cliched reactions—shaking hands, pounding heart, dry mouth—
that could indicate only one thing: my body was telling me that I
liked Sammy or, quite possibly, that I worshipped him. Which, if
one cared to draw a parallel, was exactly how Lucinda felt right
before her first one-on-one meeting with Marcello in
The
Magnate's Tender Touch.
This was the first time I could ever remember
feeling all tingly with nervous anticipation, just like the
women in my books always did.
I felt him standing over me before I saw him, a sort of amorphous
figure in all black. And he smelled good! Like freshly baked
bread or sugar cookies or something equally as wholesome. He
probably stood there for thirty seconds, staring at me stare at my
Filofax, before I finally mustered the nerve to look up, just as he
cleared his throat.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey," he said right back. He was unconsciously rubbing at
what appeared to be a flour stain on his black pants, but he
stopped when he noticed me watching.
"Uh, would you like to sit down?" I stammered, wondering
why it was utterly impossible for me to make one intelligible or coherent
statement.
"Sure. I, uh, I just thought it might be easier to do this in person
since I was, uh, right across the street, you know?" It was comforting
that he didn't sound much better.
"Yeah, definitely, it makes perfect sense. Did you say you were
just coming from class? Are you taking a bartending course? I've al-
ways wanted to do that!" I was rambling now, but I couldn't help
it. "It just seems like it'd be the most useful thing, whether or not
you actually work in a bar. I don't know. It'd be nice to know how
to mix a decent drink or something. You know?"
He smiled for the first time, a megawatt ear-to-ear shiner, and I
thought I might just cease living if he ever stopped. "No, it's not for
bartending, it's for pastry-making," he said.
It didn't make much sense that the bouncer was into pastries,
but I thought it was nice that he had outside interests. After all,
aside from the nightly ego rush of rejecting people based on appearance
alone, I imagined it got pretty boring.
"Oh, really? Interesting. Do you cook a lot in your free time?" I
was only asking to be polite, which, unfortunately, came across
loud and clear in my voice. I rushed on. "I mean, is that a particular
passion of yours?"
"Passion?" He grinned again. "I'm not sure I would call it a
'passion,' but yeah, I like to cook. And I sort of have to, for
work."
Ohmigod. I couldn't believe he'd called me out for using that
ridiculous word,
passion.
"You
have
to?" It came out sounding downright snotty. "I'm
sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Where do you cook?"
"I'm studying to be a chef, actually," he said, diverting his eyes
from mine.
This was a new and interesting development. "A chef? Really?
Where?"
"Well, nowhere yet, really. I already graduated from CIA and
I'm taking a few classes at night. Like pastry-making." He laughed.
"How'd you get into that?"
"I'm not particularly into it, but it's good to know. Aside from
making omelet dinners growing up when it was my turn, I didn't
really ever cook. I lived in Ithaca for a summer in high school with
a buddy and worked as a waiter at the Statler Hotel on Cornell's
campus. One day the general manager saw me refilling a guest's
coffee by holding the carafe almost four feet above the cup and
freaked out—he loved it. He convinced me to apply to the hotel
school there. He got me a few scholarships, and I worked the
whole time—busboy, waiter, night manager, bartender, you name
it—and when I graduated he hooked me up with a yearlong apprenticeship
at a Michelin-starred restaurant in France. It was entirely
his doing."
I was vaguely aware that my mouth was quite unattractively
hanging open in shock at this information, but Sammy graciously
saved me from myself by continuing.
"You're probably wondering why I'm working as a bouncer at
Bungalow, huh?" He grinned.
"No, not at all. Whatever works for you. Um, I mean, it's just a
different side of the hospitality industry, right?"
"I'm paying my dues now. I've worked in what feels like every
imaginable restaurant in this city." He laughed. "But it'll be worth it
when I finally open my own place. Hopefully it'll be sooner rather
than later."
I must have still looked confused because he just laughed.
"Well, clearly the first and foremost reason is the money. You can
actually make a decent living piecing together a few security and
bartending gigs, and I have a bunch of that stuff going on. It keeps
me from going out at night and spending, so I stick it out. Everyone
says there's nothing like opening a restaurant in this city. I've
been told it's really important to know all the social politics, from
who's sleeping with whom to who's really important and who's
just pretending they're a player. It doesn't really interest me, but I
don't exactly run with that crowd, so there's no better way than to
watch them in their native environments."
He clamped a hand over his mouth and peered at me. "Look, I
probably shouldn't have said all that. I didn't mean any offense to
you and your friends, it's just that—"
Love. All-consuming and overwhelming love. It was all I could
do not to grab his face and kiss him full on the mouth . . . he
looked so horrified.
"Seriously, don't say another word," I said. I moved my hand to
touch his reassuringly, but I lost my nerve at the last minute and
my fingers ended up awkwardly suspended above the table. Lu-
cinda from
Magnate
would've been cool enough to pull off that
move, but I, apparently, was not. "I think it's really great what
you're doing. I can't imagine some of the things you must see
every night. Ridiculous stuff, right?"
It was all he needed to hear. "Christ, it's incredible. All those
people—they have so much money and so much time and don't
seem to want to do anything but beg me to let them into these
clubs every night," he said. His eyes met mine.
"It's got to be kind of fun, though, isn't it? I mean, people fall
all over themselves trying to be nice to you," I managed, too distracted
by his gaze to think straight.
"Oh, come on, Bette, we both know it's hardly like that. They
kiss my ass because they need me, not because they know anything
about me or like me as a person. I have a very short shelf life
for respect and likability—namely, the few minutes between the
time they arrive and the time they walk inside. They wouldn't remember
my name if they saw me anywhere away from that velvet
rope."
The look of distress returned to his face, and I noticed how his
forehead wrinkled when he frowned, and it only made him cuter.
He sighed and I had a bizarre desire to hug him. "I have such a big
mouth. Forget everything I just said. I really don't take the job all
that seriously, so I shouldn't make it sound like it's a bigger deal
than it really is. It's just a means to an end, and I can put up with
anything if it'll get me closer to my restaurant one day."
I was desperate for him to keep talking, saying anything about
anyone just so I could continue to watch his perfect face and examine
the way his mouth moved and his hands gestured, but he
was finished. When I opened my mouth to tell him that I understood
exactly what he meant and had never really thought of it
from that perspective, he gently cut me off. "I guess you're just
easy to talk to," he said and smiled so sweetly that I had to remind
myself to breathe. "I'd appreciate if you didn't mention any of this
stuff to anyone at your office. It's just easier for me to do what 1
need to do without everyone, well, uh, you know."
I sure did know. Without everyone knowing where you came
from and where you were going, trying to decide at every moment
if you fell into their own personal "worth knowing" or "safe not to
acknowledge" categories. Without everyone angling for position or
trying to manipulate the situation to their own benefit or slowly but
surely chipping away at your confidence because it made them
feel better about themselves. Uncle Will was joking when he always
said, "If you can't have, discredit," but most of this crowd
weren't. Yes, I got it, loud and clear.
"Of course. Totally. I understand completely. I, uh, I think it's
really cool what you're doing," I said.
Another blinding smile. Ah! I tried to think of something, anything,
I could say that would elicit another smile, but one of us finally
remembered that we were there on business.
He seemed completely recovered from any moment of vulnerability
when he said, "I'm getting a coffee, and then we can figure
out the event details. Can I get you something?"
I shook my head and pointed to my coffee cup.
"No grande sugar-free vanilla extra-hot no-whip skim latte?"
I laughed and shook my head again.
"What? You think I'm kidding? I actually order that fucking
drink every time I come here."
"You do not."
"I do, I swear I do. I made it through twenty-some years of life
being perfectly fine with a cup of regular coffee. Sometimes I had
it light and sweet, and sometimes late at night I asked for it decaf,
but it was definitely just coffee. Then a friend mentioned how
good lattes were. Soon after that a girl from school announced that
adding flavoring made it even better. The rest of it just followed,
and it's gotten totally out of hand. I wish, just once, they'd refuse
to make the damn thing, just say, 'Get ahold of yourself, Sammy.
Be a man and drink a goddamn cup of regular coffee.' But they
never do and, alas, neither do I." And with that, he was off.
I watched as the barista flashed him an undeniable I'm-yoursfor-
the-taking smile. I don't think I blinked the entire time he was
gone, and I audibly exhaled when he reclaimed his seat next
to me.
"Okay, enough confessional for one day. Should we get this
party worked out?" He brushed the back of his head, and I
couldn't help thinking that I'd seen him do that a million times before.
"Sure. What first?" I sipped my coffee and concentrated on
looking cool and professional.
"How many did you say the event is for?"
"I'm not exactly sure, since I haven't put together a finalized list
yet"—or any list, for that matter, but he didn't need to know that—
"but I'm thinking it'll be in the area of a couple hundred."
"And will Kelly & Company be bringing in its own people for
everything or using ours?"
Again, not something I'd considered yet, but I tried to think