Fall to Pieces (27 page)

"I never thought you were incapable," he
said, his palm hitting the desk.

"Could have fooled me," she said, hunching
back against her chair, arms crossed. "Ever since I was a kid, you
made no secret you would never let me run this place because I was
a girl."

"That was part of it, yes."

She couldn't suppress an eye roll. "Welcome
to the twenty-first century."

"You've seen since you've been here, the work
is hard, backbreaking at times. It's one thing to do it for a few
months, even a few years, but do you really want to sign up for a
life of this, Sadie?"

She couldn't say, with all her heart, that
the answer was yes. And with all the hard work and challenges they
faced year to year, she knew it had to be if she had any business
taking over for her father.

But, childish though she knew it was,
something inside her ached at not even being asked.

"I've never thought you were incapable. Even
if I did, you've proven since the day you got here that you could
take over for me if I'd just get the hell out of your way," he said
with a wry smile. "But almost since you could walk you've had your
nose buried in a book when you weren't parked in front of a
computer. You've got a brain in that head that knows things I
couldn't ever begin to understand, and you need to use it to follow
your passion, not mine.

"I got this place into such a mess, and I
don't think I could have pulled it out without your help. But
you've been stuck here with me long enough. Now that the doctors
have cleared me to get back to work, and with PJ coming on to pick
up the slack, it's time for you to get back to what you're supposed
to be doing."

Sadie left his office, telling herself she
should feel relieved that the heavy burden of the ranch's survival
and her father's health had finally been lifted. Yet all she could
focus on was the unspoken, perhaps unintentional message behind her
father's decision.

I don't need you anymore.

She went downstairs to her own office,
forcing the self-pitying thought from her head. She opened up her
email to find dozens of messages from her clients, as well as a
message from Tucker, asking if she'd had time to think over his
offer.

Dad is right. You need to get on with your
real life. Not only are you not necessary here, Dylan has his
medical evaluation in a few days, and after that he'll be gone. And
even if he weren't, he's made no bones about the fact he doesn't
want anything long term.

She hit reply on Tucker's message. It was
time for her to make her own plans.

###

A few nights later Sadie and Dylan joined
Damon, Ellie, Josh, Molly, Adele, Brady, and Dylan's parents at
Adele's. The gathering was in part a send off for Dylan and Brady,
who were both leaving the following morning—Dylan for his medical
eval in Colorado, and Brady who was heading to Idaho to deal with
his still undefined family emergency.

It was also a chance for Molly, Ellie, and
Adele to show off what they'd learned under Brady's tutelage, as
they would be taking over the reins in the kitchen for however long
Brady was absent.

"Is it OK?" Molly asked anxiously, gesturing
at the plate of summer tomatoes, homemade mozzarella, and fresh
basil that remained mostly untouched in front of Sadie. "The cheese
is too firm, isn't it?" she said before Sadie could answer. "I had
such a hard time getting the curd to form, but I had already thrown
out two batches and wasted so much milk—"

"It's excellent," Brady said, as he forked up
his final mouthful.

"Really?" Molly, said, her face lighting up
with a mixture of relief and delight.

"It's awesome," Sadie confirmed, and cut a
small piece from the stack on her plate. In truth, Sadie couldn't
appreciate the juicy tomatoes or the creaminess of the fresh
cheese, not when her stomach was pulled tight in a knot. Soon,
Dylan would be cleared for active duty. And as soon as that
happened, it would be a matter of days before he left for good.

You're leaving too.
The reminder
didn't make her feel any better.

Everyone oohed and ahhed over the food. Even
Molly's fiancé, when he was prompted by Brady to look up from his
cell phone.

Course after course was served. Sadie
dutifully forced down several bites. She kept a smile pasted on her
face, laughed when appropriate. But all she could think of was that
her "fun" with Dylan was fast coming to an end.

And she was nowhere near ready to let him
go.

At the end of the meal, which everyone agreed
was on par with anything Brady would have put in front of them,
Brady raised his glass of Syrah, which Ellie had chosen specially
to accompany the main course of bison ribeye with blue cheese
compound butter she'd prepared. "A toast to Ellie, Adele, and
Molly, who have managed to make me obsolete."

"I wouldn't go that far," Molly said, her
cheeks flushed from the wine and the praise as she raised her
glass.

"And let's drink to Dylan," Damon raised his
glass. "Who, God willing, will be saving the world from the bad
guys as soon as humanly possible."

Dylan smiled and raised his glass of water—no
wine for him, as he'd cut out alcohol for the week leading up to
his physical exam—and clinked it against his brother's wine glass.
"Can't happen soon enough."

Across the table, Sadie caught Vivian's gaze.
Though she was smiling proudly, Sadie also saw deep worry and a
sadness that matched her own.

"I have some exciting news to share," Sadie
blurted out, hoping that if she talked she could distract herself
from the tears burning in her throat. "You're looking at the new
Vice President of ShopToYou's mobile apps division. I start next
month." Over the past week, she'd had several discussions with
Cynthia Chan, ShopToYou's founder. After reviewing Sadie's work and
checking her references, she'd offered Sadie the position earlier
this morning.

There was a wave of congratulations, then
Molly asked softly, "So that means you're moving back to San
Francisco?"

Sadie nodded and drained her wine glass. "I
plan to head out at the end of next week so I have time to find a
place and get settled in before work starts."

"Wow, it's like, everyone is picking up and
leaving," Molly said with a little quiver in her voice. She stood
up from her chair "Will you excuse me? I need to go plate
dessert."

An awkward silence fell over the table as all
eyes turned to Josh. His head was bent toward the phone in his lap
as he texted someone, oblivious to his fiancée's upset.

"Josh," Ellie snapped, before Sadie could
speak.

His head jerked up, his expression dazed as
though he'd forgotten where he was.

"Aren't you going after her?" Sadie
prodded.

His brow furrowed in confusion. "She doesn't
need my help with dessert."

He turned his attention back to his phone,
missing the look of pure disgust Brady aimed in his direction.

Ellie and Adele scooted their chairs back,
but Sadie raised her hand. "I'll go talk to her."

She walked back to the kitchen, sadness
pinching at her gut when she found Molly scooping ice cream into
white porcelain mugs, audibly sniffing.

"What are you making?" Sadie asked.

"Affrogato," Molly said tightly, her
red-rimmed eyes filled with sadness and accusation. "It sounds
fancy but it's just vanilla ice cream with espresso poured on
top."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I
just decided to take the job a couple of days ago." She'd known
Molly would take it hard, which was why she hadn't told her
immediately.

"I should have figured," Molly said. "Now
that everything is back on track, and your dad selling out to
Pete..." she shrugged. "I was just hoping you'd stay longer."

"Ellie can help you with the wedding
planning," Sadie offered.

"It's not that." Molly shook her head. "It's
been so great having you close again. Getting to see you all the
time."

"We'll still see each other. You can come
visit anytime."

"It's not the same," Molly said and removed a
small metal espresso pot from the stove. "You have all your cool
San Francisco friends and I'm like your country bumpkin friend from
back home. Waiting around for Josh to finally pull the trigger
while everyone moves on to bigger and better things."

"You don't have to wait for him. You could
move. You could do something different."

"How? Even if I wanted to, I can't just up
and leave, especially now that Brady's taking off for God knows how
long." She shook her head and gave a watery chuckle. "Don't listen
to me. I'm really excited for you. I'm just feeling sorry for
myself because I'll miss you so much."

Sadie crossed over and wrapped her arms
around the woman who was as close to a sister as she would ever
have. "I'll miss you too," she said, choking back her own
tears.

"You may be ditching me, but you're still on
the hook to be my maid of honor," Molly said, smiling as she
brushed at her tears. "And you better throw me one rager of a
bachelorette party."

###

"You're awfully quiet tonight," Dylan said
later as they walked into his cabin.

She shrugged. "It's weird, I have the same
feeling like I used to get when summer vacation was over. Now the
fun is over and it's time to get back to regular life."

He pulled her into his arms and covered her
mouth with his "It's not over yet. There's still time for some
fun."

Even as she melted into him and let him lead
her into the bedroom, she felt a little stab of grief. Fun. That's
all they would ever have.

Still, his touch tonight was different.
Slower. Deliberate. As though he wanted to draw it out as long as
possible.

As though he was making a memory.

When he finally slid inside her, as deep as
he could possibly go, he held himself there for several minutes,
feeding her slow, deep kisses, savoring the feel of their joined
bodies before the hunger took over.

By the time he started to move, Sadie was so
keyed up it only took a few strokes before she was coming around
him, her arms and legs wrapped around him as though she could keep
him there forever.

His own release followed quickly, his fingers
twining with hers as he groaned against her neck. He rolled to the
side, cradling her against him. "Are you crying?"

Until he said it she didn't even realize that
tears were streaming down her cheeks and dripping onto his
chest.

She swallowed hard, tried to compose herself.
"I'm sorry," she said finally. "It's just—" She swallowed back a
sob. "I'm really going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too," he said,
stroking her hair back from her cheeks.

She knew he was just saying it. Or even if he
meant it, once he was back in action, thousands of miles away, she
would be nothing but a distant, fond memory.

"I'll still have a few days left, and even
after..." his voice trailed off.

"What?" she said after he was silent for
several seconds.

"I'll be gone a lot," he said finally. "But
when I am back stateside, wherever I'm stationed, it won't be too
far for one of us to hop on a plane."

Her heart jumped in her chest. Was he saying
he wanted to commit to a long distance relationship? That he wanted
to be with her? She took a deep breath, ordered herself not to get
carried away, when he might be hitting her up for nothing more than
a couple of stateside booty calls before he found someone else to
fill his bed. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying..."

In the dim light, she could see him staring
intently at the ceiling as his hand drifted up and down her
back.

"I'm saying," he continued, searching for the
right words. "You're acting like we have to say goodbye for good.
Maybe it doesn't have to be that way."

A thrill shot through, her heart beating so
hard she could barely hear what he said next. "I'm not asking you
to commit to me—that wouldn't be fair. But maybe we could see each
other, see what happens."

"Once I start my job, I'll be so busy I won't
have time for a love life, so every once in awhile is about I could
manage anyway. So whenever you're around, I'll be around—" she
clamped her lips shut, realizing she was on the verge of sounding
desperate. "I would love it if we could visit each other."

###

True to form, Dylan's eyes popped open after
only a few hours of sleep. Tonight, he not only had the usual
demons of his memories to deal with, he also had the anxiety
twisting in his gut, making his heart hammer in his chest.

Along with the voice in his head that
constantly tormented him with doubt.

What if you don't get cleared? What if
you're a lot more fucked up than you want to believe?

For the past month, he'd been able to push it
to the background, drown it out with work, his writing, and the
unexpected but welcome indulgence in Sadie's company.

But for the past week, as he'd geared up for
tomorrow, the voice had grown louder and louder until it was with
him all the time. Echoing his deepest fears. Making him face the
possibility that things might not go the way he wanted—needed—them
to go.

Next to him, Sadie stirred, lifting a sleepy
hand to settle on his chest. "You okay?" she said sleepily. "Your
heart is racing," she flattened her hand against it, as though she
could slow it down.

"I'm fine," he said, pressing a kiss to her
forehead. "Just thinking about things."

She snuggled closer, and within seconds her
breath resumed the deep, steady rhythm of slumber. He watched her
sleep, immediately felt a wave of calm course through him.

He was a selfish bastard, he thought with a
pang of guilt. After all his deliberating and reminding himself how
unfair it was to keep her tied to him when he couldn't make any
promises, she made him feel too good.