Every Time We Say Goodbye (29 page)

Rob slept fitfully that night. When he woke, light was creeping through the crack in the curtains. This time tomorrow he would waken in Marianne’s room, in her bed; though she wouldn’t be with him, the thought still excited him. He turned on his side and watched Vanessa as she slept. Why couldn’t he love this woman, he wondered. She was stunning; he could picture the smiling, green-eyed, golden-haired babies she would produce. She was sleeping like an innocent, a slight smile on her lips and one arm thrown over her head exposing a large, full, beautiful breast. He studied it dispassionately, wondering why it didn’t stir him the way a simple photo of a woman in a white T-shirt had.

Sitting close to Marianne on that bench, the touch of her bare arm and the scent of her hair had been enough to arouse him. When he’d kissed her and she’d returned the kiss, he had got completely carried away, moulding her against him, not giving a damn that they were in a public place and behaving like teenagers. He was getting aroused all over again now just remembering the moment. Vanessa stirred and he hurriedly slipped out of bed and headed for the shower; the one plus about this flat was that it was guaranteed to be a cold one.

Marianne stood amidst all the boxes in the narrow hallway and felt like crying. She had been stringent in her packing but still her family’s belongings dwarfed the small house and there was yet another vanload to come. She noticed Dot was looking shell-shocked too. ‘I’ll send some of it back,’ she reassured her mother-in-law.

‘You’ll do no such thing, don’t be silly. Once we’ve arranged everything it will be grand; the bedrooms are practically bare, waiting for you.’

Marianne resolved to put as much stuff as possible in the bedrooms and sneak some of the rest back to Howth; it simply wasn’t right to take over the house like this.

‘It will be grand,’ Dot said again. ‘We’ll be sorted in no time at all, and once the children are settled into school we’ll be able to concentrate on our new jobs; I’m quite looking forward to being a working woman!’

‘I’m a bit nervous to be honest,’ Marianne admitted.

‘Ah, sure, what have you to be nervous about?’

‘It’s okay for you,’ Marianne retorted. ‘You’ll be working from home. I’ll be all over the city, teaching total strangers things I’ve only just learned myself.’

‘I think you’ll make a great teacher. You’re very patient and calm and that’s what it’s all about.’

‘We’ll see. Rob has a manual for me to refer to if I forget anything. It’s very comprehensive, every lesson for every course is covered in detail.’

‘Well then, how can you go wrong? I think those internet classes sound interesting; I might go to them myself.’

‘Planning to cruise the dating websites, eh?’ Marianne teased.

‘I might,’ she laughed. ‘Bridie next door is always on that Facebook thing. Is it very difficult?’

‘No, from what I hear it’s very straightforward; you would pick it up in no time at all. I could teach you but you would probably enjoy the classes; I think they’ll be fun. Rob’s going to start me off with them to introduce me slowly.’

‘When do I get to meet this fella?’ Dot opened a box marked ‘Kitchen’ and started to unpack it.

Marianne kept her head bent as a smile came to her lips. ‘I’m sure you’ll meet him soon enough but I don’t want to become the landlady from hell, always dropping in and out, checking up on him.’ She felt a tingle of excitement at the thought. They would not be working on any training courses together but Marianne just knew that she and Rob would find plenty of excuses to meet.

‘No, of course not. But what if he has any problems and you’re not around? I’ll have to deal with him.’

‘I’ll introduce you as soon as we’ve all settled in,’ Marianne promised, though she felt a bit uncomfortable at the thought of her ex-lover meeting her mother-in-law. Dot was such a perceptive woman too; would she pick up on the connection between them? ‘So when is your first job, Dot?’ she asked, anxious to change the subject.

‘Like your Rob, Brenda’s breaking me in gently.’

Marianne felt her cheeks redden at the term but Dot was too busy in her task to notice.

‘She’s asked me to do a couple of centrepieces for a family dinner next week and then there’s a wedding the week after, though I’ll just be doing the church flowers for that.’

Marianne smiled at the excitement in Dot’s voice. ‘I can’t believe how well things are turning out; we’re working such different hours we’ll easily be able to manage the kids between us.’

‘No problem at all, and anytime we are stuck there are plenty of good neighbours around who would be glad to pitch in and help. You’re part of a real community now, love.’

Marianne wasn’t sure she liked the sound of that; she valued her privacy, and although the neighbours she’d met so far seemed nice, she didn’t want to be swallowed up by them. ‘I wouldn’t be happy leaving the children with anyone else for the moment.’

‘They’ve come a long way in the last couple of weeks and starting school will be the making of them.’

‘I’m not so sure. Moving house and school is a big upheaval.’

‘Children take these things in their stride,’ Dot assured her. ‘I was thinking, perhaps we should have a little housewarming party; it would give you and them a chance to get to know everyone better.’

‘Don’t you think we have enough to do?’

Dot chuckled. ‘Oh, not for a week or so and just a small do; I’d only invite a couple of neighbours and their families. I thought Andrew and Kate would feel more comfortable on their first day at school if they already had made some pals.’

‘That’s a great idea, thanks.’ Not only was Dot right, she was thinking of the children’s best interests whilst Marianne was getting bogged down in stupid details. She felt her eyes fill up and then Dot’s hand was on her shoulder pushing her gently into a chair. ‘Let’s have a cup of tea.’

‘But there’s so much to do . . .’

‘A few minutes won’t make a bit of difference.’

‘I don’t even know why I’m crying,’ Marianne said as the tears streamed down her cheeks.

‘I think you have plenty of reasons,’ Dot said, her own eyes suspiciously bright.

‘You too,’ Marianne said, pulling out a tissue.

‘Oh, don’t you worry. I’ve shed my fair share.’

‘Do you cry for Dominic?’ Marianne asked.

‘Of course I do, and for you and the kiddies. I can’t help feeling that I let you all down.’

‘That’s rubbish.’ Poor Dot, she was so brave and strong it was easy to forget that she had just lost her son and was grieving for him.

‘No, I persuaded you to stay with him and to turn a blind eye to his problems. That was wrong. And now when you should finally be able to get some peace, he’s still causing trouble. I tell you, if he was alive, I’d kill him!’

Marianne smiled through her tears. She was so glad that she hadn’t told Dot about Barbara and the whole fraud business; it would surely destroy her. ‘It’s history, forget it. Aren’t we doing just fine, anyway?’

‘We are.’ Dot wiped her eyes and stood up.

Marianne stood too. ‘We never made the tea.’

‘To hell with the tea. Let’s get stuck in and have this place looking half-decent before the children get home. Then when they’re tucked up in bed, we’ll have a glass of wine and put the world to rights.’

‘I think that may take more than one glass,’ Marianne laughed.

Chapter Twenty-six

Jo couldn’t believe how much she was enjoying looking after Kate and Andrew while Dot and Marianne unpacked.

‘I want to send most of it back to Howth but she insists we keep it,’ Marianne had told her that first night when she had come to collect the children, looking exhausted. ‘It’s like trying to fit Gulliver’s things into Lilliput but she insists that the children have all their possessions around them.’

‘Perhaps she’s right,’ Jo had said, and then offered to look after the children for the full week.

Every day she and Rachel would take the DART to Kilbarrack to collect them and by the time they returned, Di was home from school. Her girls loved having the children around and though Greg complained about the noise levels in the house, he was always smiling when he said it.

Right now, Di was finishing a project in her room, Rachel and Kate were sprawled on the floor working on a jigsaw puzzle, and Andrew was helping Jo make brownies. There was more chocolate on the child than in the bowl but she didn’t mind; he was having a ball. Marianne had warned her of his tantrums but there hadn’t been one so far. Not that the child had been given a chance; her daughters had kept him so busy. Di, in particular, got a real kick out of mothering Andrew and he was wallowing in the attention.

Jo had been watching her daughter like a hawk but Di seemed to be eating normally. She’d taken them all out for an enormous lunch in the local pizzeria yesterday; Di had tucked in eagerly and there had been no trip to the ladies afterwards. Though Jo was still finding it a struggle herself, she had willed herself to eat sensibly and actually held on tight to her chair afterwards, determined to be strong.

It had taken every ounce of courage she possessed but she had finally sat down to talk to her daughter, deciding to go ahead without Greg. There was no need to involve him at this stage, she reasoned; he had enough worries and she had the situation in hand. She felt quite proud of herself for doing this alone, although she knew she wouldn’t be as strong without Marianne and Helen’s support.

She had waited until Greg was out one evening and Rachel had gone to bed before broaching the subject. ‘I want to talk to you, love, about being sick.’

‘I’m not sick – oh, you mean . . .’ Di groaned and rolled her eyes. ‘Mum, I told you it’s no big deal and it was the only time that I did it.’

‘I know and I believe you.’ Jo took a deep breath. ‘It’s me I want to talk about.’

Di eyed her curiously ‘You?’

Jo nodded. ‘I wanted to explain why I did it. I’ll be honest, I find this embarrassing, but I just want you to understand how easy it is to develop bad and even dangerous habits.’

Di said nothing but Jo could see she had her daughter’s full attention. ‘What you have to realize is that growing up in St Anne’s we were fed boring and sometimes downright awful food. What’s more, we had no choice; we had to eat it whether we liked it or not.’

‘That’s child abuse!’

Jo laughed. ‘That’s a slight exaggeration; they had two hundred kids to feed on a very tight budget. Anyway, you can imagine how exciting it was when I left the home to be able to decide what I wanted to eat and when.’

‘What was your first meal?’ Di grinned.

Jo didn’t even have to think about it. ‘Fish and chips. Helen used to take Marianne and me out to tea sometimes but she could only afford beans and chips. I remember watching people digging into huge platefuls of cod in crispy batter and how my mouth would water. We got fish in St Anne’s but there was no batter and it was usually slimy and tasteless.’

‘Yuck.’ Di shuddered.

‘Enough to put you off for life,’ Jo agreed. ‘Having had such a plain diet, I started eating foods full of sugar and salt; I just couldn’t get enough flavour.’

‘Did you get fat?’

‘No, not immediately. I didn’t have much money so I couldn’t afford too many treats. After I got married I put on a little weight but it wasn’t until I was pregnant with you that I started to stuff myself.’

‘Oh, that’s right, blame me,’ Di said dramatically.

‘Naturally.’ Jo smiled. ‘Then after you were born I was too tired to cook so we ate lots of takeaways and TV dinners; I got heavier without ever really noticing.’

‘So, you started to make yourself sick?’

Jo was both ashamed and relieved by her daughter’s candour. ‘No, that started much later. I got a bad tummy bug; I was sick for a couple of weeks and just lived on water and dry crackers. I lost nearly a stone, I couldn’t believe it. I had tried dieting but I had no willpower and never managed to lose more than a few pounds and then I just stumbled on this really easy way to control my weight.’ Jo sighed. ‘I owe you a lot, Di.’

Her daughter looked puzzled. ‘Why?’

‘Seeing you that day brought me to my senses, darling.’

Di gave her a hug. ‘I’m glad, Mum.’

‘I’ve decided to join Dot’s Unislim class and Auntie Helen says she will too.’

‘That’s a brilliant idea; it should be fun.’

‘I don’t know about that. I was never one for exercise and I hate the thought of being weighed in front of everyone.’

‘But, Mum, everyone must feel that way.’

Jo smiled; she had such a clever daughter. ‘You’re right, and apparently, apart from the exercises, there are talks and they give you healthy recipes.’

‘Eating a balanced diet is the key to everything,’ Di informed her with a serious face. ‘We learned all about that in Home Economics.’

‘Yet you made yourself sick,’ Jo reminded her.

‘But I didn’t do it to lose weight. I did it so I wouldn’t look bloated in that top.’

‘Promise me you’ll never do it again.’

‘I will if you will,’ her daughter retorted cheekily.

Jo held her gaze and nodded. ‘You’ve got a deal. Will you help me stick to the diet and exercise plan, love?’

Jo smiled at the determined look in her daughter’s eyes, that she knew so well; Di loved a challenge.

‘No problem, Mum. Consider me your personal trainer!’

Jo had dreaded that first Unislim class but Dot had been great. She had introduced her and Helen to a few people and to Shirley, the instructor, but kept it all very low-key, which Jo had been grateful for; she hated being the centre of attention. The weigh-in, the moment she’d dreaded, had passed in the blink of an eye and no one had paid a blind bit of notice. Shirley had given her a warm welcome and made a note of her details. Jo hadn’t exactly enjoyed the exercises but they hadn’t been too bad, and the talk on the dangers of eating on the go and the tricks to help you stick to the plan were very useful. She was amazed at how much she learned. The evening had flown by and she had felt much happier walking out of the hall than she had going in, and was actually looking forward to her next session.

‘Aunty Jo, these are going to be the best brownies ever,’ Andrew told her.