Fae (35 page)

I closed my eyes, even though I wished I had kept them open so that I could remember everything about this moment. Everything about his face, his touch, and the completed feeling I had just being held in his arms.

This kiss.

This man.

This moment.

From the minute I set eyes on him, I loved him and there was no shame in acknowledging that. There was only shame in denying what my heart felt. So I leaned in even further. Wanting nothing more than to kiss him and be kissed in return. Even if it meant that I would make the first move. I was willing to do whatever it took, even if I wished deep down that he would be the one reaching down for my lips.

And then, as if sensing my hesitation or hearing my plea, he reached his hand across my cheek and behind my neck and drew me close to him until our lips were one. As soon as our lips met, an electric force went through my body as I kissed him with the longing and passion that had built up in me since I met him.

If possible he pulled me closer and lifted me up toward him as he deepened the kiss. Our lips melded into one.

The moment they touched, I felt like I was on fire.

I wasn't experienced at all.

He was the teacher.

I, the willing student.

And yet within seconds, kissing him became the most natural thing in the world. He pulled away and ran his fingers across my face. And then he brought his lips to mine again with a hunger and longing that knew no bounds.

It was the most intimate I had ever been with anyone in my life and yet, I felt so comfortable. So at ease.

Because I knew he was the one.

Made for me.

As I was made for him.

After an eternity he pulled away and hugged me close. We both just breathed each other in.

“Devilyn—” I began. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn't know where to begin, so I just took in a deep breath and decided to stay as quiet as possible.

It felt like the garden around us was spinning and spinning as we stood there in silence. Until finally he pulled away.

He looked down at me, knowing that the conversation that faced us would be a difficult one. So much had changed in so many ways.

“Caroline.”

I looked up at him and noticed that everything about him had changed. Gone was the face that looked at me with heated desire, and back was the man I had grown accustomed to. Hard and distant.

“There's no denying my feelings for you,” he began. “You have to know that everything we just experienced was real and true.”

“I know that, Devilyn,” I replied in a low voice, dreading where this was going.

“I would do anything for you. Anything.” He turned his back to me.

I wanted so desperately to reach out and touch it, to run my fingers around his waist, to hold him and never let go. But I knew that he was struggling to keep his composure, and worse, fearing my reaction to the words that would follow.

“You know now who we are,
what we are,
and more importantly what
I
am.”

“We are one and the same.”

He whipped around and faced me. I had tempted his anger with those last words.

“No, Caroline,” he said in a harsh voice. “We are not the same. We may be Fae, but our core, our very essence is quite different.”

“That doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter that you are a descendant of someone who is dark or black or whatever it is you call him.” I wanted desperately to shake some sense into him. “None of it matters. The only thing that matters is us. Our future together.”

“Don't you see? Haven't you been paying any attention? There is no future,” he said, reaching out to me. “If we continue down this path, there will be no future, no future for
you
.”

“How can you say that?”

“I can say it because it is true. It has been willed by the Gods. It is our destiny.
Your destiny
. A destiny that I can change if I keep you safe. One that only
I
can change by staying away from you. It's the only way.”

“When I'm with you, I'm safe.”

“We can never be together. Do you understand?”

“Why are you doing this, Devilyn?” I cried out to him. How could he deny this? How could he deny
us?

“I love you, Caroline. But I'm not going to allow you to sacrifice your life for this love.”

“I don't know why you don't trust me.”

“Trust you,” he practically snarled as he ran his hands through my hair. “I trust you with my life. And I'm asking you to trust me with yours. To accept that we are going to face the most dangerous battle of our lives and that I will protect you at all costs, but when it is over, when you are safe, we will not be able to be together, not now or ever.”

The finality of his words hit me like a brick wall. He had splashed a gallon of ice water across my face. I had nothing left. He had stripped me of all of my hope. I had found love, and now I had instantly lost it. I didn't know what more there was to say.

“Think of your parents, Caroline. Think of Teddy, Famous. Think of everyone you love and how they would feel if you were placed in harm's way because of me?”

“You want me to think of everyone except you?”

“I want you to think of how I will feel, how I will feel to live my life knowing that I was responsible for your death,” he said desperately. “I want you to think of me and understand that this is the only way.”

I looked at him and wished that things could be different. I knew his mind was made up. I knew that the kiss we shared moments ago would be forever embedded in my head. It would be a moment I would always look back on in daydreams, right before closing my eyes for bed, as I ran around the high school track, as I took Famous for a walk. A moment I would never forget.

And I moment I would never experience again.

“As you wish, Devilyn.”

“It's not my wish. T
his is not my wish,
” he said fiercely as he reached for me.

“I don't think we should touch each other again,” I told him in complete indifference. “It hurts too much.”

His arm immediately dropped. He was just as defeated as I had been. Just as heartbroken. That much I knew. That much I felt. I should have felt solace in it, but I didn't.

“We should go,” he said after a few moments of silence. “I have some business to take care of after I drop you off at home.”

“I understand.”

“Before we go, I want to make sure I have your word, Caroline.” His voice was hard, pleading. “You will let me protect you. You won't give me any difficulty.”

I looked at him, initially not knowing what to say. There really were no words. I slowly nodded my head in agreement but kept my other thoughts to myself. Didn't he know that a life without him was not worth living?

Didn't he know?

“Your safety is of the utmost importance to me.”

But my love, clearly, was of no value.

I heard her. I saw it in her eyes.

Her pain.

Her anguish.

But she had to know. She had to know that the only reason I was pushing her away, yet again, was to prevent her loss. My loss.

I looked down at her again, wanting so badly to hold her as I had moments before and to kiss her just one more time. Just one more time. How could it hurt me? To have her lips against mine.

“I think we should go,” she finally spoke. “I don't want my parents to worry.”

“I don't want you to leave like this.”

“I understand what you're saying,” her voice was strained. “It is for the best. You are right.”

“It's not for the best!” I shouted out. “I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep you safe when all I want to do is hold you and kiss you when you're around. How can I even think clearly when my head is in the clouds?”

“I thought you said—”

“I know I'm not making any sense. I've become a madman. You've turned me into a madman.”

“You made perfect sense, Devilyn. You are choosing the easy route. You are choosing to live without me. And I agree. It
is
the best decision,” her voice was soft, hoarse. I knew she was hurt. And I was the cause of this.

I couldn't bear it.

“Don't. I didn't mean any of it.”

A tear suddenly made its way down her face.

“I'm sorry, Caroline. Forgive me.” I bent down and kissed her moist cheek. “Forgive me. I take it all back.”

“I know there are dangers. I know that I am risking my life. But I don't care. Because to be honest with you, I haven't lived.
This
, this is not living. But a moment ago, I finally felt something. I
finally
felt alive.”

“So did I.”

“Well, then what are we doing? We can figure this all out together.” I could hear the hope in her voice.

“You're right.” How could I deny her anything? My soul was in turmoil. “Truce?”

It took her a moment before she believed me. I couldn't blame her. I had gone from one end of the spectrum to another, but I knew that for now this is what she needed to hear. She slowly nodded her head, and I reached out for her hand. Once she finally took it, I knew I had won her back. For now.

We walked in silence toward my car, and moments later I would drop her off at home and head back to face the reality of my world. The moon was bright against the night sky, and I realized that I needed space from Caroline to clear my head. Face all that I had done. All that she now knew. It was a night of a thousand truths. A thousand realizations. One that I had always wanted to avoid.

A night that would end in the destruction of my sister.

Caroline sat in the seat next to me and leaned her head back and closed her eyes. I knew that she had been experiencing an emotional tsunami just like I had. I knew that she wanted to risk everything. Just as I had.

The risks were real.

They were fated.

But there was nothing either one of us could do but tempt them.

“As for me, to love you alone, to make you happy, to do nothing which would contradict your wishes, this is my destiny and the meaning of my life.”
—Napoleon Bonaparte

Alderon stood by the large windows that overlooked the forest and stared out at the obsidian lake. There were numerous black swans that sat perched on top of the murky water. At once the swans lifted their wings and arched their long necks back. They opened their eyes and all turned to look at Alderon.

They were fire red.

A slow, sly smile came over his face. He turned and came face to face with his daughter, Tatiana.

“I knew you would come back to me,” he said to her as he reached out his hand.

Tatiana's beautiful face was uncertain as she looked around at the darkness that surrounded him. His palace was very different from Odin's home. Where Odin's was warm and vibrant, her father's was cold and austere.

“How did you know?” she asked him quietly.

“Because you are my daughter. It is your rightful place to be here, by my side. It is your duty,” Alderon said as he stepped closer to her. “It is your legacy.” His hand was still extended to his daughter.

“Give me your hand.”

Tatiana still hesitated.

“Daughter. Let me show you what belongs to you,” he told her. Tatiana took another moment then reached out and grasped her father's hand.

Alderon smiled as he pulled her close. He walked with her toward the windows, his eyes lit like black coals, and nodded toward the lake.

“Look there.”

Tatiana's hair lifted magically around her as the water began to swirl in circles, and she began to see what destiny lay ahead. Alderon watched her face with pleasure. He watched as her bright green eyes began to turn a shade darker, like all of her kinsmen. Her transformation was easy.

“This is your truth. This is what you are. This is who you are,” he whispered to her. “You cannot hide from it any longer. You cannot deny what is in your soul.”

Her feet lifted off the ground as Alderon let go of her hand and watched as the dark light circled around her body and finally moved into her soul. Tatiana threw her head back and lifted her palms up to the sky, allowing the black light to enter her very core.

Alderon stood back and watched the entire transformation with a happy smile. When it was complete, he stepped forward and bowed.

“My daughter.”

Tatiana had a new energy that seemed to surround her. A new glow that wasn't there before.

“How do you feel?”

The smile was instant. “Like myself.”

Alderon reached out and brushed her cheek.

“I wish your brother would embrace his truth.” Tatiana lost her smile.

“He fights himself every day. And now that he's found her, he's even more determined to stay in the light.”

“He cannot hide from himself forever. And he can't protect Caroline much longer.” Tatiana couldn't hide her surprise.

“You have seen her?”

“Yes. We found her,” Alderon told his daughter. “But the laws delay our plans.”

“I wanted to hurt her, father. I wanted to take the one thing she truly loved away, deny her that. Just as Devilyn and Odin denied me. But he stopped the pain and gave her the animal back,” her voice trailed off, and Alderon pulled her into his arms.

“There, child. We will reach her and bring her much pain. It is inevitable. Please don't fret. It upsets me to see you look so defeated. Remember, victory will be ours. It is written by the Fates.”

Tatiana pulled away and looked up at her father. Her face more determined than ever.

“I will not fail you.”

When Devilyn finally dropped me off at home I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. We had gone through so much in such little time. I knew that he was still conflicted. And I knew that he was scared.

But so was I.

All I knew is that I wanted to be with him.

Forever.

Regardless of how long that forever would be.

He pulled me close and just held me for a long time in the car. I realized how badly I needed him. How I could not get enough of him. Being close to him, being embraced by him. It felt so right to be near his energy. When he finally pulled away, he walked me to my door and stared down at me for a long while.

His hands cupped my face, and he let me look inside his soul. I decided that if this was the way that I would die, I would do so happily. As if he had read my thoughts or if some fear overcame him, he suddenly pulled me back into his arms and kissed me again.

A kiss that left me breathless and longing for more.

My arms wrapped around his neck as he lifted me off the ground, pulling me deeper into his embrace. He pulled away from me quickly—almost panting for air.

His eyes were suddenly bright, and he looked like he wanted to pull me back toward him. I took a step, but he put his hand up.

“Go inside,” Devilyn told me, his voice husky. “Go, before I forget myself.”

I smiled at the thought. The trouble was, I wanted him to forget himself.

“You shouldn't think such things.”

He could read my thoughts.

“Not all of them,” he told me.

For some reason I wasn't embarrassed at all.

“I can hear your deepest emotions. And I believe that you can hear mine.”

I nodded
. I could hear him.
We were connected.

“I'm sorry, Devilyn. But I can't help what I feel,” I said, admitting what he undoubtedly already knew.

He closed his eyes and looked almost pained by what I said. “Caroline. Walking away from you, in any way, is harder for me than you can ever imagine,” he said softly. “Please don't make it even worse for me.”

I nodded, understanding what he meant. What longing felt like. I had wanted him close to me for so long. It had been so unbearable so many times to be so close and yet not be able to touch him. I couldn't stop myself from walking back up to him and pressing a quick kiss on his lips.

“Good night,
my king.”

I turned to walk away, but he pulled me back in his arms, one hand wrapped around my waist, the other tangled up in my hair. The look in his eyes was intense, more then I'd ever seen.

“Don't ever call me that.”

“Why not?” I said to him. He had shown me everything. I had seen the past. The present. The future. What was to be between us. There was a beautiful feeling of complete satisfaction in knowing that I had found true love.

I didn't want to face death or the end. I just wanted to relish in the moment, these moments. Knowing that we had at least spent some time loving each other was enough for now.

“That's what you are.”

“It may be what I am, but right now it's far from
who
I am. Right now, the only thing that matters to me is you. Your life. That means more to me than anything. You living. Breathing. Being. Your existence, Caroline.
That
is what I live for.”

My heart did somersaults. I could feel them in my very core. He leaned in closer and whispered, “You take my breath away.”

And then he kissed me again. Slowly, seductively. As if he was trying to make me lose all feeling of where and who I was. And it was easy for him to succeed in that. Easy for me to forget everything but the moment.

After a minute he pulled away but still held on to me, leaning his forehead against mine.

“Now go inside.”

“I will.”

“Your parents will be home in five minutes, and I'll wait down the street until they arrive.”

“My parents?” I said anxiously, concerned about their well-being.

“You don't need to worry. You and your family are protected,” Devilyn said in a soothing tone. “Odin will watch over the house tonight, so you have nothing to be concerned about. I also know who came after you today, and I will deal with it on my own.”

“I don't want you to put yourself in danger, Devilyn.”

Devilyn smiled at me. “I will be fine.”

I nodded my head trying desperately to believe him and still reluctant to let go, until he ran his fingers against the side of my face.

“I'll see you soon.”

I smiled back and began making my way up to my house.

I was at peace.

When I came to the door and opened it, it took all my strength and willpower to not run back into his arms and ask that he take me away somewhere that we could just live happily ever after together.

But I knew that wasn't reality. Or at least, it wasn't our reality. I walked inside, and after my heart calmed down and I could breathe again, I stood inside for a long time just staring around at everything like I was seeing it for the very first time.

This was my home. The place I had grown up in. Everything was so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. I suddenly felt like it didn't belong to me anymore.

I waited for Famous to come running into my arms and then remembered that he would be spending the evening at Devilyn's. Safe and secure, just as he made me feel. Thinking of Famous reminded me again of how lucky I was to have him in my life. I had Devilyn to thank for that, I thought as I walked up the stairs.

When I got to my room, I changed quickly, sat on the bed and took in a deep breath. I wanted so badly to talk to someone, tell them of the events that had transpired during my day. But no one would believe any of it. Teddy would surely have me institutionalized if I even told him half of what had happened.

I rubbed the tip of my fingers together, feeling a new sensation. Tingly. Alive. Like nothing I had ever felt before.

Devilyn had said that all people were made up of light energy, I thought as I stared at my palm. That everyone had this gift, but only some would awaken it from within their soul. I moved my other palm over my hand, and instantly the energy coursed through my body. I moved my hand in circles and played with the light; I moved it in a circle at the center of my palm. Moved it up my arm. Down again.

Amazing. I couldn't deny what I felt.

Here it was.

My energy.

Or as Devilyn had called it: my inner light. And it was beautiful.

I leaned back in my bed and closed my eyes.

I just had to think.

To try and make sense of it all.

Even though I knew that to make sense of it would be to deny everything that I had ever known.

I slowly closed my eyes, and when I opened them hours and hours later, I had realized that I had slept through the night.
I must have been so exhausted.
But I wasn't now. I was well-rested and awake with a renewed sense of self, life, and my future.

I knew that I was in danger. I knew that I had a very uncertain path that lay ahead, but none of it mattered because now I had Devilyn to stand and fight beside me. I decided that I would go for a quick run and release some of this newfound energy. I quickly changed into my running clothes, put my hair in a high ponytail, and hurried downstairs.

The aroma of coffee filled the air. When I turned the corner, I saw my mom standing at the sink washing the dishes.

“Good morning honey,” she said. “I'm sorry I didn't get to see you last night, dear.” She smiled and pulled me in for a quick kiss and hug.

“It's okay, mom. I had a long day, and I fell asleep pretty quickly.”

“I noticed. When I came to check in on you, you were sleeping on top of your covers, but I didn't want to wake you,” she smiled.

“I was pretty exhausted.”

I pulled away from her and picked up a banana. My mom watched me curiously.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“There's something different about you.”

”There is? How so?” I could sense an awkward and uncomfortable conversation looming ahead.

My mom shrugged as she looked me over. “You're glowing. Like a girl in love.”

I couldn't stop the blush. I had to look away from my mom before I began to implode.

“Mom. You're relentless.”

“It can't be anyone from school? Can it?”

“No,” I barely made out. “I mean not really, you're reading too much into this.”

“I know!” she replied as she snapped her fingers. “It's that young boy you've been studying with, isn't it? What was his name?”

“Devilyn. His name is Devilyn,” I replied, angry with myself for being so obvious. I couldn't believe I had been so transparent. Was I that easy to read that my mom had guessed who it was in less than five seconds?

“And?”

“Yes,” I told her with a sigh. “It's Devilyn.”

“Oh honey!” my mother said, practically squealing in excitement as she ran over to me and gave me another hug. She was beyond thrilled. Here I was, her geeky daughter, the hermit, in love and dating the captain of the football team. Who would have thought?

“How did this happen?”

I shrugged, “I don't know. I guess we spent a lot of time together during these past few months. I guess it just kind of went from studying for History into something else.”

I studied my mom's elated expression. She had wanted to see this day for such a long time. But little did she know that there were many other layers, and my dating life wouldn't be as high school as she was hoping.

I wanted so desperately to tell her everything. To tell her that he was a Prince.

A Fae Prince and future King.

And even more, to tell her that the little infant who had been left on her doorstep all those years ago was a queen. Just thinking those words made me shake my head in disbelief. I was so far away from being anything close to regal.

“Well, he's a very lucky guy,” my mom said as she took my hand. I could see tears welling up in her eyes.