Face the Music (15 page)

I laughed again.

He smiled. “Little did Eric know that I would pose the greatest threat. Man, I didn’t even know it myself. So after I met you, I realized right away that I had to watch my step. So I decided to play big brother with you, to take you under my wing and enjoy your company and friendship, but to keep it all under great control.”

I nodded. “That’s exactly what I kept telling myself too. I mean, that I was just your little sister. Problem was, my heart wouldn’t listen.”

“Yeah. I know what you mean, Finally, I realized that even if I couldn’t do anything about pursuing you—and I knew that I couldn’t—I should at least be honest with myself and Tracy and break things off. I knew that I couldn’t possibly love her if I was feeling that attracted to someone else.”

“How did that go with Tracy?”

He ran his hand over his already smooth hair. “I’d like to be able to say it went really well, that
she understood perfectly and was ready to move on with her life.”

“But she wasn’t.”

“No way. She was actually pretty ticked at me. But consequently she said some things that reassured me that I wasn’t making a mistake in breaking up. I mean, she’s a cool girl and a strong Christian, but she’s not right for me. And I’m not right for her. I think she’ll realize that in time.”

“I hope so.”

“And now we’re here.” He sighed. “And I’m sorry because I really hadn’t meant to rush us into anything. I honestly thought we could continue being friends; I’d wait until you got a little older, like at least eighteen.” He peered at me. “When do you turn eighteen anyway?”

I laughed. “Not until March 3.”

“That’s not too bad. Besides that, we both have our music. That’s enough to keep us occupied and out of trouble, right?”

“And we can still continue being friends?”

“I hope so. I just know that I’m going to have to really watch myself.”

“Me too.”

His smile seemed laced with sadness now, or maybe it was regret. “I just don’t get why God did it this way though. Bringing us together when we both know there’s nothing we can do about it. It doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

“Sometimes I almost think I get it. Then other times I’m not so sure …” I didn’t mention how I just about drowned in his eyes only moments ago and would’ve given anything to have my birth certificate read differently. Instead I continued, “But this is what I think it’s about. At least for me. I think God wants me to grow in Him. And He’s not going to insulate my life from troubles, because that’s usually what makes me grow the best, Not that I see you as trouble, Jeremy.” I shook my head. “But with you in my life, I realize I’ll have to practice a whole lot of self-control, I’ll have to become more mature and focus myself to keep my mind on God, I’ll have to be continually surrendering my will to His. It’s almost overwhelming.”

“I’ve had some of those same thoughts. And I’ve got to admit that this whole thing has been kind of humbling. It’s a good reminder that I really don’t have things under control and that I need to fall hard on God.”

“I know what you mean. It’s good for us, but it’s not very easy.”

“I’ve heard that the best things in life never come easily.”

“Or quickly.”

He grinned. “You got that right.”

It was all I could do at that very moment not to leap from the stool and throw my arms around
him, kiss him, and tell him I loved him. But thank God, I didn’t. I am exercising a little self-control—or a lot, depending on where you’re standing.

“So, do you think we’re up for this kind of challenge?” he asked.

“I am if you are.” Then I thought of something. “Do you think we should make some sort of agreement?” Now I wondered if this was going to sound silly or juvenile, but I decided to just plunge in. “I mean, something that, will help us to do this thing God’s way without compromising or messing things up. Like in our band, we all signed this pact saying we would not let guys interfere with our music ministry. It’s a way to call each other to accountability, and so far it’s working.”

“That’s a very cool idea.”

“A very necessary idea. A year ago, I would’ve thought an agreement like that had more to do with Laura and Allie since they were both struggling through relationships. But now I think it was mostly for my sake. Like you said a minute ago, it’s all pretty humbling.”

“But that pact is a great idea. Maybe I should work up something like that for the guys.”

I felt one of my brows lift slightly. “The guys?”

“Or maybe just for me.”

I laughed.

“But you’re onto something, Chloe. I think we should have some sort of agreement between the two of us.”

So we sat there discussing it for a bit until we had the language down. Then Jeremy wrote it out in his neat printing on a paper napkin, then made another copy for me. This is what it says:

Then we both signed and dated the two copies and shook hands. It was hard letting go of his hand, but somehow I managed.

“Agreed?” His eyes locked with mine.

“Agreed.” God help me, I was thinking.

I am now taping this napkin document into my diary. I consider it to be legal and binding, and I intend to honor it with every ounce of my strength. Thankfully, I fully believe that God will help me when my strength is not enough. Because the truth is, I don’t think I could possibly carry off something like this on my own. I know my weakness. I am well aware of my human
frailty and limitations. I’m not a fool. So, I go into this with God at my side, holding His hand, and trusting that He will see me through—for His glory!

The past week has been a mixed blessing, We’ve been so busy traveling and performing that I’ve hardly spoken more than a couple of words to Jeremy. But at the same time I am completely exhausted. Laura and Allie are worn out too. I think even our Energizer Bunny (Caitlin) is feeling a little fatigued. And Beanie fell asleep in the limo tonight as we were chauffeured the short distance from the concert to the hotel.

Today was a loooong day of performing with three other bands in Disneyland. We each took the stage twice, but in between playing we were expected to hang out and sign CDs and schmooze with fans. It was about a hundred degrees with high humidity, and I felt like a melted Popsicle by noon. We didn’t leave the park until closing. Exhausting doesn’t even begin to describe it.

“Are we sure we really want to go down to Mexico tomorrow?” Allie said as we sat like zombies in the back of the limo.

Laura groaned. “Is that tomorrow? I thought we had tomorrow off.”

“According to the schedule, we did,” said Allie.

“But you guys said it was okay,” Caitlin said in an apologetic voice. “I never would’ve promised we’d come otherwise.”

“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “It’s for a good cause.”

“Do you know how cool this is going to be for the orphanage kids?” she said.

“Yeah,” said Allie. “What a thrill to see three half-dead girls crawling up on the stage.”

“I’ll bet it’s hot down there,” said Laura.

“At least we’re almost done with the summer tour,” I said, hoping to sound encouraging.

“I feel like I’m done right now,” Allie said as she examined the fresh sunburn on her shoulders. “Well done, that is.”

I really didn’t think I’d be saying this, but our concert last night at the orphanage was totally amazing. Not because we were so awesome. Frankly, I think we were only mediocre, if that. Although we were really giving it our best effort under our totally exhausted and overheated circumstances (it was 112 down there!). But the awesome part of the whole evening was the excitement and enthusiasm of everyone at the concert. There were people of all ages, babies and grown-ups and teens and grandmas, and even though I’m sure most of them didn’t understand most of what we were singing, their response was so genuine and appreciative. I think it actually refreshed us by the time it was over.

Naturally, we didn’t sell any CDs—oh, maybe a couple. But we decided to donate some to the teen center and some to the children’s group homes when we took a tour of the complex this morning. We’d arrived just in time for the concert last night and hadn’t had time to look around. But
what we saw today was pretty impressive. There are a lot of really good people here who’ve worked hard to make this place what it is today. Even though Caitlin had warned us, I felt stunned at the poverty we saw. I mean, I thought the homeless people in the U.S. were bad off, but they’ve got it easy compared to the people down here. However, we did manage to raise a little money for their cause with our concert last night, although the tickets were pretty cheap and a lot of people were admitted for free.

But it was kind of fun doing a concert like this. It sort of reminded me of the old days. I mean, there was no fancy lighting or sound systems. No security guards or anything. For a minute I thought we were those three young girls just trying to make our way into the music world again, and it was kind of cool. Well, actually it was hotter than—well, you get the picture. I’ve never sweated so much in my life.

Let me tell you, we were so thankful to have our bus to return to after the concert. Rosy had kept the generator running and the air conditioner turned on high. And we all just sort of melted into the furniture. Fortunately, Caitlin had her wits about her, and she encouraged us to drink and eat good stuff and then finally got us all off to bed. Just like a little mother.

And to my surprise, I didn’t feel totally wiped
when I got up this morning. The plan was to meet Josh and have breakfast with him and some of the other staff people, then take a quick tour of the facility before we hit the road to make our next gig.

“You guys were fantastic last night,” he told us as soon as he got us seated at a corner table in the dining room.

I kind of frowned. “Well, the crowd was pretty fantastic, but we were a little wrung out.”

“Hey, everyone here appreciated it a lot.”

We visited with Josh while eating a somewhat unusual breakfast of eggs, beans, and rice.

“This is pretty typical down here,” said Josh.

“We eat a lot of beans and rice.”

“Yeah,” said Caitlin. “I actually put on weight the last time I was down here.”

Josh smiled at her. “Not that anyone would notice.”

Before long people began coming up and asking for introductions to Allie, Laura, and me, and then we were signing autographs. Rosy and Willy excused themselves to take care of business, although I wonder if they were just going back to the RVs to cool off since it was already ninety degrees and rising. Then Beanie said she was going to visit some old friends in the day care center, and finally Josh said that it was time to take our tour of the facilities.

“I hope you don’t mind that I asked my buddy Mike to drive you girls around,” he said to Allie, Laura, and me. “Since my Jeep only has room for three passengers.”

“That’s fine,” I assured him. “I’m sure Caitlin’s seen everything anyway.” I suspected he wanted some alone time to hang with Caitlin. And she seemed perfectly comfortable with this, so the three of us took off with Mike.

The tour took about an hour, and we three girls decided that we’d like to come back and do another benefit concert and even hang out for a day or two next year—hopefully during the winter when it’s cooler. We’ll have to discuss this with Willy.

Then Mike dropped us off at the bus, and it was time to go.

“Is Caitlin here?” Rosy called as she did the final preparations to leave.

“Isn’t she back yet?” I asked.

“I haven’t seen her.”

So I looked around the bus, and Rosy was right—Caitlin hadn’t come back yet. I went out to check with Willy. “Have you seen Caitlin?”

He shook his head, then looked at his watch. “You girls need to be on the road now. Why don’t you tell Rosy to go ahead and take off, and I’ll wait here for Caitlin. Do you have any idea where she went?”

“Last I saw, she was with Josh.”

Willy grinned. “Well, that probably explains everything. You girls get going and I’ll call you if there’s a problem. Otherwise, we’ll just meet up in Sacramento.”

So we’re on our way to Sacramento without Caitlin. I’m sure she’s perfectly fine, but it’s pretty funny that little Ms. Responsible missed the bus. We can’t wait to give her a bad time about it.

Well, Caitlin and Willy made it to Sacramento just fine. She actually only missed the bus by ten minutes. But then ten minutes is ten minutes, and apparently the Redemption bus waits for no one. As it was we didn’t get to Sacramento until after midnight. By then we were zonked and pretty much fell into bed because we had to get up early enough to do a concert with Iron Cross at one o’clock the following day—actually the same day.

I barely exchanged a “Hey” with Jeremy before it was time for us to open. And then even afterwards our paths never crossed. I wasn’t sure if this was Jeremy’s plan or just the way it was. But I suppose I felt a little bummed. Or maybe I was just tired. Everyone seems pretty tired. Allie in
particular is dragging. This seems especially odd considering how she is usually bouncing off the walls no matter how hard we’ve been working. But she’s not herself, and she has these dark circles under her eyes that are making everyone nervous.