Fall Into Me (Heart of Stone) (11 page)

"Hey,
what's up?" she asked sweetly. "Did you get my letter?"

Her
smile lit up the room, and I walked to her bedside to pull her into my arms.
All the anger and jealousy that had churned inside me for hours disappeared
when I held her, as if she was the lone antidote to all my misery.

I
kissed her hard on the mouth, not wanting to hold back anything I was feeling
for one of the first times since she'd come home. She was my Nina, and I wanted
every part of her for mine.

She
pulled away and looked up into my eyes. "Tristan, are you okay? I thought
you'd be happy with my letter."

Cradling
her face in my hands, I kissed her again, softer this time. "I was. Very
happy. I liked that you wrote me something."

"Then
what's going on? You have this weird look in your eyes. Is something
wrong?"

I
wanted to hear her tell me where she went that afternoon and what happened. I
wanted to believe that she wouldn't keep that from me, but as I stood looking
down at her, she said nothing.

"No.
I was happy to read your letter and wanted to see you. What made you write it?"

Looking
away, she took a deep breath and looked back at me. "I just realized that
maybe I am someone you could love."

"Definitely."

"You're
home early. Working from home again, Mr. Casual?" she asked as she tugged playfully
on my tie.

"Always
about my suit and tie. Maybe it's time I changed it up a bit."

"Sweatpants?"
She looked me up and down and giggled. "Yeah, I can see it. Grey
sweatpants with a mustard stain down the front of them. Maybe a ripped
T-shirt?"

Nina's
teasing lifted my spirits and I couldn't help but smile. "I'm going to
have to work on how you see me. Sweatpants?"

"Well,
maybe shorts? You have nice legs. It's something we have in common."

"I
think we have other things in common. Did you have a nice shopping trip with Jordan? Are you ready for a great dinner tonight?"

Nina
sat down on the bed with a thump and leaned back on her elbows. Eyes wide, she
faked an innocent look and ignored my questions. "I swear to God, Tristan
Stone, that you're trying to fatten me up. I don't think I've ever eaten this
much in my life."

I
looked down at her dress as it rode up her thighs, showing just a hint of the
top of her stockings. I wanted to hear her answer about her shopping trip, but
my need for her overtook my need to hear why she met with another man behind my
back. Leaning down over her, I slid my hand up her leg as I balanced on my
other forearm. "You look incredible no matter what I feed you."
Looking down at my fingers as they slid under her stocking, I said, "I
like the way these look."

Nina
moaned softly as my fingers traced up her thigh to where it met her body.
Arching her back, she groaned, "Oddly enough, I only seem to have these
kind of stockings. Would you know anything about that?"

Smiling,
I gently pushed my hand between her legs and felt the damp cotton. I slid my
middle finger under it to feel her cunt soaked and willing for me. She closed
her eyes and licked her lips as I slowly trailed my fingertip from her excited
clit to her wet opening.

I
loved the feel of her tender skin under my touch. The way her body opened up to
take me into her and give me everything she was.

Then,
from somewhere deep in my mind, a tiny spike of jealousy tore through me,
ripping every gentle feeling from me until all I could think about was Nina
with Cal just hours earlier. I pulled away from her and stood up as the knot in
my stomach returned and my hands clenched in rage.

Nina
opened her eyes and stared up at me in confusion. "Tristan, what's
wrong?"

"I
have work I have to do. We'll leave at six. No need to dress up. Wear whatever
feels comfortable."

Sitting
up, she frowned. "Oh. I thought we were going to our favorite
restaurant."

Straightening
my tie, I nodded. "We are. I'll see you at six."

And
with that I left, needing to escape from everything she made me feel. The
ecstasy. The pain. And everything in between.

Chapter Eleven

Tristan

I
couldn't turn off the feelings just thinking of Nina and Cal created in me, so
I did what I always did when I couldn't control my emotions. After an hour run
and beating the hell out of the speed bag, I could at least say I'd reined in
the worst of the ugliness that had threatened to take me over. I stood in the
shower with my head hung as the water streamed down my back until it ran cold,
unable to wrestle those final shreds of jealousy and hatred that continued to
spin inside my mind. Over and over, I told myself that Nina cared for me. That
I wasn't reading her signals wrong.

And
over and over the truth that I couldn't shake from my soul raised its ugly head
and forced me to admit its existence: she'd snuck away to meet another man and
hadn't told me when I'd given her the chance.

My
chest felt like a weight was pressing down on it. Every breath I took hurt, as
if the simple act of taking air in was all wrong. An emptiness made the pit of
my stomach ache as I tortured myself with that same scene of Nina with Cal on his cheap desk.

I
knew I couldn't show her this side of me. She'd never love me if she knew my
demons. How many times had my shrinks lectured me on the need to control my
emotions? I'd been more than successful, in my opinion. I kept myself and my
heart walled off and life had been good. Well, if not good, at least not
painful for me or the rest of the world.

Then
Nina came into my life and every emotion she brought out in me seemed
magnified. I wanted her. I needed her. She was all I thought about from the
moment I found out what Karl and his friends on the Board planned to do. And
then I fell in love with her and she became my life.

My
brain raced with thoughts about her ex. I hated him, and I didn't even know
him. I didn't care. I hated him because he had a place in her mind. She'd let
him into her heart once, so why wouldn't she again?

Of
all the things I could give her, he had that one priceless thing I couldn't.
Her past.

I
waited for Nina at the end of her hallway, not knowing what I'd do if she kept
her visit to Cal a secret. At six exactly, she opened her door and came toward
me in the same dress she'd worn earlier.

When
she'd snuck off to meet him.

She
stopped dead in front of me and looked me up and down. "You aren't in a
suit? I don't think I've ever seen you not in a suit. Well, except when you're
not wearing any clothes at all."

A
cute blush pinkened her cheeks, making her even more beautiful.

"I
don't think jeans and a shirt are anything that different, Nina."

Stepping
toward me, she hooked her thumbs in the belt loops near my zipper. "I like
this look. Even jeans look incredible on you. You okay now?"

I
wasn't okay, but she was too sweet standing there looking up with those
beautiful blue eyes for me to shut her out again, so I pushed down my feelings
about Cal. "Troubles at work. Nothing to worry about. I'm hungry. I hope
you are."

As
I turned to walk toward the car, she caught my arm and pulled me back to kiss
me. Standing on her toes, she crushed her mouth into mine as she pushed her
body against me, exciting me even if I didn't want to want her at that moment.
That's what kind of effect she had on me.

When
she pulled away for a moment, I asked, "Did you remember something you
want to tell me?"

"Yes
and no. Let's just say that I'm looking at things between us a little
differently now."

I
liked this new Nina, but I hoped her change of heart didn't have anything to do
with her midday rendezvous. "Really? Anything you want to talk about?"

She
kissed me softly and smiled. "First, I want to see our favorite
restaurant. After that, who knows?"

I
accepted her answer and tried hard to push Cal and all my jealousy away. "Your
chariot awaits, my lady."

I'd
arranged for Tony's Little Pizza Heaven to be ours exclusively for the night,
just in case she remembered something. I didn't want her feeling overwhelmed by
a memory and have to deal with the other patrons at the same time.

We
walked from the parking lot around to the front of the building, and just as we
reached the front door, she took my hand in hers. It was the first time since
before the accident, and when I looked down at the sight of her hand so
delicate in mine, it seemed so natural, like that's where it belonged.

"I
can't wait to see this place!" she said as she looked in the window.

We
sat at the same table as the first time we ate there, and I hoped that even
that might spur some memory. Nina looked around wide-eyed at the decor as the
waitress who'd been there the night I asked her to marry me arrived to take our
order. In seconds, I realized I hadn't thought of everything.

Recognizing
us, she lowered her order pad and pen, and smiled, her eyes wide with friendly
enthusiasm. "I haven't seen you guys in weeks! How are you?"

Nina
looked at me, unsure of what to say, and before I could answer, the waitress
said to her, "I have to tell you I've told everyone I know about how lucky
you are. What he did that night was so sweet. So when's the big day?"

She
winced, like she was embarrassed, and I quickly stood from my seat. "Nina,
excuse me. I need to speak to the waitress for a moment."

The
woman looked even more confused than Nina did as I guided her toward the back
room. In a low voice, I whispered, "I'm sorry, but she doesn't know what
you're talking about. There was an accident and she suffered a head injury that
made her forget a lot of things."

"Oh,
sweetie. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. You two were just the nicest couple and
what you did that night was so romantic. I just wanted to wish you well."

"It's
okay, but she doesn't remember."

The
waitress touched my arm in sympathy. "Are you saying she doesn't remember
saying yes or she doesn't remember anything at all?"

I
looked over at Nina sitting alone and said quietly, "Nothing at all."

"I'm
so sorry. I'll get your usual, if that's okay, and leave you two alone. I hope
things get better for you real soon."

Taking
my seat next to Nina, I saw the sadness in her eyes. Our night out was already
a mess.

"I'm
sorry about that."

"Tristan,
did you make sure we'd be alone here tonight?"

I
nodded. "Yeah, but I didn't remember that the waitress who served us
before might be here. I'm sorry. I should have thought of that."

She
covered my hand with hers and smiled. "That you went to that much trouble
is so sweet, but you can't shield me from everyone who may remember more than I
do. I appreciate the effort, but you don't have to. I have to accept that
people like her remember things I don't."

An
uneasy silence settled in between us as Nina slid her hand back to rest in her
lap. It felt like we were strangers suddenly, so different from the two people
flirting in her hallway just a short while earlier.

The
waitress brought our drinks, and we pretended like nothing was wrong, fooling
no one. Sitting there drinking semi-flat birch beer, I wondered if we'd ever
get past this stage of one step forward and three steps back. Just when I
thought we'd turned a corner, we were back to being like strangers again.

"You
proposed here?"

"I
did. I promise it was more romantic than the time we're having now."

Nina
smiled and leaned over toward me to squeeze my forearm. "Don't be so hard
on yourself, Tristan. I'm having a great time. I'm here with you and I remember
I love pizza, so I'm looking forward to this."

"You're
being kind," I said, allowing my disappointment to show.

"Well,
you said that was something you liked, right?" she asked with searching
eyes.

"I
did. Just one of many things."

"Like
what? What do you like best about me?"

What
I can't give you. Yet.

I
brought her hand to my lips and kissed it, looking up at her. "I love your
honesty most, Nina. When we grow old and grey and neither one of us looks like
we do now, if I have your honesty, that's all I could ask for."

A
pained look came over her, and when she turned away, my heart skipped a beat.
Something had happened at Cal's office and she just didn't want to tell me. My
blood felt like it ran cold in those moments as I waited for her to turn back
to face me.

Biting
her lip, she looked at me and took a deep breath. "About that. I have
something to tell you."

I
pasted a smile on my lips as my stomach dropped to the bottom of my body, and I
feared that the next words out of her mouth would be to tell me she'd decided
that she wanted to be with Cal again. Maybe having a second chance at life had
made her want more. Maybe she wanted to rekindle that relationship.

No.
I couldn't let her do that.

"You
can tell me anything, Nina. Always remember that." Even as the words were
leaving my mouth, I silently prayed that she'd never tell me what I feared I'd
hear in the next seconds.

"I
don't want us to start this relationship again with anything bad between us. I
need to tell you about some things."

"Okay."

Nina
smiled meekly and began. "I dated a man named Cal long before I met you.
When I was with Jordan the other day she told me that he broke my heart by
cheating on me the very night I told him I loved him. I guess it sent me into a
depression. I didn't know that I ever suffered from depression until she told
me."

"Nina,
I'd never look down on someone because of that."

"I
know. But that's not what I wanted to tell you. I had to know why he could so
easily throw me away, Tristan. I had to find out."

I
couldn't hold back anymore. "Because he's a fucking idiot. He's not worthy
of someone like you, Nina."

Nodding,
she continued. "I know. He knows too. I went to meet him at his office
today. I didn't tell you because I didn't know how to say I wanted to go see an
ex-boyfriend to find out why he didn't love me enough to not cheat on me."

I
waited for her to say those next words that would make my world come crashing
down around me. That she realized that Cal was the man she wanted, not me. With
each second that ticked away, it seemed like an eternity until she finally
spoke again.

Her
blue eyes filled with tears, and my heart clenched in my chest as she spoke.
"Cal was an immature boy back then. He knows that now. It felt so good to
hear that, Tristan. All I could think of since Jordan told me what he did was
that I was lacking in something that would mean he couldn't love me. But that
wasn't the case. It was him, not me. I know that now."

"Nina,
it would never be you. You're a beautiful woman with a lot to offer any
man," I mumbled as the sound of my heartbeat pounded like a sledgehammer
in my ears.

"But
I guess I needed to hear Cal say that it wasn't me back then. I needed to hear
that so I could believe that someone like you would really ever want me. Do you
know what I mean?"

I
nodded silently, waiting for her to get to the part where I was supposed to
give her up.

"Tristan,
you've been so patient with me and I can't thank you enough for that. I know
it's been hard on you too. I think it might even be harder on you than on me.
Remembering what we were when all I know is what we are now must be so painful.
I'm sorry most for that."

Sorry
most for that.
Her words rang in my ears, like the final shot from a gun right
before the bullet slammed into my heart and ripped it to pieces.

Just
then, the waitress returned with our pizza, saving me from hearing what else Nina
was sorry about. As we ate, I pretended that I was happy to be there and
enjoying our time together. Nothing could have been further from the truth.
This place that had been the scene of one of the best memories of my life was
now just an empty room with us taking up a tiny sad space in it.

Nina
enjoyed her return to Tony's, but I barely finished one slice of pizza before I
felt too sick to stay. My mind raced with ideas, my demons trying desperately
to take over. I could take her away and Cal would never be able to find her. I
could make sure Jensen never took her anywhere without me, ensuring she never
left. I could work at home from now on so I was always there to make sure she
stayed.

"Tristan,
you're so quiet. I thought you loved this place, but you only ate one piece of
pizza. Are you okay?"

"I'm
fine. Let's finish up and get out of here."

She
was obviously surprised by my desire to leave what I'd described as our
favorite place. Now it was just another place I remembered being in love and
she didn't.

I
threw a couple twenties on the table and stood to leave, but Nina grabbed my
arm and I looked down to see her staring up at me with that look that never
failed to make me want to take her in my arms and hold her forever. If this was
when she planned to tell me goodbye, I'd let her say it and then deal with her
hating me because I had to protect her, even if that meant watching her want
another man.

"Tristan,
I want to finish what I started to say. I went to see Cal today because I
needed to know if there was something wrong with me. Ever since I saw you that
first time in the hospital, I've doubted that you could ever feel what you say
you do for me. It didn't matter how many times you said you loved me. I still
felt like I didn't belong with you—that I wasn't good enough."

"Nina,
whatever you thought, I need you to know that I'm not going to just give you
up. I love you, and you loved me once. And if you loved me then, you can love
me again."

Her
eyes lit up with surprise. "Tristan, what are you talking about? I'm
telling you that I finally believe everything you said. All this time I'd
doubted myself, but now I realize I'm not some defective female no one can
love."