Fade to Black (The Black Trilogy Book 1) (23 page)

chapter thirty

Piper ~

Seated on the divan with Ryan on Roger’s prized Learjet 85, I felt for the second time in my life that I was not in my body. How could I be? My daughter had nearly been taken today, and I didn’t know if my best friend in the world was even alive. I couldn’t dwell on it, or I would break, and I could not afford to break right now.

I promised myself that later, after I saw Ellie and Josh, I would allow my feelings to surface, but right now, I would concentrate on what I could control. Roger was still speaking to us about the tabloids, and how Jean-Paul could easily track us by feeding the magazines stories.

“No way did Jean-Paul know until recently about you two in Louisiana,” Roger was saying.

I was barely listening now. I slid my hand down at my side. Out of sight. I watched out of the window for the lights of the city. I dug my nails into my hand, to the point of drawing blood. I could not cut myself, but I wanted to.

Ryan was quiet, watching Roger on his iPad. I wholeheartedly regretted bringing him into this mess. I wanted him well and had agreed to Roger’s insistence that Ryan stay with Nathan and me to recover. I was selfish and wanted him to know about Ellie, but more selfishly I wanted to see if Ryan still wanted me.

If I had just kept it quiet, Ryan could have gone back to his life, happy and unknowing. Then, there was Ellie to consider. It was a good thing for her to know her real father. I could trust Ryan along with Nathan, Roger, Sheldon, and Beatrice to raise her if Jean-Paul did get to me.

That was a thought that grew ever more solid in my heart. Jean-Paul would not stop. He would be released in a matter of days, and he would come for me. I shut my eyes, and felt Ryan push his hand between my knitted knees.

“Almost there,” he whispered.

I looked at him with sadness in my heart. I loved him. I knew that, but my love would cost him, as it had everyone I loved. I touched his arm.

“Daniel was right about me all along,” I said not realizing I was speaking out loud.

Ryan frowned.

“What?”

Roger stopped what he was doing.

“Piper,” he said sternly, as if scolding a child for saying a cuss word.

I wouldn’t look at him. This man in most ways was a dad to me. I turned to look out the window some more. It was true. Daniel told me years ago that I was unlovable, undesirable, and would never be normal, but forever diseased. At this moment, I was defeated and ready to call it quits altogether.

“Here,” Roger said, handing me an iPhone. “It’s ready to go and untraceable. Your contacts are stored already. The horses and the house will be tended to for a while. Let’s concentrate on the positive, okay?”

I took a chance and met his eyes. He was warning me against my ugly thoughts. I took the phone and said nothing, but I understood he was speaking about my Daniel comment.

We arrived at the airport and entered the hanger. We all, including Dixie, rode to Sheldon’s Upper East Side apartment. My stomach churned once I saw the building. I wanted Ellie. I wanted to see her rosy cheeks and smell her hair. Entering into the lavish three-story apartment I nearly ran to the girls’ bedroom.

They were all still sleeping, oblivious to my arrival. I watched Sheldon and Beatrice’s three girls and my personal angel breath in peaceful slumber. The sun was just coming up, and light danced across her face. I got on my knees beside Ellie and silently wept. She was whole and healthy. I prayed to God to please let me right this life somehow. I prayed not to be delivered, but instead for the strength to do what I needed to, when I knew what that was.

I was unaware of Ryan until I felt him kneel beside me. He said nothing as he wrapped me in his arms. We stayed that way for a long while, as the relief came that my little girl was okay.

Ryan drank her in for several moments, and it was I who finally pulled at his hand to go to bed. The sun had fully risen, and I couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept. I had to remind myself that even though Ryan had done brilliantly with his recovery, he was in fact still recovering.

I was not surprised when he flat-out refused to let me go to the hospital alone.

“Josh is like family to me,” he told me again and again.

So together we set out to the hospital with a huge black bodyguard named Titan.

I stifled a giggle when Ryan told me his name. Not fooled by me, Ryan grinned knowing what I was thinking. It was weird, but every time Ryan and I looked at each other, I felt as if I was falling, without the danger of ever landing. A pull from somewhere inside of me was telling me I was home with him, as if space and time had never come between us.

Nathan was in the hallway when we arrived at Josh’s ICU room.

“How is he?” I asked without preamble.

Nathan put his hand up in a stop gesture.

“Listen, Piper, it might be best if you wait at-”

But before he could finish, someone shouted from a waiting room.

“How dare you!”

I looked around for the source, and realized too late that Mrs. Logue was shouting at me. With a manic, crazed look in her eyes, she reached back and slapped me full across the face. Ryan grabbed hold of her, and Nathan jerked me backward. I fell on the hard concrete floor, stunned, and did not attempt to get up. Mrs. Logue was thrashing and trying to get to me.

“Are you happy now, you whore? It wasn’t bad enough you caused Matthew’s death, but you had to take Josh too!” she screamed at me.

Ryan and Nathan, as big as they were, struggled to keep hold of her. Frank Logue ran into the room after his wife.

“Imogene, hush. Hush now!” But Mrs. Logue wouldn’t hush, and I sat frozen, chilled to the bone by her hatred toward me.

“Matthew should have let you rot in that ditch! You should have died rather than enter our lives, bringing your shit with you. I hope you burn in hell for this!”

At this final statement, she collapsed into her husband’s arms, sobbing. Security showed up, but there was nothing for them to do now.

I got up and walked back to the elevators. Titan and Ryan caught up with me in the parking garage. I was unaware of my surroundings. Titan ended up carrying me to the Suburban. When we were seated in the back, Ryan took my hands in a death grip.

“Stop, Piper! Stop!” Ryan was yelling at me.

When I momentarily came out of my daze, I realized I had clawed my arms bloody. I had scraped away at my flesh, unaware of ever doing it. I said nothing as Titan and Ryan spoke back and forth.

When we arrived back at the apartment, Ryan took me to the bathroom, and placed me in a warm shower, softly cleaning my arms and washing my hair and body. I would not speak. All I knew were the words that were shouted at me. They played over and over like a broken record in my head.

I only recall saying, “I want Ellie,” but nothing more.

Ryan held me to his chest, as the water did nothing to wash away the dirt that I knew was permanently etched into me. Ryan gently dried me and wrapped my arms in bandages. I sat on the tub as he clipped my nails. He spoke, but nothing made sense to me now. Mrs. Logue’s words were all I could hear.

“Hey!” Ryan said into my face. “So you hear me?”

I looked up at his beautiful, deep blue eyes.

“She was a woman grieving, looking for someone to blame, so snap out of it before Roger gets here,” he said, smiling, as if Roger scared me.

I touched his face, and he pulled me up, kissing me.

While he stepped out of the bathroom to get my bag, I looked at myself naked in the mirrors that surrounded me. I touched the pink jagged scar where my baby was cut out of me. Even the baby couldn’t stand to be with me and chose death instead of having me as a mother. I traced the many scars Jean-Paul had left me with through the years, but it was the roughly healed scars on the inside that hurt the most.

Jean-Paul would tell me I deserved everything I got, because I was born stupid and needed the shit kicked out of me every day of my life just to function. I could do nothing on my own, not without getting some sense slapped into me.

It wore on me, but I never truly believed him until I watch Mrs. Logue’s contorted face. Her words were absolutely true and were echoes of my own thoughts. I was touching the ugly scar on my shoulder blade when Ryan came back into the room. He saw what I was doing, and kissed the raw, red line.

“You should have that tattooed over if you don’t like it,” he said, smiling.

I played along, wanting to hurry now to see Ellie.

“Oh, Ryan!” I said, suddenly remembering, wanting to kick myself.

“What?” he said, looking me over as if he had hurt me somehow.

“You’re meeting Ellie today.”

Ryan picked up a towel and rubbed his damp hair. “Can you hurry it up, then? I’m running late as it is,” he said, smiling.

For just a little while, the conclusion I had come to would take a backseat to what needed to be done. I had a few days to get ready for what was ahead, and I would spend them with my family.

chapter thirty-one

The plan was I would go to Ellie alone and let her know she was about to meet her father, but that quickly changed as the door was thrown open and she came running to me, Bee not far behind.

“Oh, for goodness’s sake, you can’t go barging in like that! You have to knock! They might not be decent!” Beatrice fussed then smiled when she saw me.

Scooping my child up in my arms, I kissed Bee on the cheek, promising to be downstairs to eat soon.

“Oh, my goodness, I missed you!” I told my daughter, sitting in one of the wingback chairs by the window.

“I missed you too, Mom,” she said sweetly.

The bandages tugged at my skin as she sat up straighter on my lap to look at me. She was getting too big for my lap, but I had to keep squeezing her. Ryan stood in the bathroom doorway watching us patiently.

“If it were not for video chat, I would not have survived it!” I told her, meaning every word.

“Skype is one of the best inventions,” she teased me.

I glanced at Ryan, and Ellie followed my eyes to him.

“Ellie? Remember I told you that you were—” but she surprised me by standing and walking over to Ryan.

“You’re my daddy.”

Ryan blinked nervously, something that would look stupid on any other face but his.

“I am,” he told her simply.

Ellie had her head back, looking up at Ryan’s face, mesmerized.

Ryan swallowed. “It’s nice to meet you, Ellie. May I hug you?” he said, unsure if she would accept him or not.

Ellie didn’t hesitate and leaped into Ryan’s outstretched arms. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until I became dizzy. I wiped the tears from my eyes and took a much needed inhale.

After the brief and surprisingly painless introductions, Ellie was off and running, filling us in on the goings-on in the school and in the house. She showed us Christmas gifts, and artwork from school, not taking a breath.

We eventually joined everyone at the table for a late breakfast, and if Ryan took his eyes off of Ellie, I never saw it. A housekeeper came to me later that morning to hand me the iPhone Roger had given me the night before.

“Miss? Mr. Roger called the house, and asked me to take you your phone,” she explained as she handed it to me.

“Thank you,” I said, leaving Ryan, Sheldon, and Ellie to their laughing and playing. Bee and the girls left for a birthday party. Nathan and Roger, I knew, were at the hospital, as Sheldon told me at the table while we ate. I began looking through the messages, afraid something was wrong.

Two from Nathan, the first saying, “Everything okay? No change with Josh.” His next message read, “Best if you come after-hours to see him. Imogene way out of line, but understandably she’s crazy at the moment. Don’t believe what she said.”

The next was from Roger. “Give Ellie my love and will be by later today.” The next read, “Tabs know where Ryan is. Spotted last night. You all stay at the apartment today. I will send Titan to get you around ten to take you to see Josh. He will be alone then, and I know he would want to see you.”

A third message said, “I will arrange a suite to be ready at the Plaza. It’s all over Twitter that Ryan is there with you right now. Trying to keep everyone safe. It’s not just the Cajun I’m worried about; it is also crazy fans of Ryan.”

A part of me thought Roger sent that last one just so I wouldn’t blame myself entirely, but I did anyway. I showed Ryan the messages, and he rolled his eyes at them.

Shrugging, he said, “The Plaza is nice and safe, and we will have Titan with us also.” He kissed me softly on the lips and then returned to Ellie, who was now playing the piano as Sheldon strummed his guitar.

Watching the trio gave me an odd feeling. I was both comforted and uneasy, worried what cost would they have to pay. I was happy on the surface, but the wave of emotion kept me from being overjoyed at the moment.

I would fix this mess, all of it. Then Ryan and Ellie would be able to live a peaceful life. I knew, as I knew last night, that somehow I would need to lead Jean-Paul away from the ones I loved.

…

After dinner, Roger, Nathan, and Titan showed up. Just by the way Roger looked, his forehead creased and heaviness to his eyes, I knew what he had come to say was not going to be to my liking. He took enough time to show the kids he loved them, and then sat in the sitting room by the fire, waiting for Sheldon to shut the door.

I sat with Ryan. Sheldon sat on the floor in front of Nathan, who sat opposite Roger. My head hurt, and I was a mess inside, wanting to cry and willing myself to stay perfectly still, like I trained myself to do for the times Jean-Paul would lecture me for hours. I was a statue, still. Unmoving. Unfeeling.

My mind ran wild with planning, but I had to remain emotionless lest someone pick up on my plans. Roger sipped from a cup, then set it aside. Clearing his throat.

“Josh is still out right now. The doctors have him in a medically induced coma. I’m going to be honest. It doesn’t look good.”

I lost my composure for a moment. I physically hurt for Josh.

“The biggest thing now is him being septic, but we can hope and pray he will come out of this. One thing is for sure, had it not been him with Ellie, I don’t think she would be with us now. Josh worships her and would gladly die in her place.”

We all stayed quiet knowing the truth in Roger’s words.

“He couldn’t bear the thought of you hurting any more than you already have, Piper.”

I nodded, spilling tears as I did. Josh’s love was pure and unconditional.

“We must now agree on where you all will be safest. Jean-Paul will be free in four days, if not sooner. I will be alerted the moment he exits the prison gates. Sheldon?” Roger turned his tired, dark eyes to the floor where Sheldon sat. “Am I mistaken, or do you all have plans to return to London next week?”

Sheldon nodded.

“The girls have things to do, and I have a small venue tour. Bee has commitments, but in light of everything I think it would be best if I canceled appearing anywhere, and they went on ahead, and I meet up with them later. I would prefer to stay here,” he told us.

Roger shook his head.

“No, I think it would be better if you all return together. Stay with your family, and separate yourself from Ryan and Piper.”

I swallowed hard. I wanted my friend to be safe, but hearing they were better off nowhere near me reinforced my diseased state. Sheldon nodded. It would be better if they were far away.

“Ryan, you are due in Florida, in St. Petersburg in two days. Correct?”

Ryan shifted his legs uncomfortably.

“Yes. I spoke with Viola earlier, and there was no pushing that back, but before you say anything, I think Piper, Ellie, and I should stick together.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but Roger cut me off, still talking to Ryan, convincing him.

“I think Piper and Ellie would be safer with you as well,” Turning his attention to me now he said, “It’s a safer place to be by far. We originally spoke of Denver, but honestly Piper, there will be plenty of security on hand, as you all would be with a film crew. The studios are extremely tight, and the house you will be staying at is a perfect location. It will also give Ellie the sense of being on vacation instead of in hiding.”

I caught myself biting my lower lip. The idea of contaminating Ryan and Ellie with the threat of Jean-Paul left me cold. I also began to see how this could work in my favor.

“Roger, we can’t run forever. I want to go home soon. I will do this, but not forever,” I told him.

Roger said nothing to that, but began to ask Nathan about his schedule.

“I have recordings here in the city for the next two weeks,” he said. “Then I have nothing until next month in London with Sheldon.”

Sheldon nodded.

“Okay. We need to all understand that Jean-Paul comes from a long line of bad guys with lots of family and tons of cash. Josh took out two, maybe three of his hired hands so far. The one thing I think is in our favor is Jean-Paul is not treated as the others are. He was a prostitute’s son, and though he is a Duchete by name, the family does not treat him the same. I say this in the hope he is limited, even though the family itself has unlimited power and capacity for violence. Maurice took him to Tennessee, hoping his son would turn out to be decent and honest, but he is ruthless to the extreme. I stress to you all, go nowhere alone. He will use any of you to draw Piper out into the open. It is crucial we stay in contact with one another. Nathan, would you and Deedra stay at my apartment?”

Nathan nodded, scratching Dixie’s ears.

“I will stay close for Josh and his parents, at least until he has improved. Do we all agree?” Roger asked looking to each of us.

They all nodded, but I chose to remain still.

“Piper?” Roger said, dragging me out of my trance.

I looked at him quickly before he saw the ideas on my face.

“I know Josh would want to see you. Perhaps when Ellie is asleep, Titan can take you down to see him? Frank has taken Imogene back to their hotel for the evening. He asked me to let you know how sorry he is about what happened, and hopes you will forgive her.”

I nodded sadly, but still said nothing. I deserved what I got, because everything Mrs. Logue said was the truth.

We all scattered and Ryan, Ellie and I got settled at the Plaza later that evening. The suite was grand and majestic, with huge beds and a view of Central Park. Ellie did not want to sleep, and it was after ten when Ryan and I finally set out with Titan to the hospital.

I was nervous leaving Ellie, but she had a nanny—actually a well-trained female bodyguard named Elizabeth Rhodes simply called “Rhodes” by Titan. I guessed this was some kind of military thing. There was also a massive bodyguard in the suite called Bryce, along with one at the door called Kent. All worked for Shields, a personal protection company Josh and Titan started a few years ago.

All of these things ran through my mind as Titan drove us to a back door into the hospital. At least two photographers were stationed at each door, so there was no helping the situation.

“Stay right with me, and don’t look at them, okay?” Ryan said, as Titan opened the door.

Ryan held my hand, as we rushed through the automatic doors.

“The valet is getting the car, so I’ll take you up instead of calling someone down,” Titan told us in a deep booming voice.

Ryan kept hold of my hand as we made our way to the ICU. A breathless nurse rushed to us, only to meet the brick wall of Titan’s chest.

“Oh,” she said startled. “I just wanted to let you know we have been expecting you, Mr. Knox. You all may stay in the room while you visit to avoid any…” she searched for words, backing up a few feet from us as she did. “To avoid any unwanted attention,” she said, in awe of Ryan.

“Thank you,” he told her, and walked past Titan, who still stood between Ryan and the star struck nurse, as if she were going to jump us. I glanced into the waiting room, fearing Mrs. Logue was there. The only occupants were an elderly man, asleep on a small couch, and a couple quietly talking to each other in a corner, obviously crying. I said a silent prayer for each of them and their loved ones.

I followed Ryan inside the hospital room, unprepared for the sight that met me. Josh was hooked to monitors and wires everywhere. Tubes ran from his nose and mouth, making no sense to me. His eyes were closed and unmoving. My knees went weak. Josh looked as if he were already dead. I let go of Ryan’s hand and went to the bedside of my oldest and closest friend.

“Josh?” I said, not recognizing my own voice anymore. “It’s Piper, Josh.”

I raised my hand to stroke his now long brown hair. I cried for him for a long time, Ryan never interrupting me. I eventually lay down beside Josh after his nurse came to take notes and left without speaking to us. Ryan sat with his eyes closed, and his head against the wall. I began talking softly to Josh, trying to will him better.

“You saved my little girl. I’ll never make that up to you,” I said through quiet sobs. “I guess I owe you a lifetime supply of Nana’s cornbread and apple pie, huh? Or have you changed your favorites again?” I asked him, smiling at the memories.

I talked more than I had the last forty-eight hours, allowing the clock to tick by unnoticed. Ryan lightly snored as I went on and on. I thought of Matthew and of Jean-Paul taking him from me.

“Josh, you can’t leave me. Matthew didn’t know, but you do. You’re still here for a reason. You have people waiting for you to wake up. I need you to wake up, Josh.”

My breath was now catching in my throat, and I tried to calm myself before I continued my pleading. I turned to see the sun peeking from between two buildings, rising slowly.

I unclasped a steel chain from my neck. On it was the black diamond ring Matthew had given me the night we first promised ourselves to each other, on my sweet sixteenth birthday. I held the ring now, running my fingers along the circle of dark stones.

“When Matthew gave me this, it was a promise of a life we would live, a promise of things not yet seen but hoped for, a promise to one another. Josh, he was taken from us and was unable to fulfill those promises.”