Every Time We Say Goodbye (28 page)

Jo continued to stare at the image. ‘Yes, poor Daddy.’

The girls were both asleep and Jo was sitting in the dark, sipping her second glass of wine when Greg arrived home. She heard him drop his briefcase in the hall, walk into the kitchen, open the fridge and then he came into the living room and turned on the light.

‘Jo! You gave me a fright; what on earth are you doing sitting here in the dark?’ He flopped into his armchair and reached for the remote control.

‘Please don’t turn the TV on; I want to talk to you.’

He yawned. ‘Do we have to do it now? I’ve had a hell of a day.’

‘Tell me.’

‘What?’

‘Tell me about your day,’ she said.

‘Jo, what is this? What’s going on?’

‘Nothing, it just occurred to me that I never ask; so I’m asking now. How is work?’

‘It’s lousy if you really want to know. I’ve never had as many clients. I’ve never worked so hard but getting them to pay their bills is like getting blood out of a stone.’

Jo felt a moment of panic as she took in the worried crease in his brow. ‘Are we in trouble?’ she whispered. She had been nervous when Greg made the decision to go out on his own but he claimed that he would make more money and have more control than if he continued to work with the accountancy firm he’d been with since he left university. They were raking it in, he maintained, but he was seeing little of their profits in his pay cheque and it annoyed him that he was working harder and harder to line the pockets of the board.

‘No, of course we’re not in trouble,’ he snapped. ‘At least, we wouldn’t be if you were more careful with money.’

‘But I hardly spend any money except on groceries,’ Jo retorted.

‘And clothes,’ he shot back.

She looked down at her ancient tracksuit. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Not on yourself, more’s the pity; it’s all on the girls. You spoil them rotten, Jo; every Saturday Di arrives home with shopping bags and you spend a fortune on designer wear for Rachel on that damned fashion website.’

Jo squirmed; she’d forgotten that he saw all of those purchases coming through on her credit card bills. ‘You’re the one who wants her hanging around with Tracy Donovan; you can hardly expect her to wear chain-store trainers when the other kids are dressed head to toe in labels.’

‘Listen to yourself,’ he sighed. ‘Did you have any fancy clothes when you were growing up?’

‘No, but then I didn’t have any posh friends either.’

‘We can’t afford it, Jo; it’s that simple. You need to make cuts.’

‘Okay, I will, I promise.’

‘So, why the interest in my job and our finances all of a sudden?’ His expression darkened. ‘You haven’t gone and bought something ridiculously expensive, have you?’

‘No, of course not.’

‘Then what?’

She stood up, shaking her head. ‘Nothing; it doesn’t matter. Would you like me to make you something to eat?’

‘No, I had a kebab on my way home,’ he said, turning on the TV and the news channel.

‘I’ll go to bed, so.’ She stopped and turned in the doorway. ‘Greg?’

‘Yeah?’ He didn’t look up.

‘I’m sorry. I will try to be more careful.’

He looked up then, his expression softer. ‘Great, thanks love. Goodnight.’

Helen was wandering along Grafton Street, window-shopping, although she was paying little attention. Johnny had called to say he was going to be late again and so, leaving Colm to his books and a fridge full of food, her itchy feet and overactive imagination had taken her into town. Her phone rang and she scrambled around in her bag for it. ‘Hello?’

‘Helen?’

‘Yes, Jo, is that you? I can hardly hear you; I’m in town.’

‘Oh, okay, I was hoping we could have a chat but it can wait; enjoy your shopping.’

‘No, don’t go,’ Helen said. ‘I was just finishing up; are you at home?’

‘Yes.’ Jo sounded brighter. ‘Shall I put the kettle on?’

‘Do. I’ll be there as quick as I can.’

Helen hurried back to her car, smiling. She was thrilled that her friend had finally called. She’d been dying to talk to her but she knew there was no point in calling; Jo wouldn’t talk until she felt ready. Helen could have called Marianne to see how Jo was doing but she was avoiding her oldest friend at the moment, deliberately timing her visits to Dot for when she knew Marianne wouldn’t be around. She was no actress and she wouldn’t be able to disguise her feelings. Talking on the phone was a little easier, though Helen kept calls to a minimum and always found a reason to cut them short. It was easy enough at the moment as there was so much going on in the Thomson household, but once they’d settled in to Kilbarrack it would be harder and she would have to come to a decision as to whether to confront her husband or her friend.

Jo looked pale and nervous when she opened the door. ‘Hi, Helen. Thanks for coming.’

‘Are you kidding? I was delighted to. Colm is like the antichrist; I only went into town to get a break.’

‘Is he studying hard?’

‘He is,’ Helen admitted, setting her bag on the table and sitting down. ‘Where are the girls?’

‘Rachel’s at her friend Tracy’s house and Di has hockey practice. Coffee?’

‘Lovely. So, how are you doing, Jo?’

‘Grand.’

Helen looked at her. Now, did she go along with this or speak her mind? She decided on the latter. Jo had picked up the phone so she must want to talk. ‘You don’t look it.’

‘Do I ever?’ Jo waved in disgust at her own appearance.

Helen ignored that. ‘Marianne filled me in.’

Jo concentrated on spooning instant coffee into mugs. ‘And you’re still talking to me?’ she joked.

‘Of course I am; why wouldn’t I be?’ Jo’s hands shook as she lifted the kettle and Helen stood up and took it from her. ‘Sit down, Jo.’ She quickly made the coffees and waited as Jo struggled to compose herself.

When she finally spoke it was just one word. ‘Di.’

‘What about Di?’

‘What she did; it was because of me.’

‘Yes,’ Helen agreed. ‘That must have been awful for you, but at least you know now.’

‘She’d never have done it if she hadn’t seen me do the same.’

‘Maybe, maybe not. But tell me, have you done it since?’

Jo shook her head.

‘That’s great, well done.’

‘I’ve been tempted.’

‘I’d be surprised if you hadn’t, but the point is that you didn’t give in to temptation. How long has it been going on?’

Jo wouldn’t look at her. ‘A few years.’

‘What weight are you?’

‘No idea.’ Jo shuddered. ‘I haven’t stood on the scales in ages; I’d be afraid to.’

‘I think you would be pleasantly surprised.’

‘Oh, please.’ Jo’s eyes flashed.

‘Do you think I’m overweight?’

‘No, of course not.’

Helen raised her eyebrows. ‘I thought we were being honest.’

Jo smiled. ‘You’re not skinny, you’re curvy.’

‘I’m plump,’ Helen retorted. ‘I could and would happily lose a stone but it’s not the end of the world.’

‘No, and you look gorgeous.’

‘Jesus, Jo, will you listen to yourself!’

‘What?’ Jo looked cross.

Helen jumped to her feet and dragged her out to the mirror in the hall. ‘Look,’ she said as they stood side by side. ‘Will you bloody look!’

Jo grinned at her in the mirror. ‘You don’t curse, Helen.’

‘If you don’t start talking sense I’ll turn the air blue, believe me. Now answer me; what do you see?’

Jo’s smile disappeared and she sighed. ‘I see a gorgeous, well-groomed woman and a frump.’

Helen smiled happily. ‘Excellent.’

Jo’s eyes met hers in surprise. ‘Pardon?’

‘Don’t you see? There’s very little difference between us. If anything you’re probably a few pounds lighter; I’m just better at hiding it.’

‘No way, I’m much heavier than you!’

‘Let’s go down to the shopping centre; there’s bound to be a weighing scale there. If not, we’ll buy one.’

‘This is silly; I’m not going anywhere, Helen.’ Jo marched back into the kitchen and sat down.

Helen sighed and followed her. ‘I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset you.’

‘I know that. You have to understand, though, that the only reason I’m not enormous is because I was making myself sick.’

‘So, what’s the plan, Jo?’

‘The plan was that I would tell Greg last night but he seems to be preoccupied with work at the moment and I didn’t want to add to his worries. I must talk to Di, though.’

‘I thought you had.’

‘I told her it was silly and that she shouldn’t do it but I think I need to confess to her. I’m also going to join Unislim, and Marianne said I should ask Di for her support in sticking to the diet and keeping to the exercise plan.

‘That’s a good idea,’ Helen said, trying not to flinch at the mention of Marianne’s name. ‘It’s all very well us giving you advice, Jo, but don’t you think you should discuss this with your doctor?’

‘There’s no need for that.’

‘If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for Di,’ Helen said, knowing it was the only button she could push that might work. ‘And fine, yes, join Unislim too. The exercise, the company and just getting out and meeting people who are in the same boat will do you good. In fact, maybe I should join you.’

Jo looked at her in surprise. ‘Would you?’

Helen had meant it as a joke but when she saw the expression on Jo’s face she realized it was exactly the support she needed. ‘Yes, what the hell. Why not?’

Chapter Twenty-five

‘So tomorrow is the big day. Isn’t it exciting? I can take the day off to help you move if you like,’ Vanessa offered as she dumped the takeaway cartons from their dinner into the bin.

‘Not at all, there isn’t exactly much to do.’ Rob grinned and gestured to his few belongings stacked by the door of his flat.

‘It will be nice to have a place where you can cook food without worrying about catching something.’ She threw a scathing look at the ancient cooker in the corner. ‘Why you’ve stayed here so long is beyond me.’

‘You know why,’ he protested, looking out of the large fifth-floor window. It was late but the streets were busy with groups of giggling girls heading out for the evening; tourists still rambling, cameras slung around their necks; workers hurrying home, phones pressed to their ears; and entangled couples wandering along oblivious to the world around them.

She came to stand behind him and slipped her arms around his waist. ‘Perhaps we should mark your last night properly.’

Rob felt her breasts press into his back as her hands moved down to caress his crotch. His treacherous body responded and he felt like a total bastard. He had been avoiding her as much as possible since he’d kissed Marianne. Being with Vanessa wasn’t right any more and he would have to end it. He turned within her embrace and kissed her lightly on the lips. ‘I have an early start, Van.’

She looked up at him, her lovely eyes full of concern. ‘Is everything okay, honey?’

‘Everything is fine,’ he lied, smiling. She was so pretty and sexy and so bloody understanding and patient; she deserved much better than him. He kissed her soundly, out of guilt more than anything, and she responded eagerly. He pulled away. ‘I’m just tired; it’s been a busy time.’

‘I understand, only . . .’ She trailed off and looked down.

‘Only?’

‘This may be our last opportunity to spend the night together for a while, Rob; I’m going away.’

‘Really? Where?’

‘A girl in the head office in London is going on maternity leave and they’ve asked me to take over. She’s an assistant editor, Rob; it’s a great opportunity for me.’

‘That’s terrific, Van,’ he hugged her, delighted; becoming an editor was her dream. ‘London, wow! I’m thrilled for you; when do you leave?’

She bit her lip. ‘The day after tomorrow.’

‘Crikey, they didn’t give you much notice!’

‘I’ve known about it for a while but I was afraid to tell you.’ She disengaged herself and went to sit down on the sofa.

He sat in the armchair opposite, leaning forward on his knees. ‘I don’t understand.’

She studied her hands. ‘It’s simple really. If you had asked me not to go then I wouldn’t have.’

‘I wouldn’t have done that!’

‘That’s what I thought.’

Rob massaged the bridge of his nose. ‘You’ll have to help me out here, Vanessa. I have a feeling I’m saying all the wrong things.’

‘You are.’ She smiled but her eyes looked anything but happy.

‘Please explain.’

She sighed. ‘We’ve been together for nearly a year, Rob, and I think it’s time we made some sort of commitment to each other.’

‘Commitment?’ He wondered if the panic showed in his eyes.

‘I’m talking about moving in together but I’m not sure it’s what you want. I’m not sure you know what you want.’

He stared at her, at a loss for words, and saw the pain in her eyes that his silence caused. ‘Vanessa . . .’

She gave him a brave smile. ‘Perhaps being apart for a while is a good thing; it will give you time to think.’

‘I’m a lousy boyfriend, aren’t I?’ he said, feeling like a total shit. He found it hard to lie to her; he knew he couldn’t say the things that she so obviously wanted to hear. He knew he should end it here and now but that would be like a kick in the teeth. ‘How long will you be gone for?’ he said instead.

‘I’m not certain. About six months, but I’ll be back for weekends,’ she assured him. ‘And you could come over and visit.’

‘Sure.’

‘Are you annoyed with me, Rob?’

‘No, of course not; this is exactly the kind of lucky break you need.’

‘And what about you?’ She searched his face. ‘What do you need?’

One word, one name, immediately came to his mind and he closed his eyes briefly for fear that she would somehow read his thoughts. ‘Right now I need sleep,’ he joked but when he looked at her there was a reproachful look in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Vanessa, that sounded facetious. It’s just there is so much going on at the moment between work, moving, dealing with the planning office and meeting with the architects, that I find it hard to think beyond getting this damn house built.’

‘Of course, I understand.’

But it was clear from her expression that she was hurt. He moved over to the sofa and pulled her into his arms. As they kissed, he felt her hand unzip his trousers and knew that she would be staying the night. When she pushed him back on the sofa and climbed onto his lap, he closed his eyes and tried very hard not to wish she was Marianne.