Everything You Are (11 page)

Jane, leaning against the wall, read Ian's incoming email, marking all the urgent ones with a star and deleting all the ads. She had been trying to ignore the sounds around her, but every time Ian spoke in his soft and melodic voice, her eyes darted up and focused on him of their own will.

He sat perched on a pallet near the entrance of the large warehouse, listening to the factory representative, workers dressed in blue overalls surrounding them. For the last month they had been travelling around the country, calming the fears of the workers who were worried about the newspaper articles saying that Thornton Enterprises planned to close its factories and outsource its production abroad. Ian was attentive to the workers; he took time to address every one of their complaints, no matter how insignificant they were. It was like he genuinely cared about Thornton's employees. His gaze lifted and over the people's head fixed on her. He gave her a small smile before he focused back on the man before him.

Frowning, she lowered her eyes. He had always been kind to her, except the first day his father hired her, but lately, he had been especially courteous, hovering close to her, flirting and constantly bringing her tea and supplying her with dried fruit for snacks, mostly cranberries. And she couldn't figure out why. Because he thought of her as a friend? Or could he remember their sex together? But, if that were the case, he would have mentioned something, wouldn't he? Or bought her an expensive gift like he had Amanda, and then tossed her out of his life. She wished she hadn’t witnessed his talk with Amanda, but at least she knew exactly what he was like and what he would do to her if he learned that they slept together. She had given her virginity to him and she didn't regret it. She didn't. She was in love with him, something that she was working hard to get over, but having been in his embrace, having his mouth on hers, feeling his skin against hers and having him move inside her had been the most intense moments in her life, ones she wouldn't exchange for anything, ones she would always cherish. But, no matter that just a glance at him could fire up her lust, they were ones that would never be repeated.

Somebody coughed.

She sighed.

The scent of salami drifted to her.

She crinkled her nose and looked around to find the source, while a bitter and sharp sensation rose up in her throat.

There was a man just a step away from her, on the outskirts of the crowd that circled Ian, eating a sandwich. He shifted closer to her and pushed himself onto his toes, craning his neck to see over people's heads.

As the smell of food became stronger, Jane could feel bile at the edge of her throat, forcing its way up. She pressed her hand against her mouth, her eyes darting around the large hall, looking for anything that would direct her toward the toilets. There was nothing. She mumbled her question to Mrs. Smith, who had brought her and Ian to the hall and served as their guide. Then she rushed out of the large building and ran behind it. There, she bent over and in the grass by the iron fence released what was left of her breakfast.

“Miss Bennet,” a woman’s voice called.

Jane sighed and slowly pulled herself up. From her handbag she took a handkerchief to wipe her mouth and a piece of chewing gum which she put into her mouth before she turned around and walked toward Mrs. Smith. “I'm sorry,” she told the woman. “I'm not feeling very well lately.”

“Do you want to go back to the hotel?”

“No, that's okay.” Jane directed her step toward the warehouse's door.

Mrs. Smith fell into step beside Jane. “But if you are sick, it would be better if you got some rest. I can take care of Mr. Thornton, maybe show him around town?”

“I'm not sick. I don't have a fever.” Jane touched her forehead. Perspiration clung to her hairline but otherwise her skin was cold to the touch. She wasn't
sick
sick. She just felt nausea in the mornings and as soon as she vomited she felt better. “I just don't seem to be able to keep my breakfasts down. I must have gotten a stomach flu or something.” She already planned to schedule an appointment with her doctor as soon as she got home.

They stepped into the hall, where the workers had already dispersed and Ian was talking to one of the workers a short distance away.

“Is that a frequent occurrence? You being sick in the mornings?”

Jane's forehead wrinkled, she slowed down. She didn't feel sick every day, but... When had it started? A week ago? A week before that? “Not frequently, but it has happened quite a few times.”

Mrs. Smith's face lit up and she nodded. “Ah, so congratulations are in order.”

Ian's eyes landed on Jane, a smile stretched his mouth and without taking his eyes off her, he said something to the man before he sidestepped him and strode toward them.

She should have averted her gaze, but she couldn't take her eyes off him. He looked so sexy, dressed in black pants, a dark green shirt and a black leather jacket, with his hair slightly messed up and with his ever-present stubble shadowing his jaw. And as she watched him coming close, all she could think about was how he had held her in his arms, veiling the world around them with his wide shoulders, while he thrust into the depths of her body. Raw desire, sharp and greedy, pooled in the pit of her stomach and dampened her panties, something that had become a regular occurrence since her tumble with Ian. She had been sick a second ago, how could she be in heat now? She tore her eyes away from him and fixed them on Mrs. Smith. What had she said? “Congratulations?” For what?

“On your pregnancy,” Mrs. Smith said. “What you have is morning sickness. It will pass soon.”

Pregnancy? Pregnant? Jane froze on the spot, her eyes going wide. Pregnant! Her gaze went to Ian, who was now just two steps away. With Ian? But... But... That was not possible; they had only slept together once.

#

Two pink lines running vertically across the white square glowered at Jane, who was sitting on the dirty clothes hamper beside the bathroom sink. Her hands covered her face and her body curled as she started to rock. Pregnant! She slept with the guy once -- once! -- and this happened. How could it be possible? How?

A knock and the swish of the doorknob turning. “Jane,” Mark called. “What are you doing in there for so long? Do you have diarrhoea again?”

Usually she would have emitted a fake laugh and ordered him to shut up, but now... She sighed and rubbed her wet eyes. She had always told Mark everything --
everything
; her problems and troubles, her dreams and hopes, but she hadn't told him about her infatuation with Ian. Or the love she had become aware of when she slept with him. She hadn't told Mark about her almost-kiss or about their holding hands in Italy either, let alone about the airport kiss or that half an hour after that kiss she had ended up in Ian's bed. Why hadn't she told him?

“Jane, open up.” Mark banged on the door. “Or at least say something.”

With the back of her hand, she rubbed her eyes again before she forced herself up and dragged herself to the door. She unlocked it.

Mark shoved his way inside. “Why haven't you -- What's the matter?”

Hugging herself, she pushed her lower lip into her mouth, holding it there with her teeth, while her gaze went to the sink, to the stick that sat on its edge.

He stepped to the sink. His eyes lowered to the edge of the sink before he bent over it. “Is this...?”

“Yes.”

He straightened and faced her. The expression on his face mirrored the same turmoil that stormed inside her. “How? When? Why didn’t you tell me that you slept with him?” His eyes narrowed. “With all those calls, I knew something had happened between you two. And you said that it was nothing. You liar. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He spoke as if he knew who the father was. “
Him
?”

“Oh, come on, Jane, I'm not stupid. I noticed how you look at Ian and the way you glow when you talk about him. You're in love with him, and that means that at this moment, he's the only one who could even take a peek at your panties.”

Was it so obvious? “What am I going to do?” Her shoulders sagged.

“Oh, Jane.” In one step Mark was beside her. His arms wrapped around her. “This is not a tragedy. You're just going to have a baby. A beautiful baby, with the hottest man I have ever laid eyes on.”

She chuckled, she couldn't help herself. “Yeah, I'm going to have a baby with one of the hottest men.” With the man that didn't even know they had slept together.

He frowned and with his hands around her shoulders he drew her backwards. “Babe, why are you crying?” With his fingers he gently wiped her cheeks.

“I'm not crying.”

“Yes, you are.” He showed his wet fingers. “What's wrong? I mean, what's wrong besides you being pregnant?”

“He doesn't know.”

“Of course he doesn't know, when you only found out about it a minute ago.” He guided her into the living room. “He's a great guy. I doubt he'll marry you, but he'll take responsibility, he will.” He shook his head. “Even though, I don't know what you two were thinking, having sex without a condom. He has had enough sexual escapades to know better.”

“He doesn't know,” Jane repeated.

“That's why you'll have to tell him. Or do you plan to wait for him to notice himself? He won't, you know, not even when you get big and clumsy. He'll probably just think you got fat. Men are clueless like that.” Mark sat her down on the sofa, then joined her.

“He doesn't know that we slept together,” she said quietly.

“What?”

Jane rested her hands on her lap and fixed her gaze at them. Why were her hands shaking? She folded them.

“Jane, how could he not know that you two slept together?”

She pinched her lips together.

“Jane, how?”

She cleared her throat before in a small voice she said, “It wasn't in Italy. Nothing happened in Italy.” They had only held hands, which made her feel as if they were dating. “Nothing important, anyway. It was when he got home from Norway. He was tired and sleepy and... He was half-asleep when it happened. I just... I got swept away.”

“Of course you got swept away. You have crush on him and you're a naive innocent girl while he's Sebastian Thornton, an experienced womaniser. As soon as he laid his hand on you, even if he was half-asleep, you had no chance.”

She was not that innocent and she certainly wasn't naïve. “I could have stopped him.”

“But you didn't want to, did you?”

No, she hadn’t wanted to stop him. “And now I'm... This was my first time and now I'm... I have the worst luck, don't I? ”

His hand started to stroke down her back.

“Mark, what am I going to do?”

“You're going to take time for yourself. Think about what you want to do, keep it or...”

Her hand went to her belly and she splayed her fingers. There was a baby inside it. Hers and Ian's. “I couldn't get rid of it.”

“I didn't say you have to. Just look at your options and decide. You know that whatever you choose to do I'll back you up one hundred percent. And Margaret and Joe will too.”

She hadn't even thought of her parents and how they would react. She groaned and buried her face against his shoulder.

“Margaret might rage a little, but after she calms down, you know that she'll have your back. That's how your mother is. Loud and opinionated, but with a big golden heart.” His hand ran through her hair. “Not like mine, who only calls twice a month, and in the last few years I haven't even heard a peep from my father, the closed-minded douche bag.”

When Mark had told his parents about his sexual orientation his father hadn’t taken it too well. After he tried to force Mark to go to aversion therapy, which his father had hoped would cure him of homosexuality, Mark's mother kicked his father out of the house and filed for divorce. She sold the house and she and Mark moved into the apartment, then his mother had remarried and gone to live with her new husband, leaving the apartment to Mark. “Your mother isn’t bad.”

“No, she's not, but she's not awesome like yours is.” Mark smiled and patted her back. “Tomorrow, you should call in sick or take some vacation, so you'll have some time off to think about what you want to do. You'll tell him, though. Right?”

She pulled her eyebrows together.

“It's his baby, too.”

“He won't believe me.”

Mark sighed. “He has the right to know.” His squeezed her shoulder. “If you were in his shoes, you'd want to know too, right?”

“I guess. But... He's a womaniser... He's used to dating women and then tossing them aside when he gets bored. He'll try to do that to me.” Even though she wasn't sure how he would do that since they weren't dating. “What if I lose my job?”

“Then you'll sue them.”

“I signed that non-disclosure agreement, remember?”

“You won't lose your job. And he's not going to toss you aside. He's not like that. It’s not as if you have to tell him right away. You can talk with him after you talk with your mother and see what she has to say about this whole thing.”

They were having their monthly lunch at her parents’ house on Saturday, two weeks from now. She would probably use that visit to sit her mother down and deliver the ‘happy’ news. Her mother was not going to be pleased, and she wouldn’t hesitate to show her displeasure, which was why Jane dreaded talking with her. But after her mother calmed down, she would approach the problem calmly and rationally, honouring Jane's decision. The way she had reacted when Jane told her that she was moving out. Yeah, Mark was right. If she decided to keep the baby, even if they didn't like her decision, her parents would have her back, there was no doubt about it. As long as she didn’t tell them how and by whom she had gotten pregnant.