Fall Apart (41 page)

“These scars, did Todd—”

Damon’s whispered yes confirmed Alarik’s fear. There were no words that he could say to change or remove the hurt, so Alarik held him tenderly, leaving kisses wherever his fingers traveled. He touched the cast over Damon’s wrist, relieved that the pins were gone and that it was healing. Damon gave him the freedom to explore, all the while caressing Alarik’s jaw, throat, and chest.

They removed each other’s clothing slowly, their eyes riveted on one another, but the slow pace became too much for Damon. He pleaded for more, holding Alarik’s hands to his body—a body that was noticeably thinner from the sad combination of grief and physical harm.

“Please, make love to me, Alarik.”

On their knees, their bodies naked and pressed together, Alarik loosed all the emotion he’d held inside since Damon sent him away. Love, anger, confusion and reunion added a layer of passion to their embrace that hadn’t existed before. No more words were exchanged as Alarik eased Damon onto his back and rose over him. He exulted in watching his lover succumb to the pleasure brought by his touch. Alarik let his hands roam, his thumbs brushing over Damon’s nipples and lower until he was holding his hard shaft in both hands, stroking him from base to tip.

Damon’s hips lifted as he pumped himself in and out of Alarik’s hold. Releasing one hand, Alarik wet his fingers and used them to ready Damon. Sweat beaded across Damon’s stomach and Alarik poised himself on his knees, pressing in, never letting up on those heady strokes over Damon’s cock. His head fell back as he drove his hips ever so slowly forward and back, Damon’s sensual murmurs fueling his fire.

“Oh, Damon,” he moaned, a delicious shiver coursing through him at all that tight heat surrounding him.

“More,” Damon gasped back, rocking his hips upward again.

Alarik increased his pace, knowing he wouldn’t last long if he continued this way. Damon bucked again and again, meeting Alarik’s thrusts even though it was clear that certain movements caused him pain.

Bracing himself over Damon, one hand by his shoulder and the other gliding over that hot, pounding erection, he directed his thrusts to take the pressure off. As he moved, his cock hit the perfect spot and Damon’s eyes squeezed tightly shut.

“Alarik, not yet… Don’t make me come yet.” The tremor in his voice had the opposite effect that he intended. Alarik felt his orgasm rising and a pulsing vibration shot through him.

“I’m on edge, darling. I cant—”

“Do it,” Damon orderd and as he commanded, Alarik’s body spasmed. He tightened everywhere and clung to Damon as he released inside him.

A hoarse shout escaped as the beautiful sensation shot from the base of his cock through the rest of his body. In pleasure, he forgot his hold on Damon, but his hand still gripped the other man.

Damon watched him come, eyes hot with longing. As Alarik rode the final waves of an exquisite orgasm, he saw the pleading in those blue eyes and responded.

“Are you ready to come for me?” he rasped.

Damon nodded and moaned when Alarik renewed his attentions. He reached up with his good arm and grasped Alarik behind the neck, never looking away. His body tensed and his white teeth bit into his bottom lip.

“Alarik,” he cried out and his hips surged upward. He came over his stomach and chest, some of that liquid heat caught in Alarik’s hand. His breaths were fast, but careful, as though he’d learned a new way of breathing as his body healed.

“Did I hurt you?” Alarik worried.

Damon shook his head quickly, his hand dropping from Alarik’s neck to swipe the sweat from his eyes. “No, baby… No, I’m okay.”

Alarik didn’t want to rest his weight on Damon’s chest, so as easily as he could, he pulled out, apologizing as Damon winced at the separation. He stretched out on Damon’s good side and softly kissed his shoulder.

It took longer than usual for Damon to catch his breath and Alarik looked on with concern, fearing that he’d been too rough, or that he was being lied to about the pain. “Are you certain you’re well?” he asked again.

Damon’s brows rose and one eye popped open. “Just healing slowly; I don’t move as easily. It’s the deep breaths that bother me.”

“I pushed too soon. I—”

“Shhh,” Damon grunted, thumbing Alarik’s bottom lip. “I’m okay.”

Alarik looked around for a blanket or something to cover them and ended up dragging one from the couch to the floor. He grabbed a couple throw pillows while he was at it and propped one beneath Damon’s head.

“How’s that?”

“Better, but let me clean up before you cover us. I don’t really want to explain a cum stain to my mom if she sees it.”

He used his underwear to clean his stomach and pecs, and then tossed them away. “There’s no way I could wait to touch you tonight.”

Alarik tugged the blanket over them, curling into the crook of Damon’s arm and resting his head against the other man’s shoulder. “I wanted you to chase me to my car the other night,” he confessed. “I was furious that you didn’t grab me right then. It might’ve surprised you to see how angry I was.”

“I wish I had followed you, but I was too freaked out. Worried. I’d convinced myself that you were never going to come around again—that’s how I was able to write that email to you. I saw that the dates on your emails had gotten further apart. It was unrealistic to expect you to want me anymore.”

“Damon, you fool,” Alarik repeated the words he’d said to himself after he read that farewell email. “Did you even understand what I wrote? That was English, you know.”

“I couldn’t believe them.”

“Whyever not?” he asked, the hurt returning. “I’ve never lied to you. I was pouring out my heart and hearing nothing in return from you.”

Damon’s expression darkened as though thoughts too difficult to form into words had passed over him. His face fell into shadow before Alarik’s eyes, as when the sun is covered by a cloud.

“Guilt and doubt are brothers; I guess with them being so close to me, I couldn’t see much else.”

Alarik tipped Damon’s jaw toward him, staring into his eyes. “Tell me you see the truth now. Tell me you’ll never turn me away again. I haven’t stopped wanting you since that wedding tea.”

Damon watched him hopefully as he spoke. “I feel…unworthy of that. Of you. I mean, think about the awful shit I said to you—” He rubbed his face with his hands as though the action would wipe the memories away. “I can’t forget about it. There are days when it runs on my head in a loop.”

“That’s over and we deserve to be happy, Damon. I see where that happiness lies for me and being parted from you again would ruin me.”

Damon’s blue eyes were large and uncertain, his freckles standing out as his skin paled. “I’m afraid of hurting you. Anger sneaks up on me sometimes, or sadness, and before I know it, I’ve taken it out on someone I care about. Since Todd…died—since the accident, it’s like I’ve been fighting the bad in me and not really winning. I’ve gotten really good at hurting people.”

“Because you decided you had to do everything on your own. You thought you were alone and convinced yourself that’s all you deserved, but it won’t be that way anymore. I’m here now. Yell at me in a foul temper and I may yell right back. Just, please, do not force me away again.”

“I won’t. I can’t,” Damon answered roughly, pulling Alarik’s head down for a kiss to seal his words. “Be with me. Promise you won’t go anywhere.”

Alarik touched his brow to Damon’s, his eyes fluttering closed. “Mr. Wright, you have my word.”

***

They’d eaten, turned on Christmas music, and eventually ended wrapped in the same blanket beside the Christmas tree. The only lights left on were twinkling on the tree itself and as cliché as it sounded, it really was perfect. Christmas Eve with the man he loved… Damon was feeling blessed and as his thoughts were prone to do lately, they drifted to Todd. Seeing this happy picture would’ve pleased his friend. Knowing that Damon had decided not to waste more time would’ve made Todd proud.

Christmas Eve, he thought. My best friend’s been gone for more than two months.

Merry Christmas, Toddy. Wherever you are, I miss you.

Nat King Cole was singing about chestnuts and Jack Frost, and Alarik was curled next to him, eyes closed even though he wasn’t sleeping. When Damon hummed along with the music, those lovely gray eyes popped open.

“You sing!”

“I hum and pretend I remember the words.”

“You sound lovely.”

Damon made a face and kissed him. “You’ll see. My talents lie in other areas.”

They settled into silence again and two more songs played before Alarik scooted to the edge of the couch and stood up. He was wearing a pair of Damon’s pajama pants and they hung a bit loosely on him. When he tugged them up over his hips, it was cute and sexy at the same time.

“I have something for you,” Alarik said over his shoulder, digging through the stack of his clothes until he was reaching into the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

“No presents until tomorrow morning. I can wait.”

Alarik froze. “My family gives gifts on Christmas Eve.”

“Uh-oh,” Damon intoned. “We’re doomed.”

“Hush up. I have other gifts for you tomorrow, but I want you to open this one tonight.” When he saw Damon’s stubborn look, he clasped his hands together and begged. “Please? I’ve been waiting to give this to you. My aunt sent it all the way from London under my wild hope that I’d get to see you at Christmas. She had to dig through the bottom drawer of my dresser where I’m pretty sure she found incriminating evidence of my misspent youth.”

Damon wavered but he didn’t give in.

“Please?”

There was a long silence and finally, he caved under the pressure of Alarik’s expectant gaze. “Fine.”

Alarik hissed in excitement and hustled back to the couch, dropping a very small box onto Damon’s lap. “Look at that! Wrapped in its original packaging and everything.”

Damon pretended to open the bow reluctantly, but a quick look at Alarik’s anxious expression made him drop the act. He held the box with the fingers of his casted hand and opened the lid with the other. Inside was something wrapped in a white handkerchief. As he removed it, Alarik held his breath.

Pulling back the edges of the cloth, a pin a bit larger than the tip of his thumb was revealed. It was a red coat of arms with the Latin phrase,
Libertatem Addiscendo
beneath it. A golden border surrounded it.

“It’s silly,” Alarik murmured, his smile shaky. “It’s the coat of arms of the private school I attended for most of my life. Before the final year, parents had these pins made and we’d wear them on our lapels. Most of my mates gave them to girls they were snogging on a regular basis. Needless to say, I didn’t feel comfortable explaining who might be wearing mine at the time, so I never gave it to anyone.”

“We’re getting pinned?” Damon’s eyebrows were about as high as they could go. This topped the charts as the sweetest, most sentimental thing anyone had ever given him.

“Getting pinned. I think that’s what you Americans call it. I know it’s old-fashioned.”

“I love it,” Damon corrected him. Grinning as he turned the pin over in his hand. “I got pinned!”

“Now, everyone I went to school with will know you’re taken.” Alarik chuckled and shook his head in embarrassment. “What a relief.”

Damon pinned it to his t-shirt and looked down to see the effect. “I’m going to wear it every time I’m near Max Hayama, Hollywood’s Hottest Director.”

Alarik grabbed his chin and brought his head up. “Please do. Wearing this means that you really can’t take it back. You’re stuck with me forever. Plus, my aunt cried rivers when I asked her to look for the damn thing. If you’d refused, you’d have broken two hearts.”

“This was a school thing, huh? Maybe we should celebrate with a secret blowjob in a coat closet or something. Isn’t that how it’s done in private schools? I saw that movie,
Another Country
.”

Alarik sniffed haughtily. “This is love. I can do better than a coat closet. A stall in the gents for you, at least.”

“You should have something from me that says you’re taken, too, you know. It’s only fair.”

“I wait with bated breath,” Alarik answered dryly. “Will it be your old trainers? Your feet are bigger than mine.”

Damon pushed to his feet and told Alarik he’d be right back. He didn’t grow up at a private school for boys and most of the paraphernalia from his school days was athletic awards. Alarik probably wouldn’t go for wearing his 400-meter State Champion medal everywhere. He was ashamed to admit it, but for a minute he considered his high school Letter Jacket. Thank God Alarik couldn’t read minds, he’d laugh until he was hoarse.

Damon rummaged through the valet he kept on top of his dresser, tossing tiepins and spare buttons out of the way. He’d just rediscovered the rainbow colored condom that Todd bought him one year as a gag when he spotted his college ring. His parents had saved up and bought it for him when he graduated and it was now too small for his hand. A couple of broken fingers had seen to that.

He used the hem of his t-shirt to polish it and imagined how it would look on Alarik’s hand if he liked it enough to wear it. The thought gave him butterflies in his stomach. Damon proudly carried the ring to Alarik and dropped it into his palm.

“Now I understand why I went to college.”

Alarik’s face broke into a wide smile as he opened his hand and saw the ring. “It’s a ruby.”

“Yep. My birthstone. Mom and dad had it made for me.”

“Damon… Are you certain I can keep this? Your parents might—”

“I want you to have it. Try it on.” Alarik hesitated, so Damon took his right hand and slipped the ring on, and then kissed his fingers. Maybe someday he’d get to put a ring on the left hand. That feeling of peace washed over him again and Damon fought off the whispering part of his brain that said he didn’t deserve this second chance.

“See how great it fits?” He asked after his mind quieted. “We must be made for each other.”

Christmas Eve in Tahoe was cold and around midnight, the heat went out. When Mark woke up shivering and saw the shadow of his breath in the air, he sat up with a miserable grumble. Zane wasn’t with him. Mark stepped out of bed and hissed as the cold floor met his feet. The wild, but quiet sex they’d had after lights out meant that he was still naked and now shivering like a wet cat.