Face Time (31 page)

I wrap my arms around Laura and hug her hard to my chest. I do want this everyday. It’s the biggest relief in the world to know she’s here with me.

I set her back down on the bed and bring my forehead to hers. “I love you, Laura. Whatever happens with my family today, remember that.” I’m weakened just imagining what they’re going to say or do to her today and tomorrow. Relaxing down to my elbows so I’m closer to her, I whisper, “Please don’t leave me.” My heart aches in my chest. It was the one thing I feared most with Sarah, bringing her home and having my family rip her to shreds. She still left me, though, because I didn’t trust her to be strong enough.

Laura smirks at me, a little quirk of a smile. “Lee, I can handle them. Trust me,” she says, reaching up and pushing my hair off my forehead. “There’s no one more fucked up than me and my own family.”

Her confidence is astounding. I wonder if my family has finally met its match.

It rains the entire drive to the north of Seattle, and Lee talks a mile a minute the whole time, briefing me on his family and what I can expect from them. He seems exceptionally nervous, and I’ve never known him to be nervous. He was cool and calm on our first date, funny and endearing on most of our FaceTime dates, sweet, caring, and confident in my apartment in New York, but never nervous. His family must be more difficult than I thought.

“Jin is nice, I swear. Just really quiet. He may not say more than two words to you the entire time. But I’ve asked his wife, Mimi, to watch after you today…”

“You didn’t have to do that, Lee. I’ll be fine.”

“Trust me, Laura. It’s going to be a lot of Koreans speaking Korean.”

“Good practice for the rest of my life, I’m sure.” Lee glances sideways at me, and I smile back at him.

“Right,” he says, a small grin breaking through his nerves. He chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m not sure why I’m nervous for you.” He clears his throat and turns his attention back to the road, a little more relaxed now. I had to remind him that I easily took his invitation to Korea with my one condition. “Nari is just kind of an unhappy person. She hugged me for the first time ever yesterday. I don’t know what’s going on with her. You’ll like her husband, Daniel, though. He’s a nice guy. Don’t know what he saw in Nari, but whatever. My nephew, Chase, is sweet. If he likes you, he’ll cling to you… My mother?”

Lee drives in silence for a bit, changing lanes and not glancing over at me.

“Laura, I don’t want you to take anything my mother says personally. She wanted me to grow up to be the successful, high-powered lawyer like my dad, make lots of money, and marry a Korean girl from a good family.”

“Well, you accomplished two out of three, Lee.”

“She’s still pushing for Sandra.”

I shift in my seat, recrossing my ankles in the opposite direction. I had almost forgotten about Sandra, but I’m sure I’ll meet her today too, and my stomach twists thinking of all the possible things she could say to me. I need to buck up and defend myself, and my new relationship with Lee. I look down at my hands and play with the gold bracelets on my wrist. I only wore six of the twenty he bought for me, and along with my sleeveless black dress, I hope I’m demure enough. I’m glad I have my black cardigan sweater with me. The weather is cool and misty.

“Sandra’s not a problem.” My voice cracks, but I lift my head anyway.

“God, I love you, Laura. Seriously. But these people… My family can be ruthless. Sandra will attend with her family, and, fuck, almost none of them are nice people, except for maybe the kids and Mimi and Daniel. You’ll see why I picked up and moved away.”

“Okay. Don’t worry, Lee. I have a thick skin. It takes a lot to grind me into the ground.” He glances sideways at me again, his eyebrows knitted together. “Honestly,” I say, covering my heart with my hand. “It took years of neglect and my brother’s death to break me. Rene played with me like a cat and mouse for months, but I knew when I’d had enough and stopped chasing him. I can handle anything.” I straighten up in my seat and square up my shoulders.

Lee shakes his head and sighs. “You surprise me with your strength every single time.”

“I surprise you in many ways.” Reaching over across the car, I grab the upper inside of his thigh. The car jerks, and Lee blinks his eyes at the road while laughing. “Don’t kill us, Lee.”

“I can’t believe you put the condom on me earlier.” He laughs again. “I’ve never had a woman do that.” I close my eyes and remember round two of sex this morning before we got breakfast. The whole morning was extremely satisfying.

“I can do it with my mouth next time, if you like.” I smile at him, my eyes compressing to slits, evil.

“Laura. Shit. I swear, you have the dirtiest mind.”

“Look who’s talking.”

Contented silence falls on us for several miles. When he pulls off the highway, I retract my hand from his leg and turn to look out the window. Up ahead of us, blinking red and blue lights of police cars twinkle in the misting rain.

“Oh no.” I lean forward and wipe the inside of the windshield with my hand. Everything is fogging up. “I hope we’re not blocked from making it to the funeral home.”

“Uh, that is the funeral home.” Lee takes his phone out of his pocket since we’ve slowed to a stop in a line of cars and dials on the speakerphone, the screen displaying
Jin Park
.

“Hello? Lee, where are you?” Jin’s voice echoes out of the phone. He sounds a lot like Lee.

“In a line of cars trying to get into the parking lot. What’s going on? We’re early even.”

“There are already a hundred people here. What are you driving? I’ll have a policeman direct you to where the family is parked.”

“A brand-new black Corolla with California license plates, about twenty cars from the driveway.”

“Okay. Be right there.”

Lee hangs up and sighs. “And another thing. I told you my dad was a lawyer, but I neglected to mention he was kind of famous around here for saving the environment and countless neighborhoods from becoming the wastelands of chemical companies.”

This day has switched me from being nervous to downright anxious. My head swivels from the line of cars to the police escorts and back to Lee. “Holy shit, Lee. That’s quite a legacy.”

He shakes his head at me with a sad smile. “He was just my dad.”

This is when, if I were a weaker person, I’d cry for this man. It’s hard enough to swallow back the tears right this moment, with the police lights blinking at us, the rain spitting on our car, and Lee’s own lack of tears. He must be crumbling inside but still not ready to let go. I unbuckle my seatbelt, get up on my knees, lean over and kiss him.
 

“He was a good dad,” I whisper. “He taught you everything he knows. He took care of you and your family, and he stood by you. He was the very best kind of person.” I kiss him again, then jump away guiltily at a rapid tap on Lee’s window. He rolls it down, and a policewoman in a clear, plastic poncho peeks in.

“Mr Park? Let me get you out of this line so you can join your family.”

I escort Laura into the funeral home and introduce her to Jin and Mimi. Jin is quiet like I expected but Mimi smiles and hugs Laura immediately. I love Mimi. She’s much more American than many of the Korean women I know. In fact, she told me once that she grew up not really knowing she was Korean. She thought she was an American like everyone else. It wasn’t until her family moved here that she started hanging out with other Koreans. Jin and Mimi were high school sweethearts, one of the few relationships I’ve seen work out in the long run. Who says kids can’t find true love?

Jin hands me a black arm band to wear, and I reach into my suit jacket and pull out a red envelope.

“Here,” I say, handing it to Laura. “When you come in, shake our hands, give this envelope to my mother, and express your condolences. You don’t have to bow.”

“What’s this?” she asks, flipping the envelope over. I didn’t write on the outside of it because I was afraid the paper would get wet and smear in this weather.

“It’s a note from the two of us and a five thousand dollar check, so don’t lose it.” I try to smile at her but it’s weak with no lift-off and comes crashing back to the ground.

She swallows and puts the envelope in her purple bag. I’m so glad I bought that for her. Every time I see it on her shoulder, I remember how excited I was to be shopping for her. What will I give her next? I squeeze her hand and scan down her body. Her hair is up in a bun at the nape of her neck and the black dress she’s wearing falls just below her knees. Her legs are bare and wet from the rain, as are her black flats, and her knees are shaking.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“I should be asking you that. I’m a little cold. I’ll go dry off a bit then I’ll be fine.” Mimi squeezes Laura around the shoulders and leads her off to the ladies’ room, glancing over her shoulder at me and mouthing, “I love her.”

My father is in a casket behind a privacy screen, and I’m glad I don’t have to deal with him again. I can’t look at his deflated body, his expressionless face, devoid of all the emotion I used to cherish. Instead, Jin and I stand in front of the screen next to a table with Dad’s framed photo, a vase of flowers, a statue of Buddha, and my mother in a chair next to it.
 

For an entire hour, I greet stranger after stranger and hear how my dad changed their lives, what an honor it was to have known him, and how proud I must be of his accomplishments. I nod and thank them over and over, not really listening, not really feeling anything except a vacuum in my chest threatening to consume my body if I’m not strong enough to keep it at bay.

Then, suddenly, Laura is in front of me, and I want to lunge at her and hug her. I want to feel love and not the unending pity from people I don’t even know. I told her to shake my hand, knowing my mother would be watching for Laura like a hawk, but Laura takes both my hands and kisses me on the cheek.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Lee,” she says, squeezing my hands and letting go.
 

The line of Koreans behind her gape openly at how familiar she is with me, and I almost laugh. I should be angry…

“I told you to shake my hand,” I whisper at her.

“I’m not good at following directions,” she whispers back with a smile, turning to shake Jin’s hand. At my mother, she hands over the red envelope using both hands, bows, and says, “
Choe song hamnida,
” in surprisingly good Korean.

My mother takes the envelope and nods her head back to Laura. “Thank you for coming,” she replies and immediately looks to the person behind Laura before staring me down. I can’t even tell if my mother is impressed, happy, or fuming mad, her face is a blank slate. I watch Laura’s back leave the room, tamping down my desire to run after her and get the hell out of this place.

This viewing lasts from ten to noon when the funeral director politely asks people to leave and come back at 2:00pm so my family can depart to eat lunch. As I exit the viewing room to the large waiting area, I spy Laura sitting on a chair at the other end of the room reading a book, and my nephew, Chase, sitting next to her playing a game on her iPhone. He tips the iPhone up to Laura and she smiles at it. Nari and Daniel, tall in his black suit, his hair short and spiked, are talking to people I don’t know, and Nari glances over at Chase and Laura, a smile on her face.

I have entered a bewildering alternate universe. Who are these people? Nari is nothing like the person I saw six months ago when I was home last. She’s softer and happier, and Daniel is too. I always liked Daniel and hated the fact that he and Nari fought in front of Chase all the time. A year ago, I pulled him aside and interfered with their marriage to suggest they get counseling. He said, “We need a lot more than counseling,” and walked away.

“Uncle Lee!” Chase jumps from his chair and squeezes my legs, Laura’s iPhone gripped in one hand.

“Hey, Chase. What are you playing?”

“Angry Birds. Laura let me have her iPhone.”

She stands up and laughs, wagging her finger at him. “Uh-uh. I said you could play with it for now. I’ll need it back.”

“Okay,” he sighs and hands back the phone. “Can I play later?”

“Sure. We’ll be here all afternoon.”

“Great!” He jumps and takes off at a sprint, Nari trying to pin him down before he gets too far, but he wiggles out of her grip and dashes for the door. Chase was an appropriate name. That’s all Nari ever does is chase him. He’ll make a pro soccer player.

Laura closes her book and puts it in her bag, steps up to me, and hugs me. It’s hard to shake off the stiffness of standing for several hours coupled with the fact that I have never, ever shown affection to a girlfriend in front of my family. Not that I didn’t want to, but Sandra was strict about this. She found displays of affection embarrassing and disrespectful. I’m a touchy-feely kind of guy, though. It was hard for me, and ultimately, it’s what killed our relationship. I couldn’t turn the affection on and off, like a switch. It ended up permanently off, and I never showed it. I couldn’t fall in love with Sandra, because she wouldn’t let me.

Laura obviously doesn’t give a shit what people think of her, and it’s refreshing. It’s comfortable. She lets me love her whenever I want and gives back to me in each and every instance. Once she’s in love, that’s it. She doesn’t turn it off for anyone or anything.

I kiss her on the forehead before she lets go of me, and turn to find Jin, Mimi, and my mother all standing and waiting for us.

“Lunch is at Sam Oh Jung.” Jin pulls his car keys from his pocket. “We’ll meet you there.”

(>’o’)> ♥ <(‘o’<)

It’s a fairly somber lunch at Sam Oh Jung, a Korean restaurant my family goes to all the time when I’m not here. We sit at a long table, and I purposely sit with Laura as far from my mother as possible putting Jin and Mimi and their two sons, Kade and Leland, and Nari, Daniel and Chase between us. Kade and Leland spend the entire meal on their iPhones, sometimes in view or under the table, and my mother refuses to speak English. She was never like this growing up, so cold and distant. Sure, she was strict, but I swear I remember her smiling every now and again, especially once I turned things around and stopped getting into trouble all the time. She was sweet and good to us when we were sick or did well in school or sports. Now, it’s as if my father’s death has sucked away any last hope at happiness she could ever have.