Eye Candy (5 page)

“It’s Turkish coffee with cardamom. I was introduced to it when I was in Israel last year. You wouldn’t believe the advances they’ve made in robotics over there. I got the food and coffee at Aroma on Sunset.”

“I love that place. But I’ve never had coffee like this before.”

“It’s not on the menu. You have to ask for it. Tell ’em you want mud with hell. They’ll know what you want.”

“Mud with hell? If it weren’t so tasty I don’t think I’d want to drink something called mud with hell.”

“It’s mud coffee because the beans are ground into powder which sinks to the bottom of your cup. The hell is a spice called cardamom. In Israel they call it hell.”

“It’s fantastic.”

“You’re not supposed to drink the coffee grounds, but I do. It gives you an extra kick of caffeine.” Danny swirled his tall stay-hot cup and took a sip.

Candy imitated Danny’s motion with her own cup, and then took a sip. “You’re right. I like that. I enjoy a good energy boost. Especially before a night of hot sex in zero-G.” She gazed at Danny over the rim of her coffee cup.

“My kind of girl. But we need to get our positrons in gear because I have a shuttle waiting for us. And while the shuttle will wait, the orbiter won’t. So we should eat on the way. For as good as that robe would look in zero-G, you had probably put on some actual clothes.”

“I’ll be right back.” Candy left the kitchen and proceeded to her bedroom. She carried her coffee with her.

Danny strolled through Candy’s living room, surveying her decorations and her library. The apartment managed to be cool and spacious, yet it felt warm and cozy. One wall contained a large wood-burning fireplace. Either the building was very old and the fireplace had been grandfathered into the current and utterly restrictive building codes, or Candy knew a good contractor and had paid him well enough for him to keep his mouth shut.

Above the fireplace hung a framed print of a newspaper article featuring a big, bold headline: ROBOT ‘SKELETON’ FOUND ON MARS. Danny remembered that day well. Everybody remembered the Lefebre-Yishida expedition. But more than a decade on, no one had deduced how the ‘skeleton’ had come to be on the red planet.

Candy’s bookshelf held myriad volumes which caught Danny’s eye:
Death by Robot -
Beauty, Ethics, & Religion;
Frankenstein; Robots: Soulless Monster Machines; Robopocalypse; Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?; Roborotica.
And, sure enough, the first book on the top shelf where it was visible,
The Rock of God
by Daniel Olivaw.

Danny placed his stay-hot cup on the shelf and withdrew
The Rock of God
. He opened it and thumbed through it. Passage after passage and page after page had been highlighted, in three different colors. Whole paragraphs had been highlighted and then underlined. Danny could scarcely find a page which didn’t contain Candy’s hand-written notes in the margins, in the gutters, in between paragraphs, and generally anyplace with white space capable of containing notes. Chapter three was particularly marked up. He was utterly baffled, and deeply flattered, to discover the depth to which Candy had interacted with the text. He often wondered if the book had been read by anyone outside the dissertation committee, the editor and his lackeys at the publishing house, and a few academics bent on refuting every word he’d written. It seemed he had his answer.

~

Thirty minutes later, Danny turned into the parking facility for the Hollywood shuttle port. The robotic platform took his car and stored it underground with the others, and Danny and Candy made their way to the elevator, where Howard stood waiting for them.

Danny said, “Howard, I’d like you to meet Candy. Candy, this is Howard.”

“Pleasure to meet you, Howard,” said Candy.

“The pleasure is most assuredly mine, Miss. Master Floyd had no need of my services today, so Master Danny has requested that I fly you to the Space Port.”

“Who’s Floyd?” Candy asked.

“My roommate,” Danny replied as they boarded the elevator. “Actually, he’s a tenant. He rents a room from me. But he’s become a really good friend, too.”

“And Howard belongs to him?”

“Right.”

“So you don’t have a robot of your own?”

“No. I had one but some punks disordered it. Little bastards. It’s a good thing I wasn’t there when it happened because I would’ve twisted their heads off. I’m still arguing with the insurance company over the final dollar amount for a replacement. But in the meantime, Howard takes care of things around the house and helps me with special errands.”

They reached the departure area and exited the elevator. Half a dozen shuttles sat on the pad, with one of them lifting off and flying quickly away.

“Somebody’s in a hurry,” Danny joked, watching the shuttle depart.

Howard turned to Candy. “I am a fully qualified and licensed pilot, Miss Candy, so I do hope you have no fear of a robot doing the flying.”

“None at all, Howard,” said Candy, “but thank you for your consideration of my feelings.”

“Certainly.” Howard led them to a nearby shuttle. It was only a two-passenger model, but was modern and new. Danny opened the door and he and Candy climbed into the passenger cabin.

“This is a nice shuttle,” said Candy. “Is it yours?”

“I have fractional ownership in it. Which means I shared the cost with three other owners. We share the insurance premiums, too, which is even better.”

Danny leaned forward and looked down into the cockpit, where Howard had situated himself. The shuttle’s recessed cockpit afforded an unobstructed view for passengers. “Are we all set, Howard?”

Howard turned in the pilot’s seat and looked up at Danny. Howard’s eyes glowed a vibrant red in his pewter face. “We are indeed all set, sir. Our estimated time en route will be forty-eight minutes, and I expect clear skies and a comfortable flight. So if your seatbelts are secured about your persons, I shall request our clearance and we shall be on our way.”

Danny assisted Candy with her seat belt, and then fastened his own. Howard watched until both buckles were secure. He turned back to the flight controls. A translucent privacy divider slid silently into place, dividing the cockpit and the passenger cabin.

The shuttle lifted off from the tarmac. It hovered for a moment, then rose vertically away from the landing pad and out over the street. The canopy reached all the way down to the floor, and Candy leaned forward, looking past her shoes at the street below. “There’s my office.”

Danny leaned over so he could see.

“And there’s Chateaux Pizza,” said Candy.

“Watch this.”

Ahead lay the infamous Hollywood sign, its tall white letters built into the hillside. Howard piloted the shuttle slowly past it.

“Wow,” said Candy, “I’ve never seen it so close.”

“I asked Howard to give us a fly-by. You know, there’s some guy who wants to make the letters into a building, and make the whole sign into a luxury hotel.”

“It certainly would provide an amazing view. But it’s a city landmark. They can’t turn it into a hotel.”

“For the right amount of money I bet they could.”

“But they shouldn’t.”

The shuttle gained altitude, leaving the Hollywood sign behind.

“Shall we eat?” asked Candy. “I’m starved.”

Danny unfolded the tray tables from inside the armrest between their seats and unpacked the food. He unfolded the heat-wrap from around one end of the burritos and handed it to Candy. He then unwrapped his own and considered it. “I don’t know if I can get my mouth around this.”

“I can.” Candy proceeded to entirely bite off the burrito’s end. Her cheeks bulged. “It’s good.” She smiled at Danny and they both laughed.

The city passed beneath them while they ate, and they marveled at the skyscrapers of downtown Los Angeles as Howard guided the shuttle between the tall buildings.

“It’s so beautiful,” said Candy.

Candy smiled and took another big bite of her breakfast burrito, and then took a long sip of her coffee.

Danny said, “Did you know that in Turkey, when a man and woman want to get married, the groom and his family visit the home of the bride and her family in order to get their blessing for the marriage. The bride prepares coffee for everyone. But instead of sugar, she adds salt to the groom’s coffee. If the groom drinks the coffee and doesn’t complain or get upset, she knows he’s a good man with a good temperament, and that it’s okay to marry him.”

“Are you saying you put salt in my coffee?”

“Why, do you want to get married?”

“We’ve only known each other about twelve hours,” said Candy.

“True. But we could blow off the Space Port and go to Vegas.”

“We could indeed. Let’s ask Howard what he thinks.” Candy found the appropriate button on the armrest and pressed it. The cabin divider slid silently open. “Howard?”

Howard’s robotic voice came back, “Yes, miss?”

“Howard, Danny and I are considering having you take us to Las Vegas so we can get married. What do you think?”

“I believe I am ill-equipped to answer such an inquiry, Miss,” said Howard.

“That’s all right, Howard. I’m asking for your opinion. What do you think?”

There was silence for a time, and then Howard’s voice filled the cabin once more. “I think the odds of the two of you having met are quite large. And that if you and Master Danny are in love, a marriage may be appropriate.”

Candy said, “Have you ever been in love, Howard?”

“Love between two robots would be unprecedented,” Howard replied.

“But have you ever been in love?” Candy repeated.

“No, miss.”

Candy closed the divider and turned to Danny. “We need to get Howard a girlfriend.”

“Love between robots would be unprecedented.”

“Then let’s set the precedent.” Candy inserted the final, large bite of her breakfast burrito into her mouth, crumpled the wrapper, and disposed of it in the empty bag.

“You
were
hungry.” Danny looked down at his half-consumed burrito.

Candy opened one of the containers of fruit salad and began to eat. “If these apples don’t do the trick, will you be upset if I throw up on you?”

“Is that the zero-G version of salt in my coffee?”

Candy laughed. “Something like that.”

“No, I won’t mind. I’m not suggesting that you actually do it, but no, I won’t mind.”

Candy held her fork up to Danny’s mouth and fed a bite of apple to him.

The urban landscape gave way to green hills and then to brown mountains, followed by low desert. They flew over the San Jacinto mountains and over Palm Springs, surrounded by dozens of windmill farms. In the distance was a great body of sparkling blue water.

“That’s the Salton Sea.” Danny pointed. “Decades ago, it was all but dead and dried up. But they built a pipeline to pump water into it from the Gulf of Mexico, and a desalinization plant to maintain the proper level of salt in the water. It completely revitalized the lake. Now it’s one of the most popular vacation spots in California. Takes in a lot of tourist dollars. A lot of showbiz folks have houses on the water where they dock their yachts. One of my favorite restaurants is in Salton Sea Beach, a place called Kimo’s. They have the best teriyaki chicken sandwich I’ve ever eaten.”

“Sounds like fun,” said Candy. “We should go there sometime. There’s nothing I like more than putting on my bikini and relaxing on the beach with a good book.”

Danny pressed the Intercom button on the armrest. “Howard, would you please take us down for a low pass over the sea?”

Howard’s voice filled the cabin through the speakers. “Certainly, sir.”

“So, I didn’t see a robot at your place earlier,” said Danny.

“I don’t own one,” said Candy. “I work with robots every day. Having one at home feels like more work. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job. But it’s also important to be able to get away from it. Plus, I’ve always felt that it’s unwise to become too dependent on robots. You would not believe the crazy stuff robots tell me when their owners bring them into my office. Everything from being ordered to go out and buy booze or drugs, to being ordered to have sex with their owner.”

“Really?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Candy.

Howard’s voice came over the cabin intercom, “Pardon the interruption, but I am beginning our descent over the lake.”

“Thank you, Howard,” Danny replied.

The shuttle descended from the sky, flying low over the northern end of the great blue sea. Row after row of white boats filled the slips in the marina. Grand hotels lined the shore. Luxurious yachts floated on the water, and speedboats raced here and there, towing water skiers in their wakes. Sunlight shone on the water’s surface, and Candy squinted her eyes against its brilliance.

“It’s so beautiful,” she said.

“See that big hotel on the right, the gold one?” Danny pointed. “That’s the Dan Panorama. Kimo’s is there. The last time I was there–”