Every Shattered Thing (Come Alive) (28 page)

“Stop. You’ve got something up your sleeve. Why are we going to Emma’s?”

“Just wait.”

We walk in silence for a few minutes.

“So have you really been okay?

“Kevin...”

“I’m sorry. I forgot. Normal.”

I reach for his hand. “Yes. Normal. Whatever that means.”

He chuckles and starts pulling me toward an alleyway.

I look around. “What? Where are we...”

He squeezes my hand. “Normal means making unexpected stops.” He gently directs me so my back is against a brick wall. “Normal means finding a place where my mother can’t see us.”

I look at him questioningly and he kisses my neck. I gasp.

Oh.

His lips move toward the curve of my shoulder and I’m thankful for the wall behind me because I’m jello. His hands rest on my hips, his thumbs circling the skin above my jeans right inside my hoodie.

Everywhere he touches feels on fire.

He lightly traces a path with his tongue all the way to my lips and I melt against him.

“Holy shit.” I whisper.

He leans in closer to me. With his weight pressed against me and his body lined up with mine I can feel everything.

I’ve never wanted anything more than I want him now.

I’ve never been as scared wanting something as much as I am right now.

I grab the back of his neck where the curls gather and kiss him. He slowly leans down and drops his hands to around my legs, and I give a startled squeal when he picks me up and wraps my legs around his hips.

I give a slight moan, lifting my head to catch my breath. It doesn’t work because he just keeps kissing me and I keep losing my cool all over again. My heart starts beating faster than I can control and my mind starts racing and pictures start flashing and it’s too much. Suddenly I need air. Lots of it.

“Kevin...”

He squeezes my legs right underneath my ass. I gasp.

“Kevin...”

I grab his face with both of my hands and pull him away so I can look in his eyes. They’re full of hunger.

“Too fast. I need a minute.” I whisper.

He kisses the skin underneath my thumb and slowly sets my feet on the ground. I lean against him, my knees still weak. I hear the erratic beat of his heart and smile.

He swallows and kisses the top of my head, his thumbs now making slow circles on the back of my arms.

He speaks slowly, carefully. His voice still raw with a desire I’ve never experienced.

“I want you, Stephanie. When we kiss...” He pauses for a second, collecting himself. “I know there are issues we’re going to need to work through. I know being
us
brings with it a lot of complications.”

He leans back so he can see me.

“But as much as I want you, I’m willing to wait.”

My breath catches and look away, not sure how to respond.

I want you too.

“Thank you.” I place my hand on his cheek and then step away, folding my hands in the sleeves of my hoodie.

“So. What other
normal
activities do you have for us today?”

We walk back toward the street and he squeezes my hand.

“Well. Definitely more making out. That’s totally normal.”

I laugh and my heart skips a beat or two.
I could definitely go for more of that...
I think, my eyes wandering to his lips.

“
And also, I thought we could drop by Emma and Jude’s for a visit.”

I glance up at the house and a slow grin spreads across my face. I forgot just how much I missed them. My pace quickens as I run up the stairs and burst through the door.

“Emma? Jude? Where are you guys?” I turn circles in the living room looking for them, listening for sounds of where they could be. As I’m turning, I notice a remote control airplane stashed in the corner.

I walk up to it and pick it up, inspecting the handiwork. It’s one of those fancy ones—where you have to put it together before you are even able to fly the thing. It reminds me of Pacey.

“Pacey wanted one of these for Christmas.”

Kevin clears his throat and I turn around—Emma is standing there, her arms around Kevin and tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. I laugh.

“Good grief, woman. I’m here, okay? I’m alive. Don’t be so dramatic.”

I run over to her and throw my arms around her waist. I smell a mixture of fresh cookie dough, baby lotion and turkey stuffing. It smells like home.

“I have something to show you.”

Emma glances at Kevin and grabs my hand. She walks me up the stairs and stops in front of a door at the back of the hall—it’s always been Jude’s office. I look at Emma and then Kevin for some kind of clue and reach for the door handle. Emma stops me.

“Wait. Before you go in there, I need you to know something.”

I look at her confused, my heart starting to race at the seriousness etched in Emma’s eyes. I’ve seen her intent on something—but never this cautious.

“What is it?”

I feel Jude’s hands on my shoulders and I look at him, tears welling up in his eyes. “Hey, Steph.

Good to see you.”

My eyes light up and I lean against him for a split second before looking back at Emma.

“Okay guys. Seriously. What’s going on?! Are you just going to stand here whispering code words to each other or are you going to fill me in?” I cross my arms for emphasis.

“Before you open the door, Stephanie—just remember there was no way for us to let you know.

We definitely didn’t want to do it through a text message. And, this doesn’t change anything about us trying to get you out of your situation or the fact that we love you.”

“Okay.” I say, hesitantly. I’m really not sure what to expect when I open the door. I glance back at Kevin and he smiles reassuringly. Jude squeezes my shoulder and I move to turn the knob. I hear the click of the lock and the door swings open against my weight. I wrinkle my forehead. What used to be Jude’s office is now a bedroom. Blue paint lines the walls and someone painted a mural of airplanes flying in between huge clouds. A bookshelf leans against the opposite wall and books already lay on the shelves. I see the complete set of Harry Potter before anything else. And then my head moves toward the bed. It’s small. Twin size. Big enough for a little boy. A head peeks out of the covers.

“Sissy?”

I’ve lost all control. I start weeping and run toward the bed and grab Pacey and pull him close to me as he buries his head in my chest. “Sissy, I’ve missed you! Where you been?” His voice is raspy—

thick with sleep. My tears fall on his hair and I just sit there—rocking him and trying not to squeeze him too hard.

Emma comes and sits next to me, placing her hand on my back.

“As soon as we heard the news, Jude made a few phone calls and we set ourselves up as his foster parents. We couldn’t imagine you two being separated.” She places her hand on my face and turns me toward her—forcing me to look her in the eyes.

“Please say something.”

I lean my cheek against Pacey’s forehead and marvel at how relaxed he is, how
comfortable
he seems here in Emma and Jude’s house. Almost like he belongs. He’s already fallen back asleep against my shoulder.

“Emma...I don’t even know where to begin. I mean, he’s my
brother.
I’ve been so worried about him and where he’d end up. I thought he was in some home all this time.
”

I glance at her again and notice the fear falling into her gaze.

“But honestly? I can’t imagine him anywhere else. You guys are incredible...”

I kiss his head again and lay him down with no protest. He snuggles against a huge stuffed animal propped up against him and starts to snore. I lean in to Emma and give her a hug.

“Thank you.”

She sniffs and rests her chin on my head—the roles reversed from when I was holding Pacey a few seconds ago.

“You’re welcome, but we have you to thank.”

I lean back and stare at her.

“What?”

“Stephanie, if it weren’t for you coming into our life like a freight train, none of this would have happened. We have you to thank. Because of you—we’re reminded of the beautiful moments of life.

We’re reminded of hope. We’re reminded of strength within tragedy. You’re an inspiration to us. To me.”

I stare at her, my mouth open but no words coming out. There’s nothing to say. In the space of an hour, these people have once again shattered all of my expectations. I glance at my brother again, sleeping peacefully.

“I love you guys. All of you. I don’t deserve what you do for me.”

Emma smiles and kisses my cheek, and Jude and Kevin join us in a family embrace, all of the people who bring me life reviving me in a way none of them realize. For those few moments, I feel alive again.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

We make our way downstairs and Emma pulls out some freshly made cookies. I smile and take one from the bowl.

“You are so predictable.” I tease.

She laughs and shrugs her shoulders. “Sometimes you need it.”

“So, tell me. How did you guys manage to find Pacey? I want to know everything.”

Jude rests his elbows on the counter and looks at me. “It was relatively easy for us to find and request Pacey. We were licensed last year in foster care but hadn’t accepted any kids because of Benjamin. Your brother is considered a legal risk foster care child. We’re in this to adopt and in all likelihood your brother will be available for adoption, but there are still a few things that could happen that would prevent it. CPS is first and foremost for the reunification of a family.”

I laugh. “Even ours? Doubtful.”

He smiles and nods his head. “Yes, Steph. Even yours. The good news is that Pacey will be with us until anything else happens. He is on track to become permanently adopted within our family. They won’t take him out for another placement. You are another story.”

I look at him in between bites. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re 17. That’s old in the foster care system. It’s why they didn’t take you from the house the night CPS showed up. Not knowing there was a family ready and willing, they opted to keep you within your own biological setting. Better for a child to stay with his or her parents then age out of the system with nothing.”

I roll my eyes. “So glad they want to protect us.”

Jude and Emma chuckle and Kevin hides a smirk. Emma rests her hand on my arm and tilts her head toward me. “As far as we are concerned, this is your home.”

I squeeze her hand. “Thank you guys. Really. You have no idea how worried I’ve been about Pacey and where he’s been and who was taking care of him...” I sigh. “I love you two. Pacey couldn’t be in better hands.”

Kevin’s phone rings. His smile shifts as soon as he answers and he catches my eye. “It’s my mom” he whispers and I nod, a strange misgiving making its home in the pit of my stomach. I try and listen as Emma and Jude catch me up on everything that’s happened, but I’m distracted by Kevin.

“Mom...I know...I know...” his voice is short and quiet, at the point of frustration. “You didn’t tell me this. I can’t believe you didn’t let me know. Mom, it’s doesn’t matter. I don’t care wha -” his voice catches and he hands me the phone with an apologetic turn of his lips. “My mom wants to talk to you.”

My eyes grow wide and I shake my head.

“Kevin...no! What? Why?”

My whispers are urgent. Talking to his mom? My mind shoots back to earlier in the day—her cold stare and refusal to shake my hand. Suddenly I am very, very nervous. He shrugs his shoulder and mouths, “sorry” before motioning with the phone again. I wipe my hands on my jeans and glance at Kevin before taking the phone. His eyes tell me nothing and he shakes his head against Emma and Jude’s questioning stares.

“Hello?”

“Ah. Hello, Stephanie. I hope I don’t ruin a surprise, but Kevin was going to take you ice-skating at the local pond. Of course, he took you to Emma and Jude’s first—but that was his choice. I need him home. His father has some last minute guests for dinner and we need Kevin to help prepare. I know you will understand.”

My eyes shift toward Kevin.

“No problem, Mrs. Matouse. We can come back now. We’ll be there in less than ten minutes.”

I reach to give Emma a hug goodbye while finishing my conversation with Kevin’s mom. Jude waves as we make our way to the door. Bracing myself against the cold wind, I snuggle into Kevin’s embrace and walk the sidewalk, staying away from frozen puddles. Mrs. Matouse’s voice takes on a different chord—almost protective—and I pause.

“That’s another thing. Well....” she pauses and I sense a shift. I stop walking completely and wait, the cell phone hot against my ear.

“When we invited you over we didn’t really know about your situation. Kevin always has such an incredible taste in girls, we trust him implicitly when he says he’s found someone special. We have no doubt you are indeed someone special, but unfortunately, not for my son. I mean, you two are so different.

So different—don’t you see?” She clears her throat and continues while I fight for balance against the world crashing around me. “I worry about Kevin getting involved with someone like you because he likes to think he can save people. He likes to think he rescue them from circumstances. I just want more for him. Again. I know you will understand.”

I stumble to the curb to sit down. “I’m sorry...what did you say?”

I glance at Kevin. Concerned, he walks over and sits next to me, watching my face and waiting for me to say something. I hold up my hand and motion for him to wait just a second, the walls already beginning to form in my heart. His mom starts talking again.

“Let me put it this way, Stephanie. The company coming over are long-time family friends. They have a daughter. She’s going to Princeton in the fall. Don’t worry, you wouldn’t know her, she goes to a local private school. What I’m trying to say is she is the type of girl Kevin needs to get involved with—

not you. You’re seniors. Almost graduated. It’s time to get serious. Time to stop playing games. This is life—this is my
son’s
life. And to be brutally honest, I question whether he has feelings for you or whether he just feels sorry for you. I mean, has he even paid you?”