Fae (23 page)

She couldn’t catch her breath, between each roll of his hips that lifted her higher and higher - and then there were stars bursting behind her eyes again. She gasped and his lips were on hers again, his hands cradling her face as another orgasm shook her and left her desperate to have him inside her.

“Please, Kiernan…” She reached behind him and hooked her thumbs into the waist of his pants, but he gently grabbed her wrists and pulled them to his chest.

He was still for a moment, his head bent to rest against her shoulder. When she rolled her hips against him he groaned and lifted her by her waist, stepping back to make her unwrap her legs from him. Confusion washed over her, pushing back the warm glow that the pleasure had left inside her. She opened her mouth to talk but he quieted her with a soft kiss. Now that she was standing she had to look up at him. His eyes were dark and his cheeks were flushed from their efforts, and then the edge of his mouth lifted in a half-smile.

“I want -” Kiernan’s voice choked and he cleared his throat, taking her hands in his and intertwining his fingers with hers before he continued, “I want to do this right.”

“You are doing it right.
Trust me
.” Fae said it quietly, but couldn’t keep the humor out of her voice. He laughed and leaned down to put his forehead against hers.

“You’re incredible, Fae.” Kiernan mumbled, and she almost spoke but he placed the tiniest kiss on the tip of her nose, and the sweet nature of it surprised her so much she stopped. “And it’s because you’re so fucking incredible that I want to do this the right way. I want to bring you flowers, I want to take you to dinner, I want to take you on a real date, and – I want to
earn
the right to be with you.”

Her heart was fluttering in her chest like an insane bird trapped in a cage. Fae slid her hands around his neck and raised herself to her tiptoes so she could kiss him. He kissed her back, and it was sweet and gentle again, but the strength in his arms when they moved around her and pulled her against him promised that the fire was just calm for now.

“Okay.” Her mouth had gone dry, and she couldn’t think of anything else to say.

“Okay?” He leaned back from her, his face looking a little confused.

“If you insist on wooing me, you can.” She smirked and he grinned back at her before scooping her off the floor into his arms.

“Oh, my lady, if you want to be wooed, I shall woo the hell out of you.” He leaned down and kissed her, his cocky grin returning as he carried her down the hall to his room. His bed was a wreck as usual, a giant knot of sheet and comforter but he sat her down on the edge and proceeded to try and even it back out. He paused as he was about to hand her the sheet, freezing in place, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to – I mean, you don’t have to sleep in here, I just -”

“Hush and come here.” She took the sheet from him and he smiled as he sat down on the bed next to her. Fae shifted over and Kiernan reached to the side and clicked the lamp off. He didn’t touch her at first, but she shifted in the bed and pressed her back against his chest.

The pillow she had been sleeping on for the last few weeks had always smelled amazing, that heady mixture of spice and earth that she had connected with him. His bed was even better, the same scent on overdrive, and she turned her face into the pillow and took a deep breath. Kiernan’s arm slid around her waist and he pulled her tighter against him.

“Thank you…” His voice was such a quiet whisper into her hair that she wasn’t sure she had heard it right. She waited on him to keep talking, but it was clear he wasn’t going to. He was taking steady breaths as they both tried to calm down. To relax and get some mental space from everything that had just passed between them.

Fae started to count her heartbeats, an old trick that had always worked when she was too wound up to sleep, and
fuck
was she wound up. For once being wrapped in the warm heat of another person didn’t feel claustrophobic; it felt soothing.

Just before sleep came over her she realized that the bands had
never
activated. In all the intensity he’d never claimed her, never even thought about it because their ghostly tingle had never shown up. If she hadn’t felt completely safe in Kiernan’s apartment before, tonight had made the last question in her mind fade away.

She was finally safe.

Chapter Seventeen

Seattle, Washington

Kiernan’s bed was a warm cocoon and he really didn’t want to get up yet, but the light coming through the blinds was too bright to stay asleep. He stretched and his hand bumped into something and his eyes snapped open onto golden light. Fae was curled up in a ball next to him and the sheets were gathered down around her waist.

Her porcelain skin was glowing bright enough to have woken him up from a dead sleep. In all the weeks she’d been there he’d never seen so much of her skin exposed when Eltera’s power came to her. His eyes moved over her face and he was surprised once again by how beautiful she was,
and she was in his bed
.

Propping himself up on his elbow he looked down at her and lightly traced a finger down her arm through the light. He could feel the faintest tingling sensation like her skin was humming. Fae’s lips parted and she took a deep breath and Kiernan noticed that the air smelled like rain, clean and earthy. A few strands of her auburn hair had fallen into her face so he reached forward to tuck them behind her ear. Her eyes opened and she gasped, grabbing his wrist and jerking back from him. He watched as her face shifted from surprise, to a brief flash of anger, before relaxing as she recognized him.

“Kiernan?” She sounded so sleepy and confused, and that little wrinkle had appeared between her eyebrows again. He wanted to touch her again, but knew it had to happen on her time. Fae’s fingers were tight around his wrist, and although he didn’t try and move his arm away she noticed and released him. “Sorry, I didn’t know – I mean, I didn’t remember I was
here
.”

“It’s okay. You surprised me too to be honest.” He smiled at her and she smiled back, releasing the tension in her shoulders as she let her head relax back onto the pillow. Fae was staring up at him and he was still in shock that it was real, that the night before had not been some wonderful dream. Now that she was relaxed he grinned down at her and traced his finger between her eyebrows to smooth the little wrinkle away. She crossed her eyes to look at his finger and then she took his hand to place a kiss on his palm.

“I slept
so
well.” She let go of his hand and stretched out like a cat. Her back arched off the bed, the curves of her body outlined by the faint golden light on her skin. When she lay back down she turned towards him and gave him a wicked smile that had dangerous effects below his waist.

Tease
.

He grinned back and leaned over her, bringing his lips almost to hers. He heard her breath catch as she waited for the kiss, but instead of letting their lips touch he slid a hand over her stomach and around her waist. Kiernan smiled down at her as he ran his fingers over her skin, resting his hand on the delicate bend of her waist.

“Last night was more than good. A better word might be… incredible.” He pulled her hips sharply towards him and a small gasp escaped her. He felt the movement of air against his lips, but other than his hand their bodies weren’t quite touching. It was making her start to fidget, and he loved the desperate little movements she made to get closer.

She squirmed and shifted forward, trying to kiss him, but he evaded her and smiled while shaking his head slowly. Two could play at the teasing game, and her frustrated little growl gave him a huge sense of satisfaction. Her blue eyes caught his and she pushed her hands into his hair, her nails trailing across his scalp, and
dammit
, it almost made him crack.

Her touch sent chills down his back, and made heat rise in his stomach. He wanted to make this linger, to drag out each of these precious little touches with the only person he’d been able to be himself around in two thousand years. Looking down the narrow gap between them, his eyes trailed down her body. Fae’s breathing was picking up, her pulse jumping at her throat, and he tilted his head against her touch. Then her fingertips moved to the back of his neck, and she pulled his mouth to hers, and he caved. Their lips touched first, then her chest met his, and then their legs were intertwined as he let his body press hers into the bed.

If he’d thought for even a moment that last night had been a one-time event, he had been wrong.

“Kiernan…” Fae breathed his name against his ear and he could feel his hold on his control slipping. His hand was at her hip and his fingertips were toying at the edge of her pants, their breaths were coming in gasps again and he wanted her. By the gods, he wanted her so much that his cock ached, but he wanted – he needed – her to know what having her in his bed meant to him. He needed her to know that he knew how precious it was that she
let
him have his hand on her skin, and how lucky he was for her to
want
it there.

He felt a growl rumble in his chest and then he pushed himself up and off her. The glow in her skin had faded, but she still looked unreal lying in his bed.

“You’re making it very difficult to be a gentleman right now,” he grumbled.

She trailed one hand down his stomach, and her fingertips dipped under the waistband of his pants. Every inch of him wanted to feel her hand wrap around the steel of his cock. He wanted to push her thighs apart and drive himself inside her, hear those little gasps and murmurs that she’d made the night before. He wanted to drown in those little sounds, but he couldn’t,
not
yet
. Supporting himself on one arm he took her hand away from his pants like he had the night before, and brought it to his lips to kiss her knuckles.

“Kiernan… It’s
okay
. I swear.” The edge of frustration in her voice made him groan.

If he admitted to her just how much he wanted her he knew there wouldn’t be any more waiting, there’d be no patience, no reason. They’d be naked in an instant and fucking a moment later, and it would be amazing, but it wouldn’t be
right
. Kiernan let go of her hand and sat up next to her, and she kicked her legs in frustration with a little tantrum. He stifled the smile that almost took over his mouth and looked up at the ceiling, leaning his head back against the headboard as he tried to convince his cock to give up. Fae whined and looked over at him. “Why on
earth
are you fighting me on this?”

Because I’m a complete fucking idiot
, he thought as he stared at her stretched out on his bed. He trained his eyes back on the ceiling and forced a deep breath.

“Because I just - I don’t even know how -
why
this happened, Fae. I don’t know what I could have possibly done to deserve –” he waved his hand in the air and then at her, “ –
this
.” He gritted his teeth and focused on bringing his pulse down and trying to regain some control over his body.

His brain knew this was right, but his body really disagreed with him. Fae huffed and pushed herself up, crossing her legs to sit next to him. He wanted to go into one of his closets, find his coat, and make her wear that, because having her next to him in nothing but a sports bra and those yoga pants wasn’t helping him calm down. It was just making his balls ache.

“Fine. You really want to know?” Fae had tried to run her hands through her hair and found it in knots, so she started working on them with her fingers as she shot him an exasperated look.

“Yes. I do.” Kiernan locked eyes with her to keep his gaze from wandering south, and she tilted her head and sighed to herself before she spoke.

“You said you watched me in your observation glass, because of who
I
am, right?” Fae asked, and he nodded. “Well, same thing, that’s why I wanted to kiss you.”

“Because I watched you?” Kiernan knew he looked confused, and she just rolled her eyes.

“No, idiot. It’s because of who
you
are. At least, who you’ve proven yourself to be these last few weeks.” Fae mumbled the words while she messed with her hair, but he wasn’t letting her off that easy.

“You made me explain myself, it’s your turn, Glowworm.” Kiernan grinned at her and she smiled a little before she started talking.

Fae tore through a few more knots in her hair, biting her lower lip for a minute while she had some kind of internal debate about what to say. He wanted to push her, to press her for an answer, but that would just make her refuse to tell him because she was feisty, and defiant, and wouldn’t do a damn thing if she didn’t
have
to.

Hadn’t he said he loved her defiance?

Maybe he really was an idiot, because now was a terrible time for her to dig her heels in when he was so close to learning what on earth had made her kiss
him
.

“It’s a lot of things, Kiernan.” Her voice was quiet, and he froze against the headboard, not wanting to stop whatever she was about to say. A blush crept across her cheeks, and then she started talking again, “You’re just so – so relaxed. You just accept me, and all my stuff, and somehow you make me feel
normal
. I have never, ever felt normal around anyone. There’s always this huge space between me and them, this gap that I can’t cross for anything… and that’s not there with you. You know
exactly
who I am, my whole history. All of it. But you don’t treat me any differently.” She had started to braid her hair, having given up on unknotting it, and she stared at the ends of her hair instead of him.

“I don’t think I can explain to you how incredible that is, how incredible that
feels
. To be treated like a person instead of a freak, or a thing that can be used and bartered and sold.” Her shoulders caved forward while she spoke. It all made her look so small, and it reminded him of how young she’d been when Eltera froze her life.

“I wouldn’t -” Kiernan started to explain that he’d never hurt her, or let someone take her, or let her be sold, but she shook her head and he stopped.

“I thought you were a liar. That first day, the day you took me out of the snow, I was convinced you were a liar. It didn’t matter that you held back, that you didn’t pick up a weapon when you had the chance, that you didn’t take advantage when you had me on the ground. You’re Laochra, and that meant you were a liar.” He tried to suppress the flinch that her words caused, but it was difficult because it hurt to hear those words from her lips. “When you apologized, when you swore never to hurt me again, when you touched those little bruises on my wrists with so much shame – I thought it was an
excellent
act. I kept waiting for you to change, to spring some trap on me when my guard was down.”

“You were waiting on the darkness to show itself again.” Kiernan said what she was obviously dancing around, and it felt like a knife to the gut to think of the fear she’d felt just being around him. He wanted to leave, to disappear, and let her feel safe again. He was about to stand up, fighting the ache in his chest, when she looked up and her blue eyes stopped him.

“I was… for a bit. Even when I had fun talking to you, even when you were kind, or funny, I was terrified it was just a really, really good act. I’ve never had someone be around me, in a position of power, and
not
take advantage, Kiernan.” She finished the braid, and with nothing to tie it off she just stared at the end, twisting it in her fingers. “You made a promise to me, but I wasn’t ready to hear it. The words didn’t mean anything to me, no matter how earnest you were, no matter how much it sounded like the truth. It wasn’t the words that did it at all, it was everything you’ve done
since
the promise.”

“Every time you protected me, and every time you let me fight my own battles. Every thing in your life you shared with me, every time you joked with me, laughed with me, like it was the most natural thing in the world to you. Every single time you fought with me and didn’t treat me like I was fragile, but actually pushed me, challenged me. It was because of every moment that you could have touched me, that you could have tried something, or honestly, just laid a claim to me – and you
didn’t
. That’s when I started to think that this could be real, that you could be real, and I wanted it. I wanted to have something real for once in my life.” She shrugged, and he could see tears in her eyes when she looked up at him again. “I wanted you.”

Kiernan’s heart was racing, he wanted to speak but he was afraid to break whatever had come over her. Her eyes stayed on his for a long moment, their ethereal blue all the more vibrant as she held back the tears he could see brimming. “Fae…” He whispered, and she broke the eye contact and let go of her hair, letting her hands fall back into her lap.

“It wasn’t a light decision, Kiernan. I didn’t kiss you because I thought I had to, or because I just thought it would be fun – although it really was.” She glanced up at him and offered a small smile before she stared at the bed again. “I kissed you because I wanted you, I
still
want you.”

“I know, I just -”

“It’s okay, I get it. You want to handle this differently, but I’m just woefully unprepared to deal with this – with
you
. You have to understand, I was never the type of girl who dreamed of a family one day. That was all my sisters, they were hunting boys in the village as soon as they had breasts. While they were off flirting, my father was teaching me everything that he knew about nature and the worship of Eltera, about caring for the earth, about plants for healing. I believed
that
was my future, following in his footsteps and caring for people in our village and in others. I never even thought I’d find someone who would be okay with that, especially since my father really wasn’t
allowed
to teach a female those things.”