Fall Out Girl (17 page)

Lottie clasped my hand. “Come, I’ll introduce you to all the other guests.”

“Excuse me,” I said to Mr. Applegate over my shoulder.

“I’m so glad you’re here. Maybe you can convince Mom to adopt one of the cats.”

She introduced me to a great number of people, including the mayor and his wife, who I had already met. Some of the guests grasped their drinks to avoid shaking hands with me. A few were cordially polite, almost making me feel comfortable.

Mostly, all the guests greeted me with wide eyes, bogus smiles, and forced politeness. I suppressed the urge to inject sarcasm into my responses to them. It wouldn’t be fair to Lottie, who was making the introductions. Also, as ridiculous as it may seem, there was a tiny part of me that didn’t want to embarrass or disappoint Caleb.

“There are Andrew and Jessica.” Lottie cupped her mouth and said, “Jessica won’t be happy that you’re here. I think she has a crush on Cal. Just ignore her.”

“Hey, Luna,” Andrew said with a grin.

Jessica puffed and asked with a snarl, “Business or pleasure?”

“A date,” I responded.

“She’s Caleb’s girlfriend,” Lottie said with a genuine smile.

Jessica glared at me as if I had just ripped her Coach handbag.

“Girlfriend, huh?” Andrew asked. “When did that happen?”

“It hasn’t been very long,” I replied. For Lottie’s benefit, I bit my tongue and again refrained from making a sarcastic remark.

I was starting to worry about Caleb. My stomach did weird little flips. I was certain that his father was scolding him because of my presence.

“Lottie, where’s the bathroom?”

“By the staircase, there’s a door on the right.” She pointed in the general direction.

I marched toward the foyer, but at the last minute, I turned in the direction Caleb and his father had disappeared.

Two raised voices guided my steps. I put my hand on the door to push it open, but the mention of my name halted me.

“Luna isn’t like that.”

“She sells drugs, for God’s sake.”

“Oh, sit on your high horse and judge her, Your Excellence.”

“Damn right I’ll judge her. I mean, just look at her. She dresses like a slut and reeks of drugs. How dare you bring her to my house?”

“I’ve brought worse home,” he said with a cold tone that I didn’t recognize.

“So that’s what this is about huh? Getting back at me for…” Mr. Cahan didn’t finish the sentence.

“For fucking Gwen. Go ahead and say it, Dad. Just say it.”

Caleb’s words throttled me and pierced through my skin like barbed wire. A tight fist squeezed my heart and stopped its beat. The fake smiles, the warm embraces, the stares, the opulent luxury surrounding me started to tumble and close in, suffocating me. The huge house became too small, and I couldn’t breathe.

For fuck’s sake, the last thing I needed was to add claustrophobia to my mortifying list of screwups.

NEGLECTING TO RETRIEVE my jacket, I pushed the oak door open and stormed out of the house. A cold breeze bit my warm cheeks. Tears burned on the back of my eyes, but I ground my teeth and made them stop.

A desire to chastise myself swept over me, but I wouldn’t add insult to the injury. Caleb used me as a pawn in his vendetta against his father. Plain and simple.

When I reached the gate, I bit my lip. “How the hell am I gonna open it?” With trembling fingers, I pressed random buttons on a small box and a male voice filtered through a speaker. “May I help you?”

“Yes. Open the gate, I need to get out,” I responded to the interphone.

“Of course and you’re…” He trailed off, waiting for a response.

“Luna,” I informed him. “I’m Caleb’s friend. From school,” I added solicitously, anxious for him to open the damn gate.

A soft buzz told me the side gate was unlocked. I pushed it open and wandered idly down the road. It would be a long walk.

I no longer could contain the bitter tears welling in my eyes. They fell silently down my face, wetting my cheeks with grief.

I strolled down the quiet streets, my shoulders hunched bracing against the arctic wind swirling the dead leaves surrounding me. Autumn had arrived and was already making its exit with winter replacing it.

It could have only been minutes, but I wandered for what seemed like hours, days, weeks… centuries. My heart was numb and hurting at the same time. How was that even possible? Then a car screeched to a stop in front of me, narrowly missing me. I glanced up. It was a blue Audi.

The door cracked open, and an angry Caleb climbed out. “What the hell, Luna?”

I tried to sidestep him. His hand clasped my arm.

“Don’t touch me,” I hissed.

He released my arm and raised both hands. “Wait, you’re crying. What happened? Did someone do something to you?” His eyes were questioning, his face crumpled with emotion.

I wiped my face and commanded my tear ducts to quit humiliating me further.

“I heard your conversation with your father,” I said, trying to bypass him again.

He grabbed my arm again. “Luna, what did you hear, exactly?”

I jerked my arm free. “Do you really want to make me repeat it?”

I tried to sidestep him again. Tears were threatening to make a reappearance.

Caleb stepped in front of me.

I planted both hands on his chest and pushed him. It was like trying to move a boulder. “Let me go, you asshole.”

He grabbed my hands and locked them behind my back. “You’re not going anywhere until we talk.”

I thrashed, kicked, and screamed. I even tried to bite him. Using his massive build to his advantage, he gathered me in his arms as if I were a ragdoll. He pressed me against the cold surface of his blue car, his body imprisoning me. “Luna, please. Calm down.” His voice was gentle.

The tears I was working so hard to keep at bay streamed down my face. It was like a deluge.

“Please don’t cry.” He lowered his head to meet my eyes.

Sobs erupted. I didn’t think I could ever forgive myself for such a show.

“God, love. Don’t cry.” His hold on me softened. He raised his hands and cupped my face.
H
is thumbs vainly wiping my tears.

“You used me…” My voice trailed off. I buried my face in his chest. His pine scent wrapped around me, doing nothing to help.

“Get in the car. Let’s go somewhere private where we can talk.”

I glanced up and saw a couple standing on their front porch watching the free entertainment with scornful eyes. I flipped my middle finger at them and allowed Caleb to guide me to the car.

We rode in silence. Mercifully, the tears ceased to make their stupid appearance.

Caleb drove to Gold Sand Park. He parked facing the water. It was dark and the moon, yellow and huge, was rising beyond the water.

I glanced at Caleb. His hands were still holding the steering wheel, his knuckles white.

“I’m going to assume you didn’t hear my entire conversation with Dad.”

With my back stiff as a board, I remained silent. My face remained straight, and my eyes fixed on the vast expanse of the sea. I couldn’t look at him.

“I don’t remember when I met Gwen. She was always there. Teasing, taunting. We grew up together. Her brother was my best friend.” He paused as if the memories pained him. “I had a huge crush on her. I mean, she was every guy’s wet dream.

“I was a typical suburban teen, except I had an unhealthy level of self-esteem. In other words, I was egocentric, spoiled, and arrogant.

“Then, I went to high school, which only intensified that self-centered notion. In freshmen year, I developed fast, becoming very tall for my age. My body filled in and gave me a build most seniors would kill for. I became the football quarterback and all that crap. My high school career would end with my pictures and trophies rubbing shoulders with Dad’s and Grandpa’s on the shelf of fame displayed in the halls of the school. The year was ending when Gwen took interest in me. I couldn’t believe my luck. She was a fucking senior. Taking her to prom was the highlight of my life. I was the most talked-about guy on campus. I had scored Gwen. She was the envy of all girls and the desire of all the football team. Hell, the entire school revered her. Other girls wanted to be her, and all the guys wanted to fuck her. Yet, there she was dating me.

“I asked her once, why me. She flipped her platinum hair back and with laughter, said, ‘It’s endearing to break social rules.’ You would think that should have raised a red flag, but I was so infatuated that all I could think was how damn lucky I was.

“We were together for a year. She was at college then. Imagine a sophomore dating a college girl. That promoted my popularity status to living legend level. I could have any girl in school, but I was faithful to Gwen. I mean, she was incredible. The sex was beyond the fantasies any teenage boy has. Gwen was very experienced.

“Every year, during the spring, my grandfather charters a plane to take us to St. Lucia. It’s a family reunion. This past year, I invited Gwen and to my surprise, she gave up her spring break in Mexico to go with us. I was ecstatic.”

He paused. His hands flew to his face, tight fists rubbing his eyes. It was almost as if he wanted to exorcise the memories.

“We had a scheduled dive on a small island off the coast. It was my favorite part of the trip. I started diving there when I was old enough to handle the equipment. Dad, as usual, didn’t go. Which wasn’t out of the ordinary, since he’d never gone diving with us before. He usually used that day to get some work done. Dad’s always working, even on vacations.

“Anyway, when we were about to get into the boat to go the island, Gwen claimed she had a splitting headache and wanted to go back to the beach house and rest.

“The boat usually dropped us off in the morning and returned in the afternoon. Full of remorse, and feeling like a jerk for leaving my girl alone, I took the boat ride back to be with her. I entered the house. I remember that other than the constant buzz of the ceiling fan and the sound of quiet lap of the waves filtering through the open windows, the house was quiet.

“Gwen wasn’t in her room. I searched the house, but nothing. I went to the pool and found her. She was riding Dad.”

He paused.

“You know what the worst part was? When Gwen saw me, her eyes gleamed with excitement, almost like a sick invitation for me to join them. Being caught was a bonus, I guess.”

I turned to Caleb. He was staring at the ocean, lost in pain and memories. I felt sorry for him. That was the ultimate betrayal.

“It doesn’t give you a license to use me,” I said with a whisper.

“Oh, Luna.” He shook his head as if snapping back to the present. “You’re the purest, most genuine thing that ever happened to me.” His words were so painfully sincere that I almost believed him. The corners of his lips turned up in a small smile. “That day I saw you, for the first time, was when light returned to my life.” He let out some mirthless laughter. “You can accuse me of being a dork, but it only took one look at you for me to know that you were going to be the girl I would fall in love with. Not for a minute did I use you to get back at Dad.”

His hand slid to my chin and forced me to face him. “I can’t tell you that a year ago I would have pursued you. Hell, I wouldn’t have noticed you. I breathed to please Dad. He was my immaculate hero. If dating you would upset him, surely I wouldn’t have. So, in a way, I owe a debt of gratitude to Gwen. She let me see my Dad for who he really is. A royal asshole.”

His eyes were urgent, pleading. “Luna, being with you is beyond anything I could have expected. In a few short months, you have helped me find a side of me I wasn’t aware of. If seeing Dad fucking Gwen showed me how much of a douchebag Dad is, being with you has showed me I don’t have to be like him. I can be a better person. You make me want to be better… So I can be worthy of you.”

“But you said—”

“I don’t know how much you heard, but I believe you didn’t hear me telling Dad to go fuck himself, Gwen, or whomever he wanted. But to leave you the hell alone.” He paused. “Luna, I love you more than I ever thought humanly possible. I love you with all my heart, my breath, my soul. I love you more than the sum of the universe. Please believe me.”

And the traitorous tears I had successfully repressed returned with a vengeance. “Oh, Caleb, I never wanted to believe someone so badly,” I said with a hiccup.

Caleb pulled me into his lap. “Please trust me. I can’t live without you.” He crushed me to his chest. His heart thundered against my ear. His warmth wrapped around me. The world seemed right again.

“Oh, Caleb. I want to believe you so badly. But I’m so afraid.” Not scared of him being honest. I did prize myself with having an excellent perception of when people were honest. No, what had me terrified was the ginormous intensity of my feelings for him. It was this living mass lurking inside my chest. It ached and throbbed, drummed, and pulsed. It scared the living hell out of me.

I gazed at him with three words lodged in my throat, but before I said them, the phone rang. I was going to ignore it, but a nagging feeling in my gut forced me to pick it up. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered. One thing about survivors, we trust our instinct.