Fall On Me (38 page)

"It was four fucking flower pots and half
the goddamn hedge," he growled as he jerked off the swing and
stalked over to where Hope was now fussing. "Actually, forget the
lessons," he said in a teasing tone. "I happen to value my
body…"

"Ha," I snorted as I stood up and followed
him. "I have my permit, remember? You can't stop me now."

****

Kyle

This was a mistake. This was a huge
motherfucking mistake and I was fairly certain I was going to die.
My only consolation was that my daughter would live on in my
memory, because I had a feeling her mother was about to kill
me…

"Slow down," I said as calmly as I could,
covering my eyes when Lee took the corner of our driveway with more
speed than required on a goddamn race-track. "It's dark, Lee. It's
icy. Jesus Christ, you need to slow down."

"I'm trying," she growled as she furrowed
her brow in concentration and if I wasn’t so worried about staying
alive, I would be seriously turned on by how hot Lee looked driving
my car… "It won't shift," she hissed as she pulled hard on the
gearshift. "It won't freaking shift, Kyle."

"Press your foot on the clutch pedal," I
shouted. The car lunged forward. "No, Lee…No…goddammit, take your
foot off the gas." Oh sweet Jesus, I covered my face as the car
veered dangerously close to a tree. "Keep your eyes on the fucking
road, baby."

"Stop shouting at me, Kyle." She gripped the
wheel tighter and swerved away before pulling to a stop and killing
the engine. "I can’t do this with you," she snapped as she
unfastened her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. "You make me
nervous." She slammed the car door shut before marching off towards
the house.

"Good," I shouted as I climbed out and
stalked after her and followed her inside. "When you're behind the
wheel of a ten thousand pound death machine you should be
nervous."

"You have zero patience, Kyle," Lee growled
as she stormed into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

"You two at it again?" Derek chuckled from
behind me and I swung around to grin at him.

"You know what they say, Der," I said before
winking at Lee. "The bigger the fight, the better the fu…"

"Don't you dare say that word, Kyle Carter,"
Lee hissed as she slammed the refrigerator door and poked me in the
stomach. "We've talked about this. Some things are
private
."

"Yeah, Kyle," Derek said in a sarcastic tone
as he leaned against the doorframe. "I think the phrase you're
looking for is break her bed, not her heart." We both burst out
laughing and Lee threw her hands in the air in obvious
frustration.

"Oh my god," she growled as she stormed past
the both of us. "You're both as bad as each other."

"Good to have you home, man," I chuckled as
I slapped him on the back.

"Yeah," he said with–what I hoped was–a
contented sigh. "It's good to be home."

****

Lee

"How are you so fit?" I asked Kyle when he
came out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. I was sprawled across
our bed ogling him shamelessly. Twisting onto my stomach, I looked
up and asked, "How do you keep your body so…tight?"

"I swim," he replied, giving me a look that
said this was the stupidest question I'd ever asked him.

"You do?" I asked resting my elbows on our
bed and my chin on my hands. "Where?"

Kyle frowned at me for a moment before he
dropped his towel. "The hotel pool," he said as he slipped on a
pair of white boxer shorts. God, he was so beautiful…the white of
his shorts emphasized his golden skin. "How do you not know
this?"

"I didn't know," I said defensively. I didn't
know a lot of things about Kyle's life and it bothered me. "I guess
so much has happened in the past year that we've never really taken
the time to learn the little things."

"You're right," Kyle said after a moment.
Pulling back the covers, he climbed into bed and shifted me onto my
back. He rested on his side and leaned over me. Trailing his
fingers up and down my arm, he whispered, "I want to learn the
little things, too."

"First kiss?" I asked him as I turned on my
side to face him.

"You're my last," was all he said before
kissing my nose. He probably didn't remember and to be honest I
didn't want to know. I shouldn't have touched that one…

"You're my first and last," I told him
anyway. I didn't count Perry Franklin's rough mouth trying to kiss
me. It didn't count. Not anymore.

"Favorite band?" Kyle asked as he laced his
fingers through mine.

"Kings of Leon," I told him. "Luke Bryan is
my favorite singer."

"My little country girl," he teased as he
drew me closer to him. "What was your best day," he asked before
adding, "And you can't use the day Hope was born."

"It's going to sound bad," I said nervously.
It sounded freaking terrible in my head. "You'll think I'm
crazy."

"I won't think you're crazy," he said before
smirking. "Well, no more than I already do…"

I poked him in the belly. "Fine. I'm not
telling you."

"I'm joking," he chuckled. "Come on,
baby."

"It was the day I was shot," I told him.
Kyle's whole body tensed. "Not the getting shot part," I added
quickly. "Everything before that." I rolled onto my back and
sighed. "Remember that day, Kyle?"

"I haven't thought much about it, Lee," he
said in a gruff tone. Lying on his back, he rubbed his face with
his hands. "I try not to."

"We had the best day," I whispered. "We
did."

We lay side by side in silence until Kyle
finally spoke. "I remember you waking me up with burnt pancakes."
He chuckled softly. "You also burned the omelets for lunch, but I
ate them anyway because you looked so adorable with flour on your
cheeks." He sighed heavily before adding, "Nearly choked on a piece
of shell, too."

"I was so excited that day." I turned my face
to smile at him. He was already looking at me with such love in his
eyes that my heart started to hammer in my chest. "I was going to
ask you to repeat the question that day, Kyle. I spent that entire
day in a state of euphoria because I knew you loved me and I
trusted you. After all the drama and our rough start…we had finally
made it." I twisted on my side and stroked his cheek. He shivered
under my touch and dragged me on top of him. "It was my best day
because of you."

"Until everything went to shit," he
mumbled.

"Yeah," I sighed and rested my head on his
chest. "Until everything went to shit."

He held me tightly to his chest for a long
time before speaking. "You faze out sometimes, baby. Did you
realize that you've been doing that?" My face reddened and I was
glad it was dark so Kyle couldn't see my embarrassment. I hadn't
realized I did that in front of people. "Where do you go, Lee?" he
murmured. "Where do you go inside that head of yours?"

"If I'm having a bad day, I sometimes ask Cam
for advice," I confessed.

Kyle's arms tightened around me.
"Princess…"

"I'm not crazy," I whispered defensively. "I
know she's dead, but sometimes I feel incredibly lonely and I miss
her so much... She was my best friend, Kyle, and now she's dead.
Sometimes I like to pretend she's still with me."

"You're lonely?" Kyle asked and I could hear
the hurt in his voice. I didn't want to hurt him, but I wasn't
going to lie to him either.

"Yes," I said quietly. "All I have is you,
Derek and Hope. And I love the three of you with all my heart, but
it's been tough without her. Before you, she was all I ever had.
And now you're all I have." I kissed his chest. "You're all I
want."

"How can I fix this for you?" he asked in a
desperate tone. "How can I make you happy again?"

"You can't fix grief, Kyle," I whispered.
"And you do make me happy. I smile through my sadness because of
you."

Kyle stroked my small circles on my lower
back. "I've been thinking…"

"Yeah," I whispered when he stopped
mid-sentence.

He paused for a long moment before saying, "I
think we should have another baby."

Seven words was all it took to kick me into
flight mode.

"You're kidding, right?" I whispered as I
waited for him to laugh. He didn't.

"No, I'm not."

My mouth fell open as I scrambled off his
chest and gaped at him. Oh my god, he looked serious. His blue eyes
held no humor. Shit, he was deadly serious. "Tell me you didn't
just say we should have another baby," I begged as anxiety tore at
my gut. I prayed he was joking.

Kyle shrugged as he pulled himself into a
sitting position. Reaching for my hand, he stroked his thumb over
my knuckles. "Calm down. I didn't mean right this instant. I was
talking about the future, maybe a year or two. After we're married.
It would be nice for Hope to have sisters and brothers."

Sisters and brothers? Plural?

I shook my head in disbelief. "No," I
whispered. "No way, Kyle."

His brow furrowed as he stared at me
challengingly. "Why not?"

"Because I can't," I almost shouted. Aware
that Hope was sleeping down the hall from us, I lowered my voice
and threw my hands up in frustration. "You know I can't have more
children. Why would you even suggest this? You know it's
impossible."

"It's less likely, Lee," he said calmly. "But
it's not impossible. No one said it was impossible. You heard what
Dr. Michaels said. You're getting better. Maybe things will
start…happening again."

Climbing off the bed, I paced the floor as I
tried to calm myself down. I couldn't have more children. I
physically couldn't and the thought of going through all of
that…the miscarriage. The pain and the fear… My head was spinning
with the fear that he wanted more children. Where was this coming
from? Kyle wanted more children? I thought he was joking a few
weeks back…He wanted more and I couldn't give him more than I
already had. Did I even want more children? Another child with
Kyle? My heart fluttered in excitement and I mentally slammed my
fist down on the small feeling of joy that was attempting to
possess me. Heck, I threw my bible at it. I was not going there. No
getting my hopes up. I needed to be logical…rational. What I wanted
and what I could have were two very different things…

"There will be no more babies," I said
shakily as I swung around and faced him. "If you want another child
you'll have to find a better model with all her bodily organs
intact. A woman who's not broken."

"Don't you dare pull that crap with me," he
snapped as he threw the covers off himself and jumped out of bed.
"Is that what you think of me?" he demanded as he stood in front of
me. "That I'd fucking leave you after everything we've been
through? Dammit, why would you even think like that?"

"Why would you ask me to give you something
you know I'm not physically capable of giving you?" I shot back. My
whole body was shaking. I had never anticipated having this
conversation with Kyle. I couldn't comprehend why he was bringing
this up. Fear ripped through me. "I can't give you more children,
Kyle," I said with a sigh. Walking over to the bed, I sank down on
it and rubbed my head with my hand. "I love you so much…but if
having more children is a deal breaker for you then you need to
tell me now before…"

"Jesus Christ, you piss me off worse than any
woman I've ever met," he growled as he paced the room. "Deal
breaker my ass." He swung around to glare at me. "Do you seriously
think I would, that I even could, walk away from you?"

I shook my head and sighed. "You said…"

"No, you freaked the fuck out before I had a
chance to speak," he countered. Sighing heavily, he came over to
where I was sitting and crouched in front of me. "I meant we could
try, Lee. It doesn't have to be right away and it's not a fucking
deal breaker for me if it doesn't happen."

"I. Can't. Get. Pregnant," I said slowly
enunciating each word. "I haven't had a period since before I fell
pregnant with the tw…with Hope. You
know
this. I don't work
right anymore. I thought you understood that. I didn't realize you
were…broody."

"Bullshit," he said in a softer tone. "You
know I love our daughter. You know I want to have a family
with
you
. So, what's the real problem here, princess?"

"I'm afraid," I admitted. I was. He had
scared the life out of me with that request. This was just the
first in a long list of things he'd realize I either couldn't do or
wasn't good enough to do. "You've just stated something you want
that's not going to happen for us. I know you mentioned having more
children when you proposed, but I…Oh god, Kyle, how many other
things will there be that we won't be compatible? What if we hit a
wall? One we can't break through."

"I'm not going to leave you, Lee," he told me
as he stared into my eyes. "Ever. You need to stop over-thinking
things. I'm in and I'm not backing out. I am
in
, Lee. One
hundred percent. I'll break down any goddamn walls that stack up
against us. Even the ones you put up to block me out."

"I'm sorry," I whispered as a huge wave of
guilt flooded me. "If I could give you more children I would." I
bit down on my thumb as I tried to think of how to phrase my
feelings. "I'm worried I'm not enough. What if I'm not enough?"

Shaking his head, Kyle moved to sit beside
me. "You're enough for me, Lee Bennett. Believe me, you're more
than enough," he whispered as he rested his hand on my thigh. "Do
you know what my best day was?"

"I have a fair idea," I muttered nervously.
"The day Hope was born."

"Apart from that," he shot back with a
crooked smile. "My best day was as screwed up as yours. It was my
best and worst. It was the night I walked into that hospital room
and saw you curled in ball pretending to be asleep."