Every Time We Say Goodbye (36 page)

Jo shrugged. ‘Sister Ignatius said the best thing I could do was to just forget about it.’

‘Typical,’ Marianne groaned.

‘Do you and your brother ever talk about it?’ Helen asked.

‘We hardly talk at all, really,’ Jo admitted. ‘And we’ve only met up a handful of times in recent years, and two of those were Mam and Dad’s funerals. We’re like strangers really. He looks a bit like Dad now.’ She shivered.

‘Perhaps you’re better off avoiding him altogether; you need to look after yourself,’ Helen suggested.

‘You know what, Jo? I think you need to talk to your doctor about all of this,’ Marianne said gently. ‘You’ve been keeping everything locked up inside for so many years, it’s a wonder you didn’t go mad.’

Jo smiled. ‘Ah, sure I did.’

‘Well, for a crazy woman you’ve done a damn good job of raising a family,’ Helen retorted.

Jo smiled. ‘They’re good girls; I am lucky.’

‘Have you ever told Greg any of this?’ Marianne asked.

‘No.’ Jo looked aghast at the thought. ‘If he knew I felt like this it would really worry him.’

‘But you need to talk about it,’ Marianne insisted.

‘Why do I? You and Helen are fine.’ Jo’s sigh said that it was her own fault that she was in this state.

‘But we came from entirely different backgrounds,’ Marianne protested. ‘I was in St Anne’s since I was a couple of weeks old; I never knew any other life. And though Ignatius was a bitch and the place wasn’t exactly the Ritz, it was my home and I have lots of good memories.’

‘And I’m no different, Jo. I don’t remember life before St Anne’s,’ Helen reminded her. ‘But you came from a violent home, you were just going into puberty and some of the kids gave you hell; you can’t possibly compare us.’

Marianne could see doubt and worry in Jo’s eyes. ‘I could come with you if you like, or I’ll take you to see my doctor. Mandy is so easy to talk to and I’m sure she could send you to someone who could help.’

Jo’s eyes lit up. ‘Oh, yes, I’d much prefer that. My doctor is a nice man but he plays golf with Greg and, well, I just wouldn’t feel comfortable talking to him.’

‘You tell me when suits and I’ll set up an appointment with Mandy. We can see her while Greg’s at work and he need never know if you don’t want him to.’

‘Thank you,’ Jo said tearfully. ‘You’re very good.’

‘Why don’t you stay the night?’ Marianne asked. ‘I could put Kate in with Andrew and you could have her bed.’

‘No.’ Jo glanced anxiously at the clock. ‘I should go; Greg will be wondering where I am.’

‘Johnny too.’ Helen stood up and stretched.

‘Good! It will keep them both on their toes,’ Marianne laughed.

Marianne was washing their glasses when her phone buzzed. Drying her hands, she went to check it just as she heard Dot come in. It was a picture from Rob of Kate proudly holding the net with the fish in it, and Andrew and Dot either side of her. She smiled as Dot walked into the room. ‘Look,’ she said, handing the phone over.

Dot laughed. ‘Ah, that’s a lovely one! Isn’t it great to see Kate smiling like that?

‘So, tell me: how come you were out fishing with my tenant?’ Marianne asked, trying not to sound too curious.

‘Rob locked himself out of the house and he couldn’t get hold of you . . .’

Marianne closed her eyes briefly; how she’d love Rob to get a hold of her.

‘. . . so he phoned me. Well, I was only down at the school so we were able to go straight up and let him in. And then when we were eating ice cream—’

‘Ice cream?’

‘Yes, Rob insisted we go in and have some to thank us; ah, he’s a lovely man altogether.’

‘He is,’ Marianne agreed. ‘And the fishing?’

‘Well, he was on his way down to a place not far from the harbour and the children were fascinated, wanted to know every last detail, so he asked us to come along.’

Marianne felt a warm glow at the idea of Rob spending time with her children, although she’d have been even happier if she’d been there too.

‘And you don’t have to worry about their uniforms; Rob kitted them out with wellies and jackets.’ Dot pointed at the phone.

Marianne noticed for the first time that the children were wearing rainproof gear. Of course, she remembered now, he had nephews around the same age. ‘It looks like you had fun.’

‘It was a great afternoon; he’s a lovely fella.’

‘Do you fancy him?’ Marianne teased.

‘Don’t you? A fine-looking man like him?’

‘This is a very strange conversation to be having with my mother-in-law.’

‘Yeah, well, we’re a strange family,’ Dot grinned. ‘But I hope you know that I would never mind you taking up with another man, although I’d probably want to interview him and send him for a medical first, mind.’

Marianne had to laugh at that. ‘You don’t have to worry, Dot. I’m not interested in going out with anyone.’ Well, she was, but he was taken and that was an end to it.

‘Ah, you’re young, love. You’ll meet someone one day, of course you will.’

‘Perhaps,’ Marianne said, though she doubted she would ever love anyone the way she loved Rob. She took up the phone and flicked back to the earlier photo of him with Kate and Andrew; how right they looked together, so right that it hurt.

‘In the meantime, it will be nice for the children to have a good male influence about the place.’

‘They’re not going to see him that often,’ Marianne reminded her.

‘I wouldn’t be so sure; he invited them over next week to meet the nephews.’

‘Did he?’

‘He did, and he struck me as the kind of man who keeps his promises.’

‘You only met him today, how are you so sure?’ Marianne asked, curious as to why Rob had made such an impression on Dot in a few short hours.

‘Ah, when you see the way a man is around children you just know.’

‘I suppose you do,’ Marianne said. She was touched that Rob had been so kind to her children, but then he’d always loved kids and had probably enjoyed meeting Kate and Andrew having heard so much about them. It made it even harder to accept that he could never be hers. He must really love Vanessa if he’d asked her to marry him; Rob wasn’t the kind of man to enter into marriage lightly. And yet, he’d been ready to throw that away for her. The thought thrilled her but she couldn’t let him do it. The only reason he’d said those things was because of their history and their sexual chemistry that seemed as strong as ever. When he touched her, an electric shock ran through her body. She couldn’t believe that, despite having had no contact for so long, when he held and kissed her it was if they’d never been apart. But she was the past and Vanessa was his present and his future.

‘Sorry, what was that?’ she said, realizing that Dot had said something.

‘Nothing important, love,’ Dot chuckled. ‘I was just saying that I think he’s basically a good man.’

‘Yes, Dot, I think you’re right.’

Chapter Thirty-four

Rob saved the document and then emailed it to Marianne. He thought for a moment about how to phrase the covering note; should it be light or businesslike? He opted for businesslike. He hadn’t heard a word from her since spending the evening with her children, which surprised and hurt him. He thought he would reach her and that she would realize he was serious, but perhaps she had changed and it was too late for them. With a heavy sigh he started to type.

Hi Marianne,

Enclosed are some notes about the course next week, though I’m confident you won’t need them. I’ll be in London for a few days but still available on the mobile if you need me.

He paused, willing her to need him.

Can you come over on Friday evening so we can review how it’s gone?

Good luck!

Rob

The phone rang, and looking at the display, he saw Vanessa’s lovely smiling face flash up. ‘Hi, Vanessa.’

‘Hello, darling, how are you?’

‘Fine but busy; I’ve a lot to do before I head to the airport.’

‘I can’t believe you’re finally coming. We’ll have a great time, Rob.’

‘I’m looking forward to the break,’ he said, though he found it hard to inject any enthusiasm into his voice.

‘I thought we’d go straight to dinner and then we could meet up with some of my friends at a club later.’

‘Sounds good.’

‘You’ll like them, Rob, they’re fun.’

‘I’m sure I will.’

‘Okay, then. I’ll see you at the airport. Text me if there are any delays.’

‘I will,’ he promised.

‘Later, darling.’

‘See you later, Vanessa.’

Helen had given Colm fifty euros to make himself scarce for the evening. She made a lovely dinner of Dover sole followed by banoffi pie, two of Johnny’s favourites, and opened a bottle of the Australian white wine he liked. When everything was ready to serve, she put on some music, dimmed the lights and lit some candles. Finally, she hurried upstairs, put on a silky red dress that Johnny loved, some lipstick, combed her hair and sprayed on the perfume he’d bought her for Christmas. If there was another woman, she was going to make damn sure that he realized exactly what he was giving up. Feeling sick with nerves, she went downstairs and was just bending down to the oven to check on the fish, when he walked in.

‘Well, now, there’s a sight to raise any man’s spirits after a hard day’s work.’

She stood up and turned to see him leaning against the doorjamb, watching her with appreciative eyes.

‘Do we have someone coming for dinner?’ he asked.

‘No one.’

‘Well, that is good news.’ He crossed the room, took her into his arms and kissed her. ‘Can I have you for dinner?’ he asked as he ran his hands all over her body.

‘Later, darling. I need to talk to you.’

He groaned. ‘Ah, I should have known there was an agenda. I don’t give a damn if you’ve spent our life savings on a coat, Helen, I want you.’

She smiled, revelling in his excitement and thinking how could he possibly be like this with her if he was having an affair; perhaps Jo and Marianne were right.

He pulled back slightly and studied her. ‘What are you smiling about?’

‘Nothing. Go and pour the wine, dinner is ready.’

Johnny chatted easily throughout the meal and when he finished his dessert he sat back contentedly with his wine and smiled at her. ‘Okay, out with it, woman.’

Helen took a sip of water before she answered, suddenly feeling both guilty and foolish. ‘I followed you on Friday, Johnny. I saw you with Marianne and I jumped to the wrong conclusion.’

He looked at her, puzzled for a moment, and then realization dawned. ‘You thought I was screwing around with Marianne?’

Helen squirmed at his crudity. ‘Is it so surprising? You’ve been spending so much time with her and she’s so pretty and you seemed so cosy together. And you’ve been acting very strangely; lying about where you were going—’

‘Have you been following me? Checking up on me?’ He looked at her in disbelief.

‘No, but only because I was afraid that if I confronted you that you would grasp the opportunity to confess and tell me you were leaving me.’

‘Oh, Helen.’

‘Don’t laugh at me,’ she snapped, seeing the amusement in his eyes.

He was around the table in a flash and pulled her out of her chair and into his arms. ‘I’m not, sweetheart. I’m just amused that you could think there is a woman alive who would ever measure up to you.’

‘Oh, Johnny.’ She stared into his eyes, mesmerized by the love and tenderness she saw there. ‘Do you really mean that, after twenty years together? I’m not the easiest person to live with and I know, by times, I drive you mad.’

‘We drive each other mad; in good ways as well as bad,’ he said with a grin.

She smiled. ‘Mmm, yes, we do, don’t we?’

He kissed her long and hard. ‘Let’s go and do that right now.’

‘First tell me what’s been going on.’

‘No,’ he kissed her. ‘First I’m going to convince you that you’re the only woman for me.’

Later, Helen lay back in his arms feeling happy and sated. ‘I’m convinced.’

He chuckled. ‘Glad to hear it.’

‘I’ve missed this.’

‘What, darling?’ He kissed her neck.

‘We’ve always had lovely long chats after sex but in the last few weeks you’ve just gone straight to sleep.’

‘Ah, well,’ he sighed, ‘that’s because if we’d talked, you’d soon have got the truth out of me.’

Helen turned around to face him. ‘So there is something.’

‘There was, but it’s all sorted now.’ He stroked her cheek and smiled into her eyes. ‘I didn’t want to worry you, darling.’

‘Well, that didn’t work, did it? I’ve been imagining all sorts of things. Is someone threatening you?’

Johnny looked baffled. ‘No, of course not; why would you think that?’

‘You name it, I’ve thought it. Now, please tell me.’

‘Okay.’ He propped himself up on the pillows. ‘I found a lump under my arm a couple of months ago. It started to get bigger so I went to the doctor.’

‘Oh my God.’ Helen sat up, feeling sick. Johnny’s mother had died of breast cancer.

‘Now don’t panic, it’s okay.’

Helen nodded, willing herself to be calm. ‘Are they going to do a biopsy?’ She sat back to look at him, running her hands over his chest. ‘I can’t see anything; where is it?’

Johnny turned on his side and raised his arm to reveal a small plaster. ‘They’ve already done the biopsy, love. I’ve been in and out of hospital for every feckin’ test under the sun in the last few weeks.’

Helen searched his face. ‘And?’

‘I got the all-clear on Friday,’ he smiled.

‘Really? Now you’re not just saying that, Johnny, because if you are . . .’

‘It’s true, honestly,’ he protested.

‘Thank God. But if it wasn’t cancer, what was it?’

‘Just some harmless cyst; they drained it and I’m fine. They only dragged me in for tests because of the family history.’

‘It was the first thing I thought of.’

‘Which is why I didn’t tell you.’

Helen snuggled into him, kissing the plaster gently. ‘You shouldn’t have gone through this alone; you must have got a scare.’

‘I did,’ he admitted. ‘I had to wait a week for the results of the biopsy and all sorts of things were running through my head. After what happened to Dominic, well, it makes you think.’