Faith (Hades Angels #1) (12 page)

Chapter Twenty-Three

My mom dropped me off at home, asking if I wanted her to stay with me. I declined and made my way up to my apartment. I turned my phone off and changed into shorts and a tank top. I spent the rest of the day and night curled up on my couch watching
Lost Girl
. I had seen the first four seasons at least six times. I tried to push all thoughts of Bryce out of my head. My nightmares were finally coming true. I had found someone who was worth it, but I was pushing him away so I could spare him the pain and hurt I was going through. I felt the tears in my eyes start to build as I considered what I was losing. I was once again headed back for more pain and suffering. When would it stop? Could I really go through with more treatments? Would it be worth it in the end? No, I was sure this would be the last time. I would go through with the doctor’s suggestions, but after this, I was done.

I spent the next few days lounging around my apartment. I finally turned on my phone to find several text messages from Bryce. I didn’t even bother to look. I couldn’t think about Bryce right now, especially when I didn’t know how the test results were going to end up. I didn’t even know what I would say to him. I didn’t think he would let me walk away. He would stand by my side and hold my hand. I just wasn’t willing to put him through it.

I had a voice mail from my doctor telling me I needed to call as soon as possible. I checked the time. Three-thirty. I dialed the number and waited for them to pick up.

“Dr. Phillips’s office.”

“Hi, my name is Laura Walsh. I had a message to call.”

“Oh, yes. Let me see if Dr. Phillips’s nurse is available. Can you hold, please?”

I waited on the line for the nurse to pick up. I paced the floor in my living room as I waited.

“Hello, this is Elisha, Dr. Phillips’s nurse, how can I help you?”

“Hi, my name is Laura Walsh and I received a message to call back.”

“Oh, yes. Hold on one second while I pull up your file.” She paused for a few seconds before continuing. “Okay, I have notes here that Dr. Phillips has you scheduled for a PET scan next Thursday at nine in the morning. Will that work?”

“Yeah, that’s fine, anything else?”

“No, that’s all for now. We will mail you a reminder and any instructions you will need.”

“Thank you.” I hung up the phone.

I tried to decide if I should call my mom or just wait until the test was done before calling.

I turned the phone back off. I didn’t want to read the texts or talk to anyone.

I spent the next few days going through the motions. I went to class and then home. I didn’t stop at Cups or go to dinner at my parent’s house. I didn’t talk to anyone. I did text my mom and let her know about my appointment. She replied almost immediately.

I will pick you up at 8.

I turned my phone back off. It had already been a week since I’d last seen Bryce. I still hadn’t responded to his texts. He tried to stop by a few times and I didn’t answer the door. I just waited for him to leave. He continued to stop by, and I did the same. I didn’t want to see him. Not right now. I needed to be alone in my own thoughts, without someone else clouding them.

Chapter Twenty-Four

I sat in Dr. Phillips’s office next to my mother, waiting on my test results. I was numb all over again.

“How are you feeling, Laura?”

“Fine.” I stared down at the floor, not wanting to look at him.

“Any pain, nausea, or headaches?” he asked.

I shook my head.

“Okay, well, the test results are showing there are no new cancer growths, and as far as we know your blood counts could have been off due to a cold. We will continue to monitor your blood count, but for now everything looks good.” He smiled as I let out a deep breath. It was nothing.

I looked up at him in disbelief. I had prepared for the worst. I was waiting for him to give me the news that my cancer had returned somewhere that was wasn’t as treatable as before.

By the time we had left the doctor’s office, I was still in disbelief. I wasn’t expecting good news.

The drive home was quiet. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel. I was shocked, confused, excited, and pissed all at the same time.

“Well, aren’t you going to say anything?”

“Mom, what is there to say? I was prepared for the worst. I’m in shock right now.”

“You need to stop thinking that way, Laura. Have a little faith. You finally have a clean bill of health. Live your life.”

“I am.”

“No, Laura, you’re not. You hole yourself up in that apartment. You go to your classes but that’s it. You need to get out more. What about Bryce? He seemed really into you.” She eyed me. “Let me guess, you got scared after your doctor’s appointment and distanced yourself from him?”

“I did not.” I knew damn well that’s exactly what I’d done.

“I hope not, Laura. I really hope not.” We pulled into the parking lot.

“See you later, Mom.” I got out of her car and watched as she left. As soon as she was out of sight, I turned around and walked to Cups. I could have driven, but I really just needed some fresh air.

I had a lot of things I needed to think about. I had to apologize to Bryce. I pushed him away because I got scared. I needed to fix it, but how?

When I arrived at Cups, I hadn’t even come close to deciding what to do. I walked inside and made my way up to the counter.

“Hi, what can I get you?” A barista I didn’t recognize waited for my order.

“Can I get an iced dark chocolate mocha?”

“Sure thing,” she responded as I handed her over my debit card.

She handed it back and I walked over to the other side of the counter and waited for my drink.

“Hey!” I heard someone come up behind me.

“Oh, hey, how are you?” I smiled at Becca.

“Good. Where have you been? We missed you last weekend. Please tell me it had to do with a certain someone and a lot of sweaty naked time.”

“I wish. No, it wasn’t anything like that.”

“Want to talk about it?” she asked, frowning at me.

“Not really. It was a long week and I would really not like to think about it.”

“Well, you know if you ever want to talk about it, I’m only a call away.” She picked up her drink and turned around to walk away.

“Wait.”

She turned around and smiled at me. “Walk with me.” I nodded and followed her out the door. “There’s a bench over here.” She pointed to the same place where I’d once talked with Bryce. I followed her.

“So, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know. I’m scared. I’m tired. I’m just so fucking tired all the time.” A tear leaked from my eye. “I’m tired of running away from things. You know, for the first time I think I really found something worth fighting for, and I pushed it away. I think I really fucked up. I don’t even know if I can fix it. I mean, what do I do now?” I just kept rambling. The one tear turned into two then became streams of tears running down my cheeks.

“Hey, look at me.”

I shook my head.

“Laura, look at me,” she repeated.

I turned to look at her but I couldn’t really see anything through my tears. I tried to wipe them away but they just kept coming. Becca wrapped her arms around me and hugged me while I cried on her shoulder.

When the tears finally stopped, I pulled away. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

“There is no reason to be sorry.” She smiled.

“But I am. I don’t know what happened. I don’t do that. I don’t cry.” I just kept shaking my head.

“Laura, what happened?”

“I fucked up. That’s what happened.”

“We all do. That doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed.”

“It’s not just that, though. The problem is I know I fucked up. I know I can try to fix it. Maybe even get back what I pushed away.” I paused as I stared into the distance. “The problem is that I will do it again. I would do it again. Even if I manage to apologize and fix it this time. What about next time? Or the time after that?”

“Why are you worried about next time? You need to worry about now, not tomorrow. Laura, live today, and tomorrow when you wake up, live tomorrow.” She paused, taking a drink of her coffee. “And then do it all over again the next day. But don’t think about that. Think about right this second. Who would you want to spend your last breaths with?”

“Bryce,” I whispered.

“Go get your man, Laura. And hold on this time. No one is guaranteed tomorrow.”

I pulled out my phone and before I could talk my way out of it, I sent Bryce a text.

Can we talk?

I stared at my phone, nervously waiting for him to respond. I looked back up at Becca. “What if he doesn’t want to talk?”

“Then he wasn’t worth those tears. If what you have is real, he will want to talk.”

My phone vibrated. I glanced down at my phone, still gripped tightly in my hand. Bryce.

Yeah. When and where????

I took a deep breath before responding.

My place? In an hour?

See you in an hour.

I sat up straight.

“Thanks, Becca. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You’re welcome, Laura. I’m here for you whenever you need it.” She smiled. “Need a ride home? I didn’t see your car when I pulled in.”

“Yeah, that would be great.” I smiled as we both got up and I followed her to her car.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I thanked Becca again when she dropped me off at my apartment. I waited for her to leave before I made my way upstairs.

I changed my clothes and washed my face, hoping the puffiness around my eyes would be gone by the time Bryce arrived. I tried to keep myself busy by doing a load of laundry. When that was done I continued to pace around my apartment, straightening books and dusting. Bryce would be here any moment. I walked into the kitchen and filled a glass of water for myself. I sat my glass down on the counter and leaned against it when I heard a knock at the door. I took a deep breath and nonchalantly went to the door, wiping my sweaty palms on my pants just before letting him in.

“Hi.” I smiled as Bryce walked in. He looked both pissed and relieved at the same time.

“So, you wanted to talk.” He sat down on the arm of the couch. “I must admit, Laura, when I got your text I almost didn’t reply.”

“I am glad you did, because I need to apologize.”

“Laura, I get it, okay? You know.” He shook his head. “I thought we had something really good going. Evidently, I was wrong. I get it. I just needed to get some closure and hear it in person.”

I stood there stunned. “No, Bryce, that’s not it.”

“Then what is it, Laura?” He stepped toward me until he was standing right in front of me.

“I’m falling in love with you. I don’t know when it happened, but it did. I’m just scared of losing you.”

I looked up into his blue eyes. I watched as his frown turned into a smile before he leaned in and kissed me.

“Wait, aren’t you going to say something? Like, tell me how stupid I am?”

“Nope.” He leaned in to kiss me again.

“Hold on, I need to explain everything first.”

“Okay,” he whispered as he placed a kiss on my forehead.

“I just want you to know that when I pushed you away, it was because I got scared. I had some test come back messed up, and it scared me. I pushed you away because I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to put you through what happens when I get sick. It’s not something I would ever wish on anyone, and being that I have to go through it, I just didn’t want to drag you down with me.”

“Laura, I love you. I am in love with you. I don’t care if you are sick or healthy, fat or thin. All I need is you.” He kissed me on my cheek. “No one ever knows if we are going to get another day. I want to spend my time with you. I want you in my bed next to me. I want to wake up with you in my arms. When I’m with you, it feels like home.” He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he walked me to my room and laid me down on my bed.

“Bryce. I can’t promise that I won’t do it again. I can’t promise that I won’t try to push you away.”

“I won’t let you,” he whispered before kissing me.

***

I woke up the next morning and sat up in bed. I checked my phone for the time. It was eleven-thirty, and I was alone. Bryce had left. I rubbed my hands over my face and let out a sigh. Pushing myself out of bed, I walked through my apartment. Had I dreamt everything?

I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, stopping to feed the cats when I heard my phone ring. Hoping it was Bryce, I ran to my room to answer it. It was my mom.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Hello, dear. How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” I groaned.

“Well, good. Your father and I are going to stop by later. I made reservations at six for that steak house you like so much.”

I let out a deep breath. “Sounds good, Mom. I will see you later.”

“Invite your friend. What is his name again? Bryce, was it?”

“Yeah. Sure. He might have plans, but I will ask.” I still wasn’t sure if last night had been a dream, so I didn’t know if he even wanted to see me.

“Then we will see you later tonight. Bye now.” She hung up.

I sat down on my bed. I wasn’t crazy, was I? Bryce was here last night. We made up and everything was better between us. I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. There was a folded piece of paper stuck to the mirror.

Laura,

I Love You!

You were sleeping when I woke up and I didn’t want to wake you. Coffee run. Be back soon.

XOXO

It hadn’t been a dream nor did I imagine it. Feeling relieved, I slipped out of my clothes and stepped into the shower, a smile on my face. I let the hot water cascade down my body.

I stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around me as I walked into my room to get dressed.

I grinned when I discovered Bryce sitting in my bed with his back up against the headboard. He had a cup of coffee in one hand and the cats curled up against him. He looked up and smiled at me.

“I brought you a coffee.” He stood and handed me the cup.

“Thank you.” I leaned up and pressed a light kiss to his lips.

“You’re welcome.” He kissed me again. Taking the cup from my hand, he set it on the dresser. I let the towel drop from my body as he lifted me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he pushed my back against the wall.

“I am never going to get enough of you,” he whispered into my ear as he placed kisses down my neck, gently biting when he made it to my shoulder. I moved my hands to the hem of his shirt and pulled it up.

“You have too many clothes on,” I told him as I bit his earlobe.

He moved me to the bed and laid me down. I watched him as he removed the rest of his clothes before joining me. I rolled him over, straddling him, then lowered myself onto his length and paused when I had slid all the way down. I slowly rotated my hips as I held him in place with my hands, pressing down on his shoulders. I was going to do all the work. I continued to roll my hips as I slowly rode him. The look in his eyes was telling me I was driving him crazy. I gave him an evil smile, knowing what I was doing to him.

He grabbed my hips and stilled me before he flipped me on my back, taking back full control. We found a steady but slow rhythm as I met him thrust for thrust, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. With one final thrust, I could feel myself pulsate around him at the same time as I felt his release. My arms wrapped around his neck as we both stilled.