Fallen (18 page)

“Like you want to fuck me.”

“I, uh…”

He climbed off me, standing before I could answer, which was good, because I had no clue how to respond to that.

I got up carefully, feeling like my whole body was one giant rubber band that had been strung too tight.

Gabriel stood off to the side, his brows drawn tight as he studied me. “How do you feel?” He crossed his arms over his chest, and it didn’t escape me how low his pants sat on his hips or how taut his abdominal muscles were.

It was impossible not to notice how attractive Gabriel was, but why was it the
only
thing I seemed to notice right now? What the hell was wrong with me?

I brushed back stray hairs that had come undone from my ponytail and said, “Hot. Sweaty. Tired.” Strangely aroused.

He scowled and hung his head. “How did I not see this coming?”

I picked up my discarded tank top and used it to wipe my face. Geez, did it get hotter in here? “See what coming?”

Gabriel lifted his head and met my eyes. “You’re in heat.”

Emily blinked slowly, like she couldn’t understand what I’d said. “I’m sorry, what?”

I swallowed and ran my hands through my hair. Damn it, why did
I
have to be the one to give her the birds and the bees talk? “That’s how our women ovulate—by not feeding. When we feed, our skin’s too hard to stretch. It’d be impossible to carry a child to term. But when we don’t feed, our skin becomes…malleable.”

That’s what I didn’t understand about Vivienne’s conception. There’s no way it could’ve been a surprise pregnancy on her end. 

“I’m— I’m ovulating?”

“Not yet, but you will be soon.” And it would be bad. Very, very bad.

For a split second, thoughts of ditching her ran through my mind, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it, even if it was just for tonight. In a few hours, Em would be so hard up that she’d go out looking for sex if there wasn’t anyone here to stop her. Or service her.

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. I couldn’t do that, no matter how much I wanted to or how much she begged. And she
would
be begging. But I couldn’t risk getting her pregnant.

“Goddamn it,” I muttered. I thought that since she was a crossbreed, she might not be subjected to this aspect of our women. And when she missed the general window of opportunity about three months after that night she blacked out and fed, it only cemented my belief that her reproductive system must be more like a Healer’s.

Well, I was wrong. On both counts.

Chapter Thirty

EMILY

Gabriel had warned me that tonight would be bad. He’d said my hormones would be all over the place, and I’d only have one thing on my mind: sex.

But he was wrong. This wasn’t “bad,” this was
brutal
. And the only thing on my mind was Gabriel.

Rolling onto my stomach, I buried my face in my pillow and breathed in. The scent of my coconut shampoo flooded me, but it wasn’t enough. I still smelled him.

I groaned and rolled onto my back, Gabriel’s scent assaulting me full-force. I could smell him all the way in the living room, and it drove me crazy. Damn, he smelled so
good
. It was deeper than normal, and woodsy, and masculine, and fuck me, I just wanted to
writhe in his scent
. 

My thighs clenched as I fisted the sheets, trying not to touch myself.
Again
. I’d already masturbated, like, ten times tonight. Any more, and I’d get carpal tunnel.

A cold shower might help.

I kicked off the sheets and climbed out of bed, squeezing my eyes shut when the change in position caused
lovely
friction between my legs. With every shift and movement, my nipples brushed the soft cotton of my t-shirt. It was agony. 

I let out a slow breath and started walking again. The sheer amount of wetness in my panties made every step slippery torture and I groaned, wondering how in the hell I was going to make it through the rest of the night.

The floorboard in the hallway creaked. I sat up from the couch and saw Emily leaning against the doorframe. Her white shirt reached the tops of her thighs. She wasn’t wearing any shorts. Her heated eyes pinned me in place. It was the first time in my life I’d ever felt like prey.

Swallowing, I clutched the blanket covering me. “Em,
no
.”

Before I had time to blink, she was in front of me, ripping the covers away. She climbed onto the couch, straddling me, and placed her hands on my chest, over my t-shirt. I felt the heat of her sex through our underwear, and gritted my teeth.

Her nose brushed my jaw as she nuzzled me, breathing me in. “Please.”

I gripped her arms and pulled her back. Pink flushed her cheeks and her eyes were wild. “You’re not thinking right. You don’t want this.”

Her head tilted forward, and she touched her forehead to mine. Her eyes slid closed. “I’m so turned on that it hurts. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve touched myself.”

I groaned. “I know.
God
, I know.” I had to lay here while I listened to her come, over and over again, while the scent of her arousal permeated the air. Every moan ate away at me until I seriously contemplated leaving. But if I left, there’s no telling what might’ve happened. She might’ve left the apartment in search of sex, and no man in his right mind would turn her down. 

So why the hell am
I
?
 

I felt her breath on my lips. She was so close to me. I could stick my tongue out and touch her.

Her arms wrapped around me as her fingers threaded through my hair. “Please.” The words were nothing more than a whisper before her lips brushed mine.

My hands fisted the bunched fabric of her shirt around her waist. “Em, I
can’t
…” This wasn’t just about sex. There was the very real possibility of creating life—something neither of us were ready for. 

Her hips ground against my cock, and I moaned. “Don’t.”

She kissed the corner of my mouth. “You don’t sound very convincing.”

I released her shirt and ran my hands along the bare skin of her thighs. She was so damn smooth. I gripped her hips, over the sides of her panties.

Her mouth grazed mine, our breaths mixing as she rocked atop me. She licked my top lip, enticing me, as she tugged on my hair. I wanted to kiss her so bad…

Oh, fuck it. I’ve broken every other rule with her.

I closed the space between us, melding my lips to hers. A soft moan left her as her tongue met mine. Her lips were soft and giving as she moved against me.

Her hands released my hair to roam under my shirt, along my stomach and chest, before tugging the material up. I broke away as she lifted it and tossed it aside. Her lips were pink and slightly puffy as I pulled her back to me, cupping her face as I kissed her. 

“Please,” she breathed against me.

I groaned. “You’re
killing
me. You have no idea how much I want to.”

She reached between us, rubbing my cock through my boxers. I should’ve stopped her, but I couldn’t. It felt too damn good.

I moaned and kissed her deeply, my tongue seeking hers. She parted the flap of my boxers, and my hard shaft immediately poked through the cotton slit. Warm fingers wrapped around me, stroking me from base to tip.

Sucking in a quick breath, I said, “Em, you shouldn’t—”

She pulled her panties aside, rubbing my head along her lips before pressing it to her clit. “Please.” She sucked my bottom lip into her mouth, grinding her hips against me. Her hot, wet sex slid along the underside of my shaft.

I froze, squeezing my eyes shut so hard that I saw spots.
God
, I wanted to. So. Fucking. Bad. But I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be right.

Goddamn it, I
hate
having a conscience.

She kissed my jaw. “Can’t you just pull out?”

Yes. For the love of all that is holy, yes.

I gripped her hips as my head tilted back against the couch cushions. My eyes screwed shut and I somehow managed, “I don’t trust myself to.” Those were the most difficult words I’d ever had to utter. It was like pulling teeth. But I knew once I got inside her, I’d never leave.

My cockhead slid along her wet folds as she moved, until it was nestled at her opening. She writhed, trying to work it in. Just one thrust and I’d be sheathed inside her.

“
You have to stop
,” I breathed, suddenly frantic as I scrambled to get away from her while I still had the willpower to do so.

She held me in place, pinning my hands to my sides. I struggled against her, but that only pressed the tip of my cock inside her. 

Her breath faltered as her eyes slid closed, and I felt my head delve into warm tightness. My eyes nearly rolled back in my head, but I fought to remain focused and in control. 

“Emily, look at me…
Look at me!
”

Her eyes popped open.

“Please don’t do this. You’ll regret it, I
know
you will.”

That seemed to break through her haze of hormones. Her lips trembled as she loosened her grip, her eyes watering. “It
hurts
.”

I pulled her to me, shifting her so my cock was no longer poised at her entrance, but flat against my stomach, and stroked her hair. “
Shh
… I know, baby girl. I know.” I wrapped the blanket around her shoulders as she cried into my chest. 

My throat ached as I held her. I
hated
it when she cried. Fucking broke my heart. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll make it better, I promise.”

I lifted her up, carrying her into the bedroom. I might not be able to give her sex, but I could give her
something
.

Chapter Thirty-One

GABRIEL

I could do this. I could take care of her. It would be all about Emily. It didn’t have to change anything. I’d just be…touching her.
Intimately
.

My fingers ran through my hair, fisting it, as I paced beside the bed. 

Time to nut up or shut up.

I pulled the covers back and climbed into bed. Emily sat up and wrapped her arms around my neck. Her cheek brushed mine before her lips placed feather-light kisses along my jaw. 

Breaking away, I reached up and cupped her face, running my thumb over her lower lip. It was so soft and smooth. Better than anything I could’ve imagined. “If you tell me to stop, I will. All you have to do is say the word… Okay?”

Her eyes met mine as she nodded and kissed the pad of my thumb. I knew then that I was in trouble. I already felt more for this girl than I cared to admit, and no matter what I tried telling myself, tonight
would
change things. Come tomorrow morning, the man I used to be would be gone…and I was okay with it.
That
scared me more than anything.

I brought my mouth to hers, tasting her lips, her tongue. I moved against her slowly, savoring every kiss, every lick. I didn’t think I’d
ever
tire of this. 

She leaned back as I leaned forward, lying next to her as I pushed at the sides of her panties. She lifted her hips and slid them off. I moved over her, her thighs parting as I settled between them.

Her fingers tugged on my boxers, trying to pull them down my hips. I shifted my weight to one forearm and stilled her hand. “Those need to stay on,” I murmured, my nose brushing her neck as I kissed the delicate skin there. Otherwise I was liable to lose all self-control.

I moved down her body, my hands skimming over her breasts as I pushed her shirt up, exposing the flat expanse of her belly. My lips pressed soft kisses around her navel, my tongue occasionally slipping out to taste the taut flesh. Her fingers weaved through my hair as soft breaths escaped her. I pushed her shirt up higher, trailing my kisses up her torso, to her ribs, and paused when I saw the pink tips of her breasts peeking out. 

Jesus Christ…

My thumb ghosted over the perfect peak, watching her skin pebble even more. She gripped my hair and gasped.