Fall Out Girl (18 page)

“Yes?” I answered.

“Luna, thank God. It’s Jake. I’m in jail. I didn’t know who else to call.”

“Wait, Jake. What happened? What’s going on?”

“I need you. Damn, I need a lawyer… They caught me hanging out with someone—”

“Don’t say anything right now, Jake. Just hang up and wait. I’ll take care of everything.” I cut him off.

“Fuck, Luna, I screwed this up.”

“No worries. I’ll get you out as soon as possible.” I shut off the phone and looked at Caleb. “Take me home,” I requested.

“What happened?” Caleb asked.

“It’s Jake, he was arrested. He didn’t give details, but I pretty much know why.”

“What are you gonna do? Wow.” He shook his head. “You can count on me for whatever goes down.”

“I know exactly what I need to do. Call a lawyer—I’ve already looked one up, I just need to get her number. And I need to convince Aunt Lace to sober up so she can play her role as a parent.”

“Jesus, Luna.”

“Best case scenario, Jake didn’t have too many drugs on him. If that’s the case, the judge will slap his hand, order counseling and all that shit, and let him go.”

“What’s the worst case scenario?”

“He was carrying more than what’s considered for use, which he and I know better than to exceed. It’s a pain in the ass to do so many trips for deliveries, but being caught for using is way better than trafficking.”

“Shit just got real,” he said. “What if he was caught selling?”

“Then… shit will definitely get real.”

“So, should I drive you home?”

“Yeah, so I can get the lawyer’s number.”

“What about Jake? Shouldn’t we go to where he is at?”

“Let me call the lawyer first. But, most likely, we’ll have to wait to see if the judge will post bail, and then get Jake the hell out.”

As it turned out, the worst scenario playing in my mind was nothing compared to what went down. Caleb and I spent that night running after information regarding his arrest. It turned out he was arrested for driving a stolen car, possession of five hundred grams of cocaine, and resisting arrest. Twenty-four hours after Jake’s arrest, the judge (in case you were wondering, yep it was Judge Cahan), set the bail for two-hundred-and-fifty grand. We found a bail bondsman willing to bail him out, as long as we used the house as collateral and came up with ten percent cash of the total amount.

I didn’t hesitate before breaking my piggy bank, but I had to do a lot of begging to convince Aunt Lace to sober up—at least enough to look presentable and sign the papers.

Then, all we could do was wait.

“Why is it taking so long?” For three long and excruciating hours, I paced the small space while I waited for Jake.

“Oh, you’re making me dizzy with all this trotting,” Aunt Lace complained.

I tried to stand still, but after a minute, I resumed the pacing.

“Relax, love, he’ll be out soon.” Caleb pulled me to the chair next to him, wrapped his arms around my shoulders, and physically restrained me. After another thirty minutes, a bruised Jake strolled my way. His left eye was puffed and shut closed, and his cheek scraped.

“Oh God, Jake. Are you okay?”

“It’s nothing, Luna. Let’s get the hell out of here,” Jake said.

“About damn time,” Aunt Lace approached the window to sign the release papers.

We got out to the parking lot.

“Sweet ride, man,” Jake said when we got to Caleb’s car.

“I can’t stand people staring at me,” Aunt Lace said in her raspy voice. She pulled out a cigarette and lit up. Her eyes nervously scanned the surrounding.

“Non-smoking car, Aunt Lace,” I said before she got in the car.

“Please pardon me,” she said sarcastically. “I forgot you’re too good for the likes of me.” She took a deep drag and tossed the cigarette on the sidewalk.

The moment we got inside the car, Jake raised his leg and fiddled with the ankle bracelet.

“Damn, this shit has GPS tracking. Fuck, there has to be a way to trick it so I can break curfew. Seriously, how do they expect me to be home at ten every night? Not even if I was a fucking priest.”

After we had dropped off Aunt Lace, Jake said, “Hey, Caleb, stop at a burger joint. I’m starved. Jail food tastes like shit.”

Caleb stopped at a drive-thru. “What you want love?” Caleb asked.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat something. You haven’t eaten since Saturday.”

I knew he wasn’t going to let me off the hook. “Fries. Extra ketchup.”

“Double cheeseburger for me, onion rings, and a strawberry milkshake,” Jake had said before Caleb asked.

“Here, let me see if I have the money,” I said, scrabbling in my canvas bag for my wallet.

“I got it,” Caleb said.

I rested my head against the leather seat. I already owed Caleb three thousand dollars. Yep, I meant it when I said I had broken the piggy bank. All my money was gone. Poof. After paying the bail bondsman, the attorney fees, and Serratore for the cocaine he had lost, I was broke.

Ready for a shocker? I quit being a drug dealer. Spur of the moment decision. No, totally not. It was a well-thought-out decision. The ramifications of Jake’s arrest were far from over. As of that dreadful weekend, he and I would be under a microscope.

One must know when it’s time to throw in the towel and all that crap. That led to a question: How to proceed from there?

I remembered when Dad bought a GPS. He was so enamored with the thing—he got lost a lot, he named it Maria. Anyway, whenever he headed to a direction contradictory with Maria’s, she would tell him “Your route is being recalculated.” Well, that’s how it was for me. But in my case, there was no Maria. I had to do the recalculation by myself.

My mind had been churning trying to figure out what to do next. A job was a must.

Years of planning and saving went down the drain. If I was honest, and I prized that I never deceived myself (I deceived others, but I hated a self-deceit), I was relieved to stop selling. Oh, hell, who was I kidding? I was thrilled.

For a long time, I had slept with one eye open—now that’s a talent. Finally, I was able to close my eyes and have a peaceful night of rest. Little did I know that the new phase of my life would cost me dearly. Perhaps more than I could bear to pay.

HAND IN HAND, Caleb and I strolled down the hall, heading to our history class. The way Caleb held me was at odds with the distant look in his eyes.

The previous night when we made love, he held me with urgency and longing almost as it was to be the last time.

But on that day when our gaze met, his eyes seemed vacant. It had been like that since the day we got Jake out of jail. Each minute placed a wedge between us. I could only deduce that my crazy life had finally caught up with me, and Caleb realized I wasn’t good enough for him.

“I found a job,” I told him.

“Fantastic, babe,” he responded.

I flinched. Caleb knew me enough to know I hated that endearment. ‘Love’ had grown on me. In fact, I really got a kick out of him calling me that. But ‘babe’? Argh.

In the last few days, Caleb had been talking to me as if I were part of the cheerleader squad. Don’t fault me for despising cheerleaders. In my school, they were vicious and mean, worse than the plague.

“Actually two jobs.”

“Stellar,” he said, kissing my temple, but his tone was condescending.

Um, where was my boyfriend and who is this stranger holding hands with me?

“At the Rainbow Creamery, twelve hours a week. Since Vanessa is going on maternity leave, Brandon said I could have her hours as the shelter receptionist. It’s kind of a bummer because I’ll no longer be a volunteer.”

“Good for you!” We had stopped in front of my class. He looked down at me and for just one second, a flicker of the warmth I had always seen in him was there. But it dissipated before I could absorb it.

“See you after school.”

“Um, sorry, babe, I have practice today.”

“Come again?”

“Football, babe,” he said as if I was mentally incompetent.

“Wow, wait. Football?”

“Yeah, I—”

“When were you going to tell me?” I don’t know why him joining an organized sport bothered me. But it did. Tremendously.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you?”

“No. Caleb, what’s up with you? With us?”

“I thought I had told you…” he said with a pensive expression. But there was something else on his face. The douche was mocking me. Not with words, but with the timbre of his voice.

“No you didn’t, you jerk, and don’t treat me as if I were an idiot.”

“Fuck me for not disclosing such important information.”

“Don’t you dare patronize me,” I said through clenched teeth.

“Are you giving me hell because I didn’t tell you I’m playing football? Damn, babe. Are you PMSing?”

We were in front of my class, and people were staring. “Quit calling me ‘babe.’ And you know what? Go to hell, you asshole.”

I collected my broken heart, splattered on the linoleum floor of the hallway, turned on my heel, and scrambled into the room. Had I been too harsh? Yep. Where had my overreaction come from? I didn’t know. Delete that. I knew exactly what was at the root of my bitchy attitude. Caleb had changed drastically in the span of one meager week. He was a different boy from the one I had fallen in love with. And for the life of me, I couldn’t reconcile with this new him.

After class, I went straight to the Creamery. I had a three-hour orientation. My performance was mediocre, to say the least. I had burned my arm with the waffle maker, messed up several orders of ice cream, and had given the wrong change multiple times. It wouldn’t be a surprise if I were fired before I officially started to work.

I jumped in my car and drove to back to school. I parked at the back and made my way to the football field. I needed to talk to Caleb. Though I highly disliked the way he had been behaving, I would learn to accept this side of him. That’s what people in love do; they compromise.

I stood under the bleachers in an inconspicuous place where Caleb or the other players couldn’t see. I wasn’t hiding, but I wanted time to observe this new persona in front of me.

I was never into football, so the rules and plays were uncharted territories. However, even someone ignorant in all things football (me), couldn’t miss it. Caleb had been gifted with a surreal talent for the sport. Coach Greg patted him on the back and did nothing to conceal his awe in having Caleb on the team.

My courage dwindled by the second. Not only was Caleb way out of my league, but he had changed. No, he had converted into his old self who wouldn’t have given me a second glance.

Practice ended, but Coach Greg held him back. Their chatter involved a lot of arm gestures, back pats, and manly chuckles.

When finally they parted ways, I walked toward Caleb. His eyes flickered in my direction, but he either didn’t see me or ignored me. He was gathering his gear when the cheerleader squad tumbled in. I retreated back into the shadows.

“Are you boys done for the night?” Jessica, the abominable squad leader, asked.

“Yep,” he said, looking up with a charming grin.

“We’re gonna go to my house after practice. You wanna come along?” she asked, twirling a strand of hair.

“Sure thing, love.” He stood tall. “I’m gonna get cleaned up and see if the guys want to come along.”

I wish I could describe how I walked off of the field that day, but I have no recollection. It’s like a blank page in the middle of the book. I can only suppose that one foot moved in front of the other and carried me to my car.

Sorrow is a weird thing. Hard to describe. Impossible to forget. A terrifying sadness grabbed hold of my soul, took it to a new depth of misery, and kept it there. It felt as if I was floating in a black hole, traveling without aim or destination. I couldn’t move forward or go back. I wasn’t destroyed, but I couldn’t thrive any longer. It was a surreal place. Then there was the physical ache. Real, like gangrene sitting where my heart used to be.

It might sound strange that I hurt so badly after witnessing a likely innocent conversation. Well, all my pain stemmed from one word in their chat. The endearment ‘love.’ That’s all it took for my world to crumble down before my very own eyes.