Ex on the Beach (20 page)

“But you spent the remainder of each year with your mother?” he asked.

She nodded. “Better schools. She expected the best from me.” Still expected the best from her.

“With a Harvard MBA, I’d say you gave it to her.”

She looked away from his probing eyes. That wasn’t exactly the case.

He stroked his thumb over her shoulder as if knowing that he was giving her the courage to continue, simply from his touch. That was one of the things she’d always loved about him. He knew when she needed him. His mere presence gave her the courage to step outside herself.

The night he’d shown up at the bar with the charm for her ankle, she’d just gotten off the phone with her mother, having discovered there was no need for her to fly home the next day for Christmas. Cassie and John were heading to Europe for the holidays. Andie’s mother had forgotten to tell her.

Mark had shown up when she’d felt at her lowest, and though she’d ignored his advances for months when he’d been a regular in the place — mostly because he’d been friends with Rob — she’d been unable to look away from him that night. Somehow he’d known she needed someone, and there he’d been. He’d given her the gift, then had sat at the bar for hours, talking to her any chance she got.

When the bar had closed, she’d taken him home with her and they’d remained together every day that followed…until he hadn’t shown up for their wedding.

She sucked in a breath and continued, “I
didn’t
give it to her, actually. Not what she wanted. I was never good enough. No matter how hard I tried.” She plucked at the bedspread covering her, wondering if she would ever make her mother proud. “I can’t be like her,” she whispered. “I can work just as hard. I
do
work just as hard. But things never turn out the same for me. I’m a screwup. A failure.”

And she was tired of trying so hard. What was the point, anyway? Especially now that her mother was there to see her fail spectacularly with her own two eyes.

“Are you kidding me?” Mark’s harsh tone surprised her. He stopped her fiddling with the bedspread by weaving their fingers together, and she couldn’t help but look up at him, his vehemence sending a small thrill sizzling through her. “How can you even say that?” he asked. “You’re far from a failure, Andie. Far from it. You—”

“Got fired from my job in Boston,” she said, shutting him up. “Yep. I lost you and got fired, all within days. That was not a proud time for my mother.”

“Baby,” he uttered. “I …” He shook his head and then gripped her face between his hands. His arms were tense, but his touch was soft. “You got fired?” She read the shock in his gaze. His eyes were a stormy blue at the moment. “I thought you quit. To get away from me.”

She laughed, but it came out as dry as she felt inside. “Funny thing is, I considered it. But that job was what I’d worked for — what was going to earn me the love of my mother. Finally. So, no, I didn’t walk away. But because I didn’t win that account, the client I invited to our wedding …” She paused and raised her eyebrows to make sure he understood which account. “Because I failed, they let me go.”

“But that makes no sense,” Mark began.

“It makes perfect sense. I’d already made several mistakes since they’d hired me. I wasn’t holding up my end.” She lifted a shoulder and tried to look away, but he had her face trapped. “I was on probation, Mark,” she whispered in shame. “It was my last opportunity to keep the job.”

His eyes softened. “You never told me you were having that kind of trouble.”

“No, I didn’t.” She peeled his fingers from her face then crawled to the middle of the bed, taking a section of the cover with her. “I just worked around the clock instead. Trying to keep my job. I was so far out of my element with you and your family as it was. And then your dad …” She peeked at him. “He got me the job. The job I couldn’t even do well enough to keep. So, no, I didn’t tell you. I couldn’t let you see that I was as big a misfit there as I was trying to fit into your family.”

“Baby, you were never like that. My family loved you.”

“And I loved them.” She couldn’t hide from the lost sound of her words. “Very much. But I was a girl playing pretend. I wasn’t anybody. Not like you. I didn’t fit in. No matter how nice your family was to me.” She shook her head, refusing to look at him now, and trying her hardest not to let him see her cry again. “I never fit. Anywhere.”

Except there.

With Aunt Ginny.

Mark stared at Andie, her words threatening to dig up long-ago memories while setting his chest on fire. Memories that felt a lifetime old. Or older.

He shoved the thoughts aside. It didn’t pay to think about it.

“You are not a failure,” he started, knowing he should address the way she’d felt about fitting in with him and his family, but not sure he could have that conversation while keeping his past at bay. “You’ve built this place, baby. Practically on your own, I’d imagine. Not a failure in the least.”

“And I’m going to lose it,” she stated flatly. She turned back to him, her eyes empty and hollow. “Did you forget that? If the wedding is called off, I’ll lose the bonus and we’ll lose the house. I did that, Mark. I talked Ginny into it. It’s all on me.”

She’d explained the loan to him the previous evening. Right before he’d gone off to find Rob.

“What did Rob say, anyway?” she asked. Fear flickered across her face, making her look about six years old. “Should I tell Kayla to alert the rest of the guests of a cancellation?”

He felt like a heel. “I didn’t get a chance to talk to him yet. He wasn’t in his room last night, and Penelope was stuck to his side the whole day today. They’re going out tonight, so I’m going to talk to him on the fishing boat tomorrow.”

Frustration filled him. The last thing he wanted was to be the reason for her business shutting down, but he couldn’t let Rob walk into a marriage without knowing what he was up against. Without knowing what was expected of him.

“I’ve got to talk to him, Andie,” he whispered. He reached for her, but she slipped away and stood from the bed, her body naked and glorious in the sunshine streaming in from the open door.

“You know I do,” he pleaded when she didn’t say anything. “But I want to cover the payment for you.”

She gaped at him. “I can’t take your money.”

“Why not?”

The fact that she stood glaring at him while as naked as when she’d entered the world, was not lost on him. He wanted to forget the conversation and drag her back to bed. He wanted to take his time with her and explore all those places he’d only thought about over the last few years.

Instead he stood, too, and slipped on his shorts. He could already feel her putting a wall between them, and he’d be damned if he was going to sit there naked and vulnerable while she did it. Taking in his movements, she grabbed her panties off the floor and jerked them on, then pulled a T-shirt from a drawer and slipped it over her head.

“It’s my problem, Mark.” Her tone was steady and strong. She lifted her chin. “I can’t take money from you.”

“You could as a loan.” As far as he was concerned, she could have the money outright, but if her pride made her need to call it a loan, he would do it that way.

She paused in thought for a moment but shook her head no, her shoulders slumping a fraction. “I need to do this,” she said softly. “
I
need to make it work. Not have someone swoop in and save the day.”

He
wanted
to save the day. He’d always liked taking care of her. And he wanted to be her hero now. Especially since he’d just realized that having sex with her wasn’t going to give him the closure he’d been seeking.

Which royally sucked. He was ready to move on with his life. Not spend it pining over Andie.

He studied her — her flushed cheeks, her hair slightly wild as if it had been tossed around for a really good reason, and the ever-present vulnerability deep in her blue-gray eyes — and he knew that she
did
need to do this on her own. He didn’t get why but understood that proving herself was important. He just wondered if she was trying to prove her competence to Ginny or to herself. Or more likely, to her mother.

“Okay.” He nodded and held out a hand for her, beckoning her back to him. He wanted her in his arms. He wanted her to come to him. “If that’s what you want. But the offer stands. All you have to do is say the word and the money is yours.”

“Thank you.” She crossed her arms over her chest, the action plumping the unencumbered curves of her breasts, and eyed his outstretched hand. When she lifted her gaze to his, he wanted to put his fist through a wall.

“We’re just going to be
friends
now, I take it?” he asked. His tone wasn’t polite.

She nodded, nibbling on her lower lip. “I’m pretty sure that would be best.”

“Why’s that?” Irritation flooded him. He should let it go, but he couldn’t help himself. “I’m only good for burning off some steam?”

She cringed. He knew his comment was ugly, but she’d pissed him off. It wasn’t like he was asking for a commitment.

“Mark, please,” she started. “We were friends once. I don’t see why we can’t be again.”

Because she’d been the kind of friend he’d wanted to keep forever. He shook his head. “It won’t work, sweetheart. I can’t be that guy for you.”

Wide eyes blinked slowly at him. “Okay,” she said. She nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I guess we shouldn’t have—”

“Just stop it.” He cut her off with the slice of his hand. “We both wanted it. We did it. End of story. And you wanted it as much as me, so don’t try to pretend otherwise.”

“I never said I didn’t.” Anger flared on her face. It was better than the withdrawn look she’d been wearing. “In fact, I’m the one who started it. I’m not pretending anything else. I just don’t think we should—” Her words came to an abrupt stop and she shrugged one shoulder. “You’ll be leaving as soon as you tell Rob, anyway.”

She was right. If the wedding was canceled, he would have no reason to stay. Except …

“I could stay. I
am
on vacation.”

She sighed, a long, sad sound that lodged a rock deep in his gut. “What would be the point, Mark?”

“The point would be us having a good time,” he urged. And maybe more. He didn’t voice his second thought, but had the feeling she’d felt it hanging in the air between them.

With a slight shake of her head, he heard her answer loud and clear.

They couldn’t be more. Wondering “what if” would only lead to more heartache, which neither of them needed. She was right to say no.

They’d tried “more” already and it hadn’t worked. Heck, they’d been engaged for over a year and he’d never even known that she thought her mother didn’t like her. Or that she’d been on the verge of losing her job but was too afraid to tell him for fear of how it would make her look to him. To his family. How could he have missed all that?

Had he really been that self-involved?

But he knew the answer. He’d been working on getting his own career off the ground. A career that — if he were to be completely honest with himself — he’d probably seen as more important than hers. It was the family business, after all. What he’d spent his whole life working toward. It had been priority number one.

So, yeah, he could admit as he looked back now, he’d seen her career as not nearly as important as his. He was the man, after all. The provider. The protector. He was the one who would take care of her.

He’d loved her, yes, but he hadn’t seen her as his equal.

The thought disgusted him. Maybe he had been as big a jerk as Rob.

Their issues hadn’t begun or ended with his warped perspective, though. They’d jumped into everything way too fast, which he could also take credit for. He’d pushed for more early on, for fear that she’d leave Boston, and thus him, before they had time to figure it all out and do it right. He’d been terrified she’d graduate and head off to find a job. So he’d pushed. He’d asked her to marry her, moved her in, and — it seemed — they’d both promptly forgotten to keep learning even the most basic things about each other.

Not the way a relationship was supposed to go.

Mark’s brow furrowed as another thought smacked him in the face. She’d said her job in Boston was supposed to earn her the love of her mother. That was why she’d worked such long hours?

That put a whole different spin on many of their arguments.

He’d always assumed the job more important than him. But maybe what had been more important was her winning her mother over. And though he had no similar experience to relate to, he couldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t be the person he was if he hadn’t had the loving support of his mother.

“You need to talk to your mom,” Mark said. His voice came out gruffer than he’d intended, but it didn’t seem to faze her.

She nodded and the vulnerability he often saw in her increased tenfold. “I know. She’ll be disappointed that I’ve kept her waiting so long, as it is.”

He couldn’t help it. He took the two steps to close the distance between them and wrapped her in his arms, breathing in her light fragrance as he did so. His lungs expanded with the sweet smell of her.