Every Soul a Star (22 page)

“Like if I’m at lunch, and I’m doing algebraic equations, I don’t hide behind my book like I’m doing something wrong. I put it right there in the open. When people see I’m happy doing what I’m doing, it sort of takes the power away from them to tease you about it.”

“So Kenny shouldn’t be afraid to let people know about the things he likes,” she continues, “and Ally, you’ll still be able to do all sorts of astronomy things even though the sky won’t be as dark. There are planetariums and astronomy clubs and lots of big bookstores and libraries and museums where you can learn about anything.”

I glance at Ally’s face, or what I can see of it by the glow of the single flashlight. Her skin is brighter already, less ashen. I’m surprised to find that I’m wishing it could have been me who made Ally feel better.

“Now, Ally,” Ryan says, “It’s your turn. Tell us what makes living here so great.”

Ally takes a deep breath and sighs. “Where do I start? When you live out here, you feel like a part of the universe. The stars are so close and the sky is so wide, it’s like the earth and the sky and everything in between are one. It’s hard to remember that there are so many bad things going on in the world. It doesn’t seem possible when everything around me is beautiful.” She shivers. “Out here Kenny and I have grown up in this wonderful little bubble where you don’t have to worry about how you look, how people judge you, or even what channel to watch on the nonexistent television. Our choices are so easy.”

Kenny has been nodding during Ally’s speech. “She’s right,” he says. “I couldn’t have said it any better.” He and Ally share a warm smile. I feel a stab of jealousy at their closeness. I don’t like feeling jealous, but it’s a familiar feeling. Every time I look in my Book at all the beautiful models I feel jealous. It’s tiring.

Jack says, “Sometimes I feel like I live in my own little bubble. I’d rather live in this one. I don’t have any friends in my bubble.”

“You don’t?” Ally says, her brows rising. “How is that possible?”

I
know how it’s possible, but I’m keeping my mouth shut.

Jack shrugs. “I don’t like to do the same things as other people, I guess.”

“What do you like to do?” she asks. “You know, when you’re not organizing planet-hunting missions?”

They share a quick smile, then Jack goes back to pulling at the piece of loose string on his corner of the sleeping bag. Quietly, he says, “I like drawing, and reading science fiction novels and . . .” He says something else, but at the same time Kenny jumps up and yells, “It stopped raining!” and everyone springs to their feet and runs out. Except for me and Jack, who don’t move.

“What did you say just now,” I ask, “before Kenny cut you off?”

He seems surprised that I’m asking him and takes a little while to answer. “I said I can come awake in my dreams. I can fly.”

“That’s what I thought you said. Why do you want to come awake in your dreams?”

He shrugs.

I peer closely at him. The sliver of moonlight coming from the open door casts strange shadows on his face. “Is it because you like the dream world better than the real one?”

With obvious effort, he meets my eyes. “It’s not just that. When I fly, I feel free.”

The shed door bangs open and Kenny comes back in before I can respond. I’m not sure what I would have said anyway.

“The rain has stopped for a while,” Kenny says, “but the cloud cover is too great. All you can see is the moon.”

“That’s enough for me,” Jack says, not wasting any time getting to his feet. “Let’s take the scope out and at least take a look through it. We can leave the monitor and computer attachments here.” He takes a quick glance back at me, then starts dragging the telescope toward the door.

I scoot out of the way. I’ve dreamt that I’m a famous model before. I’ve dreamt that I marry a prince and we have a huge wedding at a fab castle. But flying? I wouldn’t tell Jack this, but it sounds like a waste of time. I think you should dream about things you really want to happen. That way, they’re more likely to come true.

“C’mon out,” Melanie says, interrupting my thoughts. “Come look at the moon.”

“I’ve seen the moon before.”

“Not like this you haven’t.”

I let her drag me outside where no doubt the mosquitoes are buzzing in full force from the rain. The air is thick and soupy, and I can tell the lull in the storm is just that, a lull. Everyone has switched to their red flashlights even though only a handful of stars are visible.

I almost trip over the telescope cover, which is balled up on the wet ground. Ally has her eye pressed to the side of the telescope, and it takes me a minute to realize that’s where the eyepiece is. “That’s Dandelion Crater,” she tells Jack. “It was named after a Ray Bradbury book.”

Jack’s face lights up. “Really?”

Ally nods and steps back. “Take a look.”

Jack comes forward and puts his eye to it. I hear a sharp intake of breath. “It’s so . . . so close!” he says. “Like I can touch it!”

Melanie pushes me toward the telescope, but I stand firm. For reasons I don’t understand, I’m suddenly deathly afraid to touch it. Jack’s not moving anytime soon anyway.

“You know, Ally,” Jack says, not taking his eyes away. “You might not be able to see as many stars where you’re going, but you’ll always be able to see the moon.”

“I’ve never spent much time looking at the moon. There were always so many other things to see.”

Ryan says, “You can try to find all the craters on the moon instead of the Messier objects. I know it’s not the same thing, but at least it’s
something.
”

Ally nods, but instead of answering, she turns to me and says, “Okay, it’s your turn now.”

Jack reluctantly steps aside and waves me forward.

I approach the telescope very slowly. “How about I use an empty toilet paper roll instead? I’ve heard that works great.”

Everyone laughs, but Ally shakes her head and points to the telescope. I can’t see a way of getting out of this. I take a deep breath and rest my hand on the side of the telescope for balance. Ally yells, “Don’t jostle it!” But apparently I already did, so they have to locate the moon again, which requires looking through this small tube called the finder, and then adjusting knobs. You wouldn’t think something as big as the moon would be so easily lost.

“I don’t mind not looking,” I tell them. “Maybe we should just go back in. It could rain again any second.”

“It’s all set now,” Ally says, ignoring my suggestion and pointing at the eyepiece. “Just don’t touch anything this time.”

So having exhausted all other options, I close my left eye and let the rubber of the eyepiece cover my right eye, as instructed. And I look. The pockmarked face of the moon stares back at me, enormous and bright. It doesn’t look anything like it does hanging above us in the sky. It’s so beautiful and mysterious and powerful. This enormous rock controls so much of what happens on our planet. The tides, for one, and indirectly, the weather. I’m struck by the perfect way the universe fits together, like a big elaborate watch that keeps perfect time. Wait, why am I thinking about the tides and watches? What’s wrong with me? I step back from it like I’ve been burned. My head suddenly feels heavy and I know why I was so scared to look into the telescope. The thing that I’ve smothered since third grade has resurfaced.

My inner geek has been released.

That’s
so
not good.

JACK

6

Bree stumbles back from the telescope and Ryan, who is the closest, steadies her. The rest of us crowd around. “Are you okay?” Ally asks, peering into Bree’s face.

Bree nods slowly, but doesn’t focus on any of us. She seems in a total daze or shock or something.

“Do you want to go back to your cabin?” Ryan asks. “We’ll walk you down.”

She shakes her head.

Melanie is standing next to me, so I whisper to her, “Is she going to be all right?”

Melanie’s eyes are wide. She seems unsure what to do. Bree suddenly throws her head back and stares up at the moon, then back at the ground, then up again, almost like she’s calculating something in her head.

“She’ll be fine,” Melanie says. “I think.”

We continue to watch her for a minute, until she suddenly focuses on Ally and demands, “Where’s that nail polish you found?”

“Guess she’s back to normal,” I joke.

But she shakes her head. “I don’t want to paint my
nails
with it. I want to paint my
flashlight.
”

Leaving the rest of us with our mouths hanging open, Melanie slips her arm through Bree’s and they head to the shed, followed by Ryan.

A few minutes later, while Kenny is fiddling with the telescope, Ally says, “Jack, you told me you came here instead of going to school this summer. What did you mean by that?”

I don’t really want to tell her, but I can’t see how to avoid answering. “When you fail a class, you have to make it up over the summer.”

“What did you fail?”

I can’t even look her in the eye. “Science,” I mumble.

“
Science?
Mr. Silver
failed you?”

I nod, feeling like a total idiot. “And it’s not like I don’t think it’s interesting. I just like sitting in the back and drawing better. It was dumb of me. I could have passed. He gave me plenty of chances.” I can feel that familiar heaviness, that familiar disappointment in myself, start to settle in my chest.

Ally puts her hand on my arm. The feel of it makes the heaviness lessen. “If you hadn’t failed that class,” she says softly, “you wouldn’t be on this hilltop right now. And neither would any of us. So I’m glad you sat in the back drawing.”

I feel the ends of my lips curl into a smile. “Thanks, Ally. I guess I am too.”

Kenny coughs, to remind us that he’s here, too. It’s starting to drizzle again, so the three of us pull on the cover and push the scope back to the shed. Bree is done with her flashlight and shows it off when we get inside.

Kenny says, “We can make it down the hill before the rain picks up again. We won’t have to sleep up here.”

We all look at each other. Nobody makes a move to leave.

I’m the first to wake up the next morning. The sun is beaming through the small window. I have to get back to the campground to make sure no one from the tour needs anything, since somehow I doubt Mr. Daniels is going to do it. Kenny is starting to stir so I wait for him to open his eyes and then tell him where I’m going. He nods, and then closes his eyes again.

I tip-toe out of the shed, which isn’t an easy thing to do when you’re my size. The sunlight has a crisp quality to it that I’ve never really seen before. It must not be much past dawn. I dig my watch out of my pants pocket. Six fifteen. We hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. It was pretty cramped with six people, and there was a lot of blanket stealing. Mostly we were talking though, telling stories, ghost and otherwise. Bree was still sort of out of it at first, but then she started talking about silly things she and her friends have done at the mall. Bree’s someone who never would have spoken to me at school. And I never would have spoken to her either. But she’s funny, and I don’t think she’s as confident as she wants people to believe. Up here everything’s different. Up here
I’m
different. Back home I’ve tried to do what Melanie said and just be myself. But the kids didn’t respect me like she said. They just ignore me. And that’s not the same thing. I know I need to let it wash over me more and not worry what people think about me. It’s so hard though.

I head to my cabin to make sure no one left a note for me. As I pull open the front door I realize that the shades are drawn. I’m sure I didn’t leave them that way. I hear my mom’s voice saying you never want to walk in on an intruder, but it’s too late now. Enough light comes in behind me that I can see two people, one in each bed. On the floor at my feet is a crumpled t-shirt. I push it with my toe to get a better look: eclipse chasing: not for the weak.

Right! I had promised those guys they could stay here if the storm came. I’m glad I left the door unlocked.

I quickly scan the cabin and don’t see any notes or anything. I really want to change out of my pants, which are still damp, so I open the dresser drawer as quietly as I can and pull out the first pair of shorts my hand lands on. I’m about to make my exit when one of the guys wakes up and sees me.

“Hey, dude,” he says, leaning up on his elbow. The cot creaks under his movement, but the other guy keeps snoring lightly.

“Hey,” I reply.

“Thanks for letting us crash here.”

“No problem.” I turn to go again.

“Wait a sec. You just getting in? Where did you sleep?”

“Um, I was with some friends. We were trying to do this experiment thing and —”

“Dude,” he says, holding up his hand, “you are a party animal,” and he turns back over.

I hesitate. Should I tell him it was all in the name of science? Nah. It’ll be good practice in not letting it bother me what other people think. I close the door quietly behind me. It’s too early for breakfast, so I head to the Art House. Ever since I was in there with Ally I’ve wanted to go back. Once inside, I quickly pull off the stiff jeans and pull on the shorts. Walking slowly around the room, I carefully select a spot on the wall that seems the right size. Ally had said each person gets one square foot. You can fit a lot in that space. I didn’t know until this morning what I would paint. I go to the table and pick out the right paints. Black and brown, white, blue and silver.

An hour later I drop my brush into the can of water. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. And not an alien head to be found.

Stomach growling, I hurry down to the pavilion for breakfast. David and Pete are at the end of the line and I hesitate. I’ve been avoiding them the past few days, still embarrassed about not having the first-aid kit, I guess. But I get in line behind them and watch David pile eggs on a plate for both of them.

“Jack!” Pete says, grabbing hold of my wrist. “Where’ve you been? Did you hear that storm last night? Daddy said thunder is the gods bowling! Can you believe that? Bowling!”