money. Nor do I want your charity.”

“It’s not charity. And whether you want to admit it or not,” he said, pointing to her stomach, “that’s
my
baby you’re carrying.”

“Oh, so you’re finally owning up to it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means, you weren’t man enough seven months ago to even acknowledge that I was pregnant.” She pushed her hands to her hips, in spite of how fat it probably made her look.

“What are you saying? You were the one who’s kept this thing a big secret.”

“A secret? Hah! As if I could keep this,” she said, sweeping an arm over her protruding stomach, “or anything else in this town, a secret. Besides, Dr. Bob told me you knew.”

“Yes, I knew. Because
he
told me. Not you.”

“How could I have told you when I’d only found out myself. I was waiting for you to say something that day at the hospital, and you didn’t. Then you never bothered to contact me until tonight. And somehow I’m to blame?”

He looked at her, his mouth hanging open. “Wait a damn minute. Don’t try to pin this on me. It was
you
who didn’t want
me
.
You
who didn’t think
I
was good enough to be a father to this child.”

She gave him an incredulous look. “I never once implied such a thing. I told you I loved you, and you refused to even acknowledge me. Then after Dr. Bob told you I was pregnant, again you refused to acknowledge. What was I supposed to do? Beg you to marry me? To be a part of our lives, when it was obvious you wanted nothing of the sort? My God, Griffin, you sold your house! You’re moving away from Whisper Lake. And now you shove a check in my face and that’s supposed to make up for everything else?”

He swiped a hand over his face and sighed. “Hollin, I . . . I think we need to talk.”

“Talk? It’s too late to talk. I’d like for you to leave.” She went to the door and pulled it open. “Now,” she said, when he didn’t move.

“Hollin, let me explain.”

“You don’t need to explain. I know exactly what you’re feeling. Guilt. And we don’t need it, nor do we need you.”

At those last words, he narrowed his eyes. “Hollin--”

She flung her arm out and pointed through the door opening. “Get out!”

After one more look at her, he walked out the door. Hollin shut it swiftly behind him. And then she let her tears fall.

#

Griffin was so stunned. He still didn’t know what the hell had just happened. Obviously he’d offended her with that check. Hell, he should have known she’d be pissed.

All this time he’d thought she hadn’t wanted him, and here she’d been waiting for him to make the first move. How stupid could he have been? Of course, she’d wanted him to make the first move. She’d told him she loved him, and he’d never returned the words of endearment. With the exception of the night she was sleeping in the hospital. But she hadn’t heard him say them. So how was she to know how he felt?