Fae (31 page)

Personal stuff?

“Please let me come in,” I said stepping closer to her. “I'm not going to leave until you let me come in. I'm just going to stand out here and continue ringing your doorbell until you finally concede. So you might as well save yourself the trouble by letting me in now,” I pleaded with her. I was desperate.

She took a few moments and just stared at me. I knew she was trying to decide what she was going to do, and I prayed that she would make the right decision.

“You would, wouldn't you?”

“Haven't you learned anything yet? I always get what I want.”

She finally smiled and stepped aside and let me walk into her house.

We walked into her family room and sat down on the couch. She hugged her arms around her waist and, if possible, closed her robe even tighter and closer around her tiny frame.

“Can I get you anything?” she asked politely. I knew she was on the verge of a breakdown. All I wanted to do was ease her pain.

“No, nothing. Thanks.” I moved closer to her on the couch and stopped myself from reaching out and pulling her into my arms.

“Why do you look like your world has come to an end?”

“I guess it's because it practically has. At least the world I knew.”

When I opened the door and saw him, I just wanted him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I knew that if I told him everything I had gone through he would. He really did care.

I could see it in his eyes.

I could see it in his face. A face that looked like mine. One that hadn't seen a good night's sleep in a few days. One that was tired.

Exhausted.

Even though I had told him to leave, I silently prayed he wouldn't. I wanted to tell him everything because for some reason I knew he would understand. He was so wise. Beyond his years.

He would offer me sound advice. I knew that much. I felt like he was the only one I could turn to. On some level he could probably relate, especially given that he too had lost his parents and was raised by someone else. Perhaps he could explain how he survived.

Our lives suddenly seemed so similar.

The second we sat down, I put both my hands in my face and then it all spilled out. I told him that I hadn't intended to hear their conversation. But I had. And now I wished that it was all some kind of sick joke.

He sat in front of me, not saying much, but I could sense the tension leave his body as if he was relieved by what I had said. Maybe he was expecting me to say something much worse. I don't know what he was thinking. I never knew what he was thinking. But I knew that the fear he had in his eyes vanished, and his breathing was suddenly calm.

“Caroline, I know that what I'm about to say isn't going to answer all of your questions, but it might help you understand,” he began. “People often make so many sacrifices, tough decisions. They have certain hardships in their lives that go above and beyond anyone's true comprehension. People do things under strain or duress, things that they would
never
do given different circumstances.”

“I know,” I said, nodding my head. “They were probably a young couple that was struggling, and then they had me, and they didn't know what to do. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I know that I'm lucky in a lot of ways. I guess I'm just disappointed that my parents, who I love and trust with so much, didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth.”

I looked away from Devilyn and wiped the tears from my eyes. It still hurt so much. I guessed it would for a while before the pain would turn into numbness, and then I'd be able to forgive.

“I'm more disappointed in them than in my real parents.” There. I said the words out loud. There was a relief in that.

“You shouldn't be.” Devilyn grabbed my hand.

Even in the state I was in, I couldn't stop the fluttering in my heart as I met his gaze.

“They love you. They didn't want to hurt you, and I think it's obvious that they didn't want to lose you.” Devilyn smiled at me softly. “I mean, who would? Look at you. You're so beautiful, you light up a room. And it shines from within. I don't know anyone who would want to give that up.”

My heart slammed against my chest. Those were the sweetest words anyone had ever said to me.

The tears started flowing again. He was right about one thing. My father had said he was afraid of losing me so desperately that he asked my mother to lie to me. He was so afraid that I would leave them. That was love. The love of a parent for a child.

I was behaving irrationally, like such a child, and I was suddenly so embarrassed.

“Thank you.”

He reached out and pulled me into his arms for a hug. “I didn't do anything.”

“You've done a lot. More than you know.”

I pulled away and looked deep into his eyes and realized just how much I liked to do that. I felt so safe with him. Almost as if I had come home.

He was someone I could count on. Someone I could rely on.

Someone I wanted in my life.

Forever.

Even if that was only a dream.

I couldn't help but pull her close to me. And when I did, the feeling made me whole.

Complete.

I took a deep breath in, and the emotion that washed over me unnerved me to my core. There was a possessiveness I felt with her. She belonged to me. She felt right with me, so good in my arms. As if we had been made for each other. I held her tightly and closed my eyes. I could feel her pain. I knew that this had been a difficult time for her. Beyond imagination.

She knew her world was a lie, but she didn't even know how bad it was. It was a moment in my life that I never wanted to forget. The first time that I really held her in my arms. She was so small and fragile compared to me. And yet, even through our differences it was as if we were made for each other.

As the minutes went by I remembered everything acutely. The smell of her freshly washed hair. The silky touch of her skin as it grazed against my face. And the thunderous feeling of her heart beating against mine.

We were wrapped in each other's arms. Each of us reveling in the beauty of what we held. It was the single most intimate moment I had felt in all my life.

I pulled her closer and couldn't help but run my hands through her thick hair. I didn't want her to move an inch. I wanted to hold her forever. Just like this.

As I continued brushing my fingers through her hair, the blood in my veins seemed to rush faster. I could literally feel it moving through my body. My fingertips tingled with energy. I opened my eyes and realized that our energy had practically lifted our bodies off the couch.

I couldn't risk her seeing this.

Even though I didn't want to let go, I had to. It was too much. Too soon.

I needed a moment to get my emotions under control.

I needed to get my thoughts together. Everything in the room, including my mind, was spinning. I couldn't allow myself to spin when I had to protect her.

“Can I get a glass of water?” I finally asked as I slowly moved away.

“Of course.” Her eyes glanced at me for a moment, and I had to stop myself from pulling her back. They were bright. But more Fae then I had ever seen. I closed my eyes so that mine wouldn't respond by doing the same.

She immediately pulled farther away from me, and I knew that she was embarrassed. The blushing of her cheeks was always the best indicator of her emotions. She was so easy to read.

She rose and immediately left the living room.

The second she was gone I wanted her to return. What was I doing? Why was I behaving like such an insane person? She was everything I needed. So beautiful. So good in every way. Why did I keep pushing her away? Every moment of closeness we shared I treated with fear and apprehension. But deep down I knew what I was fearing, and I had every right to be scared.

Surely anyone else in my position would behave the same way. Wouldn't they?

I ran my fingers through my hair. I had to stop this madness. It would stop.

Today.

Right now.

Right here.

I sat back on the couch and waited for her to return.

When she came back, I would go back to the topic at hand and slowly gather my thoughts so that I could ease into the reality of my feelings and our predicament.

That was the perfect plan.

She walked back into the room and handed me the tall glass of water. I drank it all so quickly as she watched me in a state of shock.

“Do you want some more?”

“No,” I said as I tried to laugh. “Thanks, my mouth was a little dry.”

“I know the feeling,” she said as she took a seat next to me.

“Listen, Caroline,” I began. “I know that this whole situation is understandably mind-numbing. I know that you feel lost, and alone, and scared.”

She stared at me intensely as her eyes began to fill with tears again.

“But the reality is that you're not alone,” I said reaching up to catch the one lone tear that was suddenly making its way down her face. “You have so many people around you that love you and cherish you and will guide you through this time in your life, and soon you will feel whole again.”

“I can only feel whole when I have all the answers to the questions running through my head.” Her voice was hoarse from crying.

“I'm sad. Really sad that I'm sixteen years old, and I don't even know who I really am. Put yourself in my shoes. My life has been a complete lie.” She pointed at Famous who lay curled up in his bed at the foot of the couch. “He is the only real thing I have. Because I know everything about him, and he knows me. Now that I think about it, he's probably just as lost as I am now.”

The timing of this discovery couldn't have been worse. If Caroline began seeking answers to her heritage, the carefully placed cloak around her would be instantly revealed. This would place her in grave danger. The moment she admitted to anyone that she was adopted, and that she recently found out about it, the war would begin. And inevitably, she'd put herself in danger. I couldn't let that happen.

“Those questions don't need answers right now, Caroline; you've got to let it be for the sake of your parents,” I said in my most convincing voice. “They would be devastated if they found out that you were already searching for your real parents.”

“I know. My father said that's exactly what he's afraid of. But it's not fair to me. I want to know. I need to know who I am. Is that too much to ask?”

“There will be a time when you will know everything. And you'll have all the answers. And you'll look back at this moment and wonder why you were in such a hurry to get there.”

She looked down. I could see that she was clearly disappointed by my answer and that she had wanted to hear it, but I just couldn't give her that. I couldn't support any cause that would lead to her harm.

I smiled at her and spoke as softly as I could.

“Caroline, you are without a doubt the smartest girl I know. You are also the most compassionate and loving. You have to let your parents deliver this news to you when they are ready. Do you know how they would feel if they knew you found out by overhearing it? They would never forgive themselves.”

Caroline looked away from me. Her gray eyes were glossy and I could see that her mind was working. I knew her well. She could never add suffering into her parents' life. She knew it would break their hearts. I pushed even further so that there would be no hesitation on her part.

“And think about how tough the economic situation is right now. I mean, I don't know how your parents' business is doing, but if they have that stress compounded with this…I'd be surprised if they even sleep at night.” I knew that I was playing unfairly. It took less than a minute for her to make up her mind.

“I guess you're right.”

I knew that she wouldn't give up that easily and that there would be a time when she'd come back to this. Probably sooner rather than later. But I could live with her prolonging the inevitable even for a bit.

“I know you have a very inquisitive nature, and you're probably not going to listen to me because you're also very stubborn,” I told her as I tried to lighten the mood in the room. “But just imagine if your parents discovered that you were investigating your background. They would be devastated.”

She nodded at me. She was so trusting at this moment that I couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt at trying to force her to let go of the issue.

“It's just frustrating to sit on the sidelines and wait for someone to provide you with the information instead of trying to find it yourself,” she said, almost defensively. “How would they even know?”

“We live in a very small town, Caroline.” I tried to sound as patient and compassionate as possible. “News like this would spread like wildfire. You need to respect your parents. If they heard that you found out about your background from a perfect stranger, they wouldn't like that. Or if they knew that you overheard them on the stairwell. Do you really think that's how your mom imagined she would tell you some day?”

She sighed and finally relented. I had won. I knew I had bought us some time, and I let the relief wash over me.

“Your grandfather might be able to help me, Devilyn,” she said with hope in her eyes. “He's lived here for so long, he might know something. He would keep it a secret if I asked him. I know he would.”

I looked at her carefully and tried not to smile. This was the answer. Odin would be the perfect person to contain this situation. I kept my voice completely neutral when I replied.

“I'll talk to him, provided that you listen to what I've said.”

“I will,” she said with a thrilled voice, as I reached out my hand and placed it on her cheek.

“I'm going to have to go to football practice.”

“Thank you for checking on me,” Caroline said politely as I watched the shy mask come over her face again. I couldn't stop the smile.