Fae (25 page)

Chapter Nineteen

Seattle, Washington

Kiernan was insane.

He had spent the whole day running around the apartment planning like he was arranging a party for a hundred people instead of a simple date. He had asked her at least a hundred questions about her favorite foods and what she liked, and after each set of questions he would return to his computer or start making phone calls. It had been tempting to tease him, mock him for how serious he was being, but instead she’d just nested in his bed with a book and left him to it.

Now they were in a dimly lit Italian restaurant near the water, tucked into a private corner at a small table, and everything coming out of the kitchen smelled
amazing
. It felt both completely natural and surreal to be across from him. If she didn’t think about it - about who they were and what the future might hold - she could almost pretend she was just a mortal girl, and he was just a mortal guy, and they were just on a normal date.

Almost
.

Fae’s eyes traced his jaw. It was clenched again, and his brow was furrowed under the edge of his dark hair. His moods changed faster than she could keep track. One minute Kiernan was grinning at her, and the next he was brooding and silent.
Like this
.

She didn’t understand why he couldn’t just live in the moment, enjoy the bit of happiness they were having
right now
, and stop stressing about the someday, about the myriad ways that things could go horribly wrong. It’s not like she didn’t have anxiety, or fears, but she wasn’t going to let them ruin the good things.

You have to find your happiness where you can
, she’d said that to so many slaves over the centuries, and it was the truth. Acknowledging the anxiety seemed to let all the bad thoughts in for a moment. Her mind was suddenly whirling with possibilities, that someone would take her from this bit of happiness and lock her away again. That some beautiful mortal girl would make Kiernan realize how stupid and dangerous it was to get involved with a Faeoihn. That –

“There are times I still can’t believe you’re here.” Kiernan was smiling at her again, another shift in the winds and he wasn’t dark anymore. This was the light side of him, and she tried to stifle the grin that wanted to appear at the sight of his smile. “I keep thinking that if Gormahn wanted to punish me, there’d be no better way than to make me think I could be happy, that I could begin to redeem myself for everything I’ve done – and then he could just take it all away. Wake me up from this dream. I think that would finally break me.”

“You’re not dreaming, Kiernan.” Fae felt the burn of a blush in her cheeks, and she reached forward to take a sip of her water.

“Isn’t that what you’d say if I
were
dreaming about you?” He arched an eyebrow and she laughed, acquiescing.

“Well, yes, I guess that’s true.” Fae leaned back, looking up at the intricate designs carved into the ceiling. “But if it
is
a dream, Kiernan, you’ve got to stop waiting for it to end. Bad shit could happen at any moment. You could wake up,
hell
, I could wake up. Maybe the whole thing with Nikola’s death, and my implausible escape, and finding you is
my
dream,
my
fantasy of what I want to happen.”

“You forget that
I
knew what you looked like before this dream, you didn’t know I existed.”

“Okay, maybe I just imagined a hot guy, a warrior that could keep up with me, someone that I could respect, who was also from my own people
and
immortal - and dreamed him up.” Fae tilted her head at him, and his grin grew wicked.

“Did you just call me hot?”

“Calm down, your head is big enough.”

“Noticed that too, did you?” He laughed and she threw her napkin at his face.

“You’re ridiculous.” Fae rolled her eyes, and he reached across the table to take her hands. She was hypnotized by the rhythmic movement of his fingertips across her skin, which seemed to make the rest of the world fall away.

“So, you’re happy?”

“Yeah. Very happy.” Fae ran her fingernails lightly over his palm and grinned.

Kiernan’s dark eyes flicked up to hers and she saw a boyish excitement flash through them. “Then who cares if it’s a dream?” He shrugged and leaned forward across the table to kiss her. When their lips met Fae felt the heat spark between them again, a burning rush under her skin that reminded her of what it had been like to climb onto his lap the night before. Brave and fearless. Moving her hand to his cheek, and then into his hair, the kiss changed from a chaste press of lips to a dance of tongues, his teeth grazing her lips. When her fingertips brushed the back of his neck she could feel the rumble of his groan against her mouth as his hands cupped her face and held her firmly.

There really had been no reason to leave the bed this morning.

No. Reason. At. All.

"Umm, I'll come back." The waitress standing next to their table was wide-eyed and blushing bright red when they broke apart. Fae flashed her a smile, but Kiernan leaned back to his side and was staring at the table as she heard him take a slow breath. In and out. He raised his gaze to Fae and the look in his eyes held promises for her that sent a shiver down her back that settled between her legs with liquid heat. When he turned those dark eyes on the waitress her blush went scarlet, and Fae understood the way the woman’s mouth dropped open. She wouldn’t be surprised if her own was hanging open too.

"No, it’s okay, we’d like some wine." Kiernan's voice was a notch lower than normal, and he grinned to himself when he looked down at the wine list. He ordered a bottle and the waitress retreated from the table in a daze.

"Are you
sure
you want to have dinner?" Fae arched an eyebrow and grinned. Kiernan's eyes traced the neckline of her sweater, and he tightened his jaw for a second before responding.

"Temptation, thy name is Fae." His smile broadened when he brought his eyes back to hers. “Let me do all this, please, it makes me feel better about everything.”

“Okay, Kiernan, a date it is.” Fae replied quietly, giving him a secretive smile as the waitress returned with their wine and the glasses. She sat up, prim and proper, no more sultry glances or suggestive dialogue which had Kiernan pouting for a few minutes.

Be careful what you wish for, warrior boy.

When they ordered food from the menu, Kiernan kept adding new things he wanted her to try if she even glanced at them. The girl left with a dizzying list of items that Fae knew would be impossible for them to eat. He just shrugged and said if she only tried a bite out of each, it would be worth it. “I have a confession, by the way.” He smiled at her, so the nervous flutter in her stomach at those words abated a bit.

“Alright…”

“I’ve seen you naked before. Quite a few times, actually.” Kiernan was blushing,
really
blushing, and Fae burst out laughing. She hadn’t thought about all he’d seen in the glass, but as rare as it was for someone to even give her clothing it didn’t surprise her.

“Kiernan, if that’s the worst thing you saw in the glass, you really didn’t watch very often.” She had meant for it to be light-hearted, but his face turned down, a shadow passing over his features. “Wait, I didn’t mean to accuse -”

“I always shut the box.” He spoke quietly, cutting her off, but she wasn’t sure she had heard him right.

“What?”

He sighed and kept his eyes away from her, dancing between the glasses on the table, the bottle of wine, the silverware. “I always shut the box, whenever one of them would – I always shut the box. I watched the punishments usually, just because I was mesmerized by how strong you were, I admit that, but I didn’t watch them -”

“Fuck me?” Fae finished and he flinched.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

She sighed, grateful that the wine was at the table because she needed a drink to have this conversation. “I wouldn’t have cared if you did, Kiernan. Honestly. It’s kind of a relief that you know everything, that you
understand
. I came to terms with my curse a very long time ago.”

“But you shouldn’t have to!” The anger in his voice made her frown a little, and he pulled himself back.

“Well, tell me the truth, did you think I was hot?” She smiled, and the rage fled in the wake of his surprise.

He laughed, and shrugged, the blush on his cheeks darkening a bit. “Um, yes.
Hot
would be a good word, so would beautiful, gorgeous, incredible, brave – I mean, you’re extraordinary, Fae.” Kiernan smiled up at her and it was her turn to blush. He really knew how to make her feel like the only woman in the room, like someone valuable and precious.

“I think I’m supposed to say thank you,” she muttered. He shrugged, and she leaned back from the table. “If we’re having confession, I have one too.”

“Do you?” He leaned forward on the table with a much lighter expression on his face.

“I’m pretty sure Eltera killed Nikola.” Fae said it softly.

“WHAT?!” He shouted and nearby tables looked over, a few patrons glaring.

She leaned forward and hissed at him. “Holy shit, be quiet, Kiernan.” Fae pushed a hand through her hair and sighed, she’d already said the worst of it, now she had to explain. “I wasn’t sure at first. I really wasn’t. When you first took me to your apartment and interrogated me over it, I was still in such shock that any of it had happened that I wasn’t thinking clearly… but it’s the only thing that makes sense. I know I don’t have that kind of power in me, she just used me to channel it like she does whenever she heals me in the morning. I glowed with the power of the gods, just like in the mornings, and like you said – I’ve never been able to control fire like that before.”

“But Eltera is a goddess of nature.” Kiernan said the thought aloud, his forehead wrinkling in concentration. Fae nodded and he blew out a breath. “That’s really the only solution, but she
shouldn’t
be able to do that. She’s bound by Gormahn, she has the actual manacles on her. She shouldn’t be able to use any of her power -”

“And yet, somehow, she’s always been able to heal us. Even the morning after the battle.” Fae shrugged, picking at one of the plates of food. “Maybe you’re not the only one Gormahn’s power is waning with.”

Kiernan’s eyes widened. “Maybe.”

“Listen, I didn’t want to talk about this tonight. Dates are supposed to be fun, right?” She forced a smile.

He shook himself and nodded. Then they started talking about lighter subjects and the crowded restaurant, the stress of their predicament,
everything
seemed to fade away. He was so passionate and animated when he spoke about the things he cared about. His plans for the garden, a hiking trail he wanted to go on with her, an insta-trip to the Galapagos for a day on the beach in the middle of winter. As he talked about the future he insisted that the world was open to her, and that they could go anywhere.

“I want you to be happy, I want to give you a good life more than anything.” Kiernan was looking down at their hands again, still intertwined on the table. “And I’ll stay with you as long as you’ll have me, Fae.”

She ran her fingertips across the dark line that started in his palm and trailed up his wrist and then under the cuff of his shirt. She watched him shiver before he smiled at her, and she forced a smile back.

She hated that they had kind of flipped roles on the positivity front, now he was the one being hopeful and wonderful – and all her mind was giving her was the fact that nothing good ever lasted long in her life. She was able to be happy in the moment, to find the good in the present, but the future? He was making plans for a future that may not even
exist
, and she wanted to get excited about them. She wanted to do all of that, but the future had always been a dark place, a doomed place, full of new masters and potential cruelties and lost friends.

“What is it?” His brow furrowed, and she shook herself.

“It’s nothing, keep going. I want to hear more about all the places in the world we can see since we have Air Laochra to travel with.”

“Fae… if you don’t want to go to those places, we don’t have to, and… if you’re not sure you want me there for any of it –”

“Stop.” She shook her head. “That’s not it, Kiernan. These last few weeks are the happiest I’ve been since before – well, since before. I just kind of feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. You said you feel like you’re dreaming and you’re afraid you’ll wake up? Well, I have the same feeling, except I’m waiting for something to ruin
this
.” She gestured between the two of them and then took a hearty drink of wine. “I’m all about celebrating the good in the now, but I usually try not to think about the future.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just hard not to think about the future when I finally want one.” His shy smile made her want to kiss him again. She wanted to ignore the mortals in the restaurant and climb onto his lap and kiss him slowly, let the warmth build between them until it erased all their doubts and concerns.

He said he wanted a future with her
.